The Words I seek cannot be found

Constant Deja Vu,
A fear of waking up to the sound of a loud alarm,
The constant ticking,
Keeping me up until 5 AM,
And thus I set off,

There will hopefully be peace when I am done,
But my work hasn't yet started,

Call it irony when the High School bullies you think have changed,
Have only worsened, and are suffering the swift fate of justice,

Call it irony when their brother died for his country,
And you believe them to be guided to follow his moral code,
When only they become ensnared in a disgusting act of violence,

And my perceptions change,
That these noble men who live in the footsteps of their brother,
Have only tarnished his image.

I fear the words I seek cannot be found,
For they don't exist,
And the only word I can find is pity,
For that's all they'll ever find from me.