TLDR: I've been off work all of January because of depression/suicidal thoughts.
I need to pay rent and get groceries, and I 'd rather pour time into drawing than being depressed.
Please help. I've got all the time I need to finish USD/Paypal commissions right now.
I've improved my work-time on drawings too, so I'm getting big things done faster.
Negotiable prices, based on character detail, etc.
If nothing else, please let others know I'm open for USD commissions.
The more rambly version:
I need monetary help. I was hit really hard with depression Nov-Dec as work pushed me to my emotional limits: I had no time off, was made to stay and cover shifts for upwards of 17hr, upper management ignored every attempt I made to get help, even when I was sobbing to their faces, etc.
I'd had the same job for 3 years, but I transferred locations around 6 months ago because they needed reliable workers here and it was closer to home. However, I never had these extreme schedule/management issues at my old location, so it really broke me emotionally and I couldn't stand it.
I finally gave a note to my boss telling her I planned to quit this January because I was on the edge of suicide (which isn't like me). She finally recognized how serious my situation was, called my mom (my emergency contact) and we worked on getting me time off with FMLA (which basically just says "we'll save your job til you come back") instead of just letting me quit.
As thankful as I am for finally "having time off" it only goes so far when I only have a few weeks of paid leave, so-
This paycheck I'm literally only getting ~$10.
Our rent is over $900.
My fiance has been wonderful and supportive through it all, and he's.. he's amazing and I love him.
I'm glad he's working as hard as he is to support us both right now, but it takes both our incomes to cover all our bills.
The worst part is that I'm still struggling with depression, and I'm scared. Scared of what happens next.
The suicidal thoughts still get in my head when my fiance is at work, so I just draw and write and distract myself.
I know I can't go back to that job. It's not healthy for me.
And with all the negativity in my head right now, I'm finding it difficult to find a job I could survive at.
(I'm trying to avoid anything similar to my current job, to avoid anxiety issues)
And yes, my fiance is fully supporting me in helping me get back into my online communities again. He knows how important my art is to me, but I told him that it takes time to build up a customer base for "bill-paying levels of income." What little art I've sold online, we've been using that money for food while he covers major bills. It's not much, but it helps. But we're getting down to the wire at this point with what little money I'm bringing in. I really gotta push it now.
PS - I've been directing my creative efforts at a comic plot too, and plan to start a Patreon for that once I've got more substance/artwork I can post about it. Nice to have a project to focus on for once.
Thank you to anyone who reads or replies.
I am going to therapy when I have money for it.
And I'm really trying not to give up on myself.
I know I'm a good person, and I pushed myself too hard. That's all.
I don't deserve these stupid negative thoughts in my head, and I'm not going to let them win.
I just need time.