literature

thalassophile

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

August 27, 2017
thalassophile by Ripplingwaves
Featured by BeccaJS
Suggested by PolarAnemone
Ripplingwaves's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Silver light upon the sea
Sharp as scales, they slit the
Morning sun open -
Like a yolk it bleeds, ichor
Spilled thoughtlessly;
Smearing the fish belly white
Morning with a splatter of life.

Golden light upon the sea
Warm as palms, they stroke the
Turbulent blue -
Like a cat it purrs, star-chilled waves
Licking shores;
Tabby pelt flecked with shell white
And the gulls sing once more.
A lover of the sea, I submerge in its blues
Drowning in milky foam and
Salted melancholy 

Edit (24/9/17):
Haven't checked dA in a while and woke up to an enormous surprise!
Thank you so much PolarAnemone and @
BeccaJS 
Can't have imagined a 17 y/o's random thoughts on the street could end up on dA's front page....
...for the second time.
My greatest appreciation for everyone who's read and commented, still feel undeserving of the praise.

(What did I do to deserve this
And hey; if you're up there, 
I hope you're watching and 
I've made you proud)
© 2017 - 2024 Ripplingwaves
Comments12
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IamNoHere's avatar

Pixel: Christmas Holly Congratulations on the DD! I can see why this piece was chosen – the imagery is lovely and vivid. Reading it, I could almost hear the waves.


What makes the imagery awesome is how spot-on it is. Imagining a sunrise at the sea, the sun looks exactly like you described – sliced into pieces, distorted, bleeding. At first, comparing it to an egg yolk – and egg yolk to be bleeding – struck me as odd but after thinking about it a little, sun does hold some similarities, both in color and the way it ‘spills’ across the sea’s surface. As “ichor”, however, I imagine a repulsing, slimy substance, nothing dreamy or sunset-like. That might be only my problem, though – maybe I’ve read too much fantasy.


I like how you compared the waves to a cat’s purring – the sounds bear the same, calming repetitiveness. And by adding a mention of the gulls, you made the sounds’ imagery as complete as the visual one, and alive in my head.


I’m a little confused about the opening lines. Do they refer to the moon and stars? It feels a little odd to me to go through the feeling of both a night and a sunrise in the time span of half a stanza. You could either expand on the “night” imagery a little and make it two separate stanzas, or add a mention of the violet/orange in the sky to make the night in the opening lines feel more like coming to its end. I may have misinterpreted it though, so feel free to ignore me.


There are two instances in the poem where the flow comes to a sudden halt – the “the”-s at the end of the stanzas’ second lines. I can see why you would leave them there, as so that the imagery that follows them would get its rightful spotlight without being distracted from by the article, but having the “the” at the end of the previous line makes the previous imagery feel incomplete and lacking. – “Sharp as scales, they slit the“ – when reading, I did a mental pause here, asking myself “the what?” before moving onto the next line. Again, maybe it’s only my problem but it can feel a little jarring.


Other than that, the poem is beautiful, and the DD certainly well-deserved.


I hope my insight was helpful and that I wasn’t too harsh and nitpicking. You did a great job, so keep it up, and good luck with writing!


Merry Critmas!Red Snow Globe