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Today in Ponyville the streets were bustling with noise. It was market time, and so most of the town was out enjoying the sunny day. Suddenly, from the center of town, a bright light began to appear. All the ponies stared in aw as it grew in intensity, before it finally let out one last giant flash of light. When the crowd was able to look again, what they saw sitting on the street shocked and awed them all.

A horribly sun baked couch, now pink, sat on the cobble stone walkway with a scorch marks all around it's edges. Then, they all realized something else was on the couch. Something no pony had ever seen before. It sat in a manner that only a pony the locals knew would sit. It's back was against the back of the couch. It's rear legs ran along the cushion and down to the ground, where odd looking horse shoes covered it's... hooves?

Not one pony made a peep as the strange creature stared on into the crowd. A strange orange object was seen in one of it's hands. A plad baseball cap was on it's head, and it's clothing consisted of a red shirt and blue denim pants.

"Uh... sup?"

Immediately after it's first words the entirety of the pony mob broke apart in screams and cries of fear. Most ran for the nearest buildings or into each other, while others hid behind hay piles or under market carts. The creature on the sofa didn't move as it watched the chaos unravel before itself. Word was spread around town quickly of the strange creatures arrival, and within ten minutes six brave ponies marched towards the being on the pinkish sofa.

"Alright there you monster, get out of our town!" A cyan pegasus screamed in the creatures face.

There was the sound of a chomping muzzle, as she was quickly drawn back by a orange earth pony.

"Easy there sugarcube. We dunno know if it means us any harm, 'n yer not helping actin' like that."

"I'm not a monster," the creature said in protest.

"Girls, we need to tackle this calmly," a purple unicorn began, then turned to a yellow pegasus hiding behind herself, "Fluttershy, any idea what it is?"

"I'm a human."

"I'm, um, not sure," the yellow mare quietly spoke, before diving back behind her own pink mane.

"Well, whatever it is it has startled the entire town," a white unicorn added, looking over the strange creature, "And my my, what a sad looking wardrobe it's wearing. Jeans with an red shirt? Oh please. And just look at that tacky couch it's sitting in."

"I said I'm a human, and what's wrong wi-."

"I don't care what it is, but if it don't get it's rear outta here I'm gonna give it a reason to leave," the cyan pegasus said, trying to once again get into the creatures face.

"Girls, please, we need to remain calm. We might startle it," the purple mare added as she drew from a saddle bag a large book.

"I'm calm if that's what you're wondering. I think it's you who is-"

"I'm not finding anything remotely close to it's species in my "Encyclopedia to all creatures you may or may not recognize", fourth edition,"

"Hey Twilight, look, it's shirt says somethin'. Can ya decipher it?"

"It says-" the creature began.

"Hm, I think it says 'I put Ketchup on my Ketchup', what does that even mean?"

"That I really like ketchup."

"Is it some sort of code?" the white unicorn questioned, still straining her eyes at the sofa's existence.

"Are any of you even listening to me?"

"Maybe we can jus' ask it ta leave?" the orange mare asked, stepping forward, "HELLO THERE. WE DON'T MEAN YOU ANY HARM. WE JUS' WOULD LIKE TA KNOW WHY YER HERE."

"Jesus, you don't have to yell," the creature said in agony, covering it's ears.


"Girls, I think we are over our heads with this one," the purple mare began, "Sure, Nightmare Moon and Discord were tough opponents, but I fear it's going to take more than our Elements of Harmony alone to deal with this threat."

"Wait, I'm a threat?"

"Do we contact Princess Celstaia?"

"No, you don-"

"Yes, I think we must. It's apparent it won't leave our town without force, and it's strange pinkish and yet horribly ugly seating apparatus looks suspicious."

"It's a couch. And it wasn't always pink. It got-"

"NOW LISTEN HERE YOU," the cyan pegasus finally broke away from the orange pony, and got right into the creatures face once more, "YOU BEST LEAVE OUR TOWN OR I'LL MAKE YOU LEAVE MYSELF."

The creature rose an eye brow, looking oddly to the pony in it's face, "Uh, sure, go for it."

The creature then placed it's free hand on top of the orange object it had been holding onto. Then, a loud crackle echoed throughout the entire market place.

"DASH! Look what you've done, you've angered it. Now it's arming it's weapon! Quick, get out of there before it attacks you!" Twilight screamed, readying her horn to defend her friend.

Dash backed away without a word as she continued to glare at the creature before she and her friends. The creature shook it's head, and raised the orange object to it's mouth.

"What's it doin'?" the orange mare asked.

The creature lowered the object, "I'm having a drink. I'm thirsty."

"It must be some sort of enhancing liquid to boost it's strength. We don't have much time girls."

"It's Sunksit."

Suddenly, the being began to create a sound from it's mid section.


All five mares scattered, taking some sort of cover where they could.


"Excuse me."

"Is it... over?" the white unicorn spoke first, peaking her head from behind a wagon.

"I'm not sure," the yellow pegasus spoke from beside her.

"We must contact the princess quick, before it does something else that is more catastrophic than that!"

From a distance, all five mares talked and planned out a strategy to get rid of the strange creature that occupied a ugly looking sofa and drinking a soda pop.

"Well, I never thought this was how it would all go down."

"You and me both."

The creature looked to it's left, and sitting beside it in a similar manner on the sofa was a bright pink pony.

"Oh, hey Pinkie Pie."

"Oh, coolio! You know my name!"

"Yea, I know all your names."

"That's funny, I know everypony's name also!"

"Yea, you do. So, uh, are the others gonna be ok?"

"Oh, don't worry about them. They're just being silly fillies."

"Hey, want a drink?" the human offered another orange object which had been sitting beside it.

"Sure, I'd love one."

The creature opened the can and handed it to the pink mare.

"PINKIE! DON'T DRINK THAT!" Twilight shouted, using her magic in an attempt to tug the can out of her grip.

Using powers that only Pinkie could have, she managed to resist, shaking the can vigorously until the entirety of it spewed out from the top in a massive geyser.


Pinkie, sensing no danger once the foam subsided, shrugged and downed the entire can of now-ruined soda in one massive gulp.

"Mmm, that's good."

There was a loud and aggravated moan from the purple mare as she returned to the others.

"Yes, it is," the creature agreed.

"Hey, you want some cookies, or cupcakes? I make 'em reeeeeal goooooood."

"Why does this sound like it would result in my imminent death?" the not-pony thought, as it's face gave off an expression of slight familiarity.

The creature shuddered as it's mind filled with horrors best left unexplained, "Uh, I'll pass on the cupcakes. The cookies sound nice though."

So the creature stood up, stretched followed by a groin scratch, then followed the bouncing pink mare into Sugarcube Corner where they enjoyed some tasty treats and Sarsaparilla. Later, the princess arrived with 10,000 troops to deal with the threat. Lucky for the creature, it was sent back home with a severe scolding about breaking the fourth wall. The couch was banished to the moon for being so ugly, and Pinkie Pie now sells a new line of soda pop called Sunkist in Equestria.
So, for a while now people have been saying that my two current My Little Pony stories "Divergent Days" and "My Little Dashie" have been self inserts. So, to clear everything up I wrote an actual self insert of myself going to Equestria. This was all written with the intention of being dumb, stupid, horrible, and possibly funny to some of you.

So yea... enjoy?
Add a Comment:
LunaTheEclipsed Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
Awesome! Just wish it was more than 1 part though.
kaiofire Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012
Im pretty sure ponies know what humans are considering Minotaurs are an excepted part of Equestria and as such would not be afraid of normal humans considering Minotaurs,diamond dogs and dragons are regular occurances,and are all more threatening than a normal human,also this is the proper size correlation between humans and ponies:[link] but thats me being stupid and factual so im just gonna hit myself for applying logic to something made to be stupid and horrible.

good story.
Sean-De-Retro Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
The good old fourth wall, the wall that keep us from entering the shows and keeping them from coming to us, now it’s nothing but dust from the power of Pinkie Pie.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012
Ha ha, so very true.
Augui Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner May 20, 2012
JuliusScipio Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer

...Why yes, yes I am.
Ra1nbowCrasH Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2012
xXKomoriXx Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2012
EliteBeatAgent Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It was nothing more than hilarious. And please, your other stories insertions? PFFF.
archangel2107 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2012
Oh please the fourth wall has been broken so many times now its kind of just a hole
asdflove Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
stemofathorn Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
Lulzing at the Cupcakes reference. Good short story!
xXiaoDrag0n Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
When you mentioned you were holding an orange object in your hand, I first thought it was a baseball bat. :rofl:
That's a really nice and short fanfic you wrote, My Little Dashie was the best among all to me. :D
CooroDragon Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
You should totally make this into a story unless thats what Divergent Days is. I dunno going to have to read that. but this looks more interesting a story. Still an awesome story to read, gotta love Pinkie-logic
darknessthehedgehog3 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
hay i just read your my little dashie fan fic and loved it it just was wow i truly was amazed by all the heart worming and mixed emotions it gave me just one thing i cant seem to find the first chapter of it where he first finds her i only found the first part on youtube
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2012
Uh, it's only one part. There isn't chapters to it.
Ashfurlover1 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
You're right it is horrible. Yet hilarious.
kapitanmarha Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012
6 hehe pretty good:)
DarkIntent137 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012
Finally found my way to your Devart page. How did I not find this sooner? I could have been ROFLing much earlier than this!
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012
Ha ha, thanks. Glad you found me then.
Machibex Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012
lol wut
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012
HAchaosagent Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You sir are amazing. First you have me crying from My Little Dashie and now you have me laughing for this piece.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
Lol thanks! Glad you got a chuckle out of it.
ThatBronyGamer Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012
I just re-read it, and noticed in the beginning you said "six" ponies, which turned into five. A small error, but I'm a perfectionist.
"It must be some kind of enhancing liquid to boost it's strength. We don't have much time girls."
"It's Sunkist."
I died. Seriously. Pinkie Pie is a master of espionage, and works for the FBI. And I need new trousers.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
Ha ha thanks, but honestly there are probably so many grammar errors in this I don't care. This was just for fun XD
FairyBubblePuppy Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Haha :) wish it was longer!
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012
FairyBubblePuppy Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Student General Artist
ThatBronyGamer Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2012
That was funny, and it cheered me up after "My Little Dashie"
Sent home with severe scolding after breaking the fourth wall? lol
FairyBubblePuppy Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Agreed, dude.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2012
Eeyup. I still miss my couch though... no matter how ugly it was it was comfy.
DullEdge Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2011
I always enjoy a satirical self insertion story. I LOVED Pinkie Pie's happy and casual demeanor in this situation and I picked up on that "Cupcakes" reference too. I loved this to bits.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2011
Heh, thanks!
XG-AwEsOmE Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Sunksit is best Sunkist.
AnonymousJr Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011  Hobbyist
... beautiful ...
ThanaPoochie Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
I LOVE this XD "Uh, I'll pass on the cupcakes." So I guess you've read Cupcakes too? *shudders* that thing made me never look at Pinkie Pie the same way again... but still this is a awesome fanfic! CANT WAIT FOR MORE >w<!!!!!
kohzh2 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2011
lol, funny i guess, you should stick to the tragedy/hurt/comfort genre xD nah, kidding, this was pretty funny, would've loved to see somemore of it, but u ended it so soon T_T lol, do inserts of other ppl too
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011
ha ha I dunno, guess I'll see.
Nyax Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I've read this and My little dashie and each time I was reluctant to keep reading (I don't like fanfic much), but I kept going and every time I've been impressed.

Please keep writing.
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2011
Well thank you! I'm still writing, though I'm not sure when my next story post will be. Hopefully soon, but I can't promise anything.
murphy540 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011 healed the hurt from My Little Dashie a very tiny bit... I'm still sad... T.T
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2011
lol I'm sorry.
Truly Good Writing sir!
I was sad about my little dashie but now ya Got me laughing again!
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011
Well, I'm glad this cheered you up. Thank you for reading them both!
MasterMitosi Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesomely hilarious!
ROBCakeran53 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011
MasterMitosi Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yer welcome!
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