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i have ideas for stuff, but i can't bring them to life like i used to anymore. i miss when i could just sit on my computer after school and draw my worries away, worries that didn't exist back then-- yknow?

like, it's so hard to A. find the time and B. be motivated enough to start and finish a piece.

i feel like i've passed the golden age of my time here on deviantart and at this point i don't think i'll ever get it back. its really sad you guys. :< im so frustrated because i have all this inspiration but it's all bottled up and can't come out for some reason. it's a real bummer.
my friends list is empty and sad lmao
steamcommunity.com/id/sakurabl…
ok so the reason i asked some aces to note me in the last journal is bc i was questioning myself 
i didnt reply to comments since there was some mildly personal shit being spilled onto a few of the people who did note me

anyway so thanks to them, i have come to the conclusion that im gray-ace, panromantic
i used to think something was wrong with me because of how little i actually yknow, felt stuff. it annoyed a lot of my partners and still does, and it just made me feel wrong. now i know i'm not wrong, im not broken, theres lots of other people like me!!!

so yeah, there ya go. hooray
ok so yadda yadda personal growth story whatever
im confused about stuff and need someone who is on the asexual spectrum (or is knowledgeable on it) to talk to. i need help figuring stuff out... please note me if possible

thanks
❁ what is your sexual orientation?
⇒ pansexual! 💙💛💖

❁ what is your romantic orientation?
⇒ panromantic, i tend to favor masc-aligned people though

❁ what is your gender?
⇒ nonbinary, i guess more specifically im genderflux, between agender, a more masculine identity, and a more feminine identity, but never male and especially not female. idk man, thats why i just say im enby!! haha 💛💜🖤

❁ what is your sex?
⇒ afab

❁ what pronouns do you use?
⇒ they/them, he/him accepted

❁ how long have you been in the lgbtqa+ community for?
⇒ since 2012.

❁ have you ever dated anyone in the lgbtqa+ community? if yes, explain what they identify as
⇒ yeah several, one asexual person, one transguy, one transgirl (current).

❁ how did you find out about the lgbtqa+ community? 
⇒ dude i basically lived on the internet when i was 12, this shit is everywhere

❁ do you have any friends in the lgbtqa+ community? 
⇒ most of them honestly. i have a lot of ally friends as well so thats great!!

❁ have you ever been at a pride event?
⇒ no, i mean id like to go to one but i have nobody to go with... :\

❁ on a scale 0-10, how confident are you with your sexuality? 
⇒ solid 10, everyone knows, aside from some family members but its pretty obvious i dont conform to like... anything. lmao. i say im bi though for non-lgbt people since its easier to understand. 👍

❁ on a scale 0-10 how confident are you with your gender? 
⇒ 5, im getting better. most people know, but i havent told irl people to call me by they/them because i know its too hard to remember. :< it also bothers me that i dont know exactly *what* i am. 🤷‍♀️

❁ are you out to anyone yet?
⇒ all my friends, people online, my parents (unfortunately), and a handful of trusted family members.

❁ do your parents know about your gender/sexuality? 
⇒ yeah. they dont get it and ive been punished for it in the past so that fuckin sucks, also im too terrified to tell them i have a trans girlfriend, and at this point if i tell them ill be in deep shit since ive been dating her for a year... oops.

❁ do you ever get misgendered?
⇒ every day lmao the struggle is real

❁ have you gotten any hate for your gender/sexuality? 
⇒ yeah, ive been told pansexuality isnt real, called a snowflake, been erased (“oh since youre dating a girl/boy does that mean youre gay/straight now?” 😒)

❁ in all honesty, do you think that theres a sexuality that might not be valid? 
⇒ okay listen, buddy, pal. every sexuality and gender identity is valid to the individual who i identifies with it. you dont have to agree with them, but remember that how they feel is more important than whether or not you think youre right and theyre wrong. feelings are fact to those who feel them, as they have literally no other way to experience things outside of their own perception of “reality”, whatever their idea of reality might be, which is different for each individual. if picking an obscure label to identify with brings someone peace of mind or makes them happy, please dont destroy that for them. thanks for attending my ted talk

❁ do you own any pride merch?
⇒ no lmao id be deaderoni if i did

❁ do you think that theres a possibility that you might change your mind about your orientations/gender in the future?
⇒ not my orientation, but i may find a different gender label that fits me better in the future, but thats slim. probably gonna eat my words tho lmao

❁ what are your thoughts on people that identify as cis?
⇒ i want to know what its like to not be confused all the time, also, nice

❁ what are your thoughts on people that identify as straight?
⇒ nice

❁ if someone saw you on the street, would they realize that you are in the lgbtqa+ community? if yes, why?
⇒ most likely because i dress andro as fuck and wear zero makeup. i look like a cross between a 13 year old emo boy and a 16 year old tomboy girl lmfao

❁ on a scale 0-10 how familiar are your friends and family with the lgbtqa+ community?
⇒ friends: average of 9, family: average of motherfuckin 2 haha

❁ This tag is almost over, did you enjoy it?
⇒ yeah like oops i missed pride month

❁ do you love yourself for who you are?
⇒ 70/100 😜
fuckin, 2 hours of screen recording and obs decided to record my spotify window the entire time. but just static, its not moving or anything
even though i have never set it to do that

why god whyyyy
i quit trying to do speedpaints lol fuck this shit

ps i got a job

boom
oi, i wanna follow more people on toyhouse, so if youd like me to follow you, just comment your username!! \owo/ <3
mines sakurablitz obviously haha
pls let me know if you hate it or tolerate it, thank u
i havent drawn in so long, so now whenever i do i feel like it turns out shitty
fuck
my fricken gov professor doesnt tell the students SHIT about what we are supposed to be doing
rip the entire class, everyone is either gonna fail or get a c
k so fantrolls? theyre coming
i have 55. ready yourselves

considering most of the people who watch me do so after favouriting my hs bases... i should probably draw more homestuck. (seriously, ive been taking notes people, and i can confidently say 90% of those who have watched me within the last year have done so directly after fav'ing one or all of my homestuck bases. im dedicated.)

also to those watchers: hi. i see you. welcome to my art journey

so i give you this question: would anybody watch me stream sprite making??? just curious

anyways college blah blah going well whatever. cya next update whenever that fucking is lol
should i do some more homestuck sprites? do people still care abt those???
HELLO PEOPLE who are still watching me

its winter break. i have a whole month off because college is amazing and gives wicked long breaks
im gonna try to draw more shit.

anyway how are you guys i am slowly dying inside but hope yall are doin better than i am
do i even have a big enough following for people to even want my shit
cause all i ever see is people with a ton of watchers get commissions and also get paid well
:')
reason: college
stay in school kids