Leaving and Cleaving

The Shocking Message



These weekly devotionals I will be posting come from and are copyright to Pam Iannello, my pastor's late wife who went home to be with the Lord on June 18, 2008. They were written by a Godly lady for other ladies young and old so that their walk with the Lord may be strengthened.

Used with permission from New Beginnings Baptist Church.




This devotion is part of the "Tying the Marriage Knot Tighter" series.

A marriage seminar hosted for us by Adam and Eve!


Last lesson we looked at how the Lord met Adam's need for a companion as He distinctively formed the woman out of his own rib, making her by special grace. Imagine waking out of a deep sleep and finding that perfect companion standing before you! Certainly a dream come true, amen? What was Adam's reaction to the woman God had brought to him? Verse 23 of Genesis 2 affords us that account:

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

As you would expect, Adam was in the habit of calculating and naming things that passed before him and so naturally he would take a good long look at Eve, distinguish God's exclusive formation of her, thereby naming her "woman". She was his special companion - all his! And it's clear that Adam was going to be protective of his woman. He would shelter her from anything that might come between them or hinder their oneness. Eve was part of Adam; therefore their relationship would be permanent! Nothing would be allowed to sever them… By his response, we can see that Adam, as the man, assumes the responsibility of making sure the relationship with HIS woman stays a priority. In other words, he possesses the necessary maturity to handle married life. Maturity is the stage where the whole life has been brought under the control of God. Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for self. As in the example of Adam, it is therefore a husband's loving duty to see to it that the marriage starts out and stays on the right track. The vision that Adam has for his marriage matches God's design - it is unity, and that is easily seen in light of verse 24 which says:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

How many of you, when you have read this verse before, assumed that God is the one making this statement? Today as I read it, it almost sounded like those were actually Adam's words… Why do I think that? Because of the "Therefore", which points us back up to verse 23 where Adam's response to his woman was initially activated. This statement appears like it could be a continuation of his reaction to her. You see, when Adam named the animals, I'm sure that he did not just come up with a name for each species in five seconds and then say, "Next!", only to have another animal paraded before him to be named. I would think that before naming each species of animals, Adam would have observed their lives at great length so as to give them each a proper and fitting name. It was a job that God gave Adam to do and he would do it well, amen? No doubt during this period of observation he saw how the animals were born, grew into maturity, and then left their various homes to go on and start the next generation of whatever species it was. God was certainly teaching Adam of readiness for family life in a most remarkable way! He must have learned through these multiple observations that all offspring eventually left their parents one day in order to build their own happy home - and the parents let them go!! Yes, leaving is a natural and necessary part of life...

Matthew 19:6 (KJV)
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

We learn many principles that we can apply to our lives when we observe nature, amen? God has given us lessons in even the smallest ant! Consequently, applying all of his observational experience, and noting that GOD brought this special companion to him, Adam understood that a man MUST leave his father and mother and cleave to his woman to avoid separating what God had joined.

Mark 10:7 (KJV)
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

Ephes. 5:31 (KJV)
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Parental influence has much to do with the health of our marriages, amen?! How can one parent or both be allowed to thwart the purpose of unity in a married couple's life? How about the attitudes that your parents have toward your spouse? How about their view of the institution of marriage in general? Parental attitudes and opinions can easily color your thinking and will often determine the way you'll end up thinking about marriage - eventually altering the way you treat your spouse altogether! For instance, when you moan in your mother's ear about your husband, whatever counsel she gives you is what you will carry back with you to your marriage and act upon. Let's hope it is godly counsel! Otherwise, you will end up looking at your spouse through her eyes and not the eyes of the Lord! On a side note, if your child is leaning in the direction of living with someone rather than opting for marriage, your godly counsel is utterly essential!! Parents, this is when you should speak up! Uphold God's holy plan for matrimony, whatever the case may be. You only obtain the favor of the Lord when you find a WIFE, not a live-in! (Pr. 18:22) Whether mother or friend, we must depart from unproductive conversations, we must leave the various influences in our lives that hinder the proper attitudes we should have toward marriage. Don't let your parents speak ill of your spouse, for it only breaks down the reverent attitude God says wives are to have toward our husbands. We must also be careful of making comparisons between our spouses and our parents as well…

2 Cor. 10:12 (KJV)
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

Do you habitually compare your husband to your father and find that he always comes up short in character? Stop doing that! Comparisons cripple the health of a marriage. Your father has had years of experience as a married man, years of the Lord working in his life (if he's a Christian man). You can't expect that your husband could match up to what only time and experience can bring! There are no shortcuts to spiritual maturity, dear wife. It takes time to be holy, amen? Allow the Lord both the time and room to mold and shape your husband into a godly companion, focusing on your own holiness instead. This man has much to learn about YOU! Are you easy to learn about??
I know I'm not! There are some days I can't even figure myself out… Be careful, ladies, not to let your parents slow your marital progress, leave such things behind and move forward to a closer relationship with the man YOU chose to marry!

Proverbs 31:11-12 (KJV)
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. [12] She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

If you are a parent with married children, or children getting ready to be married and are reading this today, don't put that added burden upon your children when they are struggling to build their own home! Adjusting to married life is hard enough without all that added pressure, amen? Why not look to be more of a prayer warrior during this time rather than a sower of discord in their newly married lives! Talk to the Lord about the spouse that is troubling you or your child so that you can be the right kind of influence in each of their lives! As parents, we must prayerfully let our children go and learn to trust the Lord to continue teaching and reaching them, married or not. Many a parent's ill influence has reached far into the future of married couples and crippled the unity between husband and wife that God intended should prevail. The Bible says that a husband is to rejoice with the wife of his youth, to live joyfully with her - don't be the kind of mother or mother-in-law that hinders God's best for your child and son or daughter-in-law, stealing from their enjoyment of one another! It's interesting to note that In the Old Testament, the husband was even exempt from military duty in order to cleave to his wife…

Deuteronomy 24:5
When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

The Bible doesn't say here that a man is obligated to cheer up his parents, does it? Nor is the bride to be distracted by parental feelings… Scripture says that, as a newlywed, the groom shouldn't be charged with ANY business - including yours, dear mother! Including yours, dear mother-in-law! Mind your own business so your son or son-in-law can mind his! His business is to cheer up his new wife - don't interfere with his God given assignment. To charge the bridegroom with YOUR business is to interfere with God's business of building unity in their marriage! Do you realize that if a man does not come to understand his wife as he should and honor her as God says he is to do, his very prayer life is hindered?? Do you want to be responsible for slowing down your son or son-in-law's understanding of his wife and eventually mess up his prayer life?! I hope not…

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

So dear mother, don't get upset when your son gives more honor to his wife rather than to you - he is supposed to! Be glad and rejoice that he is concerned with learning how to be a good husband. It is the two of them - he and his wife that are the heirs together of the grace of life, not you and your son! You already have a husband, remember?? Perhaps that is your real problem… Contribute to your son's healthy prayer life and the happiness of his home by staying out of the way of the development of their intimacy, and build some with your own husband for a change! Likewise, women who have stronger bonds with their fathers than their husbands need to do the same…

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

What a beautiful picture the Bible gives us of marriage here in Genesis chapter 2! I hope you are encouraged today in your leaving and cleaving… Don't leave your spouse; leave the hindrance to the cleaving!! Without it, there is no unity between married couples. Adam learned that from observing the animals. Our children can learn that by observing our lives, amen? Teach them how to be happily married!

God Bless,
Pam
Isaiah 60:1&2
Copyright 2000 Pamela A. Iannello
Revised 2003 Meet Ms. Pam

Other Rise and Shine Devotionals
New Beginnings Baptist Church Website