(A/N: Just a warning: This will have none of the original Rugrats characters! It’ll only have the characters I’m using for a parody! You’ve been warned. Enjoy!... I hope.)
Wendell Orders Out
Jerry, and his wife Susan were planning on attending the “Wonderful World of Winslo” seminar, so they were keeping Jerry and Susan’s 8-year-old nephew Wendell Gidget, and their 12-year-old son, Donnie, 7-year-old son, Tommy, 3-year-old son Mikey in thier grandfather Wendell the first’s care, as long as he didn’t fall asleep, at the Goldberg’s house. Mikey was standing in the colorfully-fenced playpen, while Wendell, Tommy, and Donnie were standing just outside of it by the red and purple gate.
But before the adults were going to leave, Jerry was showing off his new invention to the four boys; He was stomping towards them while growling, not being gnarly enough to scare them, before he rapidly walked up to them, and pressed the button on the invention. “Hello, Wendell; It's me, Uncle Jerry, the magic elf!” Wendell giggled at his now high-pitched voice. “Hiya Mikey,” He turned to the younger boy, his voice back to being at a low pitch.
“Aaah!” He exclaimed in fear, but didn’t cry.
“Come over to the dark side, and on the way, pick me up half a dozen bagels; two plain, two onion, and two...”
“Jerry, what on earth?” Susan exclaimed in surprise and amusement before he finished, as she walked in with Wendell’s mother Edith. The dark haired child perked up at his daddy’s presence.
“Hey Sue, check out my new invention!” Jerry smiled, “It's the Jerry Voice Frequency Modulator 5000. Watch this!” After explaining, he held the small machine up to Mikey’s mouth, so his adorable coos were much deeper.
“Can I try it, Uncle Jerry?” Wendell requested, and he handed it to him. “So, how does it work?” He asked him, before he realized that he sounded exactly like his father! “Hey! Listen to me!”
“Well I’ll be!” Wendell the First exclaimed from his chair, “He sounds just like Herman!”
“Alright, now I’m the boss of everybody, and you all have to do exactly what I say!” Wendell kept speaking with his changed voice.
“Isn’t that precious?” Edith smiled.
“Heh yeah, precious,” Jerry chuckled, “Okay sweetie, give Uncle Jerry back his invention!” He gently took it from him, as he frowned sadly.
“You wouldn’t want to break his prototype,” Jerry set the JVFM5K on the counter by a picture of Alan, Gus and Rosie’s father.
“Oh my goodness!” Susan exclaimed after seeing the time on her watch, “We better get going, or we’ll miss that Wonderful World of Winslo seminar!”
Jerry came up to his father-in-law when he and Susan saw him sleeping, and tugged his hand. “Pop! Don’t go to sleep!”
“Huh? Wha-what?” He stuttered as he snapped awake.
“You said you’d watch the kids, remember?”
“Oh, of course I remember!”
“Why don't you call Zippy's Snappy Delivery Deli and just order some lunch for you and the kids?” Susan recommended, as Mikey listened curiously, while gripping the safe, yellow fence with his tiny hands. “The number's on the speed dial. Just tell them to put it on the Goldberg’s account.”
“Wendell, Mummy has to run to a meeting,” Edith told her son, “Give me a kiss!” Wendell blew a kiss at her, and Edith blew one back, before she walked away.
“Bye boys,” Susan patted the dark-haired boy’s head, before she followed her sister-in-law.
“Bye boys,” Jerry waved at the boys, before turning to his father-in-law. “Bye, Pop.”
“See you in a while, Pop!” Susan then stopped in her tracks. “Oh, and we’re trying to take care of their teeth, so don’t order them any junk food, or… or we’ll take your teeth away!”
Tommy gasped in shock at her last words. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on, get outta here!” Wendell the First agreed, “Have fun!” After the three adults left, he stood up off his chair, and walked up to the boys. “How ‘bout we head into the kitchen, and order some lunch from Zippy’s?” He suggested; He picked up Mikey, and headed into the kitchen, with Wendell, Tommy, and Donnie excitedly following him.
“Can I dial the phone? Huh? Can I? Can I? Please, Grandpa? Can I dial the phone? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Please? Can I? Can I? Can I Can I?” He excessively pleaded him.
“Alright already, jumping jehosphat!” He exclaimed in slight irritation, as he set Mikey in his chair.
“Yippie!” Wendell cheered, as Wendell the first dragged a chair up to the phone, before he lifted her up, and set her on it.
“There you go, sprout; Now, these here are the speed dial buttons. You see?” He pointed at the buttons on the phone set. “ Number one is your cousin’s house, number two is your house, number three is Alan and Hilary’s apartment, and all the way down here at number nine, is Zippy’s deli.” He grabbed the receiver, and pressed the speed dial button on it. “Now go on, and push that button.” Wendell pressed the nine button, dialing the deli as he was told to. Mikey watched from his chair with curiosity.
At the deli, a teenage boy with red hair answered the phone. “Hello, Zippy’s snappy home delivery. This is Greg speaking; How may I help you?”
“Uh hello, this is Wendell Herman Gidget the First; I’d like to order some food for delivery.”
Greg picked up a pencil from behind his ear, and prepared to start writing the order. “Okeydoke, Mr. Gidget; Shoot.”
“Send me four bologna and cheese sandwiches on white, with extra mayo, and, uh... some steamed carrots with a side of cottage cheese. And what about dessert? You got any baked apples?”
“Terrific! Send over five baked apples with that order. Account's in the name of ‘Goldberg.”
“Your food is on the way, and thanks for calling Zippy’s snappy home delivery.” Greg hung up, as Wendell the first did as well.
“Baked apples? I hate stinky baked apples!” Wendell griped.
“Sorry Wendell, but you heard Aunt Susan,” Wendell the first picked up Mikey, gently poking him chest at ‘him.’ “No junk food! You wouldn’t want your old Grandpa to get his teeth taken away, would you?” He walked back in the living room with the young child in his arms, with Tommy and Donnie following them.
When he was alone, Wendell looked up at the phone, a devious grin growing on his face. “Hmmm.”
Later, Wendell the First was back in his chair, as he gave Mikey one of the baked apples, which he ate; He wore a napkin. Tommy And Donnie were eating their baked apples. Wendell refused to eat his apple, so he just stared angrily at it. “There you go, sprout; All gone!” He smiled, as he fed the three-year-old boy his last bite. “Hmmm; I remember the first time I had baked apples with my grandpa. Yes sir.” He let out a yawn, before he continued. “Macintosh, they were.” He then fell asleep, and started snoring. “Yeah” Donnie said then he fell asleep as well
“Oh, finally!” Wendell exclaimed, as he jumped off the couch. “I thought they’d never go to sleep!”
“Wendell?” Tommy pulled off his napkin, as he turned to the older boy, “What’re you doing?” He and Mikey climbed down on the floor, and followed him into the kitchen, where he saw him standing on the chair by the phone.
“Nothing that concerns boys, who like to eat stinky baked apples!” Wendell sneered at him, before he turned to the phone. “Now, let’s see. All I gotta do is push this button!” He pressed the nine button again. “And… hey, it’s ringing!”
“Hello, Zippy’s snappy home delivery, this is Greg speaking. How may I help you?” The red-haired teenage boy answered the phone again.
“Hi, I’d like a big bag of double-fudge chocolate chip cookies,” Wendell requested, “Sent to the Goldbergs’ house right away, please.”
“Cookies?!” Tommy exclaimed, stepping closer to the chair, “B-but if my mum catches us with cookies, she’s gonna take away grandpa’s teeth!”
“Quiet!” Wendell swatted him away, before he continued his mission.
“Uh, excuse me, how old are you, little boy?” Greg cautiously asked him.
“Uh, I’m practically ten! Uh, uh 13!” He quickly lied.
“Sorry, kid; We only take orders from grown-ups.”
“But, but- hold the phone please!” Wendell set the phone down on the chair, sneaked into the living room, grabbed Jerry’s JVFM5K, and came back. “Hello, this Herman Gidget speaking,” He spoke into the invention, effectively surprising Greg, “I’m a grown-up man. You got a problem sending my sweet little boy his cookies?”
“Uh, no, Mr. G., as long as you say it's okay,” Greg stuttered nervously, “Um, um...” He grabbed his pencil, and prepared to write “Herman’s” order. “You want anything else?”
“Anything else?” Wendell perked up, “Um, what else you got?”
“Well, for dessert, we got; chocolate cake, éclairs, coconut cream pie, strawberry shortcake, chocolate macadamias, flan, chocolate...” He listed the desserts, before he was cut off.
“That sounds good!” Wendell exclaimed with joy, “Send it all! Bye!” Greg scratched his head in confusion as the eight-year-old wizard hung up. “You know, that was pretty easy,” He remarked to herself, without the invention, “Wonder who else I could call.” He looked up at the speed dial buttons. “Hmmm; I think this button’s just what I’m looking for.” He pressed the two button as he spoke. “It’s ringing!” He gasped with excitement, before holding the receiver to his ear, and the JVFM5K to his mouth.
“Hello, Gidget Residence, Herman speaking,” His father answered.
“Oh, hello Da… I mean, Herman,” Wendell almost slipped up, “This is Edith Gidget speaking.”
“Yeah, thanks for telling me, hon,” Herman said sarcastically, not suspecting a thing, “I never would of guessed.”
“Listen, Herman; Wendell is the best, most wonderful boy in the whole wide world…” He raised his eyebrows at his “wife’s” mispronunciations, “So, I want you to run right out to Toy City and buy me... I mean, him, that new He-Ro Ultra-Mega Hideout that he's been wanting for so long, since he's been so good and all.”
“Are we talking about the same Wendell?”
“Just get it!” Wendell yelled, making him flinch, “And bring it over to Tommy’s house, so Wendell can play with it today. I gotta go; Kiss, kiss.” He then hung up. “Uncle Jerry’s really got somethin’ here!” He remarked to herself.
“That’s it, Wendell!” Tommy cut him off angrily, a wave of bravery washing up inside of him, “I’m gonna wake up Grandpa and Donnie, so they can call that place up, and stop those cookies!” He threatened, before he walked inside the living room to do just that; But Wendell grabbed him by the waistband on his shorts, and pulled him back, effectively stopping him.
“Uh-uh-uh!” He smiled evilly. He set a green, empty laundry basket upside down on the floor, over the 7 and 3 year old boys, and set a heavy box of Mr. Suds laundry detergent soap on top, to ensure no escapes. Tommy and Mikey glared angrily at him, as he walked away, clasping his hands together proudly. Then, while using Jerry’s invention, he made multitudes of phone calls, posing as his father.
After a few minutes, Wendell heard a vehicle stop close by; He looked out the mail slot, and saw that it was the “Zippy’s Delivery Service” truck. He giggled with excitement, before he grabbed the invention, and the framed photo of Alan, and ran back to the door. Greg was about to ring the doorbell, before he heard a voice. “Just leave the bags by the door!” Wendell used the invention to disguise his voice again.
“Huh? Who said that?”
“Down here!” He looked down, and saw the picture at the slot. “Just leave the bags, and go away!”
“Oh, uh… okay; Sure,” Greg set the bags at the door. “Thanks for calling Zippy’s snappy home delivery.”
“… Go away!” Wendell exclaimed after a couple seconds, before he closed the mail slot. Greg stared at the door in confusion at “Herman’s” behavior, before he walked back to the truck.
The sound of the motor finally snapped Wendell the First and Donnie out of thier slumber. “Huh? Yep! They were the best apples anywhere!” He finished his story, before he noticed that the boys were out of sight. “Huh? Where’d those kids go?”
In the entry room, Wendell was grunting as he pulled the bags of sweets along, walking by the younger boys, who was still trapped. “This is gonna be the best dessert I ever…!” He smiled after grabbing an éclair, but he was cut off.
“Golly, what in tarnation?”
Wendell the first and Donnie freed Tommy and Mikey from their prison, before he saw Wendell with the bags. “Zippy’s? Wendell, how did you…?” He saw him try to hide the JVFM5K behind his back. “Jerry’s invention?! Oh my gosh!” He took it away after he revealed it. “We gotta get rid of this stuff before…!” He was interrupted by the phone ringing from its place by the door, where Wendell left it. He picked up the receiver, and pressed the “Look, whoever it is, we’re a little…”
“Pop? It’s Susan,” Tommy’s mum answered. The brown-haired child perked up when he barely heard her voice.
“Oh! Oh, he-hi!”
“We just wanted to let you know that the Winslos' seminar was cancelled. Apparently, there was a very serious splinter incident,” She glanced at an ambulance driving by behind her. “So, we’re coming home!”
“Oh! I well, great!”
“See you in a few minutes!” She hung up the payphone he was using, as Wendell the first hung up as well.
Before he could do anything else, the doorbell rang. “Oh, now what? It’s Herman! With some kind of big box!”
Wendell gasped happily, as he ran up behind him. “My He-Ro Ultra-Mega Hideout!”
“You called him too?!” Wendell the first exclaimed, as he turned to him, “Who else did you call?!”
“Um, nobody,” He meekly lied.
“Good!” Wendell the First tossed the phone and invention aside. “Okay, I’ll handle your dad. You, you and Donnie take Tommy and Mikey and, uh, hide somewhere! And don’t make a peep until I say so!” Wendell grabbed Mikey by his sides, and grunted as he dragged him along, unable to lift him up.
Meanwhile, Wendell the First was debating on what to do with the sweets. “All right, let me put this, no, no, better, no, I should take this one...” He was cut off by the doorbell ringing again. “Hold your horses!” He yelled, before he answered the door, holding a bag of éclairs. “He-he-hello, Herman! What brings you over?”
“Hi Pop,” Herman greeted him, “Edith called, and said that Wendell has been so good lately, that I had to run out, and get this very expensive…” He stopped when he saw some éclairs falling on the pavement. “Holy mackerel, what happened?”
“Uh oh!” Wendell the First exclaimed, as another fell out.
“Wendell hasn’t been eating sweets, has he?”
“Why, uh, no!” He claimed, “I, I just ordered myself some dessert while the boys were doing their homework and Mikey was napping.” He took a bite out of one éclair, and offered it to Herman. “You want some? It’s raspberry!” He suddenly heard a car horn go off. “Uh oh!” To his confusion, he saw Hilary and Alan walking up with Gus and Rosie, and a present. “Stay right there!” He told his son, before quickly shutting the door. “Hillary? And Alan? What’re they doing here?”
“Um, oh yeah! I called them too,” Wendell admitted, still holding onto Mikey.
“Uh-uh!” He shook his head.
Wendell the first quickly opened the door again. “Tell you what, boy; Why don’t I just grab this, and you can head home.” He took the He-Ro toy, before giving Herman the éclairs bag. “Here!”
“But Pop, I don’t like cream-filled…”
“Hiya, Herman!” Hilary greeted him, as she and Alan walked up to him, “I hope we’re not too late for Wendell’s surprise shindig!”
“What are you talking about? Wendell’s birthday isn’t for six months!” Just then, Jerry, and Susan drove in, along with Edith.
Wendell the first quickly looked at his wrist to check the time, despite not wearing a watch. “Well, look at the time! Nice seeing you all!” He quickly closed the door, leaving everyone confused; He quickly dropped the Hero toy on the floor, and ran up to the boys. “Come, come here, sprout!” He quickly picked up Mikey, and turned to Wendell. “Wendell, you get rid of all this stuff, while I keep ‘em busy!”
“Okay Grandpa!” Wendell nodded.
“What is everybody talking about a surprise party for? Are we talking about Wendell here? I mean, I know when my son was born. It was...” Herman was cut off by Wendell the first coming back outside.
“Look at this, everybody! I uh, I uh, taught Mikey how to… dance!” He sang scat as he moved the young child around, to make it look like he was dancing, as he had a nervous expression.
“Dad, I thought you said they were doing their homework and Mikey was napping!” Herman pointed out.
“Herman? What are you doing here?” Edith asked her husband.
“Well, I guess I’m here for this big surprise party that you didn’t even tell me about!”
“Pop, what’s going on here?” Jerry asked his father.
Wendell the first backed away, as he was bombarded with questions. “Well, I uh… I, uh…” He stopped when he and the rest of the adults plus Tommy, Donnie, and Mikey saw Wendell noisily eating the desserts he ordered.
“Hi, everybody,” He greeted them, his voice muffled.
“Pop! What happened here?” Susan glared.
“Don’t tell me you fell asleep again!” Jerry berated him.
“Uh, uh, no, no, no!” Wendell the first stuttered, “As a matter of fact, I-I was watching ‘em real close!” Mikey gasped and perked up when he saw the JVFM5K; He walked over, and picked it up. “And I uh, well… uh, don’t look at me! Ask him!” He pointed to his grandson, who walked up to Mikey.
“What difference does it make, who did what? The important thing is, we’re all here, and we love each other!” He pulled Mikey closer, as the younger child held the invention up to the eight-year-old wizard’s mouth, so he sounded like his father, revealing who had been making those calls. “After all, family is what really matters, right?” But all the adults stared at him. “Why are you all looking at me?”
Back at the Goldberg’s house in the basement, Jerry set the invention in a safe, and locked it; He picked up his Mikey, who was sitting next to the safe. “Well sports, I guess that’s one invention that mankind just isn’t ready for.” He walked up the stairs with Mikey and Tommy.
In the Goldberg’s house kitchen, Wendell was sitting at the table with a spoonful of flan, and a pyramid of the dessert in front of him. “But Mother, I don’t like this stuff!”
“Wendell, you ordered it, you’ll eat it!” Edith commanded.
“How was I supposed to know flan would be so yucky?” The eight-year-old wizard whined.
Across the table was Wendell the First, whose teeth were temporarily confiscated for falling asleep, and neglecting to watch the boys. “Well, at least you can eat it without your teeth!” He ate a spoonful of flan, and sighed pleasantly.