Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.

or, enter your birth date.*



Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.

Two Years Ago:


A mass of busy workers rumbled throughout the large mansion as they prepared for the evening's activities. The large white marble house was filled with a tone of rambling and the noise of heels clicking as the maids hurried with the graceful décor.

“My lady, we cannot locate your husband’s shoe polish,” A curly-haired maid informed, rushing into the kitchen and panting as she straightened out her uniform.

“Take a deep breath, did you check his closet?” A calm, fair-skinned woman walked away from the appetizers she had been sampling.

“Yes, my lady, we all did.” The maid tried to conceal her panic as best she could. “It’s nowhere.”

“The appetizers look amazing.” The lady of the house turned around to face the other two maids who had been helping with the food. “I think my daughter and I can handle the rest in here, do you mind helping,” She paused and smiled at the maid behind her. “Her find my husband’s polish?” The two woman lightly bowed before exiting the large kitchen.

“Well, I sure hope they find it, wouldn’t want your father to get upset now would we?” She laughed and swung her wavy black hair over her shoulder.

"How did you tell dad you loved him?" Her mom paused.

"What was that Rainbow?" She blinked in confusion.

"How did you tell him?"

"Woman don't tell the man, Rainbow," Her mom said as she laughed and shook her head. "It's the man’s responsibility to claim his woman. Why do you ask?"

"No reason..." Dash took a cucumber slice off of the large table. "I might like someone, that's all."

"Well it's not very lady like, nor your place to approach him. He will come to you."

"Mother, you know I like girls..." She smelled the oiled vegetable and stuck her tongue out. “Ew, this stuff they put on it smells like pee.” The older woman reached down and slapped the cucumber out of her daughter's hand.

"You know those are for the ball tonight." She straightened herself up and reached into her purse, pulling out a brush. "The Carrots are coming into town this evening, all the way from Manhattan. They are bringing Morton as a possible suitor." Rainbow pulled away as her mother pulled the hair tie out of her blonde and rainbow streaked hair. The woman grabbed onto her daughter's arm, forcing her to stay in place as she brushed out the long locks. "You know how well-established the Saltworthy's are honey, and having a connection with the two families would do us both good. Even more so after your father had that disagreement with Mr. Saltworthy last year."

"Mom!" Rainbow pulled the beautiful woman's hand off of her and took a few steps back. "Can you even hear the words you’re saying?! Morton is, like, fifty!"

"He just turned twenty and I think-"

"I'm fourteen!" Rainbow looked around, searching for someone to share her confusion with. Unfortunately, the two were alone in the large kitchen.

"That's only a six year difference dear. It might seem big now, but remember, your father and I are eight years apart."

"But that’s you guys! I don't want to have to marry someone because dad got drunk and punched some high-society dude in the face!"

"It's the only way to mend the families." The young girl wiped away a few tears before they escaped her eyes. "Rainbow, my lovely child," Her mother sighed. "I didn't want to marry your father at first. I was only seventeen, and here's this full grown man that I had just met and I was told I was to marry. So, I understand your confusion. To make matters worse, I had a boyfriend at the time." She laughed. "It all seems so silly now."

"Because it is silly, mother!" Tears freely streamed down her pale skin. "All of it! 'Rainbow, don't forget to put on sunscreen,' 'Rainbow, don't forget your foundation,' 'darling, will you curl your hair today?' It's all so fake! Who am I supposed to be impressing, anyway? You and Dad aren't impressed by me – I know that much – and I really don't care what those fake, masked, high-class jerks think, anyway!"

"You will not embarrass us tonight, Rainbow," Her mom said flatly. "This is the life you were born into; you will accept it, embrace it much like every other high-class lady has before you. You will smile, you will laugh at their dry jokes, and you will wash under your fingernails tonight." She looked over her daughter. "And now that you mention it, have Maria curl your hair."

"Her name is Miranda."

"Whatever her name is. Oh, and have her pick you out a nice dress."

"She's my maid, not your slave," Rainbow pointed out as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I know that, I'm sorry. Ask her for me, will you, my love?" Her mom gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek.

"So fake."

"Rainbow, listen." She walked her daughter over to a table and the two sat down. "You asked how I told your father that I loved him. Well, at first, I didn't. At first I was like, 'who is this strange man? What does he want from me?'" She laughed.

"But then, as he was trying to "swoon" me, he played me the piano." She smiled. "It was beautiful, Rainbow, it really was. And that is when I decided, if someone could play music that was that touching, then maybe he would be alright. Maybe, just maybe, I could learn to love him. And that's why we made you learn piano so young; it brought us together."

"Nice story, mom, glad to hear that you settled." The young girl stood from her seat. "So fake." With that she sprinted out of the double doors of the kitchen, running into a large man.

"Don't run," He said flatly.

"Yes, Sir." Rainbow bowed her head slightly before walking away.

"You shouldn't tell her such things, it encourages her," The blonde haired man said flatly as he walked up to his wife.

"Sorry dear, it won't happen again." She smiled. "The appetizers for tonight are quite lovely." He nodded his head at her words.

"Wear your hair up tonight, you’re getting too old to have it down like that." His tone stayed flat.

"Of course dear." She nodded and he turned around, leaving the smiling woman in the kitchen.



"They're insane! I fucking hate them!" The young girl paced around the ally as she let her rant fall from her mouth freely. "They're suffocating! I mean, they don't even understand! 'Oh, it was hard for me, I had a boyfriend,' blah, blah, blah!" She slammed her back against the ally wall and slid down into a sitting position. "She thinks that's hard? She has no clue what it's like being a lez and having dick after dick shoved in your face!" The woman she had been ranting to let out a chuckle. "Metaphorically, of course."

"I say fuck em'," The white-haired girl said as she lit up a cigarette and laughed again. "By the way, love your do."

"Don't be a sarcastic ass, Gilda!" Rainbow pulled on the curled strands, bringing the lose locks into a ponytail. "I look like a prissy dork."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Dash? Call me G." She sighed and let the smoke slide out her nose. "How did you even get out of there anyway?"

"Well, Miranda finished my hair, and was trying to get me into this pompom-looking dress," Rainbow started, but was interrupted by Gilda's chuckling. The girl elbowed the woman's side. "Shut up. Anyway, I refused and went into my room and grabbed this," She gestured to the suite she was wearing, "From last year’s dance. When my mom saw me she looked horrified, but my dad...well, you know how he gets."

"Did he do that to you?" Gilda touched the side of Rainbow's face that was bright red. The young girl pulled away and looked down. "Oh, come on, Dash. You know I can listen, but I will not stick around for the waterworks."

"I'm not crying!" Rainbow yelled in defense as a tear steamed down her face.

"Uh huh."

"Shut up!" She wiped away the stream. "I called you because I needed to talk to you for real, not to get made fun of!"

"You called me because you needed a ride."

"Will you shut up and let me talk?!" The rainbow haired girl pouted as Gilda let out a puff of smoke.

"If you keep yelling at me I'm going to knock your lights out, kid." Gilda said flatly and raised a brow.

"Sorry, it's just...I don't know Gil...G." The girl pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on them. "You make me feel better, like I'm human, not some pet or toy. Like I can tell you how it is without you judging me, you know? I've always looked up to you G, whenever this stuff happens, whenever my dad...I want to be with you. You make me feel like I belong."

A wide smirk had formed across the white-haired girl’s face. "I'm sorry, hold up Dash, is this supposed to be a weak attempt at a confession?" Rainbow's eyes widened.

"What?! No!" She knew her face was bright red and she sighed at Gilda's grinning face. "Yeah, actually, it is. I know its lame." She rubbed the back of her head, unable to make eye contact. "I just really like you, G."

"I know you do, I was just expecting a better confession from you." She laughed, loving the reaction she was getting out of the other girl.

"Yeah, well, I was planning on something but it's even lamer." She admitted, sighing.

"Oh, and what was that?" Gila took a deep drag of her cigarette and then handed it to the rainbow-haired girl.

"I was going to play you a song," Rainbow mumbled as she took the cigarette. She paused before she brought it up to her lips and looked up at the woman.

"Hahaha!" Gilda laughed and slapped her knee. The she looked over at Rainbow's serious face. "Oh, alright, that's cool I guess. What kind of song?"

"Well..." Rainbow put the cigarette up to her lips and inhaled. It burned her throat and her eyes watered. Don't choke, don't choke. She let out the smoke and looked away so that the woman couldn't see her pained expression. "...well, I can play the piano..." She played off the choking with a laugh. "Told you it was lame." She looked back over to the white-haired girl, whose face had darkened. "Um, are you okay G?" Dash shifted, uncomfortable by the way this woman was looking at her.

"Piano, huh?" Gilda's smile was wild as she took the cigarette and sucked it the rest of the way down. She blew the smoke out and flicked the butt onto the ground. "I know a great, privet place with an amazing piano."


New Girl
Chapter Thirteen: New You

Present Day:

“Do you know where they went?” Twilight was holding the phone against her ear, one hand blocking out the mouth. Rarity looked up from where she was holding the shaking Fluttershy.

“I haven’t a clue, Twi, but Rainbow couldn’t have gotten very far with that thing on her leg.” Rarity patted Fluttershy’s back. “Also, you shouldn’t worry, Flutters. You out of everyone here should know how strong Rainbow is, she is definitely safe.” The diva smiled weakly.

“Not sure where they went, officer, for all we know Gilda is a town over by now.” Twilight walked away from her friends as she began talking into the phone again.

“But she’s not that strong,” Fluttershy sighed. “She’s just stubborn, hot-headed. I hope she’s alright”

“She is alright, right Pinkie?” Rarity glanced up at the still silent, pink-haired friend who was brushing out her curls.

“I don’t know, I could care less.” She paused and examined the half-curled, half-flattened pink strands. “No, I don’t mean that, I would like to know if someone made that loud mouth quiet.”

“Pinkie!” Rarity yelled as both her and Fluttershy’s eyes widened in shock.

“Well, it’s true! You heard what she said to me!”

“In all honesty, don’t you think she was being a little bit fair, Pinkie?” Twilight walked back over to her friends as she closed her phone and set it inside her purse. “I understand if you were concerned about Applejack, about her being lonely or trying to help her with her sexuality. But, Pinkie, Gilda? Why would you put us all, especially Rainbow, through something like that? You know how Gilda is, you know that she is nothing but trouble. What she put us through last year...hell, if it wasn’t for you, there's a huge possibility Rainbow wouldn’t be with us right now.”

“But I don’t know, Twilight! Everyone is keeping me in the dark about this big mess!” Pinkie stomped her heeled foot and pouted. “I think it’s about time I get some answers for all these questions running through this pink head of mine!”

Twilight quickly pulled her hair up into a messy bun. “Well that’s something for Dash to tell. It’s not my, nor anyone else’s place. Besides, you don’t even know if AJ is gay or not. Applejack hasn’t said anything to us about it – for all you know she's straight and felt pressured into this dance because our group is so open.”

“Ha! You’re not open, Twilight! You used to be the biggest closet case there was!” Rarity rolled her eyes.

“Now, we can all sit around here thinking of the worst, or we can go look for our friends,” Twilight said, ignoring her girlfriend’s comment. “My brother told me he would keep this thing on the down low so no one here gets into trouble. Both he and his partner are going to search for Gilda, so that part is covered.” She started towards the doors. “Now let’s get going. AJ should be outside on the stairs, but we still need to find Dash.”


Cars were packed around the quiet parking lot, iced over from the fog and, in some cases, from the students who were tucked away inside. Two fast moving bodies interrupted the piece of the scenery and contrasted the quiet as one chased the other.

"G! Stop, dammit!" Rainbow was panting as she sprinted after the bigger woman. Her leg was on fire as it reminded her of its condition. The white-haired girl stopped, her back to the jock.

"Fuck off, Dash, you know you can't beat me. Even if your leg wasn’t-" She was taken off guard as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her midsection. "What the hell are you-"

"What are you doing, G?" The smaller woman tightened her grip and rested her head on the punk's leather-clad back. "What the hell are you doing? I thought you were getting help?"

"Dash." Gilda wiped away some blood from her nose onto her arm and relaxed her shoulders. "There is no help, there is no one."

"I got help, I got out, why can't you?"

"Fuck off, Dash." Gilda pried the other girl’s hands off her and turned around, pulling Rainbow into a hug. "Fuck you!" The white haired girl choked as sobs escaped her throat.


"Why did you go?! Why did you leave me? You were the only one, Dash, the only one who stuck around, the only one who cared about me! Why the hell did you leave me alone?!"

"G, I think you should go." Gilda's grip increased at Dash's words. "You took it too far this time, I...I can never forgive you. I text Twilight to call her brother, the cops are on their way."

"You fucking sellout." Gila laughed and shook. "I will turn you in."

"No, you won't."

"And what makes you say that?!" She shoved Rainbow into a parked car, pinning her against it.

"Because you're still in love with me."

"I am not!" The woman lifted her arm back to slap the rainbow-haired girl. Rainbow held eye contact with the crying woman.

"It's written all over your face. And guess what? I will never love you again. I hate everything you are, everything you stand for. I hate you Gilda."

"I am not..." She put her arm down and softly cupped Rainbow's pale face. "I need help Dash." She leaned in and pulled Rainbow into a kiss. "But I don't take orders from someone wearing heels." She laughed and turned around, sprinting into the darkness of the night.

The chill of the post-winter night was over barring against her bare tan arms. She shivered, her tears feeling like melted ice running down her red face. Her eyes closed as she hugged herself, both in an attempt to keep herself warm, and to keep from screaming out. “You’re a fool…such a fool AJ…” She sank down onto the long staircase. The entrance to the dance, once lively and filled with laughter, was now silent with the tall doors closed, keeping the warmth and music blocked from the harsh winter night. “You should have listened. You should have…” She looked down, her bare foot was starting to go numb as it changed to an unnatural color. Her fingers were stiff as they clenched onto her shivering biceps. “Ah should go home.”

“You should go to a mental institution.” Rainbow wobbled from behind the building. She was panting, fists clenched to both sides. “I tried to find Gilda, but she was long gone.”

“I’m sorry.” AJ looked away.

“Well you should be, this whole thing could have been avoided if you’ve just listened.” AJ opened her mouth but quickly closed it, knowing the other girl was right. “Does anything hurt?”

“No.” She paused as warmth found its way over her, Rainbow placing her suite jacket on her shoulders. “Rainbow you don’t have to-”

“Yes I do. I don’t want to be nice to you, but both you and I know that I have to.”


“Shut up, you don’t get to talk. I should have just ignored these feelings for you...” Rainbow put her hands in her pockets, looking out into the night as she stood behind the blonde. “But I couldn’t. I should’ve just walked away that day we met, when I saw your face, your eyes.” She laughed. “Those fucking eyes, AJ…I can’t stop these feelings for you; it just feels so natural, so right. But I want to. I don’t want to love you, I want to love Pinkie…I really with all my heart want to love her, but I can’t, and it’s your fault.”

“Rainbow, I’m sorry. Ah-”

“You don’t get to talk.” They both looked out into the blackened campus, silent for a few moments.

“You know Rainbow, ah never thought ah would be this girl.” She laughed as a new set of tears streamed down her face; she whipped them away with Rainbow’s jacket. “You know how there’s always “that” girl?” She laughed again, despite the tears. “That one girl who’s always sitting outside these here fancy dances and parties, cryin’ her eyes out while one of her unlucky friends are forced to console her.” She laughed again.

“Will you shut it?” The rainbow-haired girl sat on the stairs that led to the dance. “To be honest, I really don’t want to hear what you have to say.” She put an arm around the sobbing, quiet girl and pulled her close. “I told you, I tried to let you know. Fuck…” Applejack was silent as she buried her head into the taller girl’s chest. “…I’m going to kill her…”

“Rainbow, please.”

“I told you to be quiet.” The jock put her free arm around AJ’s head and intertwined her fingers in her golden hair. “I told you to listen. I told you…” She held her friend tight against her chest and slightly rocked back and forth, her body shaking with anger; she bit her lip desperately trying to hold back tears of her own. “And now look at the situation you made, look at the position you put me in. You fucked up, AJ, you screwed up big time.”


“You screwed up big time Dash!”

Two Years Earlier

“What were you thinking?!” Rainbow’s eyes were blank as her mother yelled and paced back and forth in the doorway. “Why would you think your behavior was acceptable?” The woman paused and looked at her daughter. “Would you look at me?”

“She hurt me, mom,” Rainbow mumbled as tears found their way down her dirty, beaten face.

“What was that? Would it kill you to pronounce your words?” The older woman went back to her pacing. “This was the only chance we had to mend the families, and what do you do? You dress like a dyke, you act like a spaz, and then you leave with everyone in shock, only to come back looking like you just got done rolling in the mud! What is wrong with you?! Where did I go wrong, what is it Rainbow Dash? Tell me! Talk to me!”

“Sh-she hurt me…” Rainbow mumbled again. “But you don’t care! All you care about is material objects, things that you can buy or ways to get higher in this fucked up society of yours and…” She paused as a hard hand came down on her already stinging face.

“You will never talk to your mother that way, do you hear me?” Her dad’s face was twisted in disgust as he stared his daughter down.

“I hate you!” Rainbow ran past her parents and up the long stair case. “I hate both of you!” She ran into her room and her maid looked up from making the bed, a worried expression forming over her face.

“Ms. Rainbow, what happened?”

“Get out, Miranda! Get out, get out, get out!” The maid’s eyes widened as the young girl pulled her by the arm and pushed her out of her room. “Get out!” She slammed the door behind her and flipped the mattress onto the ground, moving the bed-frame to lock the door in place.

“Rainbow Dash! You will open up this door this instant!” Her parents yelled from the other side.

“Go away!” Dash screamed, tears falling down her dirty face, her eyes unable to focus. “Just go away!” The young girl ran into her privet bathroom and flung the door shut.

Her body was sore. She looked at her shaking hands, at the splintered parts of her knuckles where she had attempted to strike the other girl off to no avail. She pulled off the suit jacket reveling the bloody undershirt and torn pants, she threw the soiled clothing into a heap on the tile floor.

“Why?” She sat in her bathtub and put her hands over her head. “Why, I don’t understand...she, she hurt me, mom. She hurt me.”

Present Day:

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” Rainbow clenched her jaw as pain stung up her leg every time she pushed down on the gas.

“Ah could have driven myself.”

“But I don’t trust you, remember?” The jock bit into her lip as she came to a stop sign and was forced to push her foot onto the brake. “Damn it.” She shook her foot off and awkwardly stuck it back in an attempt to use her left one instead. “You’re too stupid to do the simplest things, like driving yourself home, passing math class, running without showing off your boring underwear, and not getting raped.”

“Hey! Now you listen here! Ah may have been a bad judge of character, but ah will not sit back and let you use me as yer personal punching bag!” Rainbow pulled the car onto a random side street.

“No, you fucking listen, dumbass!” Rainbow was clenching hard onto the steering wheel, one finger pointed hard at her friend. “Because that is exactly what you are, a dumbass! And if I want to call you that I will, because you ARE my punching bag, because you deserve to be hit with anything I have to throw at you! Because you scared the shit out of me and…” Her voice broke and she paused to take in a few shaky breaths, refusing to let any tears escape. “And if anything had happened to you, I don’t know AJ. I really don’t know. I would have killed her. I want to kill her – I do.” She pulled back onto the main road.

“Yer scaring me. Ah don’t like this side of you, Rainbow.”

“You think this is scary? You should have seen me a few years back; I was just as scary as Gilda. Back then, Gilda would have gotten away with…” She paused. “She would have hurt you, AJ, and I would have done nothing to stop her.” Applejack couldn’t make eye contact with her friend, a new fear creeping its way up her throat.

“Did you ever do…what Gilda was going to do?”

“No.” Rainbow loosened her grip on the steering wheel. “I’m not proud of who I was, that wasn’t me. But I never played Gilda’s game. Well, at least, I never took it that far. I was just so lonely, felt like such a rebel, when in reality I was nothing but a rich spoiled brat with mommy and daddy issues.

“But when I met Gilda, she, at that point in time, seemed to be exactly what I wanted to be. She was so cool.” Rainbow shook her head. “That all seems so stupid now.” She looked out the dark, fogged window. “She introduced me to some things I won’t say, and will never say, but it was bad stuff AJ. And those girls I watched Gilda hurt...I've talked to them, I've begged and begged forgiveness. They say they forgive me, that they know it wasn’t me, they know I was on some heavy things, and that it was Gilda to blame. But that’s not true, it was my choice, and even though they smile when they see me in the halls…I can still see the fear in their eyes.”

“Rainbow, ya don’t have to be tellin me this.”

“But I do.” Rainbow stopped the car, finally outside the earthy green apartment buildings. “I do, because you should know.” She looked at her friend, AJ still refusing to make eye contact with her. “You say that you love me, but you don’t even know me.”

“Because that’s not you.” Applejack shook her head. “That can’t be you. The Rainbow ah know is sweet. Yer goofy, and make people laugh, yer strong willed, and…and you would hold me, gently kiss me. Wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Rainbow tilted her head up and looked at the ceiling of her car. “I had to tell you this AJ, and now that I you still love me?”

“Yes.” AJ put her hand on the jock's leg. “I don’t want to, but ah do, just like you said Rainbow. Somethin’ like this, somethin’ as strong and pure can’t be stopped.”

“You should also know that Pinkie saved me from all that – that it was Pinkie who cleaned me up, Pinkie who held me for hours, no, days on end when I was going through withdrawals, Pinkie who fed me and forced water down my throat. It was all her, and that’s why I love her so much. I owe my life to that girl, that amazing loving girl.”

“Then why don’t ya just leave me alone? Why do ya keep torturin' me like this?” Applejack reached for the door handle but stopped as Rainbow rested a hand lightly on her shoulder.

“I‘ve tried, but I can’t stop. You’re the only one for me. I love Pinkie, but both she and I know we aren’t soul mates, or whatever you want to call it. We both know that we aren’t meant to be. We've talked about this, and if we found who we were meant to be with we would both respectfully let it be. But I will always love her, and you should know that if I was with you, I would always be friends with her.” Applejack looked up at her friend.

“So, ya want to be with me?”

“Only after I mend things with Pinkie. And only if you still want to be with me, after knowing a little bit about my past.” AJ looked down but then quickly flung her arms around Rainbow who held her close.

“Okay,” She nodded. “Okay.” Rainbow pulled away.

“You also have to wait until I forgive you for being such a dumbass.” She pouted and folded her arms over her chest, sticking her tongue out at the other girl.

“Oh, knock it off.” AJ rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh.

“Really, I now understand why you were held back.”

“Hey!” Applejack started to shout but stopped as Rainbow placed a soft, long kiss on her check. “Rainbow.” She closed her eyes. “You don’t know how badly ah want that on mah lips.” She started to tilt her head.

“Stop. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even done that. I may be many things, but I am no cheater.”

“So you can tell another gal that you love her but ya have too much loyalty to actually kiss her? Yer one weird girl, Rainbow.” AJ opened the car door. “But ah'll respect that. See ya Monday.”

“Yeah, see you Monday.” Rainbow waved as Applejack walked away, disappearing up the apartment stairs. “I love you, Applejack,” She whispered under her breath. “I’m sorry.”
Read "New Girl: An AppleDash fanfic" from the beginning!!:
(WARNING: AppleDash (main couple), PinkieDash, RariTwi, among other future couples. Also contains yuri/lesbian and strong language.)

New Girl Chapter 1: New Girl
New Girl Chapter 2: New School
New Girl Chapter 3: New Trouble
New Girl Chapter 4: New Home
New Girl Chapter 5: New Friends
New Girl Chapter 6: New Marks
New Girl Chapter 7: New Warning
New Girl Chapter 8: New Anguish
New Girl Chapter 9: New Worries
New Girl Chapter 10: New Insight
New Girl Chapter 11: New Mistakes
New Girl Chapter 12: New Melodies
New Girl Chapter 14: New Control
New Girl Chapter 15: New Beginnings
Beta'd by: :iconappledashluv: Second Beta: :iconfippo88:
Add a Comment:
Dear AppleDash-Crazy,

You have written quite the story. I await the chapter of this beautiful masterpiece. Please, don't give up on this story, for it is one that deserves the upmost praise and respect. It is written thoroughly and without more than a couple errors. I am proud to have read this story. I'll be patient, and I will have a great time reading the next chapter. Don't let what anybody says get in the way of what you do. What you think is right is what you should write. That's how the best stories are written.

With the Magic of Friendship,

Golden Tear
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
29 out of 29 deviants thought this was fair.

I have read many fanfictions, and this is one of the few that have actually made me feel something. The emotion within the characters is very clear and they are very easy to sympathize with. The story was very original. I couldn't quite link this story line to any others I've read. You make excellent use of foreshadowing.
I am very fond of the pendulum style movement in the plot, reminiscent of the novel, "Of Mice and Men". I don't anticipate many of the plot changes, yet they are very believable. Over all, this story has been well made to this point. I look forward to the continuation with great enthusiasm.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 19 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

ACLC114 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2017  Professional Traditional Artist
Few stories can keep fresh in my memory and stay interesting to me after much of a hiatus. I remember reading chapters of New Girl as they came out and for whatever reason it popped back into my head after spending years away from the fandom as a whole. I love this story and still want to see it finished. You've created an amazing world here and I know a lot of people think it deserves your finale.
Meagan62603 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2016
I love this so much! When's the next chapter going to be done because I want to read it so badly. I can't wait. Awesome job on this. Best Appledash Fanfiction I've ever read.😊
Riniginianna Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
when's the next chapter?
duffman10 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Bizarre Love Triangle...........I like that song.
LoveAppleDash Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2015
I looove your storyy!!! This is amazing!

And to be honest, I just made this account to read your awesome fanfiction :)

I really hope you're going to update soon
^-^ ♥♥
LoveAppleDash Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2015
Ommgggg I can't wait for the next chapterrr!!!!

I hope you're going to update soon :3 ♥
sk8boardzer Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015
If you don't update soon I'M GANNA DIEEYYE!!!!
Dashhole Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015
my friend and i have been keeping tabs on this story for a while, and we both love it so much. its crazy amazing, right down to the last detail. as far as appledash fanfics, or even mlp fics in general, this is by far the best i've ever read. at first, i found this on, but when there werent anymore chapters there, i came to deviantart. this story is so good, it's the reason i MADE a deviantart. this account was created for the sole purpose of reading your story.
anyway, i can totally see exactly how much you've put into all these chapters, and although i'm pretty disappointed that the next chapter still isnt up, i respect as a fellow author that it can be hard to finish a chapter quickly AND make it good AND not piss off your awaiting readers for making them wait AND juggle whatever else may be going on in your life, as well as your motivation or lack thereof to finish a story or chapter. the point of my long rambling is that i get it, and that while i really hope you finish this as soon as is possible for you, feel free to take the time you need. after all, you can't rush perfection, and story is sure as hell perfection.
Big-Brother84 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Out of curiosity, will this ever be finished? It's been over a year, which I know isn't actually that long, but I kind of wish I had some closure.
It's bad enough gravekeeper never finished "The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle", I don't want to add another forsaken story added to the list.
Doglover1659 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I've reread this story three times now and every time, I laugh or tear up and get attached to the characters all over again. This is an amazing story and you've managed to capture the charcter's quirks while adding your own spin so perfectly. I anxiously await the next chapter. Until then, I'll keep rereading cx
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
Thank you so much! This comment really made my day! 
CMsrataN Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
I really love your work, can't wait for you to get the inspiration for the next chapter and thank you for taking your time and not rush it.
I'm looking forward to your next chapter and once again, thank you so much for all the work put into this.
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
Awh thank you!! :D first person to thank me and not yell at me for the delay. 
stormtwister5768 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Srsly, it's almost been a year. You need to finish that chapter. Here's some motivation 

RAINBOW LA slap Kitty Dance Taiga and Minori (I miss you hug) [V1] Twilight Sparkle HI, GIRLS. animated icon cat face 
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
wow....that is amazing!! hahaha best motivation ever~ ;)
stormtwister5768 Featured By Owner Edited Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Since I am here to annoy you, how much of the next chapter have you finished? I struggle with the exact same problem in motivation to continue my stories, I have like 20 half finished chapters on my compute.
Hidden by Commenter
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
It will....

but by all means until it does go for it and write your own ending.
Chihuahuapie Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014
Where is chapter fourteen! So annoyed!! Been waiting for six months now!!!
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
Some have been waiting longer....

it will continue 

when I get the motivation, I don't want to half ass the last couple chapters just to get it done.
Chihuahuapie Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
Honestly with an author at your level I don't think that's possible. Seriously, I'm dieing, at least tell me what happens so I can sleep again!
Spocins01 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
to be honest I'm writing a story too and I lost my motivation few times but reading comments that people love my peace of #### ;DD [sry] I get a little motivation so ... just trying to help :D
Chihuahuapie Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014
Your an author what are you writing?
Spocins01 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
i wouldn't say im an author but im writing a humnized Appledash fanfic - Anger Can Hurt 
you can check it on my DA profile or in this link :D…
Chihuahuapie Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014
Okay looks slightly interesting I'll check it out.
Spocins01 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014
hey there, sorry to bother but ... is it just me or is the next chapter ridiculously late ?
:cantremember: :sorry: 
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014

it's not you

it's me. 
Chihuahuapie Featured By Owner Edited Jun 25, 2014
This is really an incredible piece of art, I am excited for the end and I can't wait to see what happens!
on another note when are you going to write the third chapter of we belong together, because I am practically dieing!
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
To be honest I forgot about we belong together, I shouuuuld finish it. 

Katy-A-Awkward Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014
I thought your stories were well wrote and heart-riveting. I found myself praying that there was another chapter after each one i read, and when i finally hit one of the last chapters i nearly burst in a crying fit. I know some yuri stories are thought to be plain and have no real meaning but your story has a great plot behind it. I think the characters have great dynamic changes. I love how you depicted the antagonist and her relationship with the members of the group. I give a thumbs up!    
P.S: Could you, i don't know... Continue This!!!? :)
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
Thank you thank you!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it so far!! 
And I will do my best to finish it up :D
Cricozery Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Professional
Will it take a year again?
I think you spend too much time on new haircuts.. fft
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
haha, gotta keep the "do" looking good, all the ideas are kept underneath it....or something like that. To be honest I really don't know when it will update...who knows, maybe a year? Two? Maybe this month??? I just don't have the motivation to write at the moment. More of a drawing then a writing mood these days. 
LoveEDL13 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014
Any idea when the next chapter is going to be up?? (:
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
Um, really no clue..wish I had an answer...sorry!!! 
LionClan66 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014
This is by far the best apple dash fanfic i have ever read! I can't wait to see what chapter fourteen holds!!! your an awesome writer and don't give up on this story no mater what people say to you. This is truly THE BEST i have ever read. Keep up the AWESOME work!!!!! :)  
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
Awwh thank you so much!! That means a lot, I can't wait to finish it for you guys. :)
binjiarts Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Do you know when you'll have the next update out?  We would really love a new chapter!
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
Ummm, that's a good question. Sorry for the long wait
binjiarts Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's fine :) I know that if I ever uploaded a story here, I would like, never update XD No rush
appleghost117 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry your story is really good and what about your other story I'm dying to know?
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
awh thank you, and no worries. The other story, I haven't touched in years. I will finish that one once New Girl is finished.
appleghost117 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That will be awesome. Your doing a great job don't stop
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014
:D thank you
appleghost117 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome
appleghost117 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
When's the new chapter coming?
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
uhhhhh......previews will be up soon. actual chapter will be...who knows when. Sorry
appleghost117 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Spocins01 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014
Hey,I just come up with an awesome idea....and I was wondering if you would allow me to print these chapters and make myself like a little book or something? :D cuz you know...this is the best humanized appledash fanfic I have read yet.... :D 
Rayna-Crazy Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014
sure!! go for it!! And I would love to see it all printed out....just no selling okay??  :D
Add a Comment:

:iconrayna-crazy: More from Rayna-Crazy

Featured in Collections

Literature by ScarKa

My Lesbian Pony Fanfictions by BogusDude

Texte by little-Yellow

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
September 24, 2013
File Size
30.3 KB
Mature Content


43 (who?)