Another update journal that I don't think anybody really wants or is particularly interested in, but it's something I feel I should at least address because it's what like 95% of you are here for. This was going to be a general update journal but I'll be completely honest, I doubt anybody reading this genuinely cares about the state of my life and endeavors outside of this comic I hardly ever update but base so much of this account around, so I'm trimming the fat and giving you what you want up front.
THE STATE OF NUZLOCKE:
So nuzlocke, yeah, Let's talk about that. It's something where for a while now, I'm not even sure where I stand on it. I started Umbrage way back in 2012 under a completely different title in the hopes that it would help me grow as an artist, help me establish a bit more confidence, and hey, it worked out? I met some truly incredible people in my time here, and even if I've never even gotten past the fucking first town in the game through the comic I still somehow managed to improve? Maybe through procrastinating and drawing other things than the comic lol
I cannot lie and say that I'm not at a weird place with the whole thing right now. My motivation to work on it has sunk, as years have passed and even my rewrite is feeling dated- I still like many elements, but a lot of it is just kind of... messy. Held together in a haphazard kind of way. And yet I can't bring myself to fully say I'm abandoning the project, I dont know if I have the drive to continue it, either; a lot of motivation to make it came from the community, that want to make and create and be a part of something for the sake of fun, for the love of just making something to share with others, and now I'm not really sure I can recapture that feeling.
I know I'm fully at fault for this as well: Vanishing for months at a time, whether due to personal life problems or merely being bogged down by studies, are hardly excuses. But they are things that led to me becoming distanced from the community, and to be completely fair I'm not sure I've taken the correct courses to re-establish myself and the like, so all in all? My problems and hangups really truly are my own here.
What does this mean for Umbrage? Up until around the end of 2017, I did spend a fair bit of time plotting, concepting, and actually trying to get done things for the comic, but now whenever I try to work on it I feel a roadblock: I don't want to draw it, even if there are still somehow people who are excited to see it become a thing. But this comic has also been a part of my life (and my identity as an artist, to be completely honest) that I don't feel I can also just... toss it. Maybe that's the best thing to do, I can't say. Part of me still wants to see it finished, but an equal part of me is saying "Don't".
I'm not sure there's a final verdict: I don't want to promise anything for those who still cling to the hope of it having a consistent schedule, but I don't have the heart to toss it to the side. Maybe I need to mull it over more? I don't know. All I know is I'll be leaving up everything that's currently posted, maybe even go on to post some of the concept stuff I've worked with over the years.
I'm still going to try to post here more regularly, and while I may not have a lot of motivation to develop my comic myself, I still adore many of the artists and their works within the community, and there are probably more that have since popped up in my time away that I need to look into. Maybe make art of. I like making fanart for other people, and a lot of y'all deserve it.
Anyhow, that's this melancholic and probably overly-introspective ramble out of the way. I'm sorry if what I said here disappointed anyone with its lack of clarity, but believe me there is nobody more disappointed in the lack of answers than myself.