This is part of an ongoing study/research paper of sorts that I am writing but needed a place to organize my thoughts.
The Problem with Porn
I find that I didn't have much of a problem with porn when I was briefly single. Porn never did anything to me. While I have a hard time looking at it and I question the ethics of most porn, along with a large percentage of those that partake in porn consumption I am not to the point where I have some seething hatred for it or something. I get it. Sexual frustration is a thing.
The main big issues I am having with porn these days are multi-faceted.
1 Porn is so easy to get your hands on these days. While sex addiction isn't really a thing, and if you don't believe me feel free to leave a comment, we can swap information so that we can all get on the same page... the behavior is still causative to disturbances within a relationship and there remains a heavy social stigma about porn. It seems that because of this, there is a desire for it to be normalized and accepted. With this normalization, it will become easier and easier to get your hands on it.
2. We can't agree on what porn is. I tried to start the conversation with my partner and said that it should begin with nudity and then go from there. If there is anything with a strict sexual vibe, such as intercourse, heavy petting, etc - this could be considered porn right off the bat. Basically, if it is obvious to most that look at it that it could be easily used and seen by someone - or the average someone, rather, then this would be deemed porn and no discussion is needed. I am trying to find a way to get the other stuff to be discussed but it is so hard.
3. The difficulty of discussion is another huge problem I am having. First of all, how am I supposed to get comfortable in a relationship with a person that I can't talk about my frustrations with and also to whom I cannot trust to see or hold my idea of what porn is and what it isn't?
My partner isn't the only one that cant talk about it. Plenty of men out there have a hard time talking about their emotions and pornography has a way of dredging up just that. What many people don't realize, though there does seem to be a correlation to men with the statistic, is that there is both shame, depression, and guilt associated with porn. Yet, we continue to look on. We continue to not see the obvious problem, the one that exists in our homes and many of our relationships.
4. You can't just ban it. Even though it is a pervasive problem, simply taking something away rarely seems to work, historically. Once people get a taste for something they need to be weaned off or to not quit at all, depending In this case, I think that working towards an ethical, or ore ethical front against porn is possible.
Then again, I look here at some of the images that I see and I am also not sure if I want to if i want to actually bother. It is an uphill battle that I could easily just walk away from. I could turn heel and distance myself from technology.
However, my partner is an artist and he will be on the computer. I am going to be nervous. I have my reasons and if you assume I simply have a problem with his porn and am being a butthurt lady about it, you would be wrong. However, my issues aren't going to be on display here at this time. You can trust me or no, totally up to you.
Now, back to the list, I have 4 main topics thus far. I have been able to discredit more. I kind of understanding that feeling or the thought process at least.
The biggest annoyance about it all in my head is the fact that I can't ever seem to have a real or deep conversation on the subject. It is like no one cares. No one pays attention.
That isn't entirely true.
You see I have begun a game. I came to Deviant Art following my boyfriend, who has been on here for years. There are some amazing artists on here and I enjoy the community.
That being said, there is some straight up kiddie porn and I am shocked that the site doesn't do anything - or nearly enough to censor things like child pornography. I would like to talk to some seasoned individual on here and have your take.
Is anyone interested in chatting? We can do it over email, skype, here - whatever works best.... TY!