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Devious Journal Entry

Tue Oct 4, 2011, 12:19 AM
Totally random introduction, because starting these entries are always the hardest part. Now with that out of the way, onto the actual entry:

January 6th. my body and other accessories finally gave up and I experienced that dreadful, but all to common feeling of collapsing onto the couch and cried until my eyes hurt. My husband put his foot down and demanded action be taken, so I called in sick the next day and spent the rest of the day coming to terms with the fact, that I had stress.

Wordy, huh'?

I always saw stress as a bad excuse for people, who should another job, better suited for their delicate, pansy ass mentalities. Turns out, stress usually only affects people, who have very strong mentalities: They only spread themselves out too thin and end up having breakdowns. Which I did. And I tried to do the right thing: I made doctor's appointments, found a psychiatrist, did pills. I even had meetings with my managers, so I could come back to work on reduced hours. All I needed was a final schedule from them.

I got a written termination by mail instead. Cue depression.

Funny how your entire self-esteem can be based on how well you think other people think about you. And funny how it takes hitting rock bottom, before you admit that you need help.

9 months later, and with the help of my husband, my doctor's apprentice, my psychiatrist, the best self help-guy in the world and a caseworker, who went above and beyond for me, I now feel better that I ever have. As anyone with depression knows, I will never be completely 'well', but I now have the mentality and tools to keep myself from falling into that hole again. I'm still between jobs, but I don't care for the moment. I'm happy, my husband is happy and my kid is happy.

I never used to have the self-esteem to be a part of groups like DeviantArt, other than a creepy-stalker type, who sits in the corner and watches. Now I feel comfortable enough to admit, that I actually like being the creepy-stalker type X-)

I can now wonder why I ever acted like a confident woman, when in reality I was just a lonely little girl who desperately needed attention. From anyone. It's so wonderful to finally be able to actually feel what I've been pretending to feel for all those years.

I recently turned 31, and it made me realize that I am now too old to have to pretend that I'm anything I'm not. I don't have to like a certain band in order to keep my 'nerd-cred'. I don't have to look a certain way to be sufficiently geeky. Hell, I don't even have to be polite, when I really, really don't agree with someone!

I weigh over 200 lbs, but my husband and I have the best sex in the world. I like Metallica, Eminem and Disturbed, but I also have Doris Day, Bruno Mars and classical music on my Ipod. My fantasy men are mostly burly and muscular, but I'm married to a semi-husky hunk who is the love of my life. And I think Adam Lambert is a very pretty man. Oh, and even though I don't like his music, I think people should get of Justin Biebers case, 'cause he's actually pretty popular with some people!

So don't mind me sitting in the corner, smiling at all you young folk: I'm just quietly contemplating old age and how to keep you of my lawn :)

  • Listening to: Apollo 440 - The Man With the Harmonica
  • Playing: Dragon Age
  • Eating: Toast
  • Drinking: Coffee

Vacation

Mon Aug 16, 2010, 12:53 AM
So I haven't been dead. Or sick. I've just been busy with RL stuff, like my husband and kid. And work, ugh. In fact, I haven't been drawing anything except for a tattoo for my stepdad.

I have to be in a certain mood to be able to draw. It's usually obtained by drinking coffee and listening to music, but lately all I've been listening to have been my son playing. The little bugger is already too smart for his lazy mom's liking: He can unlock his dad's smartphone and start the videos with him. He can turn on the TV and, if only stupid mom wouldn't throw a fit and let him keep the knife he keeps stealing, he can chop vegetables when I'm in the kitchen. A meat cleaver is a little too much for a year and a half old boy, though =(

But, I'm finally on vacation, grandma is picking up Franky tomorrow and who knows: Maybe I'll get some drawing done.

  • Listening to: The wind blowing outside
  • Reading: Just finished American Psycho
  • Playing: World of Warcraft
  • Eating: Dumplings
  • Drinking: Water
My computer keeps on freezing up. Hopefully, my darling husband can fix it during the weekend, so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Sorry.
  • Listening to: Husband playing WOW
  • Playing: World of Warcraft
So, finally my old scanner, which I bought used for around $20 nearly ten years ago, died. Or. It didn't die, but when I got my new computer, it wouldn't acknowledge it for some reason. But no big loss there, I've been meaning to get a new one for a while.

It should arrive Monday so I can get the new Human Remains-page scanned along with a new drawing.

Now, I'm fully aware of my own lazyness when it comes to finishing new pages. The big time-consumer is coloring, though, so I've been playing around with the idea of getting someone else to do it for me. I have to warn any takers, though: I'm insanely hard to please ;P

But if anyone is interested, send me a note and we'll work something out. I'm willing to pay, if the prize is right.

Also, if I can get over my 4-chan induced paranoia, I might post some pictures of my family, so that you faithful watchers can see, how the demonspawn i.e. my son looks like.
  • Listening to: Husband playing WOW
  • Playing: Guitar Hero: Metallica
  • Eating: Carrots and pineaples...Diet, ugh!
  • Drinking: Fruit juice
I am now the proud mother of a wonderful little 5-week old boy. Up until the birth, I did very little else than relax and wait impatiently for the arrival of my son.

I'm not going to indulge You in any details about the actual grueling 13.5 hours of labour, but I will say that it was all worth it.

Little Frank is the Worlds most adorable boy, who sleeps all night and only throws a tantrum when I don't feed him fast enough.

But I haven't had much time to draw. WOW is my only drug and passtime at the moment. That, and spending time on 4Chan...

So, in case You were wondering why I've been even more absent, this is why.
  • Listening to: My son breathing... Yeah, I know.
  • Reading: Found my old Easy Company comics
  • Playing: World of Warcraft
  • Eating: Too much pizza!
So, some of you have displayed concern as to why I haven't updated this gallery or Human Remains for a long, long time.

Long story short: I'm 8 months pregnant and still maintaining a fulltime job.

I'm tired.

When I get home, I take a shower and crash in front of the tv. That's about all I have the strength for. Well, and maintaining a relationship with my husband, let's not forget about him!

But that's about the gist of it. How any of you can handle school, a job and still update on a regular basis is beyond me.
  • Listening to: "For da Overlord!" about ten times a min
Human Remains is now updated with a new page, and the error that ~Hidden-Traveler was kind enough to let me know about has been fixed.

In other news, I went and got married to my boyfriend of three years on the 4th of April. And about a month later, we found out that I'm pregnant. Guess that PCOS wasn't as serious as we thought!

More details, and pictures, over at Human Remains. Just click the link under my DevID.
  • Listening to: Husband playing Oblivion
  • Playing: Conan on the XBOX 360
  • Drinking: Apple Lemonade
Wow...

I'm sure God called him home because he was ready for a good laugh. And maybe some advice...

Have fun on the great stage in the sky, mr. Carlin. You will be missed.
  • Listening to: "We'll meet again, don't know where..."
  • Playing: Conan on the XBOX 360
  • Drinking: Coffee
It's back!

Well, the site is. I've changed the design and uploaded a few new pictures, but the comic isn't exactly updated per se...

But go check it out anyway!
  • Listening to: Thunderkiss '65, White Zombie
  • Reading: Death Note
  • Drinking: Coffee
Or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. That's what my menstrual problem turned out to be.

For a longer explanation, go to Wikipedia and do a search. The shorter version is, that I have grown too fat for my ovaries to work properly. My weight at the time of my doctor's appointment was 195 lbs or 89 kg. My height is 5'7'' or 1.7 m.

I know, I'm obviously overweight but it came as a bit of a chock when my sister-in-law weighs at least 60 lbs more than me, and she just gave birth to boy number three...

Anyways, I was told to loose 20 lbs and I would spontaneously become pregnant. My boyfriend and I found this very amusing. His response:

"Oh, so now I don't have to do a thing. Great!"

Now, a month later I've lost about 8 lbs. It's not much but it's a start. It's a bitch having to say goodbye to chocolate, chips and beer and hello to carrots, apples and broccoli, but it helps that I can use my proffessional training to make some great dishes.

That's it for now, I guess.
  • Listening to: The world on fire, Ink Spot
  • Reading: Everything's Eventual, Stephen King
  • Playing: Devil May Cry 4
So, just an update to inform people that I am not dead. Just really lazy and/or busy with other unimportant stuff like work, my boyfriend and basically trying to maintain.

I'm currently in a rut, art-wise. I have lots of ideas, just not any will to get them down on paper.  My webpage is left in limbo along with my comic, which is terrible because I really do want to keep updating it. I just have too many excuses not to...

Like my health. My boyfriend and I are trying to get me pregnant, which is a fun and never tedious task. Exhausting, but never boring! Last October, I stopped having my periods and immediately assumed buns were in the oven. Three pregnancy test at the doctor's office later (and a somewhat clumsy attempt to make me feel better by one of the secretaries), I was instead convinced that I was either A: Willing myself to not have periods, which made me feel like a total ass, or B: Suffering from every nasty disease that involved uteri, ranging from harmless water cysts to the big C. I got an appointment at a gynocologist but no sooner than three months later (March, actually). Now, it's one thing not knowing why my body isn't working correctly. It's a tad worse when I then DO have my period this month after four months of absolutely nothing.

Sorry for the groseness of this part. It bugs the Hell out of me.

Otherwise, things are fairly okay in the state of Denmark.

MY personal part of it, at least.

Not the rest of the Country.

That part has gone to Hell. But you can read about that in the international news-section of your newspaper.

More info about me to come.

Hopefully.
  • Listening to: The Man With the Harmonica, Ennio Morricone
  • Reading: 4Chan
  • Playing: Kingdom Hearts
Well, 27th birthday came and went and I feel old...!!

And to top it all of, Mr. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome paid another visit...

You bastard!!!

What's next?! A walker?! A wheel chair?! A 19 year old physical assistant trainee with huge muscles and even bigger stamina?!

Wait, that's..... I have a boyfriend but, damn... eyecandy is always appreciated.

No eyecandy for the senior cityzen? Please...?!
  • Listening to: Bark at the Moon, Ozzy Osborne
  • Reading: Uzumaki by some Japanese Genious
  • Playing: God of War
  • Drinking: Too much beer...
Haven't updated this since March, so I better get to it...!

List of major happenings and other made up words:

1. I finally moved in with my boyfriend. We've been together for more than 2 years so it was about time.

2. I got a new job within 2 weeks of living here which was a big surprise, but very nice and a good boost to my ego. They called me, after all.

3. I managed to burn my hand while cooking for my boyfriend and his friend. Very embarrassing and annoying, since I was already struggling with carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist. Both are better now, though.

4. I'm in the middle of giving my website a new look. The design is somewhat different but not too unfamiliar. I'm really looking forward to finishing it and start updating my comic again.

I think that's about it. I know I don't update that often (and my being part of the CAM just went out the window, I know, I know!), but I try.
  • Listening to: Choppin' Broccoli, Dana Carvey
  • Reading: Good Omens, by Pratchett & Gaiman
  • Playing: Raving Rabids
  • Eating: Cucumbers
  • Drinking: Too much beer...
I posted this over at fealasy's" and wanted to share it. If you're not Danish, it doesn't make much sense, though...

Ungdomshuset has been in the search lights for quite some time now, and the country is divided when it comes to supporting or condemning it. I know, that anyone who reads Fealasy's journal are passionate about aggreeing with her, but as a Dane I just have to voice my opinion about the whole situation.

You see, I think the users of Ungdomshuset have a valid reason for being there, occupying it and making it a refuge from the wourld surrounding it. BUT it was never theirs by law, not even if the city council promised to give it to them. SO even if it was a shitty thing to do, they had every legal right to sell it like they did. The city council did offer another house for Ungdomshuset to buy, but they refused. Apparently (and this is hearsay, so I'm not sure), Ungdomshuset wanted to buy it, but in a way that the city council would pay them back over a period of time.

I'm sorry, but when did it become commonplace for sales to happen like this?

Every club or organisation have to pay in some way for housing and resources. If they want funds from the city council or just the public, they have to proove that it's worth it in some way, and the users of Ungdomshuset has failed miserably at that.

I know, that the demonstrations got out of hand. I know, that the burning of cars and destruction of shop windows were mostly done by already hardened criminals and outsiders, people who weren't even regular users by Ungdomshuset. But you must have known they would be there.

I mean, come on! What did you think was going to happen?!

You go to a public demonstration where you know, that the police will appear. You know, they don't feel particularly good about you. And you know, that Danish law allows them to arrest all of you just for being there. It's kind of like "shoot'em all, sort'em out later" I know, but you should already know this.

The police are here to protect our community, and if bricks and other such crap are being hurled at them they have to react accordingly. After a number of days like this, I think it ought to be common logic not to do or say anything to provoke them. They are people just like you and me: The have a limit to their patience. And they have the authority to arrest you, even if you're within your rights.

I'd be happy to be shown the error of my opinion on this, but I refuse to pity people who go to a possibly violent situation and end up being surprised that they get arrested.

I mean, if you really wanted to get a new house, there are hundreds of ways to get it. But you decide to try by being as blatantly childish about it as you can....

And I know, I'm going to get a lot of flak for this, but that's okay. I live in a democracy and I believe in freedom of speech. I wouldn't spit out what I wasn't prepared to swallow.
  • Listening to: Queen, I'm going Slightly Mad
  • Reading: Flood by Andrew Vachss
  • Playing: Guitar Hero 2, and still kicking ass at it!
  • Eating: Charamel filled chocolate turtles...!
I'm feeling especially masochistic, so I have a request/challenge:

Send me a screencap of you hitting the 1000 pageviews on my page and I'll do an art-trade...

Details will follow after I'v discussed these with the 'lucky' fellow/fellowine.
  • Listening to: Cheech & Chong, Hey Materbator
  • Reading: Schrödinger, a webcomic
  • Watching: Dirty Jobs on Discovery Channel
  • Playing: Guitar Hero 2, and still kicking ass at it!
  • Eating: Super Piratos, a Danish kind of liqorice
  • Drinking: Beer...!
I don't know anything about the game... It's about rolling stuff, right?

Anyways, the first time I heard the name of the game, my mind translated Katamari to calamary: As in the Italian (I think) name for a dish with squid in it.

And knowing how my mind works, the game quickly turned into "Tentacle Monsters Gone Bad!"

Urutsokidoji turned into a game! That's so sick, I had to share it with ya'll!

Ever tried that? Listening to strange words and ending up imagining things no where related to the actual meaning of said word?

Please comment on this one, 'cause I'd love to hear how people react to stuff like that. And I know I'm not the only one, okay?
  • Listening to: Gay Bar, Electric Six
  • Reading: Nemi, a Norwegian comic
  • Watching: House... God bless'im
  • Playing: Guitar Hero 2, and kicking ass at it!
  • Eating: Nacho's
  • Drinking: Red Wine...
My lovely, fantastic, great-in-bed-boyfriend arranged for me to have a new (used) computer.

BUT

There are some quirks and being the complete computer-illeterate that I am, I won't be able to scan anything for at least two weeks, because my husband-to-be  won't be visiting until then.

How's that for an excuse? Sorry.

And I'm not being sarcastic. Why can't we use big words like that without being mistaken for a bitch...? Something to ponder, while you wait for my drawings.
  • Listening to: No Leaf Clover, Metallica
  • Reading: Hellblazer
Just wanted to let people know, that I've updated my comic over at Human Remains.
  • Listening to: Mad World, Gary Jules
  • Reading: H. P. Lovecraft
  • Watching: My boyfriends naked butt. Mmmm
So her we have it: The entries so far. I don't know about ya'll, but I hate deadlines as much as the next guy...

As long as people update 'eventually', it's okay 'bout me.

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4… www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

Waiting for it.

Yep, yep. Waiting...

www.deviantart.com/deviation/4…

More to come, when they update!
  • Listening to: Mad World, Gary Jules
  • Reading: H. P. Lovecraft
  • Watching: My boyfriends naked butt. Mmmm
So, apparently I have the honor of chosing next week's CAM, even though I missed this week's....

And here it is:

You take a character from Disney's Winnie the Pooh.

Adjust your mind as if you've just watched any movie by Tim Burton or played American McGee's Alice or read one of Clive Barker's early books (these are not requirements, merely suggestions!) or just feel like being a sick, twisted little psychopath.

Draw or write about that character.

I want weird, I want deranged, I want every meaning of the word SICK!

A few conditions:

I've always imagined Eyore (spelling?) as an Emo/Goth kid, so you can't draw that.

And drawing Tigger as a flaming queer is also out of the question. No offence to the gay community, but it's just too easy.

Have fun with this one. I know, I will...

CAM'ers so far:

She hasn't concured ecplicitely, but I'll take it as a: "Count me in, Beeyatch!"

Made a comment, but I'll count' im in, too.

Joined the fun, as well. Poor guy...



Apparently only just found out about the CAM...

A newcomer, but everybody are welcome. The more, the merrier!

Still Pending




...And whoever hapless fool, not scared of battling the windmills of my mind. Join in, suckers!

Edit:

I know, I know. A lot of changes to the journal entry, but people kept joining.

Another edit:

I uploaded my sick, Winne the Pooh picture...
  • Listening to: Mad World, Gary Jules
  • Reading: H. P. Lovecraft
  • Watching: My boyfriends naked butt. Mmmm