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rubyrouge649 DA Banner (2021)

Coming up with a DA Banner design for the Eclipse-centric DA changes has been a challenge because I didn't know what kind of design would suit me and my 'split' psyche (that I often feel play a 'tug-of-war' between each other). :faint: However, I got inspired by one of my MANY flashes of curiosity, where I conducted a free version of the famous Myers-Briggs personality test to determine my type. While I continue to be quite split between the 'Thinking-Feeling' spectrum of things, I received the type of INTJ - a result that I got every time I tried any variation of this test afterwards! While I do not know enough about the structuring of this test to analyze its degree of certainty and validity, what was described for this type did hit me quite deeply because it did accurately describe some of my strengths vs. weaknesses. :wow:

In particular, this personality type is said to be (though I'm not sure how they project percentages for all the personality types :shrug: ) one of the rarest statistically AND may be the rarest type projected for women. :o Honestly, some of the described traits fit me personally because I have felt a general sense of 'oddness' about myself and 'out-of-place' in my own gender group. Here are some of said traits that I think are particularly fitting:
  • Being considered and called 'mature for my age' my whole life by adults and teachers alike. Experiencing existentialism at a much earlier stage than other children. :XD: Having notable curiosity that my parents even noticed in me as a toddler, which means I am highly driven to learn, problem-solve, and find the 'truth' of things. This leads me to develop a wide range of very specific and unusual interests... which can cause conflict in when, in the past, I felt more respected and understood by my teachers than by those in my age group, being seen as a 'stick in the mud' or a 'teacher's pet', and making others uncomfortable with my questioning around 'darker' or more controversial topics. hmm 
  • Some of my worst flaws include stubbornness, internalization to the point of 'exploding' or 'snapping' rather than properly processing and expressing myself, anxious perfectionism, living too much 'in my head', basing too much of my self-worth on accomplishment (to the point of feeling like no level of achievement is 'good enough' No, I disagree!), a sharp tongue when I'm truly angry, being torn between my ideals and what is reality to be pragmatic, and saddened jealousy over others' charisma and wit (that make them easily likeable :().
  • What truly frustrate and upset me have more due to with injustice, incompetence, feeling out of control (especially if I feel like I'm 'trapped' by someone else - I find more comfort in the tactile and certain rather than anything ambiguous like interpersonal relations even though I'm not considered socially awkward Sweating a little...), and manipulation because I have come to despise it when false promises are made or flakiness is demonstrated when it comes to morals and responsibilities. :x
  • I have struggled with female socialization practices because of my reserved nature. It got to the point of me I feeling some resentment over femininity (even if I don't hate the concept!) because of the backdrop of gender roles making me feel 'tomboyish' in comparison - as if I will always be judged more on merits of niceness and appearance rather than on the contents of my mind and character. :| (Blank Stare) This may be partly why I am drawn to technical activities and career options that base performance on results and prowess rather than sociality or image. This ties in to how some have negatively judged me in the past to be 'rude' or 'judgemental' just because I'm not smiling all the time as I can be very direct and no-nonsense in communication... as if a woman is a freak in certain circles is she isn't super accommodating or vivacious (though it turns out I had good reasons to distrust those judging people in the end as well). :roll:
  • I generally take a long time to warm up to people because of my weaknesses, eccentricities, and skepticism. I prefer to surround myself with a few people that I think are very interesting and thoughtful that I can give what little social battery I have to. :) I think I am generally quite loyal once I care for someone because they are very important to me in their own way. :aww: On the flip side of that, any sense of betrayal hits me REALLY hard, and I'm likely to cut anyone out of my life if they've crossed too many lines for me to forgive. No, I disagree! This doesn't make me any more likely to open up because it is hard for me to find like-minded people who will appreciate the way I think and view the world already, and interpersonal struggles and pain do carry heavy in my heart and mind. :( (Sad) 
All of this has been fascinating for to me to contemplate as I set up my adulthood and learn more about my own intricacies so I can better understand what I need and what is healthy for me. Nod I feel like my struggles with identity and finding my niches in the world are the exact opposite of most - instead of trying to figure out myself, it's more-like I struggle with how to 'fit' myself into the world since I have been made all too aware subtly and overtly of how 'different' I am and how much I stick out. :shrug:

Given how walls of text can turn people's attention off a lot of the time, I appreciate it if you read my entire blurb here. For anyone wondering, being true to myself has put me in a much better place than even a few years ago despite any strong emotions that have arisen. :) At least I can finally process and face the emotions I typically repress and bury (though I can still find myself confounded by how to move forward). :thumbsup:
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© 2021 rubyrouge649
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Duckyworth's avatar

That was a very fascinating read there you have shared :D, and I can say that with my experiences with your uploads, discussions and how I've come to view you as a person from conversations we've had, that is a very apt description of your personality, and I'd say the banner you've drawn reflects that really well with both a thoughtful and serious half and a creative and sweet halves fitting you to a T. :aww: I can sympathise with being called a teachers pet, not fitting in with my class peers very well, perhaps being a bit stubborn in my opinions and taking a long time to warm up to new people. :( But I can say that when it comes to people they usually tend to bring forth their strengths and omit their flaws, so I'd say coming forward with your character flaws that fully makes you human is very admirable of you.:hug:

I had a go at the Myer-Briggs test myself to see what I came up with as it did sound like a good idea. :nod: I got INFJ on the one I did, and reading the description on the one I got, I find it strikes a big chord with me. :o But I may try again with other tests to see if I get the same result- but from our similar experiences, I had a feeling they may have wielded slightly similar test results for us. :aww:

rubyrouge649's avatar

Your comments are touching to me, thank you my friend. :hug: A fundamental part of art is being expressive, even when it will always be uncomfortable to be more raw or honest yourself. Honestly, it is people like you that have helped me get some bravery in expressing myself because of the warmth and support. :) It is certainly odd for me to be reminded of how I can sometimes be more candid online than in my real life, but even starting there has had positive impacts on my daily interactions :nod: (even if I think I will always feel embarrassed about my vulnerability :blushes:).

Duckyworth's avatar

You're very welcome :hug: - and it really means a lot to hear that my words of support have helped in any way. :aww: Your words about online interactions having a more positive effect and helping improve confidence rings true with me as well - while I know I'm still pretty reserved overall, sharing experiences with like minded people who are willing to listen like you and many other people I've met online has helped improve my confidence in my family and work interactions as well. :D I think in part because talking with other people on my social media has helped me more easily get support and learn more about myself. :aww: