My mental health has reach rock bottom in 2021, and I've been completely unproductive this year. I hope things will finally improve in 2022 and I'll create stuff again.
Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! 🥂🎇
Man, I can barely grasp with 2022 being already there!
The past year alone has been pretty harrowing, let alone the last two. My mental health took a nosedive, and I don't know where to go from there. So much has happened in the world, I've been living on my own for over one year, and yet I barely achieved anything.
I've been plagued with self-doubt and insecurity for a few years now and it didn't get better. I am still unemployed, the pressure to get a job I may not enjoy conflicting with my own desires, the constant need to be productive while getting nothing done, and my own failure, professional as much as personal, broke my self-esteem.
Now when I create stuff, I don't really feel joy, or even the motivation to finish. I realized my drawing process is inefficient so I didn't make new drawings, and the only new video I released severely underperformed, that devastated me. I started to wonder if it's really worth it to put all the little energy I have into what I love only to get so little reward? What direction should I take and will it work out? What do I even want at this point?
I want to try new things, but I'm so afraid of failure I don't even have the courage to try. I want to do so many stuff, I cannot focus on one thing, and end up doing nothing! I'm practically my own worst enemy!
Due to subbornness, and maybe also pride (and my anticapitalist views but let's not deal with that), I refuse the idea that getting a regular job will emancipate me, I still want to create what I want, because that's the one thing that keeps me going, even if it doesn't come with financial security.
That's why, for 2022 and beyond, I wish to stop worrying about job security, I'm doing well enough with just my disability benefits, that would at least lift a weight off my shoulders, let me relax, and focus more on creating, whatever I would make. I wish to draw my characters more often and flesh them out, smooth my drawing process by stopping trying to be absolutely perfect, make new videos of a different type, experiment more with livestreaming, animating and even making music!
Yes, there will undoubtedly be bad stuff in 2022 and I may not fulfill any of my wills, but I have to get back up and do better. No matter what this year will throw at us, it's up to us to make it good, it's what makes life worth it! So here's to end on a high note after all the negative stuff I talked about.
Happy New Year 2022, and I hope that, despite everything, you'll get something good out of it!
SHIT I HAVEN'T UPLOADED NEW ART IN OVER A YEAR 😭
2 days ago, my main Twitter account got locked for ONE WEEK because I asked "kill them all?" like an hypothetical question in response to this ShitpostBot tweet, and Twitter's super dupper god damn fucking stupid dumbass algorithm (or a pissed politically motivated loser who took my response seriously) flagged it, and now I'm extremely pissed off about this whole bullshit and I've been trying to appeal Twitter's unfair decision 3 or 4 times already, they've already rejected my first appeal, but I won't back down and keep trying until these useless cunts unlock my account earlier!