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literature

Jurnal uitat

rimolyne's avatar
By rimolyne   |   Watch
5 7 337 (1 Today)
Published: March 11, 2010
Imi e bine acum, si nu ma mai gandesc la trecut. Aceasta fraza mi-o repet in fiecare zi in speranta ca voi crede ceea ce cred acum. As vrea sa nu-mi pese, as vrea sa las totul in spate, dar nu e atat de usor. Si totusi am gasit stabilitate si sunt fericita.
   Si totusi nu imi place persoana care sunt azi. Stiu, simt si vad ca sunt complicata pentru cei din jur, si ma deranjeaza faptul ca sunt complicata chiar si pentru mine. As vrea sa las balta totul si sa o iau de la zero. Nu as mai rezista sa o iau din nou de la zero cu o alta persoana. In cel mai bun caz m-as inchide in mine si acolo as ramane, izolata de lume. Lunile trec atat de greu, dar zilele si orele atat de repede. De ce? Simt cum trece timpul pe langa mine, si vreau sa fac ceva, dar sunt incetinita si nu stiu de ce.
Nu mai pot sa mai scriu cum scriam odata, si ma enervez la culme. Am atatea de spus, dar nu mai gasesc cuvintele mele. Nu am mai fost niciodata singura cu mine, cum eram la inceput. Atunci puteam sa scriu, si scriam mult. Atunci aveam multe cuvinte, si cel mai mult imi placea ca toate cuvintele erau ale mele, proprii si personale. Acum faptele imi iau locul cuvintelor, si nu cred ca ma pot lauda prea tare cu acestea. Ma tot intorc la conversatiile din trecut, in speranta ca ma voi regasi. Ma tot intorc in trecut cand mi-am promis ca nu voi mai face asta niciodata, ca nu imi este bine acolo. Stiu ca nu imi este bine acolo si ca ar trebui sa-mi vad de treburile mele, cele prezente. Ma vreau pe cea din trecut. Urasc atat de tare persoana care sunt azi. De ce m-am lasat schimbata?
As vrea sa te stiu bine. As vrea sa mai aud ceva de tine, ceva de bine, ca esti sanatos. Nu vreau sa imi mai vorbesti vreodata. Mi-e frica de tine, caci stiu ca s-ar putea sa-ti fiu vulnerabila. Ti-am tinut piept ultima data cand te-am vazut, la fel cum faceam vara trecuta. Tot nu-mi vine sa cred cata neincredere pot avea in tine. Si totusi, fa sa aud ceva despre tine! Stiu ca as putea sa intreb, dar stiu la fel de bine ca am un orgoliu tampit. Practic, asta este tot orgoliul meu. Orgoliul meu e limitat de tine, si de aceea nu voi cauta sa aflu nimic de tine. Nu am facut acest lucru niciodata, si nici nu o voi face, si stii si de ce: pentru ca mereu voi vrea sa aud adevarul de la tine, adevar pe care nu mi l-ai spus niciodata.
Azi sunt foarte fericita si iubesc. Ciudat faptul ca am cunoscut mai multe feluri de iubiri, mai exact 3 tipuri foarte variate intre ele. Nu e potrivit sa le cataloghez drept iubiri, dar nici nu se stie definitia exact a iubirii, pentru ca aceasta nu este o stiinta. Am iubit psihicul, iluziile, visele, cuvintele, noul, chiar si impulsivitatea numai prin faptul ca o detestam. Apoi am iubit monotonia, trupul, repetabilitatea, siguranta, nepredictibilul, lipsa de afectiune, de viitor, lipsa de cuvinte, de intelesuri; am iubit tacerea si resemnarea. Acum iubesc totul, si totul e nou si in cantitati normale, necesare mie. E adevarat ca dragostea reprezinta egoism, pentru ca se concentreaza numai pe „noi doi", „eu si el", „al meu si al lui", „al nostru", „amandurora", „amandoi", „impreuna", dar se contrazice cu faptul ca dragostea reprezinta daruire, cedare chiar.
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© 2010 - 2019 rimolyne
20.octombrie.2008

written a long time ago. never finished it, never will.

a se citi pe un ton de resemnare si impacare cu prezentul. a nu se interpreta nimic.

enjoy!
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I Was Her Coffin
I'm sitting on this battered roof, chain-smoking Marlboros and talking to the moon. There is a fiery breeze twirling my skirt, but all I see is a little girl tugging at the hem, mutedly screaming the word "Mommy".  But I couldn't be her mommy, because she is dead. I'm tempted to take off my skirt-to let it feather down and cover this parched city. I still have 13 cigarettes and I won't give up until the taste of you retreats from my lungs. I'm thinking that maybe I can smother it, maybe it will just surrender. As long as it's still present, I can't hate you- I can't hate you for what you did to me. And somehow I know it would ha
t
tell my fourteen year old self i said goodbye
dear elise, you will come to realise that even the most beautiful flowers will wilt. in three months rosa’s cheeks won’t be so rosy anymore and you’ll be standing over an urn watering the ashes in the hopes that your sister will grow back without the thorns. she’ll leave them behind, buried in parts of your heart that you never even thought existed and it’ll sting so much you’ll be screaming at family or rather the people you’re supposed to call family to not bring flowers to a flower’s funeral. your sister thought she could hide it behind her petals but she couldn’t and that means you
S
Smosh - Always a team (Sad story)
It was sixth grade. Once the school bell rang,Ian sat down at his desk,and Anthony sat down at his desk. The teacher said there was gonna be an assignment. Even though the whole class groaned,Ian smiled a bit. Anthony,though,buried his face in his hands in disappointment. The teacher began giving partners to the students,when finally; "Ian," Ian looked at the teacher,waiting for the rest of the sentence. "You will be assigned with Anthony." The teacher pointed right to Anthony. Anthony lifted his head up and looked at Ian,as well as Ian looked at Anthony. The teacher passed out the papers to everyone,and told the class to get with their pa
Comments7
anonymous's avatar
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rimolyne's avatar
rimolyneHobbyist General Artist
multumesc mult de tot! :)
OceanSoul23's avatar
Se potriveste enervant de bine cu starea mea de acum. Frumos scris, descris, simtit. :hug:
rimolyne's avatar
rimolyneHobbyist General Artist
multumesc mult... a trecut anul de cand am scris chestia asta, si tot o simt... asta e... poate poate totul va fi bine! sau o fi asta un semn de maturitate? ca de introspectie severa e! :)))
byazhigh's avatar
No idea who you are but I know exactly what you mean. Just stumbled upon your write,lot of soul here. Take care!

PS:nu stiu de ce am scris in engleza :confused:

B.
rimolyne's avatar
rimolyneHobbyist General Artist
multumesc mult de tot! mi-era sa nu sune prea emo... ca deh, mai orice varsare de suflet suna emo...
ma bucur ca ti-a placut!
take care! *hugs hugs hugs*
byazhigh's avatar
cu placere:D hugz back and take care!:hug:
anonymous's avatar
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