roguepilot's avatar

Pickup Line

By roguepilot
4 Favourites
A couple of guys from my 'Agency' series.

Now, I really could use some feedback on this.
I do like it but I don't love it. I could use some ideas on how to punch it up a little (pun intended).

Throwing in a few more guys would be a start and bringing the girl into the foreground might help (though I do like her look of exasperation). What do you think?

In case you're wondering, this is scripted as the first meeting between the young Alex character and the older but not really wiser Thomas character. This is where they form the initial bonds of friendship and respect (which is unusual for Alex who has little respect for any authority figure)
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© 2012 - 2021 roguepilot
anonymous's avatar
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KnightTek's avatar
The action in this scene just blows me away. You put a lot of thought into this and a lot of time. This is amazing!
roguepilot's avatar
Thanks...and still thinking. More can be done ;)
PaintedInWords's avatar
I rather like the woman in the background looking on. When I spotted her, I chuckled and got the impression that she's thinking, "Ugh. Men!"

I think the amount of characters you have is plenty. Any more and it might become overkill and a little too unrealistic. That's not to say twenty bar hoppers won't gang up on two men, but with the expressions on the main character's faces, I'd say this is a bit of a game for them. More brawlers and I would think they'd twist their faces with man-rage.

For little things, what about popping up the cowboy hat on Thomas a little so that it doesn't look so stuck to his head. Even a movement like that could send it tipping back just a bit; not enough to make it fly off, but enough to expose some hair. Also, the guitar looks a little out of place only because it's hard to discern its point of origin and appears to be broken at the neck. Is Alex flinging it back? To me it almost looks like he's mid rush forward, and if he was tossing it, the angle of projection seems as though it'd hit Mr. Blue Plaid. (Don't ask for specifics. I haven't done that type of math since high school! :lmao: ) But I hope what I said makes sense! If he was aiming for Guitar Face, you could always turn Alex into the turn, with both hands on the guitar for force.

Otherwise, a very lively piece!
roguepilot's avatar
Thank you.
You're probably right about the motion involving the guitar. I think I was trying to combine too many actions into one movement.
I think my original idea was to break the guitar on someones head so I put in the breaks on the neck, then I changed my mind and went for a backwards throw which makes the break redundant.
Switching soldier boy (plus complete guitar) with Blue Plaid should help the dynamics a lot.
You've triggered off a few more ideas for stage lighting and the DOF isn't necessary when the room geometry gives all the depth cues anyway.

Again thanks for this, I can see I needed a second opinion.

I think I may throw a few more pool balls and bottles around too. Could be fun. :)
PaintedInWords's avatar
Hey, more things to toss around, and bottles to smash over heads. Couldn't imagine a bar without such handy weapons!

And you're right. Just switching Blue Plaid with Soldier Boy would totally work. As for DOF, I think it looks all right. The main focus is Alex and Thomas, and by blurring out the foreground and background, it really draws the eyes towards them, and leaves the viewer pleasantly surprised when they spot the little details, like the woman.