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I've become aware some time ago that some people stopped reading muffins because it became more unrealistic with how powerful the bakers are, specifically with "let's welcome chaos." but I have a question for those people...

as a decently talented writer, why would I, all of a sudden, make a choice in writing that's usually a bad one? making characters more powerful than ANYONE? making them succeed at EVERYTHING? I mean, who are they, Sosuke Aizen? or like... any DBZ enemy ever? when has my writing ever gone in that direction and ended poorly?

i'll say this: a good writer always has a reason for his/her choices in the storyline. choices that are necessary for the plot, the climax, and the conclusion. it's up to you, as the reader, to know and understand how the author writes, and when something seems off, it's up to you to either stop reading, or have faith in the author and keep reading to find out why they made that choice. you will not know the answer until the end.

I don't mind if people have stopped reading muffins just because like... you got bored of it (like me and the twilight series), or it was just a phase (like me and the twilight series), or some other LOGICAL and non self centered reason. but the two things I hate is when people literally stop reading just because it's been a long time between releases, or they stop reading because of what I just mentioned above. it really shows poorly on your character, as well as displays an incredibly low passion for reading. now, I'm not a super awesome fantastical writer, and muffins isn't turn of the century, nor is it the best of my abilities (well, some parts are). there are some fans who would disagree and say it's the best series ever, and I'm all like, "really? what else have you read?" maybe it's better than I think it is simply because I absolutely MUST tell myself that everything I do is a piece of shit. but still, to stop reading because a FICTIONAL story has become too unrealistic? one with magic, talking ponies, and a society that has been so peaceful for so long, they are not prepared, nor trained for such evil villains? I have kept a lot of realistic elements, sort of mixing the MLP universe with our own. but the bottom line is, this is fiction. and even in the canon universe, Pinkie Pie can and HAS done absolutely impossible and unrealistic things. then you have three other ponies blood related to her... I'm toying with the kind of universe I never have before; not even the Harry Potter universe is so malleable. so this reason to stop reading isn't just illogical... it's stupid.

I cannot force you to start reading again if this was your reason for quitting, but I can tell you that you should feel very silly about it. you should feel REALLY stupid. do I have to mention Sosuke Aizen again? just... seriously, make sure you have all of your eggs in one basket before you fucking throw them at me.

speaking of Sosuke Aizen, I'm sick and tired of seeing people's OCs being called "mary sue." if the definition of a mary sue is, "perfect, all powerful, no flaws, never fails," then, by that logic, almost EVERY MAIN PROTAGONIST AND ANTAGONIST IN PROFESSIONAL WORKS IS A MARY SUE. I always thought mary sue meant "plain," like... generic, simple, and just like any old character... like a plain jane. I think it USED to mean that, but suddenly it means any character that has personality or creativity behind it, and just happens to be overpowered... like Sosuke Aizen, Kurosaki Ichigo, that one Fullbringer at the end of Bleach (I HAAAAAAAAAATE HIM!!!!!!!!) or Ash Ketchum (minus the never winning a league), countless Pokémon, Yagami Light, Voldemort, many DBZ characters, that girl from Fruits Basket who, for some reason, I can't remember the name of because it's been so long, my beloved Hannibal Lecter, many video game characters like Dante, Sonic, Mario, a lot of Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter characters (curse you, M. Bison!!!!), and many, MANY more!! even wrestling characters like John Cena, Roman Reigns, Kane, Undertaker, Randy Orton sometimes, etc. ALL MARY SUE. ALL COPYRIGHTED CHARACTERS. IN REALLY GOOD MEDIA... sometimes. wrestling is kind of iffy when storylines are just... just awful...

from the way I see it, "mary sue" is just another way to harass other artists online for one reason or another. if you don't like the way a character is designed, written, or whatever your beef is, then just get over it, keep it to yourself, and move on... unless it's that fucking Fullbringer at the end of Bleach. what's his name? *looks it up* TSUKISHIMA SHUKURO!!! FUCK YOU, TSUKISHIMA!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!! I HATE the Fullbringer arc more than the Bount arc!!! the whole time, I was saying, "you can't be more powerful than Aizen! YOU CAN'T BE MORE POWERFUL THAN FUCKING AIZEN!!!"

anyway... so I know my fans and reitannites aren't these idiots. XD I also know that this is another one of my Reitanna-complains-about-small-things-as-if-they-were-big-things rants, but you'd be surprised about how toxic than small things can turn into if they sit in my mind long enough. another thing I wish I could control. it's like... it's like if I stopped reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as soon as it was revealed that Voldemort could fly without a broom...

Yer a wizard Harry.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I'm sorry, but not everyone gets a happy childhood, not everyone has loving parents, and not everyone grows up properly to be healthy, functioning adults. I'd love to trade you. then you could have all of my nightmares. you could have my flashbacks. you could have all of my problems. and I'd be free. I'm as responsible as I know how to be, but with some of us, we can't control how immature we are. some of us didn't get a chance to be a child. some of us lost our innocence so young, that's what we thought childhood was SUPPOSED to be like. for some of us, it's too late. you can't teach an old dog new tricks. the fact that I am able to recognize my immaturity is a strength. but you accuse me of being childish as if I choose to be, and that I enjoy it. I enjoy cartoons, video games, toys, stuffed animals, cute clothes, and cute things. I do not enjoy being afraid of people taller than me, I do not enjoy being so sensitive, I do not enjoy being unable to handle criticism, I do not enjoy having panic attacks every time I'm faced with legal paperwork. please trade me, you blessed soul. please give me your perfect childhood, your perfect parents, and your healthy mind. please erase my memories. please do anything but act like I chose this.

but you know what? no matter how immature I am, no matter how ill I am, I'd much rather be me than someone like you who enjoys triggering people with PTSD and making them cry, forcing them to remember that they were never loved. I've had nightmares every single night since I moved, making this the longest "nightmare" season I've ever had. being back in Idaho may be causing it, or it could be coincidence. either way, I try to be the best person I can be, I am nice to anyone who has not been unkind first, I am a loyal friend, I've saved many people from suicide, I've helped people who are in the same situations I was, some not as bad, some WAY worse. I've never done drugs, I don't drink, I stayed in school and did something neither of my parents did: graduated high school. I've accomplished things they did not, things that I didn't think I was capable of. and though circumstances have led me to be even more afraid of the outside world, it doesn't mean I'm a failure, even though mommy told me I always would be. even though my father once said I'd become pregnant at sixteen. even though my father's mother told me I would get raped, used, and abused by men and have to come to her begging for money.

no. I have been with the most caring, selfless, kind, and affectionate man for over almost eight years (I said nine once, I can't math, but my boyfriend can), we've been living together nearly the entire time, I have never needed to ask my family for money, we pay rent, I pay student loans from COLLEGE, which my parents never went to either, we take care of our child like he were human, and we successfully moved to a better place, a place where we can afford to see movies in theaters, a place where we can finally go on dates and eat out together, a place where we can do all of the things new couples usually do. we went to see a movie a week or so ago, and it was the first time in our entire relationship that we've EVER gotten to do that. we're soon going to go to the courthouse and get our marriage license. I take medication every day to suppress mania, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to get to sleep. my life is a daily struggle, but I STILL am succeeding at things, I'm still fighting every day, I'm still trying to help myself within the best of my limited abilities. I still do my best to help people who I empathize with, and I don't empathize with many people very well. I love so hard because I never got love. and still, I have never sought escape through illegal or harmful means.

I don't say any of this for pity or sympathy, and unlike I usually do, I don't say this as a plea for you to understand. no, this time, I say this to show you that, despite my struggles, despite my problems, despite EVERYTHING, I'd rather be me than you. I am better than you. I am stronger than you, even with my weaknesses. and you know what? people like me are better than you. people NOT like me, people who are like my best friend and my boyfriend are better than you. I've met CHILDREN you are better than you. I've met people who literally have endured so much more hell than me, I feel sick just thinking about it, that they don't deserve it, things that should NEVER happen to ANYONE, things that god let happen for his/her sick amusement... and they are better than you. and we're all proud to not be you. you are a fool. how dare you blame me for things I cannot control, things I would literally give both of my legs to cure. there is no cure. there may never will be. I'm not a saint, but I'm the best me that is within my control. and I am SO much better than you.

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices."

"All you can do in life is try your hardest. If you still can't please them, then they're not worth having in your life."

Go ahead and pray to your god for forgiveness. I guarantee he/she will listen, but he/she will simply laugh and continue watching his/her creatures destroy each other. because to him/her, child abuse, rape, murder, torture, and illnesses with no cure, illnesses that we did not cause ourselves are funny. fucking hilarious. there are sickos out there who rape babies. infants. creatures that have not had the chance to even learn right from wrong. think about that and answer me this: where is your god?

  • Drinking: water
so... there was a mass stabbing here... not here as in MY apartment complex, but here as in in boise. it happened on sunday I think? it was at a low-income apartment complex for refugees, and this guy from LA California (GO FIGURE) attacked... oh, you'll love this, all you people who think there's good in everyone... this guy attacked a three year old girl's birthday party! there were 9 critically wounded, six of them children, including the birthday girl, and guess what? SHE DIED! a three year old girl on her birthday got stabbed and died in the hospital while good people were trying to save her. A TODDLER. DIED. ON HER BIRTHDAY. BECAUSE SHE WAS STABBED.

apparently the guy isn't a refugee, but he was living at the apartment complex for a short time before he was kicked out. they haven't said why he was kicked out, but I'm guessing it's because he pretended to be a refugee and they found out he wasn't, OR he was violent and disruptive. this guy's got a long criminal history, and apparently has been travelling through states since earlier this year. the dick isn't even talking. they ask him if he understands what he did wrong, and he says, "I don't understand none of this, sir." except he's perfectly coherent, he's not showing signs of not being in his right mind.

when I was in California, from age 10 to 27, I used to say, "I don't remember people being this horrible in Idaho." was it just because I was a kid and didn't understand? but for the short time I've lived here, despite this being a red state (boise, however, is a lot more progressive), everyone is so nice, complete strangers start conversations with each other, even on the bus. I had never seen a bus with so few people so talkative. now, I'm not saying everyone in Idaho is a saint, and everyone in California is a monster, because that's not true. in fact, the crime rate in boise vs. san diego are relatively close in numbers. but that's the san diego COUNTY, I never lived in san diego city. the rates for both were very reasonable, below the national average, san diego county being 15% lower, and boise being 8%. that's a county vs. a city. LA is 13% HIGHER than the national average. I lived in the city of Poway, and the crime rate is a whopping 61% lower than the national average.

of course, that's counting the crime rate itself, not for specifically violent crimes like these. according to the articles I've read about the stabbing, this is the largest violent crime that's ever happened in boise history. it makes me laugh, but not because I'm happy. it makes me laugh because a guy killed a three year old on her birthday (or technically the day after since she was hospitalized). no, I'm not happy for that, either. I think it's funny that the guy had the ability to choose to stab children and their families enjoying a happy occasion. I think it's funny that ALL of us have that choice. I think it's funny because evil like this exists "under god." this child died, and the other five children are so injured, their entire lives will be forever altered.

listen, god? if you want people to know you're not a good guy/girl, you've got to start destroying some churches, and not with humans, either. I'm talking natural disasters. because you've been doing this human thing for a long ass time, and people still think you're good. I mean, you HAVE been trying to tell us you're bad, right? trying to get our attention and tell us to stop referring to you as our shepherd? or do you think it's funny? not the same kind of funny I think it is... do you think it's "ha ha" funny? are you happy that you took a three year old girl away from her family forever? and you've been doing a LOT of shitty stuff in the world as of late, but people are stupider than you made them, you've gotta TELL us that we can't count on you...

or maybe I'm talking to nothing.
  • Drinking: water
when you're on the computer, and you copy some text or something, do you ever feel like your mouse is actually CARRYING something? like physically, and when you paste it, the mouse is no longer carrying anything. I've always felt like that for many years.

if they're gonna force us to use low flow toilets, at least make the hole everything goes down bigger.

they say not to clean your ears with Q-tips because you could damage your ear drum... but what moron sticks a Q-tip STRAIGHT INTO THE EAR?? you're supposed to clean the areas AROUND the ear hole thingie! I still use them because I know what I'm doing.

what if "real life" is the dream, and dreaming is actually real life?

why do people use an eggplant emoji to represent the penis? do they know how big eggplants are? if you can fit one of those giant berries up your vagina, childbirth must be easy, but I bet sex sucks.

speaking of genetalia, I always thought it was funny that "penis" and "vagina" are considered naughty words... but they're the scientific terms.

so, Trump made friends with one of the world's most dangerous dictators, Kim Jun-Un.... he said that Jun-Un fired one of his staff members... I'm not sure if he understands what it means to be "fired" in North Korea by their psychotic leader. He seems blissfully unaware that the word "fire" will be preceded with the words "ready" and "aim."

The sun is dangerous. heat is dangerous. we learned this stuff in school. so why do schools insist on forcing kids, who have much more sensitive bodies, to do rigorous athletic activity when the sun is at its highest and it's hotter than hell?

what the hell are pineapples? they're fruit, obviously, but they're so... weird... delicious, but so different than all the other fruits.

if we're so concerned about starving kids in Africa, why don't we send them food?

Dear Canada... not ALL Americans are bad, please don't judge all of us based on the actions of our leaders... we still want to be allies.

pink used to be a "boy color."

so... since Harry was a Horcrux, shouldn't that mean that EVERYONE he's EVER been around would've been put in irrational, bad moods like when they wore Slytherin's locket?

in the Pokémon anime, it's been established that Pokémon do indeed level up. in the games, the max level is 100. wouldn't that mean that Ash's Pikachu is maxed out by now? why does he even lose some of his battles? and moreover, why are Team Rocket still interested in him?

as a follow up... in the anime, did people name the Pokémon after what they said? or did people invent the names and the Pokémon started saying them? either way, SOMEONE is pronouncing "Charizard" wrong.

safety pins aren't really all that safe.

do plants think?

people are worried about the extinction of the honey bee... when they're the ones killing the flowers.

"ignorance is bliss." yes it is... because most people are ignorant as to what that phrase means, seeing as how no one seems to know that there's a second part that negates the meaning.

how do you tell someone you don't care about their artwork nicely? like, when they want to share all this stuff with you, and you just keep smiling and nodding like you understand back stories of their characters and shit... but you just want to say, "I don't care." that's rude... but you shouldn't pretend to care, because that's lying.

on a related note... that moment where you see someone who can't draw and you want to tell them their drawing looks like shit... and then you remember that that's really mean.

if a popular YouTuber constantly violates the guidelines, they don't get banned like a smaller channel would. why? because that popular YouTuber is making money, and if they banned them for breaking the rules, they'd go bankrupt. logic.
  • Drinking: water
there's an art thief who stole many of my own drawings. it seems 90% of her gallery is filled with stolen art and screenshots from cartoons and movies. go through her gallery, and if you see something that's yours, report her and file a DMCA takedown notice. if you recognize someone else's art, notify the original artist immediately.

I'm going to give her a chance to take my stuff down by choice. if she does not comply, I will take legal action myself. she also speaks Spanish, very little English it seems, so if you speak Spanish, let her know just how you feel about her stealing other people's hard work. I am so SICK and tired of people like this. why can't we all just be good and honest?

  • Listening to: my boyfriend watching NXT
  • Eating: salt water taffy
  • Drinking: arizona tea
kudos to anyone who gets the title reference.

anyway, I just fixed some permissions for the reitannite group and muffins group, so people should be allowed to submit to almost all folders. there are a couple folders that only I can submit to, as they are for official content, such as the actual muffins stories, Reitanna fiction, and my soap box. if there are still problems... well, I dunno how to fix them. I was only able to fix these because of a tutorial recommended to me by someone... don't remember their screen name... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
  • Drinking: water
fuckin... I don't know who to blame, NVIDIA or Twitch! I just WASTED four hours of my fucking day streaming Doki Doki Literature Club, FOUR HOURS that could've been productive, BUT NO. THE VIDEO HAS NO FUCKING SOUND. my mic is plugged in, my settings are set to what they always are, I can hear ANYTHING else, but FUCK. FUCKING LET'S PLAY HAS NO FUCKING SOUND. FOUR HOURS. I am SO MAD. it was funny! it was entertaining! it was an attempt to get my channel back on track! NO. THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. I want to yell at someone, I want to chew them out. again, I dunno if it's NVIDIA or Twitch! YOU RUINED MY FUCKING STREAM!! today was supposed to be a GOOD DAY. AND NOW I HAVE A USELESS VIDEO UPLOADED ON MY USELESS TWITCH CHANNEL THAT JUST PROVES THAT EVERYTHING I DO IS USELESS. why do I even try? why do I try to have fun or be happy? it all just falls apart anyway! FUCK! it's been a long time since I've wanted to just rage and break things, BUT THIS DIDN'T NEED TO HAPPEN! everything is as it always has been! there's no fucking reason for there not to be sound! FOUR FUCKING HOURS WITHOUT ANY BREAKS. maybe that's the universe telling me not to play that game. I don't know why! I already have seen it played! I know what happens, I know the secrets, all the endings, the theories! it's not like I don't KNOW what the game is about! I can't get that time back! a lot of energy went into that recording! I FUCKING HATE TECHNOLOGY RIGHT NOW! I bet it's Twitch. I bet it's fucking Twitch. Twitch fucking SUCKS. it's broken! it never does what I tell it to! download your stream? nope. cut it into fifteen minute videos when exporting to youtube? nope. export to youtube? yeah, but you have to LOG IN TO THE TWITCH HELP CENTER FIRST, BECAUSE APPARENTLY BEING LOGGED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT ISN'T THE SAME THING. maybe I shouldn't stream! ever again! NEVER! FUCK! THE LITTLE THINGS! THAT'S ALL I ASK! CAN'T I JUST HAVE THE LITTLE THINGS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!!!!!!!!! as soon as I figure out whose fault this is, I'M GOING OFF ON THEM. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW. AND WRITING THIS JOURNAL ISN'T EVEN HELPING!!!


look. I have every right to be angry and express it. it's not hurting anyone. KdogTop actually hit the nail on the head, and I appreciate that comment so much, I featured it. what do you think happens when you keep your emotions inside? you'll end up hurting yourself, someone else, or start destroying property. when I was a teenager, I also was conditioned to believe we had to not express our emotions. I was also not on medication. guess what? I put holes through walls. I broke picture frames. I clawed at my skin with these deadly things:
Heart Gloves by Reitanna-Seishin

sorry, that's the only picture I could quickly find that even remotely shows how long my nails used to be. so what did I do last night? stared at my soundless video in disbelief. tried desperately to find out if I could restore it. figured out there was no reason for it to have done that. put my head in my hands. raged in a journal. laid down with mike and cried. then I took my rat into the closet to play and cuddle, ate dinner, and went to bed. nothing is destroyed, and no one is hurt. telling me to "take a chill pill" is the stupidest thing anyone could say. like I said, I'm ALLOWED to be angry. we are human beings, and we have emotions. they are the driving force behind everything we do. society tells us to bottle up our sadness and anger, and in worse case scenarios, that creates criminal behavior, or at least boost it. regardless, it creates DANGEROUS behavior. if you need to cry, fucking cry. if you need to vent, fucking vent. because otherwise it's just going to fester inside of you until the bottle breaks. I think a paragraph of angry text with swears and capitalized words is pretty harmless, don't you? I needed to yell, but you can't exactly yell in an apartment. you know. WITH NEIGHBORS? I think it pretty shitty of people to tell me to calm down. today, I'm still very pissed about it, and I don't know what to do, but at least I'm calm, and at least I don't feel like breaking things. the journal helped me yell, but it was the cry and rat therapy that REALLY helped. I'd say the journal didn't help me feel better, but I feel like, if I hadn't written it, I wouldn't have cried, and that's what I needed.

so instead of telling me to relax, how about you either express your own hatred for technology, or maybe even say, "that sucks." but I never asked for any advice on how to deal with my emotions. there's a reason I haven't self harmed in nearly two years, and it's not just my medication. it's because I'm not like all the sheep who believe they need to show the emotional level of a shovel. my medication just makes it so my emotions don't get out of control, making me feel them ten times more than I should. if you see someone venting, and you can't say anything civil, stay out of it. don't comment. actually, I would've disabled comments on this journal if I had the option.

maybe y'all need to have a little explosion once in awhile, or maybe even a good cry. just go cry. if more people cried when they needed to, we wouldn't torture each other and make fun of each other for feeling anything other than happiness. men have it the worst. society says men CAN'T show emotions, otherwise they're not masculine. I wish I could change the world, but I can't, or I would've done it already.

that does remind me though, my nails are getting WAY too long.
I am now in boise, Idaho, and MAN, this place is pretty! the grass is actually green, there are real leaves on trees, WE SAW A DUCK LAST NIGHT, it rained like three times, and the air smells SOOOO fresh! you can even drink the tap water!! we are actually on the third floor, which is hell on my knees AND my paranoia (I have trouble going down stairs ever since my friend nearly pushed me down an escalator), but the apartment is NOICE! lots of storage space, living room and bedroom are very spacey, there are bike racks (I'm suggesting to mike that we get a pair of bikes for short distance travel), and it seems there's a private garden area with plots for each apartment. I'm not really a gardener though. :/ Jerry did REALLY well on the trip up here, we're proud of him, and he seems really happy with the fresh air coming through when we open the windows. having natural light illuminating the place is also just... just so relaxing... we still have to wait until all of our stuff gets here, so it's really empty, but we only have to wait a week.

mike just went to work. we checked out the walgreens yesterday, and it's pretty nice. I just hope the employees there are nice. poor babe was crying because he made friends at his old store that he's going to miss. I don't blame him, really. it was really hard saying goodbye to sempai, but it's not like it's goodbye forever.

we walked like two miles yesterday to see what's around, and there's quite a bit of stuff. me and my fat ass and torn ankle tendon did not have fun walking, and I got a huge blister on my toe, but that's what happens when you're depressed and indulge in your addictions. sugar may be more addictive than cocaine, but I'd rather be addicted to the sweet stuff than the latter. I've got to work on my sleeping habits too, though yesterday I woke up at 11 (10 pacific time) and felt pretty damn good, whereas before I was sleeping in until between 2 and 5 in the afternoon. I started shark week last night though, so it's not time to work on fixing those habits quite yet.

I'm also gonna shave my head again. this bald spot on my scalp is not going to look any better with the rest of my hair, so I may's well give my scalp an even playing field. I need to work on not pulling so I can have hair worthy of being shown in public without a hat to hide it, maybe I can even start coloring it again. I also am going to try harder to not pick my skin. that might be harder than not pulling my hair, but if I ever want to feel confident in my appearance, it needs to be done. and I should be allowed to like how I look, right? "no, Reitanna," says the assholes, "because if you have any confidence, that means you're self centered and narcissistic!" self esteem and narcissism are not the same things. so sorry if I want to be able to show my face on youtube again. sorry, I'm being bitchy, blame Aunt Flow.

let's see... there are candy stores, there is a thrift store where all the proceeds go to animal rescues, there's a small zoo, movies here are SO CHEAP!!! Michael went to see the avengers infinite war for.... *drumroll* EIGHT. DOLLARS. on a sunday! avocados are expensive here, but potatoes are cheap. I wonder why. it's because avocados grow well in hot, dry places like SoCal, and Idaho is the potato state.

not sure what else I have to say ATM. but I feel good. it's not an overwhelming excitement that you get when things are too good to be true, it's a content feeling, relaxing, like I can finally take a breath and let it out slowly without dropping a ton of shit put on my shoulders. I left all that shit in shithole SoCal. oh! and EGGS! eggs and milk! SO CHEAP!! food is taxed, but the tax rate here is only 6%, and there's no CRV for drinks. in California, the tax rate is up to 10% now, I think. okay, NOW that's all I have to say. if anything really neat happens, i'll be sure to write about it, whether people care or not. XD
  • Listening to: birds outside the window :3
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
Orbit died. we don't really know how it happened. he was obsessively cleaning his penis, and we had experience with that sign; Tommy was doing the same thing. Orbie was also really lethargic, which was another sign of what Tommy struggled with for the last year of his life; a urinary tract infection. well, we saved Tommy from the brink of death twice with some antibiotics I never had to use when I got my teeth pulled, so that's what we did with Orbie. he took it the first two times, and then refused to take any more, no matter what we mixed it with. unfortunately, since we were convinced it was a UTI, we had to force the doses from there, but it was only two of them. I felt really bad because he did NOT need that stress.

but he wasn't getting better. he became more lethargic, would eat less and less, and stopped drinking. today, he barely moved at all. while mike was at work, I held him and begged him to stay with us, and I told whatever god may or may not be up there that Orbie did NOT deserve this, so don't take him. then I saw a tiny red dot travelling across his fur... both Jerry and Orbit have thick, luscious fur, so if there's something hiding within it, it's not quite that obvious... and that's when I stopped crying.

I sat him down, saying, "I can fix you! I can save you!" and ran around the house to gather the supplies I needed. why? Orbie had lice, and we've dealt with THEM before too. Jerry had them too, but he's been as energetic as always, so I theorized that maybe Orbie's blood tastes better. so I gave Orbie a bath. I know this was stressful for him, but he could barely move, he was so weak. after the bath, I drenched him in olive oil to suffocate the lice. then I dried him off (as much as I could with the oil), and wrapped him in a blanket for warmth. I proceeded to do the same thing with Jerry, but HE had plenty of energy, and he was NOT easy to bathe since he hates water. still, I saw the lice on him, and it had to be done.

I was fully convinced that, now that I found the real problem, he could be saved. I was wrong.

a few hours after his bath, he passed away. we don't know exactly how this happened. did he have a UTI AND lice? did he have lice and a problem we couldn't see? did us stressing him out help kill him? he was not that old, and worse, he was mad at us for forcing medicine down his throat, so he never gave me goodbye kisses like Tommy had... I held Orbie's body and cried. rats die with their eyes open, so I looked into his face, hoping his little nose would start twitching again, but no. his fat body remained limp and lifeless, and it got colder by the minute.

I inspected his skin, being able to see the lice corpses now that Orbie's fur was clumped with oil. there was SO many of them, and even little groups in certain places. the stupid bugs practically sucked him dry. we've dealt with this particular louse many times, and we're sick of it. they can only be passes from rat to rat, and they only feed off of rats, so if they don't have rat blood, they don't survive. why have we gotten them so many times?


our rats don't go outside. that's the only way they'd logically be able to get the lice. but guess what? or front door doesn't fit the door frame. bugs get in all the time, but if the louse is transferred from rat to rat, how do they keep finding OUR rats? our theory is that a pack of wild rats might live nearby, and may have possibly gotten into our apartment by squeezing through the gap in the door. rodents have collapsible skeletons, so they can fit through spaces that look much smaller than their bodies. we've never seen a wild rat in our home, but if our clean, domestic rats are getting lice, the wild rats HAVE to be close enough for the lice to sense that there are more rats to infect. wild rats are tougher, more resilient, and... don't live as long as domestic rats, so these lice are very dangerous for a pet rat bred in captivity.

but we don't know EXACTLY what the deciding factor was in Orbie's passing, but it doesn't change the fact that both Mike and I are blaming ourselves, tell each other that it's not our fault, and say it's either neither of our faults, or both of our faults. Orbie was such a good rat, he was so lovey, he was well behaved, he was SO sweet... if there is a god, he/she had no right to take my child from me. but I've said it before, either there is no god, or he's a sick bastard that gets off on watching all of us suffer in any way he can think.

Jerry sniffed Orbie's body, but I don't think he fully realizes that his beloved brother is gone. they've been side by side every single day since they were born, and they LOVED each other. they didn't even fight with each other like male rats usually do! I hate imagining him going into his cage and wondering where his brother is. why isn't he coming back? where did he go? Tommy was a warrior, he dealt with the loneliness like a champ. I hope Jerry can be just as strong, because unfortunately, he's not getting new cage mates; we'd have to pay another hundred dollars in our rent every month. so... Jerry is going to have to sleep alone at night, and that breaks my heart. of course, Mike and I will give him EXTRA, EXTRA love, but it's not the same as having a member of your species around to talk to, especially your twin. social animals like rats, ferrets, and guinea pigs can die from depression due to the loss of a cage mate (that's how Ezio died), and I'm praying to mother nature to let Jerry stay happy and strong enough to live the rest of his natural life like Tommy did.

there was no reason for this to happen. why did this have to happen? am I being punished for feeling happy for the first time in two-three years? I should've known better to be happy, this happens whenever I'm feeling good about something. but no, lord, people like me aren't allowed to be happy, are we?
when I see "kawaii" fashion, I usually see macarons, cute little colorful cookies originally from france (NOT macaroons). they're SO CUTE, and I had never even seen a real one before. then I was at trader joe's with my grandmother so I could get some gyoza for (I assume) will be the last time, unless they carry some in stores in boise... it's hard to find vegitable gyoza... anyway, I saw boxes of macarons, and I was like, "NO WAY!!!!!!" so I bought a box, and when I got home, I tasted one (even though I should've let them thaw first), and it was really good. it's an interesting flavor, no matter what flavor it is because you can REALLY taste the almond in them. I also managed to find some ice cream mochi and salt water taffy. these are things you just don't find often!

we packed all of our boxes into a uhaul crate, so that's done. just eight more days until we get to say goodbye to this apartment forever.


dammit, autocorrect messed up my journal... I fixed it... it was MOCHI, not mocha!
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: lime cucumber gatoraid
so it looks like we found an apartment in boise! we submitted an application for the rats, and it was approved, so we just signed the lease, which means we have somewhere to go! IT'S HAPPENING!!! the boxes are piling up, the plans are in motion, mike has already got a job waiting for him out there, which is ten minutes (walking) away from our new apartment, our place has water covered, WASHER AND DRYER IN THE APARTMENT!!! no more waiting for people who forgot their laundry to come get their fucking laundry! and no more paying three bucks per load!! the apartment is bigger than ours by like... 200 square feet, and with the pet deposit, it's $1000 per month!!!!!!!!! AND MIKE GETS TO KEEP HIS PAY RATE HE WAS GETTING OUT HERE!!!! what does that mean? IT MEANS WE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY!!!!!!!! and THAT means no more sitting around all the time, it means being able to go places and do stuff, it means eating better, it means providing the boys with better care, and it means that we could potentially get into a HOUSE house after our lease there is up, which is one year. one year means that we won't be STUCK there if we want to leave. oh, and we'll be in a more comfortable community, so we can open our drapes and let sunlight in, open the windows every now and then for fresh air, and we won't be stuck in the dark so that every time I walk outside in the daytime, I am LITERALLY blinded for a good five minutes. (wish I were joking.) and let's hope the walls are thicker so that, when I'm recording something, I can be a little less careful about the volume of my voice, but that's not a HUGE deal. oh, and if my confidence is high enough and I find a friend willing to do this with me, the complex has an exercise place with equipment and stuff so maybe I can FINALLY FIT INTO THOSE GODDAMN PLEATHER PANTS THAT I WOULD LOOK GREAT IN IF I HAD THE BODY!! and then there's my personal promise to myself that, if I can flatten my tummy to my liking, I want to get a belly piercing. and with regular exercising at the ready, as well as counting calories, I can still eat pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't go crazy.

the probability of my happiness returning is very high, and when I'm happy, I'm motivated and more productive. as long as we can find low income insurance and psychiatrist for me, i'll feel SO much better! I can't promise that i'll be like... pushing out a page of PWF a day like I used to, but I know that I will be happier, and mike will be happier once he goes through training to be a computer tech thingie guy and gets to stop working retail. I'm just so excited that, after all this time complaining about this shitty place, we're FINALLY leaving, there is an ACTUAL end in sight! I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but maybe, just MAYBE this is the turning point, THIS is when life will stop throwing the hard shit at me for no reason. yes, life is a bitch if you're not rich, but come on, karma, if you exist, you're sure being lazy. maybe I can even get myself to stop picking my skin and pulling my hair so much. yes, I know how real life works, and I know it won't be easy living just because we'll be able to afford stuff and not struggle so hard, and yes, life is unpredictable, but I know myself, and I know Idaho, so I know that, overall, my family and I will be much happier. if my motivation is revived, i'll want to work harder to take care of myself, and maybe I can actually be the hot girlfriend that the nerd gets to hold hands with... and then the hot wife that isn't the nerd's ball and chain. XD I'm not making sense. I don't care. I'm very happy.
  • Watching: Aggretsuko
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: tea
so, two black guys walk into a starbucks....

no, this is not the beginning of a racist joke. it is the beginning of something that happened recently, something that is one of the many things proving that we're not getting any better as a society.

two black men go into a starbucks to wait for a friend before they order something. THREE MINUTES after they walk in and sit down, one of the employees calls the police and claims that they refused to buy anything. guess what? both men were arrested. not sure what happened after that.

here's the thing (one of the things).... YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY ANYTHING AT STARBUCKS TO HANG OUT THERE. teens go there to chill (my friends and I used to all the time, and we didn't have money for coffee), people go there to focus on whatever they're working on on their laptops, and people sit inside to wait for their friends because it's the perfect meeting place; everyone knows what a starbucks looks like.

another thing. what does the word "refuse" mean? "to indicate or show that one is not willing to do something." how did these men refuse anything? did she ask them if they were going to order something and they said no? even if she had (which she didn't), they would have said, "we're waiting for our friend before we order" or something like that. they didn't come in yelling, "eh! look at us big black dudes comin inta ya starbucks and not buyin anythin!!" because for some reason I made them sound like stereotypical new yorkers. they walked in, and they sat down.

and what really gets me is that the bitch called the police after THREE MINUTES!!! listen, if they were going to cause trouble, they would've done it right away. is she just SO afraid of black people, she can't wait ten minutes to see if they were going to cause trouble? or even ask them what they were doing? not that she needed to, because no one gets kicked out of starbucks for not buying anything! I'd bet money if they had been two white dudes with the exact same build, she wouldn't have batted an eyelash. you know what, a pair of white bikers could walk in, and she wouldn't have called the police. why? because white guys are harmless! right? no white guy has EVER hurt anyone, killed anyone, raped anyone, or robbed a place! nope! because white people are SAFE!

listen, I know that this is just one out of many offences of racism, and I know it's not even the worst case. but this was such a miniscule thing to call the cops over, it really pushed my "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?" meter up to eleven. overall, we should be better than this by now, we should be passed racism, but we're NOT. with prejudice in general, it almost seems as though people are trying to move backward while good people are trying to solve the problem, but let's face it, majority wins. I don't know why no one stood up for those men. I would've asked, "wait, what did they do?" I would've intervened. a little white girl, huh? the safest kind of cracker there is. no little white girl has harmed anyone. mob psychology says, if little white bitch protests, everyone else would follow suit, especially if little white bitch accuses the incident of being racially biased, because a lot of people are insecure and want other people to think for them. people will say to themselves, "well, I don't want to look racist! I should agree!" even though they wouldn't have stood up on their own.

PLURALISTIC IGNORANCE. people in a group won't act because they're waiting for someone else to do something. sheep. baaaah.

and we can complain. we can rant. we can try to speak out. but that does nothing. if it hasn't done anything so far, it never will. the only thing it can do is spread awareness, but when that awareness gets to someone who CAN do something, will that person care? or will they be just an old white guy who grew up under the confederate flag?

"Sometimes hate is the only real thing in the world... you can stop loving someone, but hate seems to go on forever."
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
just wanted to let you guys know that my Drarry fic, "Eye Candy," has been updated on my Quotev. go there or be square... well, except that it's hip to be square... go there or Patrick Bateman will kill you with an axe.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
someone on youtube told me Tara Strong mentioned Muffins at a panel, and I found a video where she does indeed mention it. granted, she hasn't read it, nor did she sound quite happy about it because she knows the general concept, but the fact that one of my favorite voice actors of all time actually acknowledged its existence is THE BEST THING EVER!! despite some of the things she done voices for, she doesn't strike me as the type to enjoy such horror stories, but GOD, that made me squeal. I'd love to meet her and ask her to say one of Twilight's lines from Muffins, but I'd choose one that doesn't really portray the cruelty of the story... not sure what I'd ask... maybe, "I never realized how pretty your eyes are, Minkie." it'd be nice to hear Minkie's name said by one of the actual voice actors of the mane six.

if you could choose any of Twilight's lines from Muffins (dark or not), what one would you have Tara Strong say?…

she mentions Muffins toward the very end.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I'm building a casino located in Central Wayward City, and I can't figure out what to name it. I'm actually against casinos, so I don't even know where to start. I've been to a couple with Michael (he gambles, but he's actually a smart gambler, but I still don't like it), so I have a general feel of what they're supposed to look like... just... name... Wayward City establishment name... help?
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
why. why? WHY. why can't we put quotation marks in titles? no but really. WHY do people think it's okay to post my stories elsewhere without permission just because they credit me? to all fans of Muffins, I hope you're reading this, and I wish I knew how to make the text bigger...


look, Muffins got popular by accident, just like Playing with Fire. I did not write it with the intention of gaining watchers or subscribers on youtube. people just really liked it, and I liked writing them. I put in a lot of hard work when I write my stories, and even harder work when I narrate them for video format. if you want to get popular on the internet, you're not going to succeed by wanting to get popular! you need to have a passion, you need to work hard, you need to do something you love doing regardless if it results in popularity or not. you should not care about how many people like your stuff, you should only care about what you enjoy doing. the people who like your stuff are lucky that you shared it with them. this generation, studies have proven, care more about being famous than being KIND. that is REALLY sad. actually, I had someone message me yesterday, someone who was torn between working on a project that all of their fans liked, or working on a less popular project that they were passionate about. I told them straight up to NEVER let people convince you to do what they want. I myself made that mistake with, guess what? Muffins. and now I have trouble working on it because I'm exhausted. Playing with Fire is a bit of a different story; I was coming out with like a page a day, I burnt myself out. don't get me wrong, I love it, and I WILL finish it before I die, but an artist's most popular series should not be the artist's focus if they are not passionate about working on it at that time, or it will have poor quality.

stop caring about fame. I'm not famous. hell, I'm not even really considered well-known. I'm RECOGNIZABLE. some people see my work and say, "oh, I know who did that!" some people recognize my name or face. that's it... SOME PEOPLE. yeah, being famous sure would be nice, but only because the money would help Michael and I live in this god forsaken country. many famous people have miserable lives because they let the fame go to their heads, they do something stupid because they think they can do anything, and then they ruin their reputation. I mean... you guys don't want to be like that idiot kid, Logan Paul, do you? cause if you do, I feel really sorry for you. however, if you want to be like Markiplier, great! he works very hard doing what he loves and making the best effort to bring you quality content. but he doesn't do it because he wants fame, he does it because he LOVES doing it. he most likely started out like everyone does... he just started doing video game walkthroughs before they were called "Let's Plays," and people really liked him. when an artist finds out people like what they're doing, they'll strive to make it better quality, but also to make themselves proud of their accomplishments, and no, that's not NARCISSIM, that's called self esteem. people like Markiplier genuinely care about their fans. but he if didn't enjoy doing something, he wouldn't force himself to do it.

I care about my fans and Reitannites, I do. but there's something that MAKES them fans in the first place, and that's their unwavering support. it's not, "building an army so my fans will protect me," it's not, "all eyes on me no matter what!" it's dedication, it's a good show of character, it's realizing that I'm no saint, I'm no god, and I'm far from perfect. it's seeing me as another human being just like them, and they enjoy their work and personality. and I can be fans of my fan's stuff as well. dude... when KingSpook began commenting on my videos, I was like WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a huge fan of his narrations, and he's become a fan of some of my stuff. we've even spoken through email, and that's just super cool. he's shared with me some problems of his, he's shown me his humanity, and he is flawed, like all of us. that doesn't change the fact that he works hard with what he does, and he likes doing it. those of you who see me as another person, I have the highest respect for you, and you are indeed the reason I've become recognizable. if it weren't for you, there's a lot of good things I would've missed out on...

but who I DON'T care for are the people who take me for granted, who ask me, "how do you become popular?" who constantly nag at me for stuff even if I've taken a hiatus. the people who say, "come on, it's been so long since the last muffins, just fucking post one already, or at LEAST make them into animations." real comment I got on youtube, sent to my "held for review" section because I blacklisted the word "muffins." that means the comments won't be seen unless I approve them, and it's how I filter out these kinds of shit comments. I don't care about the people who BITCH at me, the people who THREATEN me, the people who say, "if you don't post more, I'm gonna unsub!" do it then! unsub! it literally does nothing to the amount of success I've gained so far, and I don't want people like you on my channel anyway! I've had haters tell me, "you're so mean to your fans!" no, I am not. because those aren't fans. they are blind worshippers of the final product I create, they are people who claim that I'm the best person ever in the whole wide world because of that product, and they are the people who think I can just pop another story out of my ass just for them. well, if I WERE to shit out a story, you'd get nothing but shit, right?

but youtube's community seems to be way more toxic than DA's, and that's saying something. most of those "fakies," which I call them so that I sum them up in a single word, are on youtube, and not here. that means that most of you reading this are true people, people who also work hard because you're artists as well, you show good character, not just to me, but to MANY people, you have your own fans, and you understand that life isn't always a walk in the park. you guys are so great, I love seeing how much effort you put into fanart of my stuff, and it makes me go to your gallery and see all of the wonderful work you've done. I may not favorite it, but I only favorite stuff I plan to go back to, though in the past I favorite pretty much anything I liked... I WILL favorite cute animals from time to time. XD the point is, I don't see you as my minions or whatever, I don't see you as the platform that hold me up, I see you for what you are... PEOPLE. because history repeats itself... if I met one of YOU guys in person, I'd likely be more "star struck" than you. XD most of all, we come together through common interests, we can relate to each other in some way, and friendships are formed. I know that my level of devotion toward you guys has been very low lately, but life has been holding me down for quite a bit. I know, within this year, things will get better, and i'll be back to my old self again, though with more life experience, so as immature as I am, I will at least be more mature than I was. that's just going to happen regardless.

I uh... didn't plan on writing such a long thing. so if you read all of this, I commend you. but I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. dammit, if I hated all of you, I'd just say it, right? better to be hated for the truth than to be loved for a lie. but it's pretty clear to everyone (except the haters) who I hate and who I don't. anyway, that's really all I have to say right now, so... have a good rest of your day/night. :P
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
does anyone know where I can find FNAF models designed for Blender or Source Film Maker? Free to use, obviously... I feel like I've searched everywhere, and I can't seem to come up with anything.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: tea
mike and i went to the mall today for our valentines day dinner at the cheesecake factory. lucky me got sick on the original weekend we were going to do it. while we're at the mall, we usually go see the animals in the pet store. they finally had bunnies this time! so i asked to hold a bunny, and he's like, "do you know how to hold a rabbit?" I'm thinking, "pffsh, do i know how to hold a rabbit." but i said yes, and he asked me how, like i was lying or something, and held an invisible bunny. I'm sure he just wanted to ensure the safety of the bunnies. here's me thinking EVERYONE would be as careful with a bunny as they would a newborn baby...

anyway, there were like five of them, but there was a big, lazy black and white one. I've handled many rabbits, and even had one named Mystic. poor Mystic didn't deserve the life he got, not of our pets did at the time... because i was a young teen with hardly any pet care experience, and the "responsible" adult was an animal hoarder that wouldn't even clean the litter box... anyway...

i knew this bunny would struggle once picked up, and it did despite me being as gentle as i could, and i held him/her against my chest and pet its soft fur. it felt like a cloud. XD (i don't know it's gender, so unfortunately i have to use "it.") rabbits are very timid, nervous creatures, so i knew it was probably terrified. but i did what i always do with animals, and talked to it, pet it, tried to emote to it that i wasn't a threat. i thought it was terrified the whole time, but apparently i was wrong. i carefully put it back in the enclosure (it struggled again, that's just what they do), but it looked up at me, came up to the glass and stood up against it, as if to say, "well, wait, why'd you stop?"

i died. so i pet it while it was in the enclosure, and the cute ass thing just sprawled out and relaxed. i said, "i can't take you home with me! i won't take you home with me!" thankfully, even though i want to care for all the animals ever in the world ever, i know when to and when not to adopt someone... I'm not an animal hoarder. i would need the space and money to take care of a rabbit, and I'd also need to research proper rabbit care because they are not like rats or hamsters, which i DO have experience caring for. i WAS going to try and hold a blue rabbit, but a bunch of kids were looking at the bunnies and made all of them nervous, so i had to say goodbye. there was a little black on that looked just like Mystic though!

the way the bunny relaxed when i pet it reminds me of my rat, Jerry, because he has a sweet spot. on both sides of his body, if you gently scratch or massage the area around his lower neck and ribcage, he just freezes, forgets whatever he's doing, and relaxes. it's so funny. he doesn't do it all the time for mike; he thinks i have a special touch or something. one time, Jerry actually rolled over onto his back so i could scritchle (scratch) his fat little belly, and my jaw dropped and i said, "are you serious right now? no, are you fucking serious right now?!" he did it one other time, and mike saw it, and then today i was schritchling him, and he got so relaxed that he just lay on his side, almost on his back, so his little foot was up. i called Michael in and he said, "are you serious right now?!"

i bought a Scabbers plush at Hot Topic. He has Velcro on his paws so he can hold his tail. I got a new Tool shirt at Spencers. Spencer's? anyway, it was a good day. i wish Michael and i could go out together more often, but that requires money, and California is expensive. it looks like we may not be out of here by march, which we hoped, but our lease ends in may, and we're OUT. OF. HERE. i have a good feeling that moving will restore my happiness, and i'll be able to enjoy my hobbies again. i'll most likely start shelling out playing with fire pages again. this place... this place is not good. we can get a house that has a monthly mortgage payment that's less than the rent for this shit hole. I HATE CALIFORNIA!!! i never asked to move here! well, if i hadn't, there's a lot of GOOD things that wouldn't have happened, right?

but I've got to come up with plans for emergencies so we can run drills... what to do when there's a tornado warning, what to do if someone breaks into the house, stuff like that. the latter is less probable, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. paranoia makes you safer!! am i being watched right now???

OH! and i tried cucumber lemonade! CUCUMBER. LEMONADE. it was AMAZING.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
on TSR, someone made this shirt:…

I am a vegetarian and have been for fourteen years. I LOVE animals, and I get along better with them than humans. however, these kinds of people piss me off. it's because of extremists like this that give the rest of us a bad name. because of this, if I say I'm vegetarian to someone, they bristle like an angry cat, prepared to defend their right to eat meat. well, I'm not one of those kinds of people! but it gives a bad impression when it shouldn't.

the last one really gets me. "you can't love animals and eat them too." BULLSHIT. my best friend and boyfriend ADORE animals, and they eat meat. Emzotic on youtube works and lives with TONS of species, with whom she loves very much, and she's not vegan. there are plenty of you reading this who LOOOOOOOOOOVE animals, but still eat meat, am I right? I invented a fake conversation to have with this type of person IF they were logical and non-argumentative.

Commenter: I feel like the message you're sending is not a fair one.

Author: Why not?

Commenter: Because our diet is part of a life choice, and discriminating against people for not doing anything wrong isn't something we should do.

Author: But it's wrong to eat animals.

Commenter: That's debatable, but no matter what your opinion is on the matter, it's not right to shame others for their choices. I'm a vegetarian, and I love animals to the ends of the earth, but I have plenty of friends who love animals more than I do who eat meat. There are people out there working to save animals' lives, rescues, preservation of endangered species, people who connect better with animals better than their own species, and still eat meat.

Author: But being vegan is healthier.

Commenter: Not in all cases. Remember that humans are animals too, and we are naturally omnivorous. Actually, our teeth and digestive systems aren't built to eat red meat, but are able to handle poultry and fish just fine. In fact, the healthiest diet you could be on is just cutting red meat out entirely. We need certain things for proper nutrition. That's not to say that vegetarians and vegans can't be healthy with their diets, but I'm sure you know by experience that we have to go to extra lengths to get that missing nutrition, and it's very expensive. Then you have to think about other animals. Lions are carnivorous, which means they eat other animals. Does that make them cruel? Not enough humans understand that we are still animals, and we still have to survive. Do I agree with how live stock animals are treated in most cases? Absolutely not, and I wish I could change it. Still, you're not going to convince a majority of humans to quit eating meat, and when you push your veganism in their face, it actually makes them want to defy you even more. In any case of it, conversion is wrong, and harmful opinions should be kept to yourself.

Author: You make very good points that I didn't think of before. You're right, but what do you think I should do to fix this?

Commenter: It's alright to express vegan pride, and possible to do so without insulting others. Naturally, you'll still get backlash, but if you're not harming anyone, that's their fault, not yours.

Author: Alright, I will find some messages that still express my opinion, but not impose on other people's.

of course, extreme vegans don't usually respond in such a way. let me share with you this hilarious video I found:…

that pretty much sums up how extreme vegans act, and they really do act that way. not only that, but they're under the assumption that they do not eat animals. OH YES THEY DO. WE ALL DO. there is no such thing as being 100% vegan if you get your food from a store. FDA regulations in all countries have their own percentages of the amount of OTHER things are allowed to still be in our food before we consume it. OTHER things include.... mice, rats, their feces, bugs, and human skin. in America, the FDA is very lax. so have I unknowingly eaten part of a mouse? the probability is very high. would I knowingly eat a mouse? NEVER. I don't think I could bring myself to do it even if I was starving. I could eat fish if it were a last resort, but mammals especially are just too much. still, I'm sure I've eaten a fair number of unknown animals that got into my food while it was being processed. bread is a big one.

not only that... but there are plenty of foods that people just don't know have animal products in it. "natural flavors" usually means it comes from an animal. are you vegan and like to eat dairy free vanilla ice cream? well don't get too ahead of yourself, because you're eating secretions from a beaver's anal gland. best part is, I don't know if they have to kill the beaver to get it. in my vegetarian foods, like my Morning Star stuff, I'm certain there's something in there that the FDA said was okay, like the aforementioned mousies. and how many things have gelatin? where do you think gelatin comes from?

and you know, even if you straight up eat grass, you're consuming tiny organisms invisible to the naked eye. but you know, regardless of these facts, the truth is, it's just NOT okay to tell people that what they are eating is wrong unless it actually IS wrong, like eating a baby or something. or bad for your health, like eating tide pods. TIDE PODS. LAUNDRY DETERGENT. POISON!!! idiots! you can give the recommendation to someone that they should reduce their consumption of red meat, but that's because red meat does in fact cause many health issues. here's Emzotic's response to veganism:…

every point she makes is logical, educated, and fair. seriously though, watch her videos, and you will see that her love for animals is off the charts. and I understand that humans are no longer part of the food chain, but that does not make us omnivores any different than any other omnivorous animal. the only difference is is that we torture our meat before we kill it. is it wrong? absolutely. and we can protest against it as much as we want, but at least in America, money speaks louder, and we're not going to change a damn thing.

I'm a vegetarian. I can tell you the facts. I can tell you the pros and cons. but I have no right, nor would I ever, tell you that you should be vegetarian. if a DOCTOR says you should lean more toward that diet, that's different. there are plenty of vegans out there who are just like me, meaning they know conversion is wrong, and people make their own choices about what they eat, so don't go thinking all vegans suck. Daniel Bryan was a vegan, I don't know if he is anymore, but Daniel Bryan is not known to be an asshole backstage. for you vegetarians and vegans who act all high and mighty, like you know everything, and you refuse to acknowledge hard facts, if you tell people they can't love animals and eat them to, if you harass them for not sharing your beliefs, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. you need to leave people alone. keep your nastiness to yourself, judge people silently, but most of all, get over yourself. human beings were NOT meant to be herbivores, and we never will be. you're not going to change the world, especially when you're so toxic. you give the rest of us a bad name. stop buying into PETA when you don't even know what PETA REALLY does to animals. just be fair, and be nice.

then again, the reason they act like this is because they're moronic sheep, so nothing I say will change anyone's mind.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: lemonade
I've been getting quite a few questions about the monsters in an Other's dimension, so I wanted to officialize some more stuff. you like that word? OFFICIALIZE. anyway, so I've already established that each type of Other is a species, so manic depression (AKA bipolar) Others have the same attributes, as do ADHD Others, general anxiety, etc. also, depending on the species, the dimension is relatively the same, like the staircases for manic depression Others. these dimensions can be tailored to each individual depending on the Host's issues, such as different sounds in the background, varying levels of darkness, different substances on the walls, yadda yadda. but I wanted to specify that, even if two people have the same symptom, the monsters can be completely different. let's take me for example. I have a monster called Fear. well, I guarantee many other disorders includes Fear; in fact, Rina and Sei will have their own versions. well, are all of YOUR Fears going to look and act the same as mine? absolutely not. let's say I meet someone else with a manic depression Other. is their Manic going to look and act like mine? it could be similar, but it could also be VASTLY different. if I meet someone with an obsessive disorder, their Obsession could be vastly different to mine, and the chances of them being different is very high. many mental disorders share the same symptoms (which is why you should never self diagnose), and even with people who have the same disorders, the symptoms are never going to be exactly the same. I am bipolar II with rapid cycling and mixed symptoms, so Anna's monsters could be completely foreign to someone with say, bipolar III with no rapid cycling or mixed symptoms. in fact, some symptoms may be missing altogether.

what does this mean? it means, when you're designing your Others and their dimensions, even though you have to keep to the species and dimension type, YOUR MONSTERS ARE YOUR OWN. Others can have varying differences and personalities BASED ON THE HOST, but they are still a species. your monsters are part of you, your monsters are the things that bind you to the disorder and your monsters are you. Tracy-Lynn-Pond has recently remastered her OCD Other's monsters (note that she created the canon design for OCD Others, and this MIGHT be the only time I canonize someone else's design, with permission, of course), and AvaArtist17 just made this:

Mature Content

My Other's Monsters by AvaArtist17

vedy vedy nice. I like seeing what other people can come up with, so even if I haven't designed an Other's species yet, or the design is still in concept, feel free to make your monsters. note that there is no max limit, the monsters are symptoms, emotions, and issues the Host has to face on a daily basis. they are something you have to fight with for the rest of your life just to try and exist. these things are suppressed or completely absent when on medication. actually, the ones I designed for Anna aren't the only ones she has, they're just the ones I met in the story. so, you know, go crazy. um, no pun intended... >_<

speaking of bipolar disorder, I'm planning on showing the differences between types I, II, and III. they are SUBTLE, though. I'm also hoping to solidify some of my concepts. so far, major depression (AKA clinical depression, AKA unipolar depression), PTSD, and dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder) are the concepts I have deemed official.


Others Concept Art by Reitanna-Seishin

better drawing of major depression Other:

Ramon and Nomar by Reitanna-Seishin

PTSD Other:

PTSD Other by Reitanna-Seishin

general guide to Others:

The Guide to OthersOthers are beings born from a broken mind. They are connected to a person, known as the Host, from birth, but those who live on Earth may not realize they are there straight away. On Earth, no one but the Host can see their Other, but they can be captured on video or audio recordings. On Encephalon, they can be seen by everyone.
Once the Host is born, the Other will be attached to the same umbilical cord. The strange thing is, the fetus of the Other cannot be detected in any way before birth, as if it's not even there. It also does not take nourishment from the mother of the Host. Basically, it is not known if the baby will have an Other until the mother gives birth to a second child (or in some cases, multiple children) that no one knew was there.
Others actually cannot reproduce, for they are sterile. It is likely that, when a Host reproduces, the child will also have an Other. The likelihood of the child having an Other depends on history of mental illness in both of the parents' fa

OCD Others:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OthersAPPEARANCE: OCD Others tend to have a slightly paler, almost sickly complexion compared to their Hosts, and their hair is a slightly lighter color. They wear the same outfits that their Host wears, but the colors of their outfits always clash (bright red and dull green, neon yellow and lavender, etc); the color of the Host's outfit does not effect what color the Others clothes will be. Their eyes are the same color as their Host's, and their blood is pale blue. Aside from these things, OCD Others look fairly normal, but it is usually easy to spot them because of their behavior. As with all Others, their voices have an eerie echo; but because OCD Others tend to be soft-spoken, that echo might be hard to detect.
BEHAVIOR: OCD Others tend to move in a very stiff, controlled way, and they are very careful with how they hold themselves; usually, they hold their hands in a sort of praying fashion, then hold their arms close to their bodies so their hands are close to but not qu

there are a LOT of mental disorders, and me designing a species for each one is not exactly top priority, so... I'm sorry if you struggle with something that I haven't designed, and you want to draw your Other... perhaps after we move and my happiness returns, i'll be more willing to work on all of the stuff I used to love working on. I just read playing with fire for the first time in years, and I'm like, "aw, I miss this..." >_<
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water