Risii

jeez.. where should i start? maybe with saying that i am glad as hell that 2011 is over and i get a new chance to make 2012 a better year for me.

2011 sucked so bad it wasn't human anymore! of course there were a few cool moments and days which i never ever wanna trade in but 2011 brought the hardest days in a while:

- i got to know just by chance that Smarty, the hooved love of my life, was sold. i love this horse more than words could ever explain - he took me to the stars and back and thaught me so
  much; i just really owe him. had the most amazing comeback with him in February and lost him again. after nearly 5 years not seeing Smarty we just continued right where we ended up,
  and he gave me more confidence than other horses do. he made me smile and gave me hope, faith and love when i didn't expect it. he gave me everything and took me as i am, and
  knowing that he's standing somewhere private near the area i live in kills me because i have no clue where he is and if these people would allowe me to see him. i know i won't get him
  back but at least i want to say goodbye the right way and let him know how much he means to me and how thankful i am to had the chance to work with him. some say he suffers now
  because his arthritis got worse (this is why he was sold) and he's pretty much lame for all the time, being barely ridden... you know what? this really hurts to hear! this horse worked so
  hard all his life - he went on all kinds of trails, walked lessons... and now? he just stands there, being fed with painkillers. i never thought i could ever say this but unfortunately i did: "you
  know...this horse worked for all his life and did the most amazing job not only with me but with others, too. he deserves to die... he doesn't deserve to suffer!"
  end of it. this is how it is. i can only wish my baby boy the best for the rest of his life. anyone who says i didn't love this horse...screw you. really! i love this horse this much that i say the
  words that break my heart because keeping animals or people alive because you don't want to let them go even though they suffer is the most selfish thing anyone could ever do.

- my family's dog Lucky was layed to sleep for forever on the 4th of October. This dog was like my best friend or my brother for nearly 11 1/2 years and until today i miss him every single time
  i enter my aunt's house. i wanted to do a video tribute for him but i couldn't because it broke my heart to look back at all the times we had and even though i should look back and smile it
  hurts every time hence why i ended up with a not even one minute long slide show of him.
  i saw him the night before he was layed to rest; even though every part of me knew it was the best we could do for him since he really suffered at that time, i couldn't leave. i was there
  until 3 or 4 a.m. and wanted to go but didn't find the words. everything i wanted to say or thought i would like to let him know was like blown away, so the only thing i said was "thank you"
  and that i would miss him but never forget.
  they have a new dog now called "Charlie". he nearly looks like Lucky, but he's nothing like him which is good. both of them had/have the best character anyone could ask for but still they
  are different dogs. the reason why i think that it'a good that they are not alike is simply because i could never even dare to replace Lucky with Charlie. both dogs are loved by me for who
  they are and what they are, not for what they look like or anything. Lucky will always be the most special dog to me, but i love Charlie a whole lot, too, because this dog is just such a dude,
  but yeah...Lucky will always be important to me and i won't forget him because there is a new dog around.

- finally, the third tragedy is my grandma's death. she passed away on the 26th of November because of pancreas cancer. i think there is not much i need to say or explain and i don't want
  to get into detail too much but i guess everyone who has ever lost someone knows what that means.

in 6 days i'll be 20 years old. it may sounds strange but i don't want a big party or big presents. the only thing i want is to get the chance to get over things that happened in 2011. i wish i could just book a ticket and fly away. take my camera with me to capture all the new things and impressions. yes, this would clear my mind.
some people proved me wrong, but most people showed their real faces and now they're wondering why i am not hanging out with them anymore or write them. it's a sad thing, but i finally learned who really matters and that it doesn't matter how long you know people. the only thing that matters is that these people

as i said: 2011 wasn't bad at best only. i graduated from school. 13 years of working for my a-levels and i have it now! i got my new camera and really had the time to plan trips to places i want to shoot at. but the most amazing thing is probably that i am back into riding again. not all few month a trail or something... nope, every week and sometimes i am at the barn 2 or 3 times a week. this makes my week. whenever i know i'll be going there, i am happy. if there really is for everything a reason than i want to learn and understand them. even though i barely believe in anything religious or things about karma, i start to believe the reason - thing. i want to get it tattooed along with smarty and a rising phoenix. that's it for now. i hope you are all doing fine and that 2012 is going to please every one

Hello everybody!

Hope everyone is doing good?! Yesterday was the big day - i bought my new camera. i now own a Nikon D5100 and i loooove my new camera to bits now i do own 2 really great cameras! i will continue taking pictures with my casio exilim as well since the nikon is really big and i don't want to take it anywhere.
But where i already know where i take them next: i'll go on holiday to France (Provence) next week and hope to get some nice photos!!

Well what else is new? Mh well i finished school at the end of march and now do have more time to take and edit photos. i am still trying to figure out what i want to do now and what to study, but somehow i always can't decide what i want to do :S until i know i am working as a casheer in a supermarket to earn some money but i for sure don't want to do this forever! i do work 2 or 3 times a week but somehow i am still always kinday busy with either being out with friends or getting some things done

That's pretty much it from me for now...
Rock on guys!

Love,
Risii aka Theresa

So... Since i got 2 more wisdom teeth out (omg it was hell!!!) i am pretty much all day long chilling in bed, having lots of time to click through deviantart i realized that my photographs getting more and more faves and every new fave makes me feel a lot better! thank you to everyone who has ever faved a photo of mine
Also, i recieve some messages that a few more people watch me now, and i am so happy and so proud about that! it really means a lot to me and i don't even know what i can do to thank these people for their awesome support... This is why i decided to give a llama badge to all my watchers and friends i hope you see my good will behind that and rock on

Hey everybody Good news!!! I'm going to fly to Dublin, Ireland tomorrow for another school trip and I am head over heals excited!!! I've always wanted to visit Ireland and now... A dream comes true
It's gonna rock, I'm sure! I have cool room mates, 2 of them are actually really really close friends of mine and the others are just really lovely i'm so glad we got into the room for 6 persons, not the one for 10 - i'd freak in there Kind of too much girls in one room to get through 4 days without any fights xD well not for everybody but for me actually
Another good thing is that I am 18 now, what means drinking and everything else is nothing to worry about and I can make sure to try some Irish beer and some Whiskey in the whisky distillery we'll visit But what I feel most excited and stoked about is going to see the coast *-* Myself is a total seaside fan How can I describe it? I just feel really really comfortable around the sea and coasts… It kind of gives me a feeling of being free x3
Well anyways, I hope you are all doing good?! Guess I wanted you guys to know that it's nothing personal if I don't react to messages etc. immediately. Also, I really want to thank all the people who watch me, comment my photos and fave them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That means a lot, and I really mean a lot!!! to me  You guys rock
Let's see forward to some nice coast photos taken in Ireland, Dublin ))

So long,
Take Care

Theresa aka Risii

So... where should i just start for now? i don't even know why i write this down again or why i do it here. it's just so much that happened the last days and it makes me sad, very sad to be honest.
i worry a lot about some good friends of mine, especially one of my closest male friends. his best friend died in a car crash on the 3rd of december (may he rest in peace!!!) and since that he seems to be all changed. i know exactly how it feels like but i still worry, and nearly all the things he says these days keep me thinking so much. sometimes i think we never been that honest with each other, and i told him i'm glad to have him as a friend. i never used to do this... he said sry for a things he did wrong about 4 weeks ago as i really needed him and i never thought he would say that and it just hurt so much to hear it just in that situation. i hate and i really mean hate to know if my friends suffer and i can't help them at all!!! all i can do now i saying that i'm sorry, but honestly: it doesn't help them shit.
my friend's bf was only 18 years old. i barely knew him, but everything my friends always told me about him sounded like he was a good friend and someone you can have a lot of fun with. i'm sorry for every single one of them who cry their out. maybe, and i say maybe, it's true, and only the best of us die young, cuz this is what i experienced and heard a lot.
i'm confused. sad. worried. i should try to get on with my own probs, but a huge part of me is always with my friends.
the other part is probably with my dad or lost in memories. i dream about horse riding a lot the last days, and i can't say in words how much i miss it. how much i miss this feeling of freedom. i miss it every day, and it makes me cry and think a lot. ever since i can think my dreams were all about riding, and they remained. damn'... these days are just so hard. the last days before i get 18. exactly 50 days left, and they are hard as hell. i wish it ends soon, and everything will get okay.