Faceless people in a crowd Crows are crowing, hearts exploding Sanity's the first to look for, last to find Running in place for miles Jumping and hopping, breaking bones and tearing skin Blood doesn't wash Brains splattering on the pavement, who's next in line Grab my hand, I'll rip it off Plucking nails and fingers crossed I'll gouge your eyes out Shout in silence, it's a beautiful night to die Bloodied feathers fall while I claw my wings off Do you see? Do you see now? I can't help if I'm insane, it's in my pores Rip the flesh and tear the skin Pull your teeth out, smash the ribs Will you make it? Or are you in the crowd?

I'm tired. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of being put down, of being told "Stop being so feministic!" Of being told to give up, to stop, to let it go. And I'm afraid I might just do that soon. Because I'm tired of fighting all the way there, of walking uphill in a snowstorm that just drags me down. I'm tired of living a life where I don't feel appreciated, where I feel as if they laugh behind my back and just wait for the opportunity to laugh in my face. I'm tired of being a feminist, if everyone tells me not to be. Even if I might feel insecure about some guys in my surroundings. Even if I don't feel safe walking home in the evening.

My head hurts. Can't I just put a knife through it and be done with it? I hate being lonely, not having anyone to be with. To call during evenings. To send cute little texts to when I'm bored. Why can't he look at me? I'm tired. Can't I go to sleep now? And just not wake up tomorrow?

It hurts. It hurts so much. Sometimes I just want to put a knife through my stomach and be done with it. But I think that would hurt too much. I want to get away from the pain, not have more. I just don't think I'd mind much if I went to sleep and just didn't wake up. My head hurts. My soul aches. I feel lonely. I just want someone to take away the pain. I'm afraid of what I might do otherwise. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I dream of drowning myself. Of taking some, a lot of my dads pills, and go to sleep. Of cutting open my stomach with a worker's knife. Of throwing myself out a window. Of stepping out in front of a moving truck.