Sitting on my father's lap, I wish I could have known,
His life would quickly fade away and I'd be on my own.
I wish my childhood remained for longer than it did.
I wish I didn't have to wonder how it could have been.
Waking up each morning with this black hole in my life,
Hiding grief with laughter, and crying for my strife.
Visions of the future, they look so incomplete,
No dad to walk me down the aisle; my friends he'll never meet.
Never another bear hug, but instead I have to check,
If the necklace enclosing his ashes is still around my neck.
I wish the memories would leave, of that one April morning,
Waking up and seeing my family sick with loss and mourning,
I remember mother asking if I'd heard of heart attacks,
"When your heart stops and you die" oh God, he's never coming back.
Memories are muddled, but clearly in my mind,
I see the faces of strangers, but my daddy I can't find.
Six years old is much too young to go through all of this.
Does Jesus have a plan for me? Or is this