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alright, I was privately informed about something that concerned me, so I'm gonna lay down some rules if you want to draw NSFW fanart of my characters.

1. NO RAPE. I'm surprised I even have to say that. pictures of violent sex can be interpreted as forced, and that's not okay. any of that kind of art must have indications of all participants enjoying themselves, such as smiles on their faces or hearts floating around their heads. the Jisatsu brothers are an exception, as they have EXTREMELY violent sex very often, but it is always consensual. just remember that the brothers ENJOY pain, so don't make either of them look upset that it's happening.

2. No children. Dead Molly is a child, please don't objectify her in such a way. I don't have many underaged main characters, but still. However, humans reach sexual maturity around 14-16 years of age, and I lost my virginity at fourteen, so I personally don't count them as children even if they're minors. additionally, the age of a legal adult in Encephalon is SEVENTEEN, not eighteen.

3. Do you ship my "Reitanna" character with Annatier? that's fine, a lot of people do. art of them together is okay as long as you follow rules #1, 2, and 6.

4. Do you ship my "Reitanna" character with the "Sempai" character? Well, "Sempai" is actually a real person, and she's straight, so as respect toward her, any fanart of them together should be SFW, as in non-sexual, more cuddly. if you really MUST do something NSFW, ask me to get her permission, and if the answer is no, respect it.

5. Groups. well, Hard Candy is a group of six gay pornographers, so I would LOVE to see some fanart of them having an orgy. XD some other examples may get complicated, and I prefer heterosexual couples not to be broken in the way I will now explain using an example. Tenji, Sapphire, Irene, and Daxter are swingers. Tenji and Sapphire are married, Dax and Irene are married, but Tenji is also Dax's boyfriend, and Irene is Sapphire's girlfriend. Irene and Tenji DO NOT get involved with each other, as is the same with Dax and Sapphire. This rule is complicated...

6. Real people. Me, Mike, Justin, and Sempai are real people. I am pansexual, and the latter three are straight. I know for a fact that Mike and Justin would not be comfortable being shipped with anyone, fictional or not, and Mike is my boyfriend, so his obvious shipping partner is me. however, he'd honestly give permission to me to at least make out with another girl, so the real Mike would not have a problem with my character being shipped with another girl. with Sempai, again, ask me permission, unless she's shipped with Koda, because she loves Koda. Koda has a girlfriend, but you know, Harry Potter marries Ginny Weasley, and I ship Harry with Draco, so yeah. Just respect the characters that are actually REAL.

7. Animals.... this is tricky, because there are a lot of species in Encephalon that qualify as people. So if they exist in Encephalon as people, it's alright. If it's another series of mine... well, I'm gonna lay it down... NO PONIES. Pony porn DISGUSTS me. Also, shipping Minkie with Derpy (or anyone) makes me uncomfortable because Minkie is largely based on me, and she is asexual, and both HATES and FEARS any sort of intimate or romantic contact. Any love she has for anypony is platonic. I'd prefer no NSFW Muffins fanart even if they're turned human, but I'd have less of a problem with it. Just remember that Apple Bloom and Babs are TEN YEARS OLD. they are NOT to be sexually involved with anyone in any way.

8. Pregnancy........................... I um.... I actually find pregnancy rather.... gross? I hate seeing characters pregnant, it's unflattering and scary. I hate conception in real life, so please don't give Mike and I a child in fiction. Sempai wants lots of kids, and finds pregnancy beautiful. This is complicated. Also, same sex couples can't have kids that look like BOTH parents. They either adopt or have a surrogate mother/father. if there is a surrogate, the child will only look like ONE parent and have features of the surrogate. I have yet to have made a species where same sex couples can reproduce sexually. I mean... the rules of human biology apply, there needs to be one egg and one sperm. XD (There are times when two eggs are fertilized, and other occurrences, but you know what I mean.)

9. Masturbation? if the character is 14+ and not Minkie Pie or Derpy, go for it. just remember that DA has strict rules about minors. That's why I don't make many teenagers. XD

10. When in doubt, please ask permission from me. In reality, I cannot control what you write/draw, and in most of these cases, I have no right to tell you to take it down if you do. I WILL force you take something down that breaks rules 1 or 2. Other than that, I'd like a little respect with my characters because each main character is actually a part of me, meaning I take attributes from myself and create an individual from them (except for real people). But I mean, if JK Rowling personally put out a rule that said, "NO DRARRY," would I listen? probably not... no, definitely not. so yeah, a majority of this list is really hypocritical, but my stuff is about 1% as popular as things like Harry Potter, maybe less. I dunno... really, 1, 2, and 6 are my big ones, so out of anything, DO respect those. The rest of the list is mainly my own personal preference; how things would be if I could have EVERYTHING my way. but one of my many flaws is me feeling entitled to things, something with which I am trying to control, so every rule that isn't 1, 2, or 6 is me saying, "pretty please?" and not, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

that being said, I have so much hentai on my computer, I had to replace one of my hard drives with a bigger one, so I'd like to see what you've done if you believe yours meets these "rules." I'm a person that is conflicted with what should be censored and what should not be, and in many cases, I end up completely going against what I said before. I just want to make it clear that, other than 1, 2, and 6, you don't have to treat these like law unless you choose to, but if you break them, I will most likely not want to see it. NO RAPE. fuckin... just... c'mon...
  • Listening to: my rat eating... crunch crunch!
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I had a nightmare last night that was so incredibly horrible, I not only woke up crying, but I've felt sick to my stomach all day. I dreamt that Michael was murdered.

I had been drugged by a friend and a bunch of people I didn't know. I had fallen asleep, and when I started to wake up, they gave me a bunch of chocolate to distract me from the fact that I didn't know most of these people. my friend exists in real life, though we haven't been in contact for years. i'll call him E. when my mind began to clear up a little, I started to wonder about the strangers, but E said everything was okay. one of the guys kept trying to molest me, and I would whine in fear, and E held me away from him and said, "not yet." the guy tried again, and I woke up a little more, and E told the guy off again, saying, "no, the drugs are wearing off." I started to call for Michael, but I got no response, and everyone was watching me. I got away from E and ran the best I could around the house, looking for him, and I finally found him in the bedroom.

he was lying on the bed on his side, facing away from me and only in his boxers like he usually is. I said his name louder and louder, and then muttered, "oh no... please no..." finally, I walked around to his other side and saw a great gash stretching from his neck and down through his chest. his eyes had also been punctured, and there was a syringe sticking out of his arm, but I didn't know what it contained. I screamed as horribly as I would in real life, and I started to shake him, hoping that maybe he had some life, enough to get him help, but the blood was nearly dry, and he was cold. (fuck, I feel like crying as I write this.) I sobbed uncontrollably, but it started to cease as my sadness was replaced with unfathomable rage. E came in, and I asked him, quietly, but shaking with rage, who murdered the love of my life. he said he wasn't involved, but I knew he was lying because I could tell he was in with those strangers. I choked E until he lost consciousness, and dragged him out of the room, found a knife, and the others saw what I was doing, and trying to stop me, but I cut E's head off. it was actually easy, unlike in real life, like slicing through putty.

they all had weapons, but I was screaming with rage, and it fueled me. I cut most of their heads off, but there was one guy and one girl left, and they apprehended me until a couple of other friends came running into the house and got them away from me. they must've been trying to get ahold of me or something, and came to check if I was okay. as we ran, I told them what happened, so we tried to call the police. we couldn't get ahold of them for some reason. now, in my dreams, everyone seems to be able to fit in small spaces except me. so when we saw the guy and the girl coming down the street, my two friends went through this small opening in a pile of rocks, but I begged them to wait and help me because I couldn't fit. also, every time I try to hide from someone, I have a big ol' backpack for no reason. welp, the pair yanked me up, and I tried to fight with the knife I had had before, but they took it, also having a knife themselves, and they stabbed me over and over again. it hurt so bad, and I was conscious the whole time, even though I was supposed to be dead. even as my life left my body, I could see everything, hear everything, but I could not move. I watched them laugh at me, and then they threw me into the grass. I watched the sun come up, not blinking, unable to move, and feeling nothing but sadness and heartbreak.

then I was picked up by some people who did not scream upon seeing my corpse, and I was taken away in a van. with some weird, secret science, they brought me back to life by putting my memories and feelings into a robot body. I met a female robot and a male robot who also used to be human, but they were murdered as well. this secret group of scientists had a lot of information on what happened, and said the entire event was supposed to be a hoax, a sick joke to be played on me. Michael was not in on the joke; the syringe had stuff that put mike to sleep and slowed his heartbeat and breathing. the blood and wounds were makeup. he was cold because of the slower heartbeat and they had cooled him down with ice packs. the group had also planned to do terrible things to me while still drugged, like that guy wanting to rape me. apparently this group of people I had never met HATED me, seeing my stuff online and assuming I was the kind of person the real people who hate me online think I am. E had been part of it to get back at me for breaking up with his best friend after falling for Michael, thinking I had also been cheating on her, which I did not (that's why I broke up with her). no one had anticipated me blowing up and start killing everyone, and the only reason the last two killed me was because I slashed up all of their friends.

but this meant that Michael was alive, and was spotted at work, appearing completely healthy, so I called him, and I indeed got an answer. he said he was fine, and had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned the prank and the dead bodies in our house. by the time we hung up, I felt like I couldn't believe he was alive until I saw him. the other robots and I were fitted with fake skins to make us look human; they made me a man so as to not draw any suspicion that it was me. having seen my boyfriend's supposedly dead body, being killed, and hearing about this prank had completely broken me. I became surly, negative, distant, like a veteran who just saw his buddy get blown up right in front of his eyes. I also threatened people I didn't know who got too close to me, saying, "if you ever touch me, i'll kill you."

something felt very wrong when I went back to my house. the TV was on, and it was a news segment showing Michael being arrested for the murders of the people they found in our house. they also found videos of him planning to do a mass killing, even trying on a vest covered in dynamite for a kamikaze attack. but that wasn't right, Michael was not a violent person, he HATED guns and explosives except for in video games... I studied the videos carefully, and realized he was talking to the camera man and telling him/her "how it'd be." but he wasn't talking about an attack, because I saw several nodes all over his body. the guns and bombs were props, he was MOTION CAPTURING, like for a video game. he also had told the camera person, "don't tell kara, I want her to be surprised." he was working on designing a video game without telling me as a surprise. I was MAD.

I went to walgreens and asked about Michael being at work when I called him, but they said he hadn't been to work in awhile, and heard he was arrested, saying, "I didn't think he was the type." I shouted at them, saying he wasn't, that he was acting for a video game. so my robot companions and I went to the police station, explained that mike didn't do it, that his late girlfriend had killed those people because of a prank that went too far, and they released him. I was so happy, and I hugged him, and he said he missed me... but that was odd, I didn't look like me, I looked like a man, so me hugging him should have been REALLY weird. his voice was also different. I told him he wasn't the real Michael, and demanded to know who he was and where the real one was. he didn't answer me, he just said, "please kill me." I couldn't bear to kill someone with Michael's exact image, so I went postal on the police and took one as hostage for answers.

the cop told me Michael WAS alive, that the news segment had been planted there to explain his absence, but that he had really been kidnapped after his girlfriend disappeared without a trace. when I had called him, they forced Michael to say he was fine, and that he was at work. not knowing that I had been the one who murdered those people, they made a copy of him, put him in prison, and aired the story to lure me out of hiding, not knowing that I was dead. it was this big conspiracy that I can't even make sense of. I found out from the cop where to find the real Michael, then I killed him anyway, and after sneaking into this guarded building, he wasn't there. the cop gave me false information, which enraged me more. now my cohorts and I were running from secret government agents or something, and there was a huge explosion, and then some man drove up, saying he was going to help us, and then...

I felt a familiar, bearded man kiss me, and I woke up gasping, grabbing Michael and holding onto him like I thought he was going to disappear again. I gave him a less detailed description of my dream as I was crying, and he blamed my period. because my hormones are all crazy during shark week, it will often heighten my nightmares, and this is the worst one about Michael I had ever had, and I STILL feel sick, even after laying down for a few hours. I can't get the image of his supposedly dead body out of my head.

as if I wasn't already afraid of strangers...
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: arizona mango juice
so, just to let everyone know who doesn't know, I don't answer PMs immediately after I receive one like I used to before my ban. actually, since my ban lasted so long, I didn't have PMs to answer, so I grew used to the silence. now, when I see one, it makes me feel anxious, so I haven't been answering them when I see them, I end up waiting awhile until I can get myself to open them. I get a lot of PMs. so if you send me one, and I don't reply for weeks at a time, I'm not ignoring you. if it's urgent, please leave a comment telling me that you need me to read your PM ASAP.

honestly, I've done the same thing with my email for the last seven years. actually, I once went so long without signing in to my email, the address had to be renewed due to inactivity, and I lost ALL of my saved mail. stupid AOL buying out netscape...
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I've become aware some time ago that some people stopped reading muffins because it became more unrealistic with how powerful the bakers are, specifically with "let's welcome chaos." but I have a question for those people...

as a decently talented writer, why would I, all of a sudden, make a choice in writing that's usually a bad one? making characters more powerful than ANYONE? making them succeed at EVERYTHING? I mean, who are they, Sosuke Aizen? or like... any DBZ enemy ever? when has my writing ever gone in that direction and ended poorly?

i'll say this: a good writer always has a reason for his/her choices in the storyline. choices that are necessary for the plot, the climax, and the conclusion. it's up to you, as the reader, to know and understand how the author writes, and when something seems off, it's up to you to either stop reading, or have faith in the author and keep reading to find out why they made that choice. you will not know the answer until the end.

I don't mind if people have stopped reading muffins just because like... you got bored of it (like me and the twilight series), or it was just a phase (like me and the twilight series), or some other LOGICAL and non self centered reason. but the two things I hate is when people literally stop reading just because it's been a long time between releases, or they stop reading because of what I just mentioned above. it really shows poorly on your character, as well as displays an incredibly low passion for reading. now, I'm not a super awesome fantastical writer, and muffins isn't turn of the century, nor is it the best of my abilities (well, some parts are). there are some fans who would disagree and say it's the best series ever, and I'm all like, "really? what else have you read?" maybe it's better than I think it is simply because I absolutely MUST tell myself that everything I do is a piece of shit. but still, to stop reading because a FICTIONAL story has become too unrealistic? one with magic, talking ponies, and a society that has been so peaceful for so long, they are not prepared, nor trained for such evil villains? I have kept a lot of realistic elements, sort of mixing the MLP universe with our own. but the bottom line is, this is fiction. and even in the canon universe, Pinkie Pie can and HAS done absolutely impossible and unrealistic things. then you have three other ponies blood related to her... I'm toying with the kind of universe I never have before; not even the Harry Potter universe is so malleable. so this reason to stop reading isn't just illogical... it's stupid.

I cannot force you to start reading again if this was your reason for quitting, but I can tell you that you should feel very silly about it. you should feel REALLY stupid. do I have to mention Sosuke Aizen again? just... seriously, make sure you have all of your eggs in one basket before you fucking throw them at me.

speaking of Sosuke Aizen, I'm sick and tired of seeing people's OCs being called "mary sue." if the definition of a mary sue is, "perfect, all powerful, no flaws, never fails," then, by that logic, almost EVERY MAIN PROTAGONIST AND ANTAGONIST IN PROFESSIONAL WORKS IS A MARY SUE. I always thought mary sue meant "plain," like... generic, simple, and just like any old character... like a plain jane. I think it USED to mean that, but suddenly it means any character that has personality or creativity behind it, and just happens to be overpowered... like Sosuke Aizen, Kurosaki Ichigo, that one Fullbringer at the end of Bleach (I HAAAAAAAAAATE HIM!!!!!!!!) or Ash Ketchum (minus the never winning a league), countless Pokémon, Yagami Light, Voldemort, many DBZ characters, that girl from Fruits Basket who, for some reason, I can't remember the name of because it's been so long, my beloved Hannibal Lecter, many video game characters like Dante, Sonic, Mario, a lot of Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter characters (curse you, M. Bison!!!!), and many, MANY more!! even wrestling characters like John Cena, Roman Reigns, Kane, Undertaker, Randy Orton sometimes, etc. ALL MARY SUE. ALL COPYRIGHTED CHARACTERS. IN REALLY GOOD MEDIA... sometimes. wrestling is kind of iffy when storylines are just... just awful...

from the way I see it, "mary sue" is just another way to harass other artists online for one reason or another. if you don't like the way a character is designed, written, or whatever your beef is, then just get over it, keep it to yourself, and move on... unless it's that fucking Fullbringer at the end of Bleach. what's his name? *looks it up* TSUKISHIMA SHUKURO!!! FUCK YOU, TSUKISHIMA!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!! I HATE the Fullbringer arc more than the Bount arc!!! the whole time, I was saying, "you can't be more powerful than Aizen! YOU CAN'T BE MORE POWERFUL THAN FUCKING AIZEN!!!"

anyway... so I know my fans and reitannites aren't these idiots. XD I also know that this is another one of my Reitanna-complains-about-small-things-as-if-they-were-big-things rants, but you'd be surprised about how toxic than small things can turn into if they sit in my mind long enough. another thing I wish I could control. it's like... it's like if I stopped reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as soon as it was revealed that Voldemort could fly without a broom...

Yer a wizard Harry.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I'm sorry, but not everyone gets a happy childhood, not everyone has loving parents, and not everyone grows up properly to be healthy, functioning adults. I'd love to trade you. then you could have all of my nightmares. you could have my flashbacks. you could have all of my problems. and I'd be free. I'm as responsible as I know how to be, but with some of us, we can't control how immature we are. some of us didn't get a chance to be a child. some of us lost our innocence so young, that's what we thought childhood was SUPPOSED to be like. for some of us, it's too late. you can't teach an old dog new tricks. the fact that I am able to recognize my immaturity is a strength. but you accuse me of being childish as if I choose to be, and that I enjoy it. I enjoy cartoons, video games, toys, stuffed animals, cute clothes, and cute things. I do not enjoy being afraid of people taller than me, I do not enjoy being so sensitive, I do not enjoy being unable to handle criticism, I do not enjoy having panic attacks every time I'm faced with legal paperwork. please trade me, you blessed soul. please give me your perfect childhood, your perfect parents, and your healthy mind. please erase my memories. please do anything but act like I chose this.

but you know what? no matter how immature I am, no matter how ill I am, I'd much rather be me than someone like you who enjoys triggering people with PTSD and making them cry, forcing them to remember that they were never loved. I've had nightmares every single night since I moved, making this the longest "nightmare" season I've ever had. being back in Idaho may be causing it, or it could be coincidence. either way, I try to be the best person I can be, I am nice to anyone who has not been unkind first, I am a loyal friend, I've saved many people from suicide, I've helped people who are in the same situations I was, some not as bad, some WAY worse. I've never done drugs, I don't drink, I stayed in school and did something neither of my parents did: graduated high school. I've accomplished things they did not, things that I didn't think I was capable of. and though circumstances have led me to be even more afraid of the outside world, it doesn't mean I'm a failure, even though mommy told me I always would be. even though my father once said I'd become pregnant at sixteen. even though my father's mother told me I would get raped, used, and abused by men and have to come to her begging for money.

no. I have been with the most caring, selfless, kind, and affectionate man for over almost eight years (I said nine once, I can't math, but my boyfriend can), we've been living together nearly the entire time, I have never needed to ask my family for money, we pay rent, I pay student loans from COLLEGE, which my parents never went to either, we take care of our child like he were human, and we successfully moved to a better place, a place where we can afford to see movies in theaters, a place where we can finally go on dates and eat out together, a place where we can do all of the things new couples usually do. we went to see a movie a week or so ago, and it was the first time in our entire relationship that we've EVER gotten to do that. we're soon going to go to the courthouse and get our marriage license. I take medication every day to suppress mania, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to get to sleep. my life is a daily struggle, but I STILL am succeeding at things, I'm still fighting every day, I'm still trying to help myself within the best of my limited abilities. I still do my best to help people who I empathize with, and I don't empathize with many people very well. I love so hard because I never got love. and still, I have never sought escape through illegal or harmful means.

I don't say any of this for pity or sympathy, and unlike I usually do, I don't say this as a plea for you to understand. no, this time, I say this to show you that, despite my struggles, despite my problems, despite EVERYTHING, I'd rather be me than you. I am better than you. I am stronger than you, even with my weaknesses. and you know what? people like me are better than you. people NOT like me, people who are like my best friend and my boyfriend are better than you. I've met CHILDREN you are better than you. I've met people who literally have endured so much more hell than me, I feel sick just thinking about it, that they don't deserve it, things that should NEVER happen to ANYONE, things that god let happen for his/her sick amusement... and they are better than you. and we're all proud to not be you. you are a fool. how dare you blame me for things I cannot control, things I would literally give both of my legs to cure. there is no cure. there may never will be. I'm not a saint, but I'm the best me that is within my control. and I am SO much better than you.

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices."

"All you can do in life is try your hardest. If you still can't please them, then they're not worth having in your life."

Go ahead and pray to your god for forgiveness. I guarantee he/she will listen, but he/she will simply laugh and continue watching his/her creatures destroy each other. because to him/her, child abuse, rape, murder, torture, and illnesses with no cure, illnesses that we did not cause ourselves are funny. fucking hilarious. there are sickos out there who rape babies. infants. creatures that have not had the chance to even learn right from wrong. think about that and answer me this: where is your god?

  • Drinking: water
so... there was a mass stabbing here... not here as in MY apartment complex, but here as in in boise. it happened on sunday I think? it was at a low-income apartment complex for refugees, and this guy from LA California (GO FIGURE) attacked... oh, you'll love this, all you people who think there's good in everyone... this guy attacked a three year old girl's birthday party! there were 9 critically wounded, six of them children, including the birthday girl, and guess what? SHE DIED! a three year old girl on her birthday got stabbed and died in the hospital while good people were trying to save her. A TODDLER. DIED. ON HER BIRTHDAY. BECAUSE SHE WAS STABBED.

apparently the guy isn't a refugee, but he was living at the apartment complex for a short time before he was kicked out. they haven't said why he was kicked out, but I'm guessing it's because he pretended to be a refugee and they found out he wasn't, OR he was violent and disruptive. this guy's got a long criminal history, and apparently has been travelling through states since earlier this year. the dick isn't even talking. they ask him if he understands what he did wrong, and he says, "I don't understand none of this, sir." except he's perfectly coherent, he's not showing signs of not being in his right mind.

when I was in California, from age 10 to 27, I used to say, "I don't remember people being this horrible in Idaho." was it just because I was a kid and didn't understand? but for the short time I've lived here, despite this being a red state (boise, however, is a lot more progressive), everyone is so nice, complete strangers start conversations with each other, even on the bus. I had never seen a bus with so few people so talkative. now, I'm not saying everyone in Idaho is a saint, and everyone in California is a monster, because that's not true. in fact, the crime rate in boise vs. san diego are relatively close in numbers. but that's the san diego COUNTY, I never lived in san diego city. the rates for both were very reasonable, below the national average, san diego county being 15% lower, and boise being 8%. that's a county vs. a city. LA is 13% HIGHER than the national average. I lived in the city of Poway, and the crime rate is a whopping 61% lower than the national average.

of course, that's counting the crime rate itself, not for specifically violent crimes like these. according to the articles I've read about the stabbing, this is the largest violent crime that's ever happened in boise history. it makes me laugh, but not because I'm happy. it makes me laugh because a guy killed a three year old on her birthday (or technically the day after since she was hospitalized). no, I'm not happy for that, either. I think it's funny that the guy had the ability to choose to stab children and their families enjoying a happy occasion. I think it's funny that ALL of us have that choice. I think it's funny because evil like this exists "under god." this child died, and the other five children are so injured, their entire lives will be forever altered.

listen, god? if you want people to know you're not a good guy/girl, you've got to start destroying some churches, and not with humans, either. I'm talking natural disasters. because you've been doing this human thing for a long ass time, and people still think you're good. I mean, you HAVE been trying to tell us you're bad, right? trying to get our attention and tell us to stop referring to you as our shepherd? or do you think it's funny? not the same kind of funny I think it is... do you think it's "ha ha" funny? are you happy that you took a three year old girl away from her family forever? and you've been doing a LOT of shitty stuff in the world as of late, but people are stupider than you made them, you've gotta TELL us that we can't count on you...

or maybe I'm talking to nothing.
  • Drinking: water
when you're on the computer, and you copy some text or something, do you ever feel like your mouse is actually CARRYING something? like physically, and when you paste it, the mouse is no longer carrying anything. I've always felt like that for many years.

if they're gonna force us to use low flow toilets, at least make the hole everything goes down bigger.

they say not to clean your ears with Q-tips because you could damage your ear drum... but what moron sticks a Q-tip STRAIGHT INTO THE EAR?? you're supposed to clean the areas AROUND the ear hole thingie! I still use them because I know what I'm doing.

what if "real life" is the dream, and dreaming is actually real life?

why do people use an eggplant emoji to represent the penis? do they know how big eggplants are? if you can fit one of those giant berries up your vagina, childbirth must be easy, but I bet sex sucks.

speaking of genetalia, I always thought it was funny that "penis" and "vagina" are considered naughty words... but they're the scientific terms.

so, Trump made friends with one of the world's most dangerous dictators, Kim Jun-Un.... he said that Jun-Un fired one of his staff members... I'm not sure if he understands what it means to be "fired" in North Korea by their psychotic leader. He seems blissfully unaware that the word "fire" will be preceded with the words "ready" and "aim."

The sun is dangerous. heat is dangerous. we learned this stuff in school. so why do schools insist on forcing kids, who have much more sensitive bodies, to do rigorous athletic activity when the sun is at its highest and it's hotter than hell?

what the hell are pineapples? they're fruit, obviously, but they're so... weird... delicious, but so different than all the other fruits.

if we're so concerned about starving kids in Africa, why don't we send them food?

Dear Canada... not ALL Americans are bad, please don't judge all of us based on the actions of our leaders... we still want to be allies.

pink used to be a "boy color."

so... since Harry was a Horcrux, shouldn't that mean that EVERYONE he's EVER been around would've been put in irrational, bad moods like when they wore Slytherin's locket?

in the Pokémon anime, it's been established that Pokémon do indeed level up. in the games, the max level is 100. wouldn't that mean that Ash's Pikachu is maxed out by now? why does he even lose some of his battles? and moreover, why are Team Rocket still interested in him?

as a follow up... in the anime, did people name the Pokémon after what they said? or did people invent the names and the Pokémon started saying them? either way, SOMEONE is pronouncing "Charizard" wrong.

safety pins aren't really all that safe.

do plants think?

people are worried about the extinction of the honey bee... when they're the ones killing the flowers.

"ignorance is bliss." yes it is... because most people are ignorant as to what that phrase means, seeing as how no one seems to know that there's a second part that negates the meaning.

how do you tell someone you don't care about their artwork nicely? like, when they want to share all this stuff with you, and you just keep smiling and nodding like you understand back stories of their characters and shit... but you just want to say, "I don't care." that's rude... but you shouldn't pretend to care, because that's lying.

on a related note... that moment where you see someone who can't draw and you want to tell them their drawing looks like shit... and then you remember that that's really mean.

if a popular YouTuber constantly violates the guidelines, they don't get banned like a smaller channel would. why? because that popular YouTuber is making money, and if they banned them for breaking the rules, they'd go bankrupt. logic.
  • Drinking: water
there's an art thief who stole many of my own drawings. it seems 90% of her gallery is filled with stolen art and screenshots from cartoons and movies. go through her gallery, and if you see something that's yours, report her and file a DMCA takedown notice. if you recognize someone else's art, notify the original artist immediately.

I'm going to give her a chance to take my stuff down by choice. if she does not comply, I will take legal action myself. she also speaks Spanish, very little English it seems, so if you speak Spanish, let her know just how you feel about her stealing other people's hard work. I am so SICK and tired of people like this. why can't we all just be good and honest?

  • Listening to: my boyfriend watching NXT
  • Eating: salt water taffy
  • Drinking: arizona tea
kudos to anyone who gets the title reference.

anyway, I just fixed some permissions for the reitannite group and muffins group, so people should be allowed to submit to almost all folders. there are a couple folders that only I can submit to, as they are for official content, such as the actual muffins stories, Reitanna fiction, and my soap box. if there are still problems... well, I dunno how to fix them. I was only able to fix these because of a tutorial recommended to me by someone... don't remember their screen name... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
  • Drinking: water
fuckin... I don't know who to blame, NVIDIA or Twitch! I just WASTED four hours of my fucking day streaming Doki Doki Literature Club, FOUR HOURS that could've been productive, BUT NO. THE VIDEO HAS NO FUCKING SOUND. my mic is plugged in, my settings are set to what they always are, I can hear ANYTHING else, but FUCK. FUCKING LET'S PLAY HAS NO FUCKING SOUND. FOUR HOURS. I am SO MAD. it was funny! it was entertaining! it was an attempt to get my channel back on track! NO. THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. I want to yell at someone, I want to chew them out. again, I dunno if it's NVIDIA or Twitch! YOU RUINED MY FUCKING STREAM!! today was supposed to be a GOOD DAY. AND NOW I HAVE A USELESS VIDEO UPLOADED ON MY USELESS TWITCH CHANNEL THAT JUST PROVES THAT EVERYTHING I DO IS USELESS. why do I even try? why do I try to have fun or be happy? it all just falls apart anyway! FUCK! it's been a long time since I've wanted to just rage and break things, BUT THIS DIDN'T NEED TO HAPPEN! everything is as it always has been! there's no fucking reason for there not to be sound! FOUR FUCKING HOURS WITHOUT ANY BREAKS. maybe that's the universe telling me not to play that game. I don't know why! I already have seen it played! I know what happens, I know the secrets, all the endings, the theories! it's not like I don't KNOW what the game is about! I can't get that time back! a lot of energy went into that recording! I FUCKING HATE TECHNOLOGY RIGHT NOW! I bet it's Twitch. I bet it's fucking Twitch. Twitch fucking SUCKS. it's broken! it never does what I tell it to! download your stream? nope. cut it into fifteen minute videos when exporting to youtube? nope. export to youtube? yeah, but you have to LOG IN TO THE TWITCH HELP CENTER FIRST, BECAUSE APPARENTLY BEING LOGGED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT ISN'T THE SAME THING. maybe I shouldn't stream! ever again! NEVER! FUCK! THE LITTLE THINGS! THAT'S ALL I ASK! CAN'T I JUST HAVE THE LITTLE THINGS?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!!!!!!!!!! as soon as I figure out whose fault this is, I'M GOING OFF ON THEM. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW. AND WRITING THIS JOURNAL ISN'T EVEN HELPING!!!


look. I have every right to be angry and express it. it's not hurting anyone. KdogTop actually hit the nail on the head, and I appreciate that comment so much, I featured it. what do you think happens when you keep your emotions inside? you'll end up hurting yourself, someone else, or start destroying property. when I was a teenager, I also was conditioned to believe we had to not express our emotions. I was also not on medication. guess what? I put holes through walls. I broke picture frames. I clawed at my skin with these deadly things:
Heart Gloves by Reitanna-Seishin

sorry, that's the only picture I could quickly find that even remotely shows how long my nails used to be. so what did I do last night? stared at my soundless video in disbelief. tried desperately to find out if I could restore it. figured out there was no reason for it to have done that. put my head in my hands. raged in a journal. laid down with mike and cried. then I took my rat into the closet to play and cuddle, ate dinner, and went to bed. nothing is destroyed, and no one is hurt. telling me to "take a chill pill" is the stupidest thing anyone could say. like I said, I'm ALLOWED to be angry. we are human beings, and we have emotions. they are the driving force behind everything we do. society tells us to bottle up our sadness and anger, and in worse case scenarios, that creates criminal behavior, or at least boost it. regardless, it creates DANGEROUS behavior. if you need to cry, fucking cry. if you need to vent, fucking vent. because otherwise it's just going to fester inside of you until the bottle breaks. I think a paragraph of angry text with swears and capitalized words is pretty harmless, don't you? I needed to yell, but you can't exactly yell in an apartment. you know. WITH NEIGHBORS? I think it pretty shitty of people to tell me to calm down. today, I'm still very pissed about it, and I don't know what to do, but at least I'm calm, and at least I don't feel like breaking things. the journal helped me yell, but it was the cry and rat therapy that REALLY helped. I'd say the journal didn't help me feel better, but I feel like, if I hadn't written it, I wouldn't have cried, and that's what I needed.

so instead of telling me to relax, how about you either express your own hatred for technology, or maybe even say, "that sucks." but I never asked for any advice on how to deal with my emotions. there's a reason I haven't self harmed in nearly two years, and it's not just my medication. it's because I'm not like all the sheep who believe they need to show the emotional level of a shovel. my medication just makes it so my emotions don't get out of control, making me feel them ten times more than I should. if you see someone venting, and you can't say anything civil, stay out of it. don't comment. actually, I would've disabled comments on this journal if I had the option.

maybe y'all need to have a little explosion once in awhile, or maybe even a good cry. just go cry. if more people cried when they needed to, we wouldn't torture each other and make fun of each other for feeling anything other than happiness. men have it the worst. society says men CAN'T show emotions, otherwise they're not masculine. I wish I could change the world, but I can't, or I would've done it already.

that does remind me though, my nails are getting WAY too long.
I am now in boise, Idaho, and MAN, this place is pretty! the grass is actually green, there are real leaves on trees, WE SAW A DUCK LAST NIGHT, it rained like three times, and the air smells SOOOO fresh! you can even drink the tap water!! we are actually on the third floor, which is hell on my knees AND my paranoia (I have trouble going down stairs ever since my friend nearly pushed me down an escalator), but the apartment is NOICE! lots of storage space, living room and bedroom are very spacey, there are bike racks (I'm suggesting to mike that we get a pair of bikes for short distance travel), and it seems there's a private garden area with plots for each apartment. I'm not really a gardener though. :/ Jerry did REALLY well on the trip up here, we're proud of him, and he seems really happy with the fresh air coming through when we open the windows. having natural light illuminating the place is also just... just so relaxing... we still have to wait until all of our stuff gets here, so it's really empty, but we only have to wait a week.

mike just went to work. we checked out the walgreens yesterday, and it's pretty nice. I just hope the employees there are nice. poor babe was crying because he made friends at his old store that he's going to miss. I don't blame him, really. it was really hard saying goodbye to sempai, but it's not like it's goodbye forever.

we walked like two miles yesterday to see what's around, and there's quite a bit of stuff. me and my fat ass and torn ankle tendon did not have fun walking, and I got a huge blister on my toe, but that's what happens when you're depressed and indulge in your addictions. sugar may be more addictive than cocaine, but I'd rather be addicted to the sweet stuff than the latter. I've got to work on my sleeping habits too, though yesterday I woke up at 11 (10 pacific time) and felt pretty damn good, whereas before I was sleeping in until between 2 and 5 in the afternoon. I started shark week last night though, so it's not time to work on fixing those habits quite yet.

I'm also gonna shave my head again. this bald spot on my scalp is not going to look any better with the rest of my hair, so I may's well give my scalp an even playing field. I need to work on not pulling so I can have hair worthy of being shown in public without a hat to hide it, maybe I can even start coloring it again. I also am going to try harder to not pick my skin. that might be harder than not pulling my hair, but if I ever want to feel confident in my appearance, it needs to be done. and I should be allowed to like how I look, right? "no, Reitanna," says the assholes, "because if you have any confidence, that means you're self centered and narcissistic!" self esteem and narcissism are not the same things. so sorry if I want to be able to show my face on youtube again. sorry, I'm being bitchy, blame Aunt Flow.

let's see... there are candy stores, there is a thrift store where all the proceeds go to animal rescues, there's a small zoo, movies here are SO CHEAP!!! Michael went to see the avengers infinite war for.... *drumroll* EIGHT. DOLLARS. on a sunday! avocados are expensive here, but potatoes are cheap. I wonder why. it's because avocados grow well in hot, dry places like SoCal, and Idaho is the potato state.

not sure what else I have to say ATM. but I feel good. it's not an overwhelming excitement that you get when things are too good to be true, it's a content feeling, relaxing, like I can finally take a breath and let it out slowly without dropping a ton of shit put on my shoulders. I left all that shit in shithole SoCal. oh! and EGGS! eggs and milk! SO CHEAP!! food is taxed, but the tax rate here is only 6%, and there's no CRV for drinks. in California, the tax rate is up to 10% now, I think. okay, NOW that's all I have to say. if anything really neat happens, i'll be sure to write about it, whether people care or not. XD
  • Listening to: birds outside the window :3
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
Orbit died. we don't really know how it happened. he was obsessively cleaning his penis, and we had experience with that sign; Tommy was doing the same thing. Orbie was also really lethargic, which was another sign of what Tommy struggled with for the last year of his life; a urinary tract infection. well, we saved Tommy from the brink of death twice with some antibiotics I never had to use when I got my teeth pulled, so that's what we did with Orbie. he took it the first two times, and then refused to take any more, no matter what we mixed it with. unfortunately, since we were convinced it was a UTI, we had to force the doses from there, but it was only two of them. I felt really bad because he did NOT need that stress.

but he wasn't getting better. he became more lethargic, would eat less and less, and stopped drinking. today, he barely moved at all. while mike was at work, I held him and begged him to stay with us, and I told whatever god may or may not be up there that Orbie did NOT deserve this, so don't take him. then I saw a tiny red dot travelling across his fur... both Jerry and Orbit have thick, luscious fur, so if there's something hiding within it, it's not quite that obvious... and that's when I stopped crying.

I sat him down, saying, "I can fix you! I can save you!" and ran around the house to gather the supplies I needed. why? Orbie had lice, and we've dealt with THEM before too. Jerry had them too, but he's been as energetic as always, so I theorized that maybe Orbie's blood tastes better. so I gave Orbie a bath. I know this was stressful for him, but he could barely move, he was so weak. after the bath, I drenched him in olive oil to suffocate the lice. then I dried him off (as much as I could with the oil), and wrapped him in a blanket for warmth. I proceeded to do the same thing with Jerry, but HE had plenty of energy, and he was NOT easy to bathe since he hates water. still, I saw the lice on him, and it had to be done.

I was fully convinced that, now that I found the real problem, he could be saved. I was wrong.

a few hours after his bath, he passed away. we don't know exactly how this happened. did he have a UTI AND lice? did he have lice and a problem we couldn't see? did us stressing him out help kill him? he was not that old, and worse, he was mad at us for forcing medicine down his throat, so he never gave me goodbye kisses like Tommy had... I held Orbie's body and cried. rats die with their eyes open, so I looked into his face, hoping his little nose would start twitching again, but no. his fat body remained limp and lifeless, and it got colder by the minute.

I inspected his skin, being able to see the lice corpses now that Orbie's fur was clumped with oil. there was SO many of them, and even little groups in certain places. the stupid bugs practically sucked him dry. we've dealt with this particular louse many times, and we're sick of it. they can only be passes from rat to rat, and they only feed off of rats, so if they don't have rat blood, they don't survive. why have we gotten them so many times?


our rats don't go outside. that's the only way they'd logically be able to get the lice. but guess what? or front door doesn't fit the door frame. bugs get in all the time, but if the louse is transferred from rat to rat, how do they keep finding OUR rats? our theory is that a pack of wild rats might live nearby, and may have possibly gotten into our apartment by squeezing through the gap in the door. rodents have collapsible skeletons, so they can fit through spaces that look much smaller than their bodies. we've never seen a wild rat in our home, but if our clean, domestic rats are getting lice, the wild rats HAVE to be close enough for the lice to sense that there are more rats to infect. wild rats are tougher, more resilient, and... don't live as long as domestic rats, so these lice are very dangerous for a pet rat bred in captivity.

but we don't know EXACTLY what the deciding factor was in Orbie's passing, but it doesn't change the fact that both Mike and I are blaming ourselves, tell each other that it's not our fault, and say it's either neither of our faults, or both of our faults. Orbie was such a good rat, he was so lovey, he was well behaved, he was SO sweet... if there is a god, he/she had no right to take my child from me. but I've said it before, either there is no god, or he's a sick bastard that gets off on watching all of us suffer in any way he can think.

Jerry sniffed Orbie's body, but I don't think he fully realizes that his beloved brother is gone. they've been side by side every single day since they were born, and they LOVED each other. they didn't even fight with each other like male rats usually do! I hate imagining him going into his cage and wondering where his brother is. why isn't he coming back? where did he go? Tommy was a warrior, he dealt with the loneliness like a champ. I hope Jerry can be just as strong, because unfortunately, he's not getting new cage mates; we'd have to pay another hundred dollars in our rent every month. so... Jerry is going to have to sleep alone at night, and that breaks my heart. of course, Mike and I will give him EXTRA, EXTRA love, but it's not the same as having a member of your species around to talk to, especially your twin. social animals like rats, ferrets, and guinea pigs can die from depression due to the loss of a cage mate (that's how Ezio died), and I'm praying to mother nature to let Jerry stay happy and strong enough to live the rest of his natural life like Tommy did.

there was no reason for this to happen. why did this have to happen? am I being punished for feeling happy for the first time in two-three years? I should've known better to be happy, this happens whenever I'm feeling good about something. but no, lord, people like me aren't allowed to be happy, are we?
when I see "kawaii" fashion, I usually see macarons, cute little colorful cookies originally from france (NOT macaroons). they're SO CUTE, and I had never even seen a real one before. then I was at trader joe's with my grandmother so I could get some gyoza for (I assume) will be the last time, unless they carry some in stores in boise... it's hard to find vegitable gyoza... anyway, I saw boxes of macarons, and I was like, "NO WAY!!!!!!" so I bought a box, and when I got home, I tasted one (even though I should've let them thaw first), and it was really good. it's an interesting flavor, no matter what flavor it is because you can REALLY taste the almond in them. I also managed to find some ice cream mochi and salt water taffy. these are things you just don't find often!

we packed all of our boxes into a uhaul crate, so that's done. just eight more days until we get to say goodbye to this apartment forever.


dammit, autocorrect messed up my journal... I fixed it... it was MOCHI, not mocha!
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: lime cucumber gatoraid
so it looks like we found an apartment in boise! we submitted an application for the rats, and it was approved, so we just signed the lease, which means we have somewhere to go! IT'S HAPPENING!!! the boxes are piling up, the plans are in motion, mike has already got a job waiting for him out there, which is ten minutes (walking) away from our new apartment, our place has water covered, WASHER AND DRYER IN THE APARTMENT!!! no more waiting for people who forgot their laundry to come get their fucking laundry! and no more paying three bucks per load!! the apartment is bigger than ours by like... 200 square feet, and with the pet deposit, it's $1000 per month!!!!!!!!! AND MIKE GETS TO KEEP HIS PAY RATE HE WAS GETTING OUT HERE!!!! what does that mean? IT MEANS WE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY!!!!!!!! and THAT means no more sitting around all the time, it means being able to go places and do stuff, it means eating better, it means providing the boys with better care, and it means that we could potentially get into a HOUSE house after our lease there is up, which is one year. one year means that we won't be STUCK there if we want to leave. oh, and we'll be in a more comfortable community, so we can open our drapes and let sunlight in, open the windows every now and then for fresh air, and we won't be stuck in the dark so that every time I walk outside in the daytime, I am LITERALLY blinded for a good five minutes. (wish I were joking.) and let's hope the walls are thicker so that, when I'm recording something, I can be a little less careful about the volume of my voice, but that's not a HUGE deal. oh, and if my confidence is high enough and I find a friend willing to do this with me, the complex has an exercise place with equipment and stuff so maybe I can FINALLY FIT INTO THOSE GODDAMN PLEATHER PANTS THAT I WOULD LOOK GREAT IN IF I HAD THE BODY!! and then there's my personal promise to myself that, if I can flatten my tummy to my liking, I want to get a belly piercing. and with regular exercising at the ready, as well as counting calories, I can still eat pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't go crazy.

the probability of my happiness returning is very high, and when I'm happy, I'm motivated and more productive. as long as we can find low income insurance and psychiatrist for me, i'll feel SO much better! I can't promise that i'll be like... pushing out a page of PWF a day like I used to, but I know that I will be happier, and mike will be happier once he goes through training to be a computer tech thingie guy and gets to stop working retail. I'm just so excited that, after all this time complaining about this shitty place, we're FINALLY leaving, there is an ACTUAL end in sight! I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but maybe, just MAYBE this is the turning point, THIS is when life will stop throwing the hard shit at me for no reason. yes, life is a bitch if you're not rich, but come on, karma, if you exist, you're sure being lazy. maybe I can even get myself to stop picking my skin and pulling my hair so much. yes, I know how real life works, and I know it won't be easy living just because we'll be able to afford stuff and not struggle so hard, and yes, life is unpredictable, but I know myself, and I know Idaho, so I know that, overall, my family and I will be much happier. if my motivation is revived, i'll want to work harder to take care of myself, and maybe I can actually be the hot girlfriend that the nerd gets to hold hands with... and then the hot wife that isn't the nerd's ball and chain. XD I'm not making sense. I don't care. I'm very happy.
  • Watching: Aggretsuko
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: tea
so, two black guys walk into a starbucks....

no, this is not the beginning of a racist joke. it is the beginning of something that happened recently, something that is one of the many things proving that we're not getting any better as a society.

two black men go into a starbucks to wait for a friend before they order something. THREE MINUTES after they walk in and sit down, one of the employees calls the police and claims that they refused to buy anything. guess what? both men were arrested. not sure what happened after that.

here's the thing (one of the things).... YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY ANYTHING AT STARBUCKS TO HANG OUT THERE. teens go there to chill (my friends and I used to all the time, and we didn't have money for coffee), people go there to focus on whatever they're working on on their laptops, and people sit inside to wait for their friends because it's the perfect meeting place; everyone knows what a starbucks looks like.

another thing. what does the word "refuse" mean? "to indicate or show that one is not willing to do something." how did these men refuse anything? did she ask them if they were going to order something and they said no? even if she had (which she didn't), they would have said, "we're waiting for our friend before we order" or something like that. they didn't come in yelling, "eh! look at us big black dudes comin inta ya starbucks and not buyin anythin!!" because for some reason I made them sound like stereotypical new yorkers. they walked in, and they sat down.

and what really gets me is that the bitch called the police after THREE MINUTES!!! listen, if they were going to cause trouble, they would've done it right away. is she just SO afraid of black people, she can't wait ten minutes to see if they were going to cause trouble? or even ask them what they were doing? not that she needed to, because no one gets kicked out of starbucks for not buying anything! I'd bet money if they had been two white dudes with the exact same build, she wouldn't have batted an eyelash. you know what, a pair of white bikers could walk in, and she wouldn't have called the police. why? because white guys are harmless! right? no white guy has EVER hurt anyone, killed anyone, raped anyone, or robbed a place! nope! because white people are SAFE!

listen, I know that this is just one out of many offences of racism, and I know it's not even the worst case. but this was such a miniscule thing to call the cops over, it really pushed my "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?" meter up to eleven. overall, we should be better than this by now, we should be passed racism, but we're NOT. with prejudice in general, it almost seems as though people are trying to move backward while good people are trying to solve the problem, but let's face it, majority wins. I don't know why no one stood up for those men. I would've asked, "wait, what did they do?" I would've intervened. a little white girl, huh? the safest kind of cracker there is. no little white girl has harmed anyone. mob psychology says, if little white bitch protests, everyone else would follow suit, especially if little white bitch accuses the incident of being racially biased, because a lot of people are insecure and want other people to think for them. people will say to themselves, "well, I don't want to look racist! I should agree!" even though they wouldn't have stood up on their own.

PLURALISTIC IGNORANCE. people in a group won't act because they're waiting for someone else to do something. sheep. baaaah.

and we can complain. we can rant. we can try to speak out. but that does nothing. if it hasn't done anything so far, it never will. the only thing it can do is spread awareness, but when that awareness gets to someone who CAN do something, will that person care? or will they be just an old white guy who grew up under the confederate flag?

"Sometimes hate is the only real thing in the world... you can stop loving someone, but hate seems to go on forever."
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
just wanted to let you guys know that my Drarry fic, "Eye Candy," has been updated on my Quotev. go there or be square... well, except that it's hip to be square... go there or Patrick Bateman will kill you with an axe.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
someone on youtube told me Tara Strong mentioned Muffins at a panel, and I found a video where she does indeed mention it. granted, she hasn't read it, nor did she sound quite happy about it because she knows the general concept, but the fact that one of my favorite voice actors of all time actually acknowledged its existence is THE BEST THING EVER!! despite some of the things she done voices for, she doesn't strike me as the type to enjoy such horror stories, but GOD, that made me squeal. I'd love to meet her and ask her to say one of Twilight's lines from Muffins, but I'd choose one that doesn't really portray the cruelty of the story... not sure what I'd ask... maybe, "I never realized how pretty your eyes are, Minkie." it'd be nice to hear Minkie's name said by one of the actual voice actors of the mane six.

if you could choose any of Twilight's lines from Muffins (dark or not), what one would you have Tara Strong say?…

she mentions Muffins toward the very end.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
I'm building a casino located in Central Wayward City, and I can't figure out what to name it. I'm actually against casinos, so I don't even know where to start. I've been to a couple with Michael (he gambles, but he's actually a smart gambler, but I still don't like it), so I have a general feel of what they're supposed to look like... just... name... Wayward City establishment name... help?
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
why. why? WHY. why can't we put quotation marks in titles? no but really. WHY do people think it's okay to post my stories elsewhere without permission just because they credit me? to all fans of Muffins, I hope you're reading this, and I wish I knew how to make the text bigger...


look, Muffins got popular by accident, just like Playing with Fire. I did not write it with the intention of gaining watchers or subscribers on youtube. people just really liked it, and I liked writing them. I put in a lot of hard work when I write my stories, and even harder work when I narrate them for video format. if you want to get popular on the internet, you're not going to succeed by wanting to get popular! you need to have a passion, you need to work hard, you need to do something you love doing regardless if it results in popularity or not. you should not care about how many people like your stuff, you should only care about what you enjoy doing. the people who like your stuff are lucky that you shared it with them. this generation, studies have proven, care more about being famous than being KIND. that is REALLY sad. actually, I had someone message me yesterday, someone who was torn between working on a project that all of their fans liked, or working on a less popular project that they were passionate about. I told them straight up to NEVER let people convince you to do what they want. I myself made that mistake with, guess what? Muffins. and now I have trouble working on it because I'm exhausted. Playing with Fire is a bit of a different story; I was coming out with like a page a day, I burnt myself out. don't get me wrong, I love it, and I WILL finish it before I die, but an artist's most popular series should not be the artist's focus if they are not passionate about working on it at that time, or it will have poor quality.

stop caring about fame. I'm not famous. hell, I'm not even really considered well-known. I'm RECOGNIZABLE. some people see my work and say, "oh, I know who did that!" some people recognize my name or face. that's it... SOME PEOPLE. yeah, being famous sure would be nice, but only because the money would help Michael and I live in this god forsaken country. many famous people have miserable lives because they let the fame go to their heads, they do something stupid because they think they can do anything, and then they ruin their reputation. I mean... you guys don't want to be like that idiot kid, Logan Paul, do you? cause if you do, I feel really sorry for you. however, if you want to be like Markiplier, great! he works very hard doing what he loves and making the best effort to bring you quality content. but he doesn't do it because he wants fame, he does it because he LOVES doing it. he most likely started out like everyone does... he just started doing video game walkthroughs before they were called "Let's Plays," and people really liked him. when an artist finds out people like what they're doing, they'll strive to make it better quality, but also to make themselves proud of their accomplishments, and no, that's not NARCISSIM, that's called self esteem. people like Markiplier genuinely care about their fans. but he if didn't enjoy doing something, he wouldn't force himself to do it.

I care about my fans and Reitannites, I do. but there's something that MAKES them fans in the first place, and that's their unwavering support. it's not, "building an army so my fans will protect me," it's not, "all eyes on me no matter what!" it's dedication, it's a good show of character, it's realizing that I'm no saint, I'm no god, and I'm far from perfect. it's seeing me as another human being just like them, and they enjoy their work and personality. and I can be fans of my fan's stuff as well. dude... when KingSpook began commenting on my videos, I was like WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a huge fan of his narrations, and he's become a fan of some of my stuff. we've even spoken through email, and that's just super cool. he's shared with me some problems of his, he's shown me his humanity, and he is flawed, like all of us. that doesn't change the fact that he works hard with what he does, and he likes doing it. those of you who see me as another person, I have the highest respect for you, and you are indeed the reason I've become recognizable. if it weren't for you, there's a lot of good things I would've missed out on...

but who I DON'T care for are the people who take me for granted, who ask me, "how do you become popular?" who constantly nag at me for stuff even if I've taken a hiatus. the people who say, "come on, it's been so long since the last muffins, just fucking post one already, or at LEAST make them into animations." real comment I got on youtube, sent to my "held for review" section because I blacklisted the word "muffins." that means the comments won't be seen unless I approve them, and it's how I filter out these kinds of shit comments. I don't care about the people who BITCH at me, the people who THREATEN me, the people who say, "if you don't post more, I'm gonna unsub!" do it then! unsub! it literally does nothing to the amount of success I've gained so far, and I don't want people like you on my channel anyway! I've had haters tell me, "you're so mean to your fans!" no, I am not. because those aren't fans. they are blind worshippers of the final product I create, they are people who claim that I'm the best person ever in the whole wide world because of that product, and they are the people who think I can just pop another story out of my ass just for them. well, if I WERE to shit out a story, you'd get nothing but shit, right?

but youtube's community seems to be way more toxic than DA's, and that's saying something. most of those "fakies," which I call them so that I sum them up in a single word, are on youtube, and not here. that means that most of you reading this are true people, people who also work hard because you're artists as well, you show good character, not just to me, but to MANY people, you have your own fans, and you understand that life isn't always a walk in the park. you guys are so great, I love seeing how much effort you put into fanart of my stuff, and it makes me go to your gallery and see all of the wonderful work you've done. I may not favorite it, but I only favorite stuff I plan to go back to, though in the past I favorite pretty much anything I liked... I WILL favorite cute animals from time to time. XD the point is, I don't see you as my minions or whatever, I don't see you as the platform that hold me up, I see you for what you are... PEOPLE. because history repeats itself... if I met one of YOU guys in person, I'd likely be more "star struck" than you. XD most of all, we come together through common interests, we can relate to each other in some way, and friendships are formed. I know that my level of devotion toward you guys has been very low lately, but life has been holding me down for quite a bit. I know, within this year, things will get better, and i'll be back to my old self again, though with more life experience, so as immature as I am, I will at least be more mature than I was. that's just going to happen regardless.

I uh... didn't plan on writing such a long thing. so if you read all of this, I commend you. but I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. dammit, if I hated all of you, I'd just say it, right? better to be hated for the truth than to be loved for a lie. but it's pretty clear to everyone (except the haters) who I hate and who I don't. anyway, that's really all I have to say right now, so... have a good rest of your day/night. :P
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: water
does anyone know where I can find FNAF models designed for Blender or Source Film Maker? Free to use, obviously... I feel like I've searched everywhere, and I can't seem to come up with anything.
  • Playing: The Sims 4
  • Drinking: tea