Steps to bettering my reputation on Deviantart and general life
1. Delete all but a few insulting journal entries to keep scant reminders of my transgressions.
2. Stop being a cowardly prick and don’t do what makes you deserve this treatment as little as possible. I blame nobody but myself for what I’ve done. The people who have called me out on what I’ve done and who struggled to help me in spite of my behavior deserve all the love in the world. I know most want nothing to do with me anymore, but I still believe they’re good people.
3. Where is my remorse? I know what I’ve done is wrong, but do I feel anything for what I did or the people I’ve hurt? Yes. But I have a lot of trouble properly expressing my thoughts and emotions, especially when it comes to the digital world. I hate emojis and emoticons so people never know when I’m joking or whatnot. I’m through pitying myself and being wish-washy and sad. It’s getting me nowhere and it only serves to make me look like a faker.
4. I’ve decided to separate myself entirely from Lily Orchard. I will not mention her anymore beyond this example. If I do feel free to block me. I know I’ve said this a lot in the past among everything else, but I’ve deleted all but a couple of those journals as well for proof of my commitment. None of this is meant to come off as egotistic, just facts. She is a terrible person and I understand this now; her content no longer matters to me and only serves to emphasize her worst qualities. Which brings me to:
5. I will stop mentioning people like MrEnter and even viewing their content if I don’t like them. Branch out, maybe explore different critics to broaden my tastes beyond a small gene pool. It’s a lot simpler than I made it out in the past. I’ll be getting out a lot more and actually LIVING. If I can’t even be social around these people, I don’t even need to talk about them.
6. I will Stop screaming about shows I don’t even watch anymore. I’ve stopped watching FiM because it displeases me, which is why I also stopped doing negative reviews because let’s face it, I find that doing stuff that makes you unhappy very confusing. I’ll stop talking about Starlight Glimmer, bad redemptions, everything of that ilk. I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut on stuff like this. If I do negative reviews, or have negative things to say, I will do everything in my power to control my rage to become more palatable and not come off as a psycho which, in hindsight is far too late to fix. I have been exploring various techniques to help me control what I say digitally.
7. Just stop making apologies and ACT ON WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING. Just stop being a shitty person and coming off as a psychopath. In fact this is the ONLY STEP I need to take and it’s so simple!
8. Learn how to spellcheck and punctuate properly. I have had friends who also don’t do this, but I am supposed to have the bare minimum requirements for literacy. I know I’m autistic, but I come off as just feeble when I can’t even spell correctly at times; or leave a word I didn’t mean to type.
9. Stop being AFRAID OF CERTAIN ANIMALS! What the fuck is WRONG WITH ME!? Why have I been so afraid of those creatures for my entire life? Why do their noises cause me such distress? It’s one thing to have an odd fear but me? I’m not helping anything to prove I’m not mental with this! If NOTHING ELSE, I need to conquer these fears for the outside world.
10. I made this list for nobody but myself as a reminder, because I have committed myself to change the way I am seen by myself and others. This is not to beg or grovel for forgiveness, but to show others I have changed for the betterment of myself. After digging from the well of excuses and bleeding it dry for so long, I am aware almost nobody will forgive me or give me anymore chances; I expect as much from my behavior. PROOF! PROOF is what people want that I have changed or intend to change for the better. And it is proof we all shall have!
And yes, my list is a rough facsimile of what was said here: www.deviantart.com/blackmoonpa…
It doesn’t make it any less true or worth committing to. I don’t expect him to forgive me either, but his list certainly gives me a good way to organize how I’ve set out to do this.