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Hmmm...

I cannot really find the peace to draw at the moment. And sometimes I doubt I ever will, but I notice it helps to have a bigger drawing surface.

So yeah. Maybe I'll draw one day when I get a bigger tablet. I don't like A4 for sure. I like A3 better, but I feel it's still too small, which is a bit ridiculous, but that's how I feel about that. At least right now. Maybe also before.

In the past, I guess, with drawing classes, I sometimes pushed myself to make something and I would make something anyway, like I once drew a face and I thought I could never draw a face like that, like, portrait style, sort of, it was good enough I think.

But now, I don't know. I'm very busy with other things, and I'm trying to get more into sports again.

Someday I'll get there. Now is not the time I think.

If I get a lot more time or a lot more drawing space then I'll consider it again but as it is now... I don't know. I think better not. It feels like I can't, like this, so.

And while I think about it like this and I have other things to do. I better do those first, I think. So that'll take a while. And it might take me a half year or so.

So I guess I'm sorry for getting into something I wasn't ready for yet, it feels. I just hate getting started at it.

Art is quite hard for me to get started with. Mentally. So I'll try to put the important things first now and put art somewhere more below my list.

I think it'll be allright in the end and in the end I will start to make art, but right now, no way it's going to happen because one it's hard for me anyway, has always been hard for me, to get started with it, two, now is by far not an ideal time for me.

I guess everyone has a different look at things and people can think what they think about it but I think I'll be back and draw something someday. But until that day comes I won't care about it either.

I'm happy for the people that I've been able to meet so far though, also one of my main reasons at the time for joining. But I have other things to do now and I couldn't care less about art almost. If that changes, I might change my mind. I just can't do it at the moment.

I'm not the type to finish a drawing, which is hard for me anyway, late at night or something, push my boundaries for that etc. I better work what I'm most productive at and what I need the most right now, and that is not art. If I were a skilled artist it might have been different but I'm certainly not as it is.

But I enjoy seeing art and one day I would like to make art, too, but I think I need to put that want far forward as it is right now, because really, I have others things to do and yes art really is hard for me to get into, because it takes effort for me to start something.

In a few months though, once I've completed a few goals on my list, I'll start trying again though. But as it is now, I'm not going to even try. Sorry to dissappoint, because at some points I have thought I could just 'do this' maybe, well turns out it's by far not that easy. For me at least. And also, the way my life is currently doesn't really give that much room for it.

So I don't know. I want to thank everyone but this account will be dead/inactive for a while I think. I'll return once I want to start drawing, and when I have some real time for it. Lots of time. Right now I don't.

But I'm glad I made this jump anyway, one day, because I met some people I wouldn't have met otherwise, and it set me another big goal to complete someday, well at least I know it's big for me. But now I don't have the time for it.

I might chat sometimes with people on here that I know, and especially I think if my friends on here, any of them is feeling down or anything, I want to try to help them if they want me to and they would ask. But art, no, not at this point. I can feel what's right to do at what moment and art is not one of those things. And it might take months before that changes.

But I'll promise one thing. I won't leave before I've created some good art, and maybe I'll never leave once I get there, because the last one's my goal. But right now, let the account be inactive. For six months, who cares if it can get me somewhere.

Yeah, and sorry to disappoint with my drawings as they stand too, haha, I guess. But seriously. I'll make something someday. I couldn't care less as it is. Some people are good at some things, and some good at others. This is hard for me. And if I'm good at other things that demand my time now, I better do those well first, and not fail that. That's what I'll be doing in the meantime.

Yes, they're pretty bad quality. They'll get better someday, but not now or anywhere soon. I still want to thank everyone though. And I don't really plan to leave yet. If I really couldn't do it then I would but I feel like there is this chance that it is possible for me to do this, but right now is totally not the time actually. I guess I'll see you all later again.

They're bad quality and I don't care. Fortunately I can do such things concerning art. With other things I can't. Now let me get back at those.

And then I'll return to art, later someday. And try to make something worthwhile. But as it is, no. It's hard and I can't as it is. Hopefully people somewhat understand that. Also, please forgive my huge ego of myself sometimes. I never said so, but I feel like art isn't something one just does, and I feel that even more now.

So, huge respect for all artists out there. Big thumbs up for you guys and girls. But trust me, I'm good at other things and they have to take priority now, and I'll try art again later, at a better time. But I will try. I guess I'm sorry for making friends with people and then not putting anything worthwhile up but personally I think it's better to let it be as it is at this moment and I'll make something later.

I'll always be there to chat with people who need me but not for art, well at least not for some time now. And you know what, at this point I really don't care. Knowing that, not caring, is also passion sometimes, you know. It's the passion to know that you don't need to care about others' opinion sometimes and that you'll know how to do something worthwhile, be worthwhile, feel worthwhile, anyway.

There's many beautiful people on here though, especially inside their hearts, and I like/love this place. I'll be back for certain. I'll create for certain. But I'm feeling way too stressed and can't do it at this point, but I'll return. And I'll be an artist someday, I hope, but I can't do it now.

I hope that every artist on here is going to feel valued and succesful no matter what it is they do. Most people here are really nice. So thank you all for that.
People be like.

Let's tell others what to do even though I'm not really sure myself what I have to do or am doing. But I'll tell others what they need to do anyway.

At least I know what I'm doing if I tell someone else something, and it's usually genuinely meant in a good way, not in a faked way.

Also, I never get jealous if people succeed on my advice.
People with mild adhd are productive even if you think they're unproductive. You just think they're unproductive but they're productive in other ways. And where and when they are produtive they work faster than you on average. In the end it's the same, really. For me, then. That said, of course I'm not a genius at everything. But I don't need to be.

It's good to have one's own strong points. And as long as I have those, I'll be more productive than you, even with some adhd, as long as you don't have any really strong points. Because that's what matters.

So come at me bro psychologist and tell me I might have a terrible disease. I dare ya, brah. What'cha gonna do if I make my career anyway? What if I prove y'all wrong? What then? I'm afraid people who have their bits of adhd under control can just make it in life.

They're even pretty genius and smart sometimes. Doing things that others just plainly can't. Although completely stupid at other times.
Sometimes I have the idea that I tend to switch between being a hero and a complete idiot sometimes. It feels that way. I can totally nail things and sometimes I screw up things, mainly because of laziness. Or at least, I almost screw up things. Almost. Still, I'm stupid for willing to run the risk. Or maybe that's the smart part. Hell I dunno sometimes.
Creative Work: Be specific about music.

Non-creative work (especially boring work): Dump everything you like here.

But maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'll learn to work with any type of music and that it's that I'm intimidated or something. Maybe I just need more space. Or maybe it's true. Time will tell. Someday, because I haven't made that many drawings yet, not very good one's too, been not very seriously about it yet, etc.

Creative music: 32 songs.
Non-creative music: 90 songs (including many of 'creative music'). Because I like change.

Ironically it seems my mindset is more conservative with creative work, and less conservative with boring work. Well, is that ironic even, I don't know.

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:iconselecthumor:
Selecthumor Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthnxplz:
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:iconsaizochan12:
saizochan12 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2018
Hmm I did like your recettear drawing a while ago but I didn't know where the other characters were from.
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:iconselecthumor:
Selecthumor Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
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:iconsaizochan12:
saizochan12 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
Oh that's quite a nice game actually....

I'd like to play something like that.

A shame I've had to miss that one during my childhood.
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(1 Reply)
:iconsaizochan12:
saizochan12 Featured By Owner Edited Jul 5, 2018
I'm glad you're happy with it.

I played heroes V, so I know Agrael / Raelag's story and I thought it was a very interesting piece of art.
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:iconsaizochan12:
saizochan12 Featured By Owner Edited Jul 14, 2018
Judging from your last name, by the way, if you have a Chinese background, perhaps, somewhere, do you have Chinese relatives? I kind of do since some time, since my cousin married a girl with a Chinese background in my own country. She, herself, actually originally came from there. Moved with her family when she was 12 or something and then they met while studying at the university in my own country. I don't know where exactly but I think it was Sichuan, can't say 100% for sure though. I think actually maybe he (her father who I was talking to) was trying to say Fujian but the English prononciation is so different from Dutch that it could be either of the two I think. Yeah, kind of confusing. I want to visit there someday, China, I mean.
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:iconsaizochan12:
saizochan12 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
I think you're more, like, American though. I might be wrong. Can't tell of course from here. But I don't think you grew up partially over there, in any case.
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:icondungeon-spirit:
Dungeon-Spirit Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2018
Thank you for the :+fav:! :D
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:iconcivillybarbaric:
CivillyBarbaric Featured By Owner May 17, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
danks for support,
glad you like
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:iconking-of-monster-gods:
thanks for the fave!!
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