I met my grandmother for the first time in twenty years the other night, August 1st.
Of course I Was terrified. I had so many questions. The butterflies in my stomach were violent.
G was with me, thankfully. There was no way I could have done it without him.
We met at Kensington Pub.
I walked in, and it was dark my eyes had not adjusted, but G saw L in the corner first in a large circle booth. And there she was. Wow. She was already smiling ear to ear. She got up and gave me a gentle hug and cupped my face and looked in my eyes. Her perfume hit me first, and a wave of recognition and blurred memories hit me like a brick. Estee Lauder. It was only her perfume... but it was her. We both teared up.
So much lost time, so many questions.
I quickly found out she had been as hurt and lost I have been all these years
I didn't mean to bombar her with questions, but I was so nervous and couldn't help it.
I found out these things;
I was taken from her by my foster dad and birthmother away from her on CHristmas.
That when I realized I've always subconsiously hated Christmas. I never knew, but it makes too much sense.
It broke my heart when she said she was afraid that I would be angry with her, or only show up to be upset. Not at all. L has never given me any reason to be mad at her.
I have a biological father still alive in Calgary. T (my birthmother) got pregnant with someone other than her first husband, Mr.Zacharias, I had his name at the time of my birth but I guess the DNA test proved otherwise.
My second middle name, Downs, has been mispelled. It's Downes. Named after her father that travelled the world with her and her five brothers. SHe told me their names, I know the first one was Frankie. I will have to learn more about the geneology. I have never met any of my biological family in my adult life, it was amazing. I look exactly like her, and it's lovely. She is so sweet and has the best hugs I have gotten in years. I haven't felt genuine love like this since I started dating G.
I don't think the biological father is someone Ill pursue. I don't need that heartache. He apparentley knows I exist and can see my facebook photos, but he's never bothered to message me. I've been over that fact for years. I don't really care. I do a little, but I mean c'mon. I was already straight up unwanted by my birthmother and had me being rid of from the beginning.
My head has been lost in thought for days... it's been impossiible to focus at work, especially after a long ass day. I just started working as a loan specialist at Cash Money on 34th and 17th Ave, I hope I can do well there having just finished my Diploma.
I guess L gave Go and Ra me an inheritance they promised to give me when I became of age. I never even knew about this fact. Im trying to take the time to digest everything first before I confront Go and Ra about any of this.
Frankly, they can mind their own fucking business at this point and had no knowledge of meeting Lynne.
I am however, looking forward to meeting my Uncle Billy. He plays guitar too and is artistic. Lynne is into pottery and claywork.
It was amazing feeling such a sincere and genuine love.
We are now planning a trip to Scotland next year to visit her childhood home.
My foster parents... that's a long story.
I'm now wondering of the legitimacy of my adoption papers.
My birth certificate that I have a copy of... the dates do not coordinate.
I must dig. It was intense having 15 years of therapy in an hour. We ended up visiting for 3 hours and such/ and I will visit with Nana again soon. I have felt so lost all this time, and I feel like there has finally been a hole in my heart filled.
I'm happy. Genuinely. Happy. And loved. So very, very loved I never knew.