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Suppression by RankaStevic Suppression by RankaStevic
This is my entry for What's it Like contest hosted by mental-health

I feel like I have to say a few words about it.
My diagnosis for many years is clinical depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I rarely talk about it even with friends, because they mostly have lack of understanding for this subject. 
Sadly, but mental illness is taboo even in 21st century. For most of the people you're not ill if it's not visible at least with X-rays or ultrasound.
I don't know why I got sick. I guess it walked beside me most of my life.
My father's suicide at the age of 5, experiencing war in my country, bad marriage and ugly divorce, raising a deaf child and finally my heart illness are some of the reasons that pushed me over the edge. I tried to fight with it for many years by myself, and it was getting worse. Finally I decided to seek for doctor's help.
It's not like everything is OK with me now, but it's somehow easier. With medications I have strenght to get up from bed every morning, and for me that is improvement. But my struggle continues...
Some of you know what I am talking about, because you are fighting the same demons. For those who don't have experience with mental illness I have a plea: don't judge unless you didn't walk in this shoes.

Stocks used in this piece:

StockProject by StockProject1 Bullet; Black  Background

AnneWillems Bullet; Black  Room

Kuoma-stock Bullet; Black  Girl

Momotte2stocks Bullet; Black  Crow

mysticmorning Bullet; Black  Happy Mask

v3rtex Bullet; Black  Font brushes

GlassBullet Bullet; Black  Letters brushes

Sirius-sdz Bullet; Black  Texture

midnightstouch Bullet; Black  Grunge Corner brushes 

Everything else painted and created with Photoshop CS4.

Copyright Tag for Deviants 3 by rclarkjnr

My recent works:

Remembering You.. by RankaStevic        Dark Cupid by RankaStevic        Enchanted forest by RankaStevic
 
Add a Comment:
 
:icon07verloren:
07Verloren Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful. It's true that we like to put on a brave face and say everything's fine when we're really falling apart. I hope you are doing better.
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for understanding dear! :hug:
Reply
:icon07verloren:
07Verloren Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
your welcome. I wish you the best Huggle! 
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:iconunbreakable-me:
Unbreakable-me Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2017
Hauntingly beautiful. It could be me as well. I felt a connection to it immediately. My placating words are always - "I'm Fine....."  Love it. I'm sorry for you. I hope you're doing better. 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
I'm glad you like it, and thank you for understanding..! :hug:
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:iconali8:
ali8 Featured By Owner May 9, 2017
you're welcome, wish you the best
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner May 10, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you kindly! :hug:
Reply
:icontolosati:
tolosati Featured By Owner May 8, 2017
Heart 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner May 8, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconajay4573:
Ajay4573 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful & extremely brave. Interesting that we tend to tell others 'everything's fine' - even when we are teetering on the edge. 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for understanding... :hug:
Reply
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:iconiside2012:
iside2012 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Magnifico!
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you kindly..! Thank you! Thank you! Hug
Reply
:iconhikingboots:
hikingboots Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2015
Divan rad draga Ranka... :blowkiss:
Never, never, never give up!
“The minute you think of giving up, remember the reason why you held on for so long
:huggle:
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Hvala puno na podršci i lepim rečima..! :hug: :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconhikingboots:
hikingboots Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2015
Nema na cemu :hug:
Ti i tvoj talenat budite uvek tu, sa nama... :heart:
Reply
:iconkoen0069:
koen0069 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015
What a nice picture. I used to say I'm fine but was not fine. 

All the best!
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you kindly. Thank you! Thank you! Hug
Reply
:iconlouis-desormeaux:
Louis-Desormeaux Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2015
I think the sad face is the most clever thing. The crow is a very nice touch too. Without them this could easily be a piece about 'women being perceived as the weaker sex', and when I first looked at the thumbnail that is what I thought. I enjoyed the fact that the addition of just these subtle things has totally changed the message. Which is very clearly the looming dark forces of depression. Beyond that some very beautiful digital art. :thumbsup: 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for your kind comment. I'm glad you perceived the message. :hug:
Reply
:iconwolflover46:
wolflover46 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very true, sad, and beautiful at the same time. People don't look past the smiling masks or the short "I'm fine" answers. They cannot see what you hide in plain sight. And when they finally do see, it is often a little too late. Thank you for this very powerful piece.
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Well said. Thank you very much for your kind comment. I'm glad my art found way to your heart. :hug: :blowkiss:
Reply
:icongilbert235:
gilbert235 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2015
Beautiful, but sad work with sense inside! Awesome! :love:
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much. :hug: :blowkiss:
Reply
:icongilbert235:
gilbert235 Featured By Owner Edited Apr 1, 2015
You're welcome! :cuddle: Your art is really majestic:heart:
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:iconsegura2112:
segura2112 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Student Digital Artist
it's a powerful piece. Thank You
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it..! :bow: :hug:
Reply
:icongeorgexvii:
GeorgeXVII Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
looks great 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you kindly :bow: :hug:
Reply
:iconjccj756:
JCCJ756 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015
Awesome Artwork!
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much dear friend..! :hug:
Reply
:iconjccj756:
JCCJ756 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015
Your Welcome!:hug::)
Reply
:icon000skyarrow000:
000SkyArrow000 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
being totally sincere here: I was trying to return in the last 5 months and even DA being like a safe palce I am trying hard reply and check all arts I missed all that time. I come here just to see that art you did that make me relate with the feeling you show in the art, but for all pages I want to check I didn't expect read the note you wrote and I don't know why I just read one word and than I started to read all and move me a lot cause you described exactly what I felt looking that art. I am not saying I am able to understand you, but every word you just wrote I keep in silence inside my mind and even here in DA being miles and miles from all people I don't feel comfortable to talk about that even I try and do sometimes and a confused way. I am trying to fight agains my inner demons alone and I am saying that for you for say you were right to seek for doctor's help, I have a stupid pride and a terrible fear to do that. I don't know why I have a strong idea inside me like a doctor could not help me, like no one could help me, only myself even knowing take it alone is not working. I feel like that depression feelings and emotional psychological  problems  I have...is like I keep them inside me even without able to take it like a punishment....anyway...hope you are feeling better....like you said be ok we never will be....but not be ok...don't mean you are alone....you are broken ...like I am broken....and other people here are too...don't mean the pain fade away...just mean we can share our pain with others...and try help each others...cause people like us don't accept help...so help others is one of the things make us feel better for a short time...the pain will be always there to make nights be like a hell...but feel deep inside we are so connected  with people we can't see the face or touch...make us realize even facing all that battles inside us alone...we can share it with others....being sincere I always have a need to try help others even I am failed....but I just can't accept all good people need suffer so much....what make me remember even thinking I am "helping" others....I am just able to relate with their pain...not their joy..before I say other negative and stupid things....you did a good job in that art and words dear...really touch 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Edited Mar 8, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
A year ago, I ended up in the hospital after the nervous breakdown in which I attempted suicide. I woke up after three days attached on respiratory equipment, and all these wires. I was recovering for months, physically and mentally.
I know how it feels on sunny days, all that brightness and beauty around you ... everything is shining.. nature and people, and you're color blind and hearing no sounds.
You feel like you have a huge hole in your chest that seems to be spreading, and pain .. lots of pain ..
In this period my family have bring me back to life, slowly, day by day, month by month. They have suffered so much during this period, when they thought I was not coming back. I wasn't able to see how much they suffer at that time, my pain was stronger than anything. Today I understand it.
You said that you do not trust doctors and medicines, but trust me .. if you had a bad experience with a doctor .. look for another. I've changed a few. If one prescribed medicine doesn't do any good to you, ask for another one until you found what suits you.
Without it, I would already be dead or I would hurt somebody around me.
The medicines eliminate half of my symptoms, and reduce the pain to a level that is bearable enough.
Of course, my fight is still going on, things never go away completely, but it's much easier.
I appreciate your kindness, cincerity and trust to tell me your deepest feelings. I know how it was difficult to you to talk about it.
I hope my story will help you to find your own path to the light.
Be strong and keep fighting. :iconsadhugplz:
Reply
:icon000skyarrow000:
000SkyArrow000 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for share all that thoughts with me.....and had no idea you faced moments so hard....make me relieve the fact you are feeling better now...of course we can't be just fixed...but at least be able to not hate ourselves so much...and you described so perfect "I know how it feels on sunny days, all that brightness and beauty around you ... everything is shining.. nature and people, and you're color blind and hearing no sounds."...I feel exactly that....like I am not connected with the world or I just want be...for believe all looks so wrong...I know looks silly....but I keep inside me a strong wish to help others...but I am not so good...just make me terrify with the fact the pain I feel deep inside could become worst....I wrote a lot personal things in my page in the last years ...something I didn't before....I know looks silly what I will say....but in real life I always avoid people....but here I feel so connected with others....I admit DA is the place I try find my sanity...I feel and see so clear the feelings through art here for understand most people show in a different way the same pain or the pure wish to be recognized for what we really are without be judged...but not talking about my real life....I was already broken when I first started here on DA...I remember I was in touch with someone here that I like so much....is like we could understand each other better than everyone in our real lifes could be....I still like her so much...I never wished make her suffer....I tried be sincere with her....but I have nothing good deep inside...she told me had some attempt suicide in her life...what made me and still make me worry a lot with her....during some times she was feeling better talking with me...but after we already knew so much about each other....she started feel sad for my fault...cause even being sincere....I was not good enough for her...I am negative...even trying be good ...I am capable to say pretty words to comfort and even was able to understand her....but I understood just the same feelings we had...not the way she though about me or how much hurt she was to be in contact with me after notice I really wante be there for her always she wanted to talk...but I never accept her help...or show I wanted change that depressed side of me...I feel like that depressed side is part of who I am....I don't know how to explain.....and afer she told me a lot bad things that I never could expect receive from her...exactly for be her....I feel like I deserve face that alone without help...cause she is not a bad person....I felt clearly after she told all the hard words about me...the fact that she was suffering a lot just to be in contact with me...and I never expect that could happens...I always keep in my mind I prefer be hurt than hurt the one I like....but exactly for have that thought I made her feel insecure.....and hurt her when the only thing I never wanted was that happens....when I stop to think about it I feel so stupid.....life don't make sense....what we fear....and avoid to happens....just happens even when we are able to do anything .....I thought here in DA people could be protect from all that negative side I have and never showed in real life for others....but for feel so free here...I believe I only hurt people...much more they are in contact with me......considering either the problems I have in real life...I started stop be here all months of the year....but for feel connected with that place...for be only place I can be who I am...I return here...and I admit make me feel more depressed when I not access here for a long time...sorrry for the long message...and thank you for all 
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
I also noticed people don't like negativity, so when I feel like it I try to keep distance.
Sorry to hear about your friend and disagreements with her. 
As I can see you still have a quite lot of friends and fans here. That means, whatever you think of yourself, you are appreciated, as well as your art.
I thing you should stick to it, and let it be your guiding light.
Creating art can be helpful to express yourself, and your feelings and thoughts.
Wish you best of luck in your life, private and professional.  

Kind regards,
Ranka
:hug:
Reply
:icon000skyarrow000:
000SkyArrow000 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I know...I feel the same....people don't like negativity....they can "accept us" but only when they still expect we can be "change"...

Even if I am not a great artist...draw really help me a lot..

Thank you for all your help dear....you really are a nice person...wish the best for you as weell

a big hug for you,

Carlos Oliveira
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:iconisischneider:
isischneider Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015   Photographer
great work :wow:
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you kindly..! :hug:
Reply
:iconshiftkim:
shiftkim Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nice work! 
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:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much..! :bow:
Reply
:iconkamiiyu:
kamiiyu Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Professional General Artist
Saying, "I'm fine." Or "I'm just tired." Is just a gut reaction now, I don't really think about it much anymore. I didn't use to, but after I discovered people didn't actually want to know how I was doing, that they were just asking to be polite, I stopped answering truthfully. I don't want to hide my depression, I want people to know it's ok to talk about, that they aren't alone. 
I'm sorry you had to go through so much, and have to deal with the weight of depression now. :huggle:
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for your understanding and support dear.. :iconsadhugplz:
Reply
:iconloffy0:
Loffy0 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Amazing work! Great message!:huggle:
While I have not walked directly in your shoes and cannot fully understand what you have and are going through dealing with this, I am not without my own demons; this piece really touched me, amazing job! :aww: :hug:
Reply
:iconrankastevic:
RankaStevic Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for your kind words and understanding..! :hug: :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconloffy0:
Loffy0 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem :aww: :hug: Thank you :)
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Submitted on
February 20, 2015
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