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What World is This


What world is this
That leaves you feeling alone in a crowded room
What world is this
That renders everyone you speak to, touch, blind to your love
What world is this?
Ill tell you what world

A world where you feel empty inside
Because of all you give, it seems nothing matters
To anyone
Just running on used up hope and unheard wishes

A world where there are sugar coated walls
That every now and then make you happy
But when it rains you see the real world again
Whos walls confine you, and keep you from reaching the greener side

A world where everything, everyone, you know and love can be lost
In an instant, with no warning
Then with nothing else to lose, you tear down those walls
Only to see that they were holding back the ocean which then floods over you

A world where you are just drifting
Waiting
For the end to come and pull you down below
And when it does, you think to yourself

What world is this?
Just me venting my feelings. I know I'm not that great at writing poems. Usually they're just thoughts all jumbled together, but this time I tried to give it some form that looked halfway decent. Comments appreciated.
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:icondarkgod:
darkgod Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2002
damn! I know understand why you're going to the contest!
great poem, soo truth, soo deep, soo beautiful. It fits us all.. at least it ment something to me.

$fav++
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:icongrrrl-aghast:
grrrl-aghast Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2002
Hey...sorry it took me forever to comment on this. For some reason it didn't show up on my devwatch submissions page. Well, either way, I like both the content and the execution of this poem a lot! So true indeed...nice stuff, man!
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:iconchronocore:
chronocore Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2002   Writer
Hey! I love this :) (Smile) I feel quite the same way...
You should write more often. +fav
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:iconspinning-plates:
spinning-plates Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2002   Writer
Even if you don't write much, you have some talent. I'd say do it more often. It portrays the emotion well, and many people including myself can relate to it. I can't do poetry for the life of me, but I can vouch that writing is a great way to portray your emotions as a prose writer.

Keep writing.
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:iconve:
ve Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2002
"im not much of a writer" you talk a load of bull shit this is awsome !!!
Great work on it +fav
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:iconfeldon:
feldon Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2002  Professional Writer
a fantasmic romp you take my friend through a very commonly asked question. well, commonality where i reside.

you herald quite a predicament in this poem, where there is no silver lining and there is no real expectation or hope for a safe recovery or a venture into the grassy tuff you speak of. i'm sure there is a life raft in that ocean, and i'm sure there is some sun beyond that rain, whether or not the world fucks you over time and time again, it's a question of what one would do about it.

well done. it made me think and made me smile. well written chap. +favs
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:iconrebelchic:
rebelchic Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
this has knocked me down.
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:iconoutthere:
outthere Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
Very deep, very nice... very well done.

Shame you feel like that tho man... im sure itll get better =) (Smile)
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:iconfatelessmirror:
fatelessmirror Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002

Halfway decent indeed. Since you mention you don't usually write poetry and whatnot I will spare you the technical critiques. It is a worn-out subject though...

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:icon-dragon-:
-dragon- Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002   Writer
oh.. hey this is good stuff ryan =D (Big Grin) i really liked the 3rd and 4th stanzas, especially the line about sugar coated walls. keep on writing, you're pretty good :) (Smile)
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:iconswtangel181:
swtangel181 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002   Writer
i of course love this because i always love your writing. you are very talented, and it shows in this :) (Smile) i've felt this way so many times and its nice to see it written down.

Hannah
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:icondrippingblood:
drippingblood Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
How beautiful you've written this, has blown me away.
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:iconkevinmaistros:
KevinMaistros Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002  Professional Filmographer
Yes I agree, ryan.. that was great :D (Big Grin)

I actually never read poetry..till now. +fav
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:iconachfoo:
achfoo Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002  Professional Photographer
...wow. I don't normally read much poetry, but wow. This was worth it. You've used just the right words and superb pacing to bring this together and form a somewhat depressing, yet very revealing piece. I don't know how many people are aware, but there is a very calm and slow Christian song called "What Child is This" *shrug* It made me think of it...and just added some minor religious undertones.

Great work, ryan. :) (Smile) Keep it up and I hope things are doing alright.
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:iconkisses:
kisses Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
Hey there;-) (Wink) ....Nicely Done! .....Its so true, so true.
I am honered to have this as a +fav
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:iconnovaduck:
NovaDuck Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
Great poem ryan... great flow and it's a poem a lot could relate to, which is the point in poetry... good way to vent your feelings, like I have done. Check out my poetry, sometime. +fav
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:iconantisocialumpa:
antisocialumpa Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2002
wow i really like this poem. i think it is a great poem and has nice form. it has to go on to my favorites. Great Job!
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