I think we all have them, so I’ll share a few of mine with you.
I fear I lack empathy, example, my roommates life is consumed in thoughts about being in a relationship, I can’t relate.
I did my dating in high school, I’m over it, I just live for me now, and I’m proud of that, so when she got rejected tonight and talked to me about it, I was dead inside.. she was wallowing in self pity and I hate it. I told her “I don’t know what to say” and that was it, am I a monster for that? I just have always hated the whole woe is me “self pity” thing... and I don’t understand the whole “my life is meaningless with out a relationship...
I fear I’m doing art for the wrong reasons, when I don’t get likes or faves or attention I feel like I let people down, that my art isint good, when I know full well that me, and any other artist should do art for themselves, I have to keep reminding myself of that, “I do what I do because I love it, nothing more” I feel a lot of artist like me suffer from that self doubt, and it’s nonsense. Draw because you love it, followers, likes, faves... that’s all irrelevant in the end.
I regret a lot of the nasty things I have said over the years being on the internet, at times I have been a real dick, leaving nasty comments on people’s hard work, it’s un called for. At times in my youth I made many a homophobic comment, only later in life to find out that I like both guys and girls. Iv called people fat when now in my later years, I too have a beer gut and love handles. I simply regret all the negativity I have brought to the world, a lot of it I see now was self hatred bubbling to the surface.
I fear that iv wasted a lot of my life with drugs and alcohol, iv only recently in the last few years realized what I truly love, drawing and painting miniatures... I imagine how good my drawings and painting would be if I only started when I was in my early teenage days, and it pains me. Instead I dropped out of high school in gd 10 to work full time, using that money on worthless collectables, copious amounts of alcohol and pot, and wasting many years I could have instead dedicated to what I truly love, the arts.
The only thing I can do now is keep trying to do better, to draw my heart out, to paint bigger and more complicated miniatures, to try and spread more love and positivity, to use however many years I have left to to do better every day.
Yours truly ~Rakkety
Ps, lewd is life, lewd is love
Watching: Oney Plays