RockAngelReika

I want you to notice / when I’m not around Is there any point / in uplifting my doubts They’re on the forefront of my mind / filling me up like clouds travelling across the sky Just that they never pass / me by So tell me / does it hurt When the whole world fades / and there’s only you I wouldn’t know / got no more energy left to care I don’t feel a thing / can you call my name One more breath / another minute passes me by Like the rest of my life / a black and white movie With no protagonist / no plot Nothing worth remembering / me by Goodbye / the words I wanna say I don’t wanna blame / but I’d been lonely And desperate for so long / stepping out was my way to go So don’t bury me too shallow / lest you wanna drag me out One last time / no more doubts This is it / I left F o r g o o d

I want to feel loved today by anyone, anyway Maybe I already am but the feeling doesn’t reach doesn’t breach my heart of glass ‘cause it might break at any sign of happiness or distress or maybe any feeling that isn’t labeled depression Listen to my concession ‘I am lonely, even when I am not alone’ and there’s nothing that can right the wrong I commit towards myself I am trying to ask for help but all my laptop ever corresponds is '#Error 404 Your problem could not be found'

Happy couples, successful friends People who glow, those who succeed They cut me, so so deep I once was a fool, never a dreamer Wanted to succeed And failed in the end Here I am, almost 30 Stranded on a small island Named ‘myself’ Water’s rising, threatening to drown me Not my tears, but anxiety and fears Claw at me at night And I can’t sleep Even though it’s all I want to do, forever Another day, dragging myself along Sometimes I can’t catch my breath Am I trying to live, to die, to exist? I can’t tell, It feels like a one-way street That leads nowhere I wonder, if I were emptiness instead Darkness, wandering nothingness Would it make a difference? Perhaps I should try to disappear Travel to a land six feet under Where no one follows ‘cause it might just be where I belong There are times when I wish(ed) There was a hand to hold Simple words to be told They’d ring in my head forever To give me strength, Embrace me when my world grows cold But there’s only silence echoing

Another breath, another smile As I try and keep failing Everyone’s moving on, standing strong While I fall, too deep to still see What’s left or right in front of me They talk and laugh and live They buy houses, marry and have kids There’s a way to live For me, I just haven’t found it yet Is what I try to tell myself While trying not to tear it all apart Like an old piece of paper ending up in the trash Stuck in my room, there’s too little of it No air to breathe, no life to live No steps to take, no move to make Stuck in the same old vicious cycle They all have fears and regrets But mine are the only ones I can care about ‘cause I’m a selfish bitch Prisoner of my own mind, I am trying to run Like a race that can’t be won I’ve lost sight of all the others long ago The world keeps spinning, I stumble and fall Watching desperately, endlessly As they leave me all behind right after starting line…

Just like a butterfly without its wings I was born useless So broken Trying to get somewhere Without being able to move At this point I have to ask myself Is there a light at the end of the tunnel Will there be something, someone, A version of myself That is worth fighting for? Clipped wings, broken bones Bloody knees from being scraped And dragged along the floor Some of us were never made to fly Or born to succeed Winner takes it all is what they said And they were right No pain, no gain But I’m feeling, so much of it Too much Where’s my happiness And why does my path only lead To giving up, jumping Not into the unknown But towards a welcome end Because I will only ever fall Never reach the sky Since I am wingless

Love me, she screams I need you, it seems to be able to bear the harsh words and ice cold gestures cutting all too deep until I can't smile, til I can't breathe Love me, she begs for she cannot forget the picture perfect silhouette taking her place, a dream a fantasy, forcing her to fade away Love me, she whispers all too desperate now futures discarded for the demon won't keep quiet Love me, it echoes through hollow chambers being pierced by razorblade voices but the girl in the mirror never answers.