Wallace Wells I want to have his adopted babies.
Wallace Wells If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the "L-word."
Scott Pilgrim Lesbian?
Wallace Wells The other "L-word."
Scott Pilgrim Lesbians?
Wallace Wells It's "Love" Scott. I wasn't trying to trick you.
Wallace Wells Oh yeah... you're totally my bitch forever, Scott.
Scott Pilgrim Wallace?
Wallace Wells uh-huh?
Scott Pilgrim This is happening, right?
Wallace Wells Oh yeah. [to Ramona] Kick her in the balls!
Wallace Wells Well maybe you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.
Wallace Wells Hey, it's okay guy... maybe you can move in with Ramona!
Scott Pilgrim She's with Gideon...
Wallace Wells Oh...it's probably because he's better than you.
Scott Pilgrim You know what sucks?
Wallace Wells What??
Scott Pilgrim ...everything.
Wallace Wells Wow.
Scott Pilgrim Yes!
Wallace Wells He totally bailed.
Scott Pilgrim Ah! I didn't get his autograph.
Wallace Wells No...
Crash This song's for the guy who keeps shouting at us from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die!"
Wallace Wells Sweet, I love this one.
Crash Hello. My name's Crash and these are my boys.
Wallace Wells Is that girl a boy too?
Crash Yes. This song is called: "I am so sad. So very, very sad."
Scott Pilgrim You are a pretty good actor.
Lucas Lee I'm going for the Oscar this year.
Scott Pilgrim But are you a pretty good skater?
Lucas Lee I'm more than pretty good, esse. [Pulls bit of shirt down to reveal tatoo] I have my own skate company.
Scott Pilgrim Can you do a thingy on that rail?
Lucas Lee It's called a grind, bro.
Scott Pilgrim Well, can you do a grindy thingy now?
Lucas Lee Are you serious? There are like 200 steps and the rails are garbage.
Scott Pilgrim Well, hey if it's too hardcore...
Lucas Lee You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that?
Scott Pilgrim There are girls watching.
Lucas Lee [Looks over Scott's shoulder and turns around] Somebody get me my board!
Wallace Wells [Has Lucas' board] Hi. Big fan.
Lucas Lee [Takes the board from Wallace] Why wouldn't you be?
Wallace Wells Even I would think twice about dating a 17 year old.
Scott Pilgrim Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up. So I wouldn't call it 'dating.' It's more like...
Wallace Wells ...playtime?
Scott Pilgrim That doesn't sound so good either.
Wallace Wells Hey. Ask him how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds.
Scott Pilgrim How does it... [gets hit in the head with a skateboard]
Scott Pilgrim Well anyways, please don't tell anyone I'm dating a 17 year old.
Wallace Wells Come on. You know me!
Scott Pilgrim And by anyone I mean my sister.
Wallace Wells (gets up, types on phone and walks to bathroom) You know me.
Stacey Pilgrim (Phone rings, Scott picks it up) 17 years old? Scandal!
Scott Pilgrim What? No! Who told you?
Stacey Pilgrim Wallace! Duh!
Scott Pilgrim That gossipy bitch.
Wallace Wells (opens bathroom door with phone in hand) You know me!
Scott Pilgrim WALLACE!
Knives Chau Is Scott here?
Wallace Wells You know what...? [Scott jumps out the window] He just left.
Scott Pilgrim Wallace... Amazon.ca, what's the website for that?
Wallace Wells [pause]...Amazon.ca
Wallace Wells Hey, buddy, look...if she really is the girl of your dreams, then you have to let her know. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. You CAN do it, be WITH her! It's your destiny. Plus, I need you to move out.
Scott Pilgrim What?!
Wallace Wells [slams open apartment door] Guess who's drunk?
Scott Pilgrim [in bed] I guess Wallace.
Wallace Wells You guess right.
Wallace Wells Watch out! It's that one guy.
Wallace Wells You doin okay there?
Scott Pilgrim Yeah, good, good, good. [Ramona leaves the room] She changed her hair.
Wallace Wells So, it looks nice blue.
Scott Pilgrim Yeah, I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?
Wallace Wells And you're worried about me gaying up the place.
- Listening to: Scott Pilgram
- Reading: Scott Pilgram
- Watching: Scott Pilgrim
- Playing: Scott Pilgram