First off, thank you all for your words. Originally I wanted to reply to each and everyone directly, but I just can't. It's too difficult but I want you all to know that your kind words mean the world to me and I cherish each and every comment you've sent me
It is one month today since my dad was killed and it still feels like it happened to a copy of me. Unreal, nightmarish and just not true
. I wish it was all a cruel joke. I have to constantly remind myself it's only been 4 weeks because his tragedy blends into the many weeks of battling cancer that my grandmother went through before she died. The months all mix together and I feel like I should be healing now. Which is where the reminding comes in. I go through good days and then I remember and crash into terrible days. I struggle a lot and I am sorry if I promise things, art or RP or similar only to drop everything.
I'm stretching myself thin, trying to be the old Saga and I'm also trying to heal and stay safe. I have a meeting with my doctor tomorrow just to make plans, to tell him of the tragedy and maybe get some help sleeping. I can't fall asleep without driving myself to exhaustion and then I always have nightmares.
It will get better. Just not right now. In time.