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thank you so much for the birthday wishes everyone. i read them all but i dont have the energy to reply to them all right now i hope that is understandable
few new things I decided to do for my patreon, which can be found here:

first of all, i originally wanted to make it so that videos on my YT would be posted in advance--then I decided I didn't want to do this. i don't know what the laws are, but it feels wrong to be possibly making a profit off of my YT when most of my videos contain copyrighted music.

secondly, i used to do livestreams often but stopped due to low turnout and stress. when i get 10+ patrons i'll start doing these again, however, only patrons and my friends will have access to them.

thirdly and probably most importantly, i decided that all patrons will get a little simple, cartoony headshot of their characters when they become a patron. if you're already a patron feel free to send me a reference of who you want me to use. i will only be doing animals, so sorry if you wanted to use a human character.

all patreon benefits are still available with $1. i don't ever plan on having anything higher than that.

i will be including these headshots along with your patreon name at the end of every video i post on my YT.

again i don't really need money since i get support from my family, but i really hate being dependent on them for money and it would be nice to make a little bit of my own income which is why i decided to start a patreon at all.
im leaving for a little while.

there are some things i need to think about and some things i need to *not* think about.

if you see me anywhere, please do not message me. i will not be on discord either so don't expect me to reply to anything

i will still post art if/when i draw it.

this isn't because of what anyone did or what anyone said etc etc. the reasons i cant actually say, its my business, do not ask about it.

i dont know when ill be back. might just be as short as a day or two, might be longer than a week. please do not expect anything of me during this time. im tired. im incapable. i do not have the energy to do anything for anyone right now.
happy birthday :iconnovlce: i miss you terribly
I know I said I wasn't gonna join MAPs so I could work on my comic, and i'm posting this journal on impulse. however i'll have time to think about it so posting this in case i do decide to take a part.

after all the maps i've been in i've been trying to learn what i can and cannot do and where my inspiration comes from. it's a work in progress but i know a bit about myself now that i can specify.

the reason i'm reaching out for invites to MAPs and not going and applying myself is because i literally cannot tell what MAPs are still being hosted. There's a lot of "OPEN" maps up on youtube that the host has given up on and ignores all comments/questions about it. I feel if I tried to apply it'd be slow to find a host that 1. still plans on completing the map 2. can reply to me in a timely manner 3. actually accepts me into the map. i'd end up having to apply to multiple MAPs at once, and then i'd end up swamped with parts if too many were accepted.

anyway, what i'm looking for is:

1. multifandom MAPs. im kind of burnt out drawing my OCs and warrior cats.
2. MAPs with REALLY long/flexible deadlines. I usually take over 2-3 months to do MAP parts, sometimes (usually) more.
3. Hosts that actually will go through the trouble of maintaining deadlines and accepting parts instead of just giving up on it without telling anyone

Sorry for being so specific, but I want to have fun. I don't care about exposure so how fun it is for me is my entire source of motivation. If not for fun there's no point.

i will be uploading it here in a week
so a while ago i attempted patreon and it was kind of dumb so i've revamped it

basically its just $1 and you get to see The Brotherhood pages in advance and videos in advance and other things i dont post and i also plan to do patron-only livestreams at some point if it does well

but Yeah read the about page for more info on why im doing it etc
SO theres a thing I want to talk about!! its pretty important for anyone who wants to know about my comic The Brotherhood

I submitted the prologue page a while ago, which was dumb of me because I actually didn't have a first page in mind yet! However I can say with certainty that the first page will be here very soon. It's quite short, but it's the official start of the story. The lineart for it is done, but I'm still trying to figure out what kind of style I want to do it in when it comes to coloring and shading. Part of me wants to have no designated style in the comic at all, because that's easiest for me, but I'm gonna at least try to have a stable style for a while.

Important thing here: VERY SOON I will be unlisting every piece of TBH art/animation on my YouTube and DeviantArt. I am going to pretty much reduce the entirety of TBH to nothing until the first page comes out, at which point it would be just the comic. I will be relisting the videos, art, and new character refs as the story catches up with them. Sadly, this also includes all the backstory that either will never be mentioned in the story or will be mentioned very, very later on. At the point the comic is starting, Tiir and every other main character's story begins before the comic actually starts, which means some important parts of their character is left out.

A big reason I'm doing this is because my story has a LOT of twists, reveals, and plot development that I want readers to be able to figure out themselves. Basically I'm avoiding spoilers. I also want readers to be able to figure out backstory themselves when my characters drop subtle hints.

All refs from now on will be drawn as the character would be on the first page they appear on. Again, this is to avoid spoilers. It will also only show appearance, everything else about them has to be figured out, unlike past refs where I would reveal gender, sexuality, personality traits, tidbits of backstory, and anything else that would give insight to their character. To know them at all beyond appearance you absolutely have to read the comic and wait for pages to come out.

I'm gonna say that right now, feel free to keep my art in your likes/favorites. I would appreciate if anyone who has a video link or art saved would not share it after The Great Unlisting for obvious reasons.

That's pretty much it. My TBH art will be pretty much gone very soon. It might be at the end of the week, more or less. If you want to look at it or anything do that now.

Also, when I get my map parts done, this comic will be my top priority. I will not be taking commissions or any more map parts for a very long time.

Thats it. Thank you so much to anyone who read, it means a lot to see so much support of this thing I've spent 4+ years developing. 
hey!! I still have 5 parts remaining open in my latest MAP

if anyone is willing to volunteer i would super duper appreciate it!
of all the meaningless and stupid journals i make these are the ones that people care least about but wHY NOT

-Did you get your heart broken?: no

-Did you change at all this year?: im happier i think

-Did you dye your hair?: i kept meaning to but i never got around to it

-Did you get your hair cut?: same as above

-Did you change your style?: my art style yeah!! i decided i dont have to stick to the same style all the time

-Did you get good grades?: nope i dropped out cause im dumb fdsfsdg

-Did you drive?: no 

-Did you move at all?: nope

-Did you go on any vacations?: Nope but i like staying at home


-Did you break up with anyone?: no

-Did you meet anyone special?: ...yes

-Did you fall in love?: hMMM not really

-Are you going into 2018 with a boyfriend/girlfriend/datefriend?: no thank god


-Did you meet any new friends this year?: yes!!! i met soooo many really amazing people and really cool people

-Did any of your friendships end?: y e a h

-Did you dislike anyone?: very

-Did you make any new enemies?: HMM i guess it would depend on who considers me an enemy

-Did you resolve any fights?: hmm sort of

-Who was your closest friend?: PROBably marley

-Did you grow apart from anyone?: yeah but it doesnt bother me that much

-Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?: No

-Have you had your birthday yet?: yes the same birthday as the person i stole this from (nov 12)

-Pulled an all nighter?: yes like 365 times

-Drank Starbucks?: every fucking day dfsgfdhdf

-Bought something(s)?: yes

-Met someone special who changed your life?: YEAH!!


-What are you thinking about?: how to answer this question,, i legitimately can't think of any actual answers to tht

-Would you get married if you could right now?: noooo

-How did you feel when you woke up today?: i had a really cool dream but i can hardly remember it now

-Are you good at hiding your feelings?: i try to but i let things slip sometimes but not enough that it actually makes anyone concerned which is Good

-Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?: yeah

-Do you like to have long hair or short hair?: hmmmm i like having short hair but im too attached to my hair to cut it tbh 

-Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?: no. i used to do that and it hurts both parties in the long run to be dishonest like that, if i don't feel it or i'm uncomfortable saying it i'm going to tell them and i trust them to understand

-Which of your friends do you argue with the most?: i never really argue with my friends, except the friends i'm not friends with anymore

-How many texts are in your inbox?: none

-Who was your last text message from?: kenzie i think

-Who was the last person you rode in a car with?: my mom she's the only person who i trust to drive me anywhere sfdsgsdg

-Who made your profile picture?: mE

-Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?: cry over the truth. if you lie to me i'll know and it'll make me feel worse

-What’s on your bedroom floor right now?: uhh my tablet, a few cups, things for my trich (tweezers etc), my pill box, sketchbook, phone, 3ds, various other things

-Do you trust people too easily?: no but also yes sort of

-Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?: yes. i'm not satisfied with myself but i have people who love me and everything i could possibly need to be content

-Last thing you ate?: chicken!! i feel bad eating chicken but i try not to think about what it is afddsgdgd

-How many people are you texting?: none

-Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?: my going to bed mood is literally a light switch, within the same 30 seconds i will be both completely awake and then under the covers with the lights off

-What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?: hot chocolate


i think!! on christmas if im not too busy i MIGHT do a livestream for the first time in forever

i'll probably be doing requests for the warrior cats challenge! (and finally get that one last commission done asdsadg)

nO promises though, i honestly dont know how i'll feel tomorrow or if i'll be too busy to stream

HHGHGHGHFDSGD a few people have already but dont feel bad about it or feel like i'm calling you out its okay!! i'm super super flattered that anyone would put me in their wishlists

BUT it is literally asking for free art. if you have someone in your wishlist and they aren't already offering free art don't ping them, I feel like it should only be for references from your friends to get you a gift commission from them or something,, but that's just my opinion other artists might feel a lot differently!

so please don't @ or ping me in your wishlists, you can put me in there but don't ping me with a mention, i am not making anyone free art and it just makes me feel kind of bad when people do that


24 hours before i start taking volunteers, feel free to enter via a comment!

aaaay so i kind of abandoned the last few maps i've done im sorry adfsfdsfsd

the thing is, it's been such a long time that most of the participants have deleted/unlisted their parts and some won't even reply when I ask for their parts, so instead of going through the grueling trouble to finish a map that everyone's forgotten, I decided I'm going to make a new one, with my full attention. 

some of you may have read about this in my last journal but i dont think anyone saw it cause it was all the way at the bottom pppf

the map will be to Amarante's Into The Dark

I actually got permission from Amarante to make this MAP! and I can't procrastinate/back out of it now because they're expecting it so let's give it up for mata being forced to do positive things

they also gave me permission to use all of their songs in any future maps so i might even do more after this one's finished

it should be up! in a week. i'm letting everyone know ahead of time so they can look out for it and join if they want.

like most of my maps I'm going to be looking for animators that have a bit of experience already and that I know are productive (like if you haven't uploaded in 2 years that's a no, and if you use ms paint and windows movie maker thats also a no)

alright It's 1 am at night and i don't know how permanent this decision may be because it might be entirely on impulse.

but this is something I want to do. I might not be motivated to do it right now, but it's going to be a goal. A real goal. Something that I haven't had in years.

I'm really, really gonna start working on my comic. I've said that before, I literally said a summer of 3 years ago that i'd start it, the prologue cover has been sitting on my gallery for a while. Every time I start, I'm unhappy with the first page. I'm unhappy with how it begins, I'm scared of what people will think, I always think there's room for improvement. So far there's a half fully colored and shaded scrapped prologue page, 2 scrapped versions of the first 3 pages, and another version of the prologue that I liked better than all the other pages but scrapped also because some of the panels were outside my skill level.

So I'm going to do some researching and really start ironing out this idea. The story is going to get a complete overhaul. Character's names and personalities will be tweaked, many transitional events will be made, and I'm going to research my ass off on tips to help me build the world, build the characters, build a story, and actually be able to draw what I want to.

But there's something else that comes to mind, that I want to get everyone's input on.

I have a lot of trouble with motivation and a lot of trouble with making stable income. Although my family recently got into a more financially stable situation, I still want to be able to help my family by making income and I'm too depressed and stressed to get a job outside of home. I'm looking to Patreon and wondering what people would think if I made my comic exclusively available to patrons, or let patrons see pages earlier than everyone else, or offering any other kind of rewards, in return I would genuinely try to stick to a schedule when releasing pages. I hate schedules and routines but this might be enough to kick myself in the ass to do something like that. 

Please vote on my poll here and tell me what you think of all this:

That's all.

I still have a lot more things to do before I give this all a shot. For one thing, there's a MAP I'm going to open soon. I guess y'all can hear about it if you decided to read this far.

I asked Amarante if I could use their song Into The Dark for an animation MAP and to my surprise they replied very quickly giving me the go-ahead. I'm encouraging Amarante to monetize the MAP to help support their band so I'll be asking all participants to try and stay somewhat monetizer-friendly. Expect it to be up in a few days while I set up everything.
hey guys i've had a lot more motivation to animate lately so im gonna try to make the best out of it

i'm looking for a map to join!! if you know any open ones that have parts that need to be finished please let me know

i'm looking for, in order of priority:

anything maps
fandom maps
oc maps
warriors maps

i would prefer if you are the owner of the map you're recommending, or know the owner. i don't want to join too many maps at once so if i volunteer to join i want to make sure it'll just be for ones i'm sure to get accepted into.
so a few years ago i was writing this novella called "between" that was going to be about 25,000 words (i think i hit 15k and gave up) 

some of my older watchers will remember i posted a few pages of it. I still have it, backed up on a usb drive, but i really want to rewrite it as the whole thing was really cliche.

basically i started writing it back when i was still really into blackrock rising / tekkit and it was based a lot on that, but completely unbeknownst to me I was basically copying the entire Dreamfall story.

I had no idea what Dreamfall was at the time, but somehow i created a world that was almost exactly fucking like it.
here's text from an in-world history book the main character read on page 2:

"Once upon a time… There was a world called Magia, filled with magicians of great power and animal hybrids of many types. Living in constant peace was the world, with the occasional criminal to cause turmoil and law enforcement to protect its citizens. There in Magia consisted one continent within an expansive ocean, with 7 states; Flamesire, Icelaria, Eragosle, Atsorm, Mattrison, Scencerus and Proasova

The world went along with its history until one day a magician created an extremely dangerous spell and casted it. It was forged to create a portal to another world. On the other side existed a world with no magic, but yet extremely industrialized with machines and metal-made works that seemed to defy logic itself. As the portal opened, the strangers on the other side moved into Magia and created a settlement due to their own world being ruined by their irresponsibility. Their machines spewed pollution and horrifying chemicals into the atmosphere, so the magic law devised a plan to protect their earth and keep the Science County, the name of which the new settlement had accustomed to, on fair grounds. Using one of the most powerful spells, the Magic County split apart the continent—Giving The Science County Atsorm, Mattrison, and Scencerus… and the Magic County Flamesire in the north, Icelaria in the middle lands, and Eragosle in the south. And one single island in the middle responsible for all ships crossing borders—Proasova. Due to The Magic and Science rivalry, a war soon began and has been haunting the land of Magia ever since."

basically in Dreamfall, there are two mirror worlds with magic in one and science in the other, when magic begins dying out in the magic world and being replaced by science. and it just so happens that one of the main supporting characters, and the first main character's "sidekick" was a crow, while in my story the main character is a crow-human hybrid. weird, right?

some more similarities that I had planned, before I ever knew about Dreamfall:
-The main character joins a revolution against the invading industrialization
-The Hybrids are similar to the animal races in Dreamfall
-The main character has dreams to communicate with a higher power
-There is a similar "Balance" / "Yin-yang" concept in Between

anyway if you don't know what dreamfall is it has a story longer than fucking Warriors so if you're bored and looking for a new fandom that's an interesting place to go and you'll have a LOT of awesome story to keep you entertained for a really, really long time. I think Cryaotic has played all of the games, so If you like him you can watch his playthroughs
honestly it still blows me away how big the eddsworld fandom has gotten

its one of the biggest fandoms in the animation community now,, im so proud. every time i think about it i get so happy and giddy.

when i was young i was like why Isnt eddsworld one of the hugest fandoms, its so good it deserves to be

and now like. my dream has come true, its so great