So since I broke the usual journal format, things are kinda serious. Not serious in the "bad things are coming" way, but it's big news. I've been struggling to post on a frequent (or even regular) basis, and a big part of it is depression and my desire to draw coming and going, which often results in months-long hiatuses. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my profile, since I felt like I wanted to take my art into a different direction or set a new tone for my page rather than continue to apologize for not posting like I used to before my college went full STEM and made me too busy to draw. I had even considered quitting deviantArt altogether and maybe migrating to my tumblr full-time, but what with the issues tumblr has going on, that idea's totally shot. I've been having bigger ambitions and really considering making my work a bit more visible, and today, I realized I could fix that all by taking my current account and wiping the slate.
I felt like a lot of the old practices I had going on were holding me back, and I struggled to hold up "the way things used to be" and felt regret, but instead I want to move forward and make things new again. As I've been working at bettering myself and improving my life, I've felt more and more strongly about doing something even bigger than what I'd been doing. And I've realized that you can't just wait for things to get better, you have to strive and put effort into making a big thing. I was always afraid of going bigger because I was new on the internet and I wanted to minimize consequences as much as possible. I was afraid that more attention would mean my trouble, but I had realized when I was at my most active, I'd made a lot of friends and enjoyed the dialogue I had with people. When I started getting busier in college, people started to fade away, and it became a lonely existence feeling like the account was a shadow of its former self. I'd realized that a quiet and small account wasn't fun to maintain, and even if I did get issues with people, I'm much better equipped at dealing with them now than I used to be. I won't be afraid anymore.
This account has been with us since July 14th, 2010, 3,109 days of history that was made for better or worse. I can't erase the memories of every cringey thing I said on here, and it'd take far too long to remove all their corresponding messages (though I can try), but I can start with this page. As of right now, I project that most of my deviations, and all of my journals and statuses will be deleted. I'm probably going to get a lot of frustration from others from the mass deletion, but this feels like the right course of action. Spring cleaning is starting early this year, and this account has been long due for an overhaul.