salshep

Another good poem -- you're really going from strength to strength this year.

I did pause at the bit of a contradiction between the title and first line, and I'm wondering whether the removal of 'even' might solve that? So, not a machine, with a 'yet' implied by direct 'prototype', which isn't present with 'even' in the mix.

I liked 'amateur' in relation to 'prototype'. Found myself eyeballing the punctuation from 'dander' to 'apparently' -- it seems to want (unless I'm misreading the syntax) a comma after "the speck, the dander" and maybe bump the emdash down to follow 'self-lubricating'.

My only really major nitpick is the syntax on the second sentence, from 'flooding' to 'something' - it seems a little muddy, the images not quite so sharply drawn there, and seems to need a tad of untangling.

The rest is wonderful and will get no complaints from me. <3

I thought that was very poignant and romantic.

That said..'cold' is redundant in front of 'winter's grip'. Also you use it later., more effectively

I really liked 'early thaws of Spring dripped..'

The final line is sweet and pleasingly metaphorical.

Very nicely written, Liam. I'm glad you posted these poems as deviations, they deserve it.

And because this idiotic box is demanding another 50 words from me, let me also thank you for being such a constant and positive presence in the CommunityLit chat.

Aaand the damned thing wants me to waffle some more. How's them football teams? Seen any good movies lately?