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Wallace Wells    I want to have his adopted babies.  
Wallace Wells    If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the "L-word."  
Scott Pilgrim    Lesbian?  
Wallace Wells    The other "L-word."  
Scott Pilgrim    Lesbians?  
Wallace Wells    It's "Love" Scott. I wasn't trying to trick you.  
Wallace Wells    Oh yeah... you're totally my bitch forever, Scott.  
Scott Pilgrim    Wallace?  
Wallace Wells    uh-huh?  
Scott Pilgrim    This is happening, right?  
Wallace Wells    Oh yeah. [to Ramona] Kick her in the balls!  
Wallace Wells    Well maybe you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.  
Wallace Wells    Hey, it's okay guy... maybe you can move in with Ramona!  
Scott Pilgrim    She's with Gideon...  
Wallace Wells's probably because he's better than you.  
Scott Pilgrim    You know what sucks?  
Wallace Wells    What??  
Scott Pilgrim    ...everything.  
Wallace Wells    Wow.  
Scott Pilgrim    Yes!  
Wallace Wells    He totally bailed.  
Scott Pilgrim    Ah! I didn't get his autograph.  
Wallace Wells    No...  
Crash   This song's for the guy who keeps shouting at us from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die!"  
Wallace Wells    Sweet, I love this one.  
Crash   Hello. My name's Crash and these are my boys.  
Wallace Wells    Is that girl a boy too?  
Crash   Yes. This song is called: "I am so sad. So very, very sad."  
Scott Pilgrim    You are a pretty good actor.  
Lucas Lee    I'm going for the Oscar this year.  
Scott Pilgrim    But are you a pretty good skater?  
Lucas Lee    I'm more than pretty good, esse. [Pulls bit of shirt down to reveal tatoo] I have my own skate company.  
Scott Pilgrim    Can you do a thingy on that rail?  
Lucas Lee    It's called a grind, bro.  
Scott Pilgrim    Well, can you do a grindy thingy now?  
Lucas Lee    Are you serious? There are like 200 steps and the rails are garbage.  
Scott Pilgrim    Well, hey if it's too hardcore...  
Lucas Lee    You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that?  
Scott Pilgrim    There are girls watching.  
Lucas Lee    [Looks over Scott's shoulder and turns around] Somebody get me my board!  
Wallace Wells    [Has Lucas' board] Hi. Big fan.  
Lucas Lee    [Takes the board from Wallace] Why wouldn't you be?  
Wallace Wells    Even I would think twice about dating a 17 year old.  
Scott Pilgrim    Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up. So I wouldn't call it 'dating.' It's more like...  
Wallace Wells    ...playtime?  
Scott Pilgrim    That doesn't sound so good either.  
Wallace Wells    Hey. Ask him how it feels to always get his sloppy seconds.  
Scott Pilgrim    How does it... [gets hit in the head with a skateboard]  
Scott Pilgrim    Well anyways, please don't tell anyone I'm dating a 17 year old.  
Wallace Wells    Come on. You know me!  
Scott Pilgrim    And by anyone I mean my sister.  
Wallace Wells    (gets up, types on phone and walks to bathroom) You know me.  
Stacey Pilgrim    (Phone rings, Scott picks it up) 17 years old? Scandal!  
Scott Pilgrim    What? No! Who told you?  
Stacey Pilgrim    Wallace! Duh!  
Scott Pilgrim    That gossipy bitch.  
Wallace Wells    (opens bathroom door with phone in hand) You know me!  
Scott Pilgrim    WALLACE!  
Knives Chau    Is Scott here?  
Wallace Wells    You know what...? [Scott jumps out the window] He just left.  
Scott Pilgrim    Wallace..., what's the website for that?  
Wallace Wells    [pause]  
Wallace Wells    Hey, buddy, look...if she really is the girl of your dreams, then you have to let her know. You have to overcome any and all obstacles that lie in your path. You CAN do it, be WITH her! It's your destiny. Plus, I need you to move out.  
Scott Pilgrim    What?!  
Wallace Wells    [slams open apartment door] Guess who's drunk?  
Scott Pilgrim    [in bed] I guess Wallace.  
Wallace Wells    You guess right.  

Wallace Wells    Watch out! It's that one guy.  

Wallace Wells    You doin okay there?  
Scott Pilgrim    Yeah, good, good, good. [Ramona leaves the room] She changed her hair.  
Wallace Wells    So, it looks nice blue.  
Scott Pilgrim    Yeah, I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?  
Wallace Wells    And you're worried about me gaying up the place.  
  • Listening to: Scott Pilgram
  • Reading: Scott Pilgram
  • Watching: Scott Pilgrim
  • Playing: Scott Pilgram
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Submitted on
March 4, 2011


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