"but she told you to stay."
It is not true - and if that is what she wishes me to do, I need her to tell me directly.
So I know she understood what I talk about all this time.
If she can't do it, it means we still don't see eye to eye.
What's given or connected by God can't be severed, it will always be there. But everything else needs to be built up, like any relationship, friendship... if it's supposed to work longterm.
If what I say is bullshit and unrelated, no need to react to me, right.
you claimed your reactions are coincidence eitherway. no need to make it fit the situation, unless you are truly there to play mindgames and hurt people.
"sick hobby you've got."
the toxic and hurtful habits I've picked up after meeting you and wanting to please you are no hobbies of mine I enjoy or love to do. the actual healthy hobbies i do have i ceased to enjoy because of how much pain i had to deal with over past years. and it is time for me to focus my energy and love on those instead of pleasing someone who can't give me back nothing healthy or loving. It is what it is - bad habits done to please a toxic behavioral pattern of someone who operates from safe darkness. The toxic habits I've picked up in past few years do not define me as a person or my personality, it's things I've been forced to pick up or had to pick up in order to do right by you and help your lies blossoom into a real thing. i hope you can soon revert back to being a diary of someone, logs done for fun or ventilation. unrelated to me and not make bullying me the purpose of it.
i will always love my TF... but I see now reality of it - that it is a person who doesn't give a shit about me in real life, or so they act.
love and tender feelings are supposed to be told in person to the actual person, if you mean to build anything on those. if you can't, you cling to fear more than to love. i've expressed my self enough times to understand it moves not their heart, it just rustles their fear again. so i'll hold back now and open up to people who can accept me for who i truly am in real life, who aren't ashamed to be in aquiantance with me. who don't push me away.