RB: Uhhh, NO! *frantically* I mean, of course I'm not scared, why would you even ask that?! I just need to clear my throat, okay?! *ahem* ASTON LEVY, I SUMMON THEE!!!
After lifting the badge to the sky, a shadow suddenly emerged from it, falling to the ground where a figure started to emerge. The silhouette couldn't have been mistaken.
Aston you son of a gun!!!
Aston: Carrick! *nervously* What an unexpected surprise.
RB: Hey, what's that in your hand?
"Er... Nothing...", he said as he chucked a flute into the hallway, making a sour note as it hit the ground. "So what's up, Carrick? What do you need my help with? *sniff, sniff* And what's that weird smell?"
RB: Uh... nothing. Excuse me for a moment. *to RB'sB* Take this to the bedroom immediately. Anyway, I know this is a little short notice, but I really need your help here. I thought I could handle going back to reviewing Star vs the Forces of Evil, but I think I might lose my mind if I keep on doing this by myself. You're the only reviewer I know who could possibly help me out here!
Aston: I don't know man. As much as I love to tear apart Star vs, I'm pretty busy. I still have to work on my Beywheelz Review after all.
RB: Well everybody, we're finally here. It's been one Hell of a ride, but we've made it to the final part of this God forsaken movie. But much like King Ludo, it's been kind of hard for me to come up with incredibly meaningful commentary for this episode. And that's where my colleague up North will be coming into play!
Aston: Despite how infamous my distaste for Star vs. is to the people of this community, I've left the show alone for quite a long time. I pretty much dropped the show after watching Heinous in February and I haven't reviewed the show since when I covered Bounce Lounge in July. After watching Heinous, I told myself that enough was enough, but then Battle For Mewni piqued my interest. Last week, as a matter of fact when Carrick posted Part 1 of this review. So during Boxing Day I pretty much just marathoned all 7 episodes of this premiere movie just so I could get a glimpse of it and see if I agreed or disagreed with any of Carrick's points.
RB: And what did you think of it?
Aston: Well, I was certainly reminded of why I left the show alone to begin with, because Battle for Mewni is fucking horrible. I had such a massive gripe with the episode Toffee in particular that I asked Carrick if could contribute to this review. Because I have so much to say that I just couldn't stay silent, chief among them that it's my new least favorite episode of the show.
RB: Whoa, that bad?! Looks like I made the right call bringing you on board for this battle.
Aston: When in battle, it's best to have a professional by your side.
RB: I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Enough of the world building! Just get to the review already!" This is-
RB: Well, I'll give the episode this. At least they're making Ludo... somewhat threatening.
Aston: Also, there's this scene where Ludo asks Manfred (The trumpet guy from Game of Flags) if he'll hold the elevator for him, then he says to two of his rat cronies that he should send him to the sky. For what? He hasn't done anything! He's basically contemplating sending him to the sky for obediently doing his job! Then his rat cronies get taken down by someone in a very shoddy and ugly looking rat suit.
RB: Gee, I wonder who it could b- Wait a minute?! Where the heck did Star get that costume anyway? Did she make it? If that's the case, then she already broke her own rule of not coming with a plan. This totally counts as a plan!!!
Aston: To give credit where it's absolutely due, this episode did trick me into thinking that it was Marco under that hood. Speaking of the hood, Good God, is that thing uncanny and gross! Even Ludo's scared of it.
Ludo: Manfred! Manfred, my most trusted ally! I need you!
RB: What? It was funny!
Aston: No. Then Star and Ludo have a stupid fight and after a bit of them fighting like schoolyard kids, Toffee for some reason interrupts Ludo's battle in favor of more jokes that are not funny.
RB: But what about the part where Ludo acts like his hand is a cellph-
Aston: Not... funny!
RB: Okay... *Dejected sigh* But why not?
Aston: Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Star just stands there and lets him do it? And maybe it has something to do with the fact that she just stands perfectly still while Arachnid binds her in a web. Without doing anything? Or raising any kind of resistance whatsoever? She didn't even use her wand once the entire fight!
RB: Um... I don't wanna make you angry but, she didn't even bring the wand with her.
Aston: So not only did she go into the enemy stronghold without a plan, not only did she disrespect her mother and not only did she straight up lie to Buff Frog's face about having a plan, but she actually went to face a demon that not even her mother could defeat... WITHOUT HER WAND?! [link]
RB: To be fair, the episode does try to explain that she didn't use it because it was corrupted, but-
Aston: WHEN HAS THAT EVER STOPPED HER FROM USING IT BEFORE?! She was going to use it on Ludo's rats in Puddle Defender and Return to Mewni! You can't tell me that she was going to shoot the rats but she wouldn't think to shoot Ludo! Especially when she's mad about him hurting her father! It's downright ludicrous! What was she going to do, choke Toffee with her bare hands? Was that her plan?!
RB: Yeah, that. This is why you never go into enemy territory unarmed kiddies. Just try pulling a stunt like that in Breath of the Wild. It's not nearly as forgiving as Ludo who, again, refuses to kill anyone. Seriously, what's up with that? This is getting downright ridiculous.
Aston: Also, for some reason, Ludo says "My hand won't let me destroy you" and we all know that his "hand" is actually Toffee, and that makes me wonder... Why? Why doesn't Toffee want Star dead? Didn't she evaporate his body into dust at the end of Storm the Castle? Wouldn't he be a little bit chapped about that?
RB: Probably for the same reason Ludo never killed River. I think that might just be a trope that no villain is allowed to escape despite gigantic leaps in logic.
Aston: I guess so. I even notice Sideshow Bob postulating instead of killing Bart in the Simpsons sometimes.
RB: Christ, they could at least be self aware about it. The comedy writes itself in a situation like that!
Aston: Hmm... I'm going to go out on a limb here and say "indifferent" to it. Also, can I just point out that Marco had the key to Star's shackles on him, but instead of unlocking her wrists like any sensible person would, he decides to fucking karate chop it first and bang his hand. Is Marco turning into an idiot too? Is Star's stupidity rubbing off on him?
RB: First off, that word couldn't be more perfect, and second off, this show is showing signs of becoming a cancer. Not like the kind that a troll says in YouTube comments, but I mean a literal tumor in the form of a cartoon. Slowly but surely infecting all the characters involved with unadulterated stupidity. It's Fairly Oddparents all over again.
Aston: Speaking of stupidity, um... three more idiots show up after a painfully long bird-call joke.
RB: This episode was already painful enough, but now we gotta add Ruby to the mix as well? To answer your question, Aston, no, I'm not okay!
Aston: I'm not okay, either. Now we have the characters engaging in a boring strategy meeting complete with Foolduke thinking that she could stop Ludo with a rubber chicken.
Ruberiot: I have a gripping parody song I've been working on.
Star: He is great at ruining people's lives with songs.
RB: I'LL THROTTLE THEM!
Aston: Who's them?
Aston: Whoa! Whoa! Steady, Carrick, steady! We'll get through this, I promise!
Star: Marco, it seems like you're just pulling pranks.
Marco: Yeah, we're still working on that payoff part.
Aston: The same can be said about the overarching plot as a whole.
RB: Oh, snap! Sick burn, dude! But I can't watch Aston, I can't! I just want this boring scene to end! I bet Star's gonna give some sort of long winded motivational speech.
Aston: Oh, come on, Carrick. Now you're just being-
*Star makes a stupid speech*
Aston: SHE'S MAKING A SPEECH! We've wasted two and a half minutes in this stupid dungeon! I just want it to end already!
*Ludo Shows Up*
Aston and RB: OH, THANK GOD!
RB: Oh hey, this might be the first time you're actually happy to see Ludo! Is that a plus?
Aston: Sure, but negative infinity plus one is still negative infinity. So after that, we waste an entire minute and a half spent on Star and Ludo just talking about the fact that Toffee is inside of Ludo's Wand. So for some reason, she assumes that the whispering spell sent him inside the wand or something like that? So she uses the whispering spell to destroy Ludo's half of the wand and trust me, this will get so much more fucking confusing later.
RB: It really is ridiculously confusing. What even is the Whispering Spell anyway? I don't remember that spell!
Aston: It's that convoluted spell from Storm the Castle that destroys the wand for some reason.
RB: Ooohhh! Now I remember! Man, when you said that episode was forgettable, I didn't agree with you at first. But I guess it's blander than I thought. We cut back to, ugh, seriously, we're still at the jail cell? How many of these G** damn scenes are gonna revolve around characters breaking out of this stupid place?!
Aston: Not sure. Maybe in the next act, they'll have to break Ludo out of his own jail cell. I mean he spells Wand as W-O-N-D, so I wouldn't put it past him.
RB: Well, I hope you're cool with annoying chanting that's annoying. Unfortunately, it's super annoying. You know, for a resistance that intends to remain insistent, you guys really suck at actually being an effective group of rebels. And then one of the rats comes in to actually kill Marco because he's so annoying, and this is what makes Marco want to stop chanting. Marco, dude, you know what it means to be in a resistance right? It means that you have to be wiling to die for your cause. Cowering at any sign of conflict won't affect anything.
Marco: Wait, why are you...? Actually, the resistance can be quieter.
Foolduke: *still chanting*
Ruberiot: Be brave, Marco! You may fall, but the resistance lives on!
Inevitable comment: But he's a rebel. You don't believe he'd actually stop rebelling like a hypocrite at the first sign of danger do you?
RB: Yeah! Yeah, I can totally believe that! If I was in Vegas, I would've put 90% of my s*** on that he would've done that. I'd put 10% aside as a benefit of the doubt just in case, but how could anyone possibly believe this character would be willing to die for anyone? Foolduke is no better.
Not only did she continue chanting as well, but her inclusion in the show has only made Ruberiot 50% more insufferable because all they do is argue with each other! She is technically the lesser of two evils, but she still gives Ruby a run for his money when it comes to pretentious comments.
Foolduke: That's not what doves sound like on Mewni.
RB: You know exactly what he meant you idiot!!! And that leaves the mime.
RB'sB: Let me guess, unlike the others, she's a genius?
RB: Hell no! I don't know what is wrong with all of the characters who keep making that comment around her. I hate mimes! They're creepy monsters with a sense of entertainment that's so unsettling and uncanny. Why do you think cartoons love harassing mimes so much? Most people think that Captain Underpants is one of my favorite animated movies ever because of the characters, humor, animation, and its faithfulness to the source material. But no! The real reason is because there's a scene where Captain Underpants deckes one of the f***ers in the face. Take that you creepy son of a b***h!
Aston: Yeah, well-
RB: AND MEANWHILE, when you look at their usefulness to the plot as a whole, it is so much more apparent how useless they all are. In this episode, they break Star out of jail, but not really. I say this because even though they let her chains loose, they decide to for some reason STAY in the dungeon to plan. Why? They didn't even need to break her out in the first place because Ludo was just gonna come back to let her out anyway, leading to YOU idiots getting captured. [link]
The only argument anyone could reasonably make to justify their existence in this movie is when they get the key from Ludo to save River. However, this argument doesn't hold any water because River refuses to be rescued, and King Ludo as a whole could've been cut out entirely. These characters are a waste of time, animation, and good storytelling.
RB: AND FURTHERMORE, the true kicker is that these characters p***ed me off of all people. Let me elaborate. One of the most commonly accepted ideas in the animation community is that comic relief characters are generally the worst part of any movie or show. But I actually really like most of the characters that fall into this trope. I'm talking Grubber, the Gargoyles, Hei Hei the chicken, Mater (from the third one at least), and Jar Jar by a razor thin margin. Hell, I even like Minions.
Aston: That last one doesn't seem like such a big deal.
RB: THE MOVIE!!!
Aston: Wait, WHAT?!
RB: Yep, and the fact that it took these gaggle of idiots to finally make me snap says a whole lot. Keep in mind, I didn't see the Emoji Movie, which means I'm indifferent to Hi-5. In fact, I feel so strongly about all of this that I've written a little song that perfectly summarizes my feelings towards Ruby and his cronies.
Aston: That was beautiful Carrick. It hits me right where I live. *pounds chest* So...... ya got it all out of your system?
RB: *sigh* Yeah, I think so.
Aston: Dude, it is really funny seeing you get like this when reviewing because every time I think you've run out of gas, you'll think of something else that sparks a new raging fire in you and you'll be like, "AND MOREOVER, F***IN'...." It's pretty entertaining
RB: Well, I think I've calmed down.
Aston: Good. I'm glad you're okay. You shouldn't get so worked up and angry over a simple episode of this show. You've always been a kind guy, and you need to stay that way.
RB: Wow, you're right, Aston. Maybe I should let go a little b-
Aston: Embittered, depressed guys like me on the other hand...
RB: Oh boy, here it comes.
Aston: So let's talk about a personal grievance that I have with this episode, and I'm gonna fast forward through this shit a bit. I could talk about how Moon frees Marco with magic despite having no magic earlier in the episode or how hypocritical it is of Marco to leave Ruby and the others in the dungeon in harms way, or how pointless Ruberiot and Foolduke were, but I won't do that, instead I shall ask but one question.
How the fuck does the Whispering Spell work? I ask this because the spell somehow sends Star inside of the wand, where Toffee just so happens to be, and I have a boatload of complaints about that.
So to understand some of my confusion about this subject, let's first see what the Star vs. Wiki has to say about the spell.
"Destroys the royal magic wand and causes it to self-detonate. Stated to be the first spell Star learned from her mother."
Okay, so judging from that description, the spell is a self-destruct button used as a last resort, but what I want to know is why does it send people inside of the wand? How does that work? How do you send something into a destroyed object after it destroys itself?
And for some reason, being sent into the wand from the spell allows you to control and speak through the mouth of the person with the wand, as shown when Star talks to Moon with Ludo's body, much like how Toffee did the same thing in Starcrushed and Book Be Gone. How does that work? What part of that spell allows you to do that?
And furthermore, did Toffee know that the spell was going to do that? Did he know that the spell was going to send him into the wand and into Ludo? How? How does he know anything about the wand or how it works?
And what about his finger? It was what Toffee was looking for, (I'll deal with that part later) and it was found inside of the wand in Into the Wand. If Toffee was inside the wand, how did he not find the finger already if he was there?!
How did his finger get inside the wand in the first place?? How did Toffee know that it would be there? He saw the finger evaporate in Moon The Undaunted, how does he even know that there's a finger for him to find? For all he knew, it could've been annihilated into nothing! And if he can control Ludo's body, then why he can't he control Star's? I mean, he's corrupting both wands, right? Why isn't Star his puppet as well?
And how is he even corrupting the magic anyway? How is he controlling it? Did he know that he could corrupt the magic? How?! I'm sorry if this comes across as nitpicking, but the reason I'm putting so much stock into this is because I have no idea what the fuck is even happening right now! And the episode's intent was for me to be taking this seriously! This is supposed to be a serious moment, but it fails as a serious moment because nothing has been properly explained to me, so I'm just left with puzzle pieces that can't possibly fit together!
RB: Aston, everything you've said summarizes perfectly why this show has gotten so much worse. It used to be a light hearted, monster-of-the-week, adventurous romp that didn't take itself too seriously. But now that it's taking itself seriously, you and I simply can't because it don't do drama too good. Especially when you've got scenes like when Star's inside of her destroyed wand (what?), and all I can think of is this.
I mean it. That one joke in Baby where one of Star's magic minions crushes the apple is the most contrived joke I have ever seen. They couldn't think of a logical way to have him fuck up and drop the apple. So instead of removing him from the script, the episode makes him an idiot and has him stomp the apple for no reason other than to pad the plot. So to sum it up, the show isn't funny either, it fails as a drama because it barely focuses on it, it fails as a comedy because it's pathetically inept at it, and it fails as a show because it's boring and pads its episodes from here to infinity with useless shit that has no business being there.
RB: Now that I think about it, maybe I was putting a bit too much pressure on this movie to succeed for myself. Not only did season 2 leave me disappointed, but I was also forced to wait for five months! Who knows, maybe this is another Phantom Menace situation where I was expecting too much from this movie. Maybe I should cut it some slack. Maybe... it's actually good!
RB'sB: Whoa guys! My sarcasm meter is going off, and the bull s*** levels are through the roof!
RB: GOOD!!! Saying that I overhyped this movie for myself is incredibly stupid, and I'll prove myself by saying three words. RICK AND MOTHER F***ING MORTY!!!
RB'sB: That was five words.
RB: Whatever. My point is that when season 2 ended for that show, we had to wait nearly two years!!! And you know what, not only did the show come back in full force, but it gave us the Rickshank Redemption. One of the most epic season premiers ever as well as my favorite episode of the show. And it managed to accomplish what Battle for Mewni couldn't in a fourth of the time. Your move haters!
Aston: I feel like we're kind of shooting our rage load a little bit, I mean, we're not even at the worst part yet!
RB: Better get back to the plot before things get too out of hand. Star talks to Moon through Ludo, and her mom says the important thing is that she's safe. [link]
Aston: She is not safe because shocker, Toffee's there! Also, Star's like "I knew it!" when she sees Toffee, and I'm like, "Uh, it's not like no one believed you." Moon already knows that he's behind everything. The only person you're proving wrong is Ludo. By the way, thanks for not explaining anything about why you're here or what you're doing any of this for Toffee. I appreciate it so fucking much.
One more thing, there's this scene where Star is swimming in Toffee's gross oily water body and she's gonna try and fight it... without her wand. She's going to try to fight a liquid with her bare hands. I get that maybe it would be likeable for her to try and fight for her mother, but Star has always always always been contemptful of Moon since episode 1. Even in Puddle Defender, she never listened to her, so I'm not buying it. And also, she's fighting a liquid with her bare hands, and it's so unbelievably stupid that I can't even consider Star a believable idiot anymore. I feel like even idiots know that you can't hurt water with your bare hands.
RB: Patrick, Leni, Snips & Snails, Caboose, and even Big the Cat are rolling their eyes at this sequence of events. Continuing the tradition of "Moon is no longer allowed to be a bad a**", Moon makes a deal with Toffee to give him back his finger to make him whole once again in exchange for Star's life. Huh, this sounds strikingly similar to the plot of Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny. Just switch Toffee out for a metal head Satan.
Aston: And somehow, putting the severed digit back on his hand restores Toffee's body. Another contrivance to add to the "Things that the show will never ever ever explain" pile.
RB: Speaking of things not being explained, he crushes the ruined piece of the wand into dust... somehow.
Aston: And now we get this horrible scene where Moon tries to fight back against Toffee and kill him with that Eclipsa spell again. At first, I was actually kinda appreciative of her emotions for her daughter, but then I realized that Toffee just stands there and doesn't do any fighting back while Moon is saying her really long incantation. Like, this spell can kill him and he's doing nothing about it? His hands are completely free. He could pimp slap her before she could even finish saying a single line. In fact, here's how it should have ended:
RB: Credit where it's due, Grey Delisle gives her f***ing all in this scene and really sells the desperation and hopelessness Moon is feeling right now. Too bad Toffee's voice actor sounds bored as Hell.
Aston: Yeah, Michael C. Hall is clearly here for a paycheck, nothing more, nothing less. It's sad because this guy can deliver some really fucking awesome performances. [link]
RB: But hey, he does shoot down Ludo. Surely that's somewhat satisfying?
RB: Star dives as deep as she can into the goo towards the light, and then she dies. I must say, this was a very interesting note for the writers to end on. I'm surprised Disney was okay with this. Oh well. Roll credits.
RB: I thought so too, but I guess f***ing FIRE isn't as deadly in this world as we initially thought.
Aston: *sigh* Why can't we have nice things?
Then we get a scene where Glossaryck is making soup in some sort of black void, (Where we are, no one knows! Not even Glossaryck) and Star laments about being dead and spending the rest of eternity with Glossaryck, which now that I think about it is a very appropriate consequence for her actions. After Star gets a little salty about Glossaryck "Betraying" her, she just... I don't even know how to describe what's coming up next.
RB: With pleasure mate! [link]
So let's start with the biggest problem I have with this horrible scene. Nothing in it is explained at all, I have no idea where Star's Butterfly Super Saiyan form comes from. What is it? How does it work? Is this another one of those times when Star's "Inner Magic" just shows up out of nowhere to resolve the plot? Because that's happened before. (Baby and Raid The Cave)
Second, how the fuck is Star's Butterfly Super Saiyan form able to take down Toffee? It was clearly established that to kill an immortal being like Toffee, it requires a specific spell from Eclipsa herself, but for some odd reason, Star's spell is able to reduce Toffee to a near-dead pile of slop with absolutely no explanation whatsoever. Star didn't earn any of this power she had, Star didn't surpass Moon and Toffee through her own hard work, she acquired this power through nothing but contrived bullshit.
And how unsatisfying is it that Toffee was taken down in one single shot? Do you guys remember how much fucking build-up there was to this moment? Like, there were all of these episodes leading up to this fight, and do you guys want to know how long it lasted? I'll tell you how long... 30 fucking seconds. The final battle between Star and her greatest nemesis took up only 30 seconds! 16 of them were wasted on the Magical Girl Transformation sequence! So she spent more time transforming to fight Toffee then actually fighting Toffee! What the fuck were they thinking?! How did they think that they could get away with all of this buildup towards taking down Toffee and then having the fight end with one fucking blow?!
Didn't anybody think that maybe the fans of the show would find that a little bit disappointing, or even a rip-off? Or anticlimactic? Starcrushed had a better fight than this one. By The Book had a better fight than this one! Like, the show could've had its own Twilight's Kingdom-esque magical slugfest going on, and instead of letting its creativity flow, they just have her shoot him one time?! Toffee didn't even do anything, he was shot from behind and killed in one shot, he didn't even notice her until the moment before he got shot!
And what was Toffee's plan anyway? Like, what was he trying to do? After he beat up Marco and Moon, he just walked away. Where was he even going? What were his motivations? Why did he want the wand destroyed? How does he know anything about the wand? Why did he kill Moon's mother? Why does he hate Mewmans so much? If he wanted to take over the kingdom, then why the fuck did he just let Ludo do stupid shit instead of ruling the kingdom himself? Is all he wanted from Queen Moon just to take his fucking finger back?! Is that really all the show is going to reveal about him? In this special premiere dedicated to his return?!
How did this happen? How did we get from a villain that had the entire Internet clamoring to see more of him to this ridiculously unsatisfying trainwreck of an ending? How did we get to a villain that had so much charisma and personality end with him getting blasted to death in less than 15 seconds?!
Worst of all, this episode just ruins Toffee, and it's not due to personality flaws or anything like that. It's due to how horrendously mismanaged his arc truly is. They had an entire season as well as an entire 88-minute special to flesh him out and explain his motivations, history, and the reason why he's such a threat to the Mewmans. But instead of giving him development, they boil it down to, "I just want my finger back because I'm super-dee-duper nasty!"
Let me give you all some real talk. I've been waiting for this since 2015. Ever since I first saw Storm the Castle, I wanted some sort of explanation for why Toffee wanted the wand destroyed and what he would gain from it. Ever since 2015, I've been waiting in vain for some sort of payoff, and almost two and a half years later, I'm still asking questions about him! And thanks to Seasons 2 and 3, I'm asking even more questions! This show hasn't answered a single question I've had about anything!
And that's why the show infuriates me to no end, because it has all this material, all of these interesting, tantalizing ideas, all of this amazing potential, and they either squander it on boring slice of life stories, focus on worthless and uninteresting characters like Ludo and River, or they have shitty payoffs to their promises like Butterfly Fucking Super Saiyans. Fuck this show and fuck this miserable excuse of a climax!
RB: .... Yeah. Ditto. All of the disappointment around Toffee's death ties into why I love shows like Rick and Morty, Steven Universe, Red vs Blue, and even My Little freaking Pony so much. Whenever they set up interesting plot points and arcs, not only do they follow through on them, but they also give us some of the most wonderful pieces of animation that can make us happy, sad, tense, excited, and all of the other emotions of the rainbow all at the same time. And a lot of that comes down to the fact that episodes like Twilight's Kingdom, Rickshank Redemption, Jailbreak, and Previously On were built up to for such a long time. We care about what's going on, we care about these characters, and we care about how the ending plays out.
Aston: So after Ludo unceremoniously finishes Toffee off, he voluntarily decides to throw himself back into the void for no reason. He didn't come to any sort of epiphany about himself, he just asks Star to cast him back into the void, and she just obliges him... okay. Also, way to abandon Arachnid and Eagle. You know, the only creatures in the universe who ever loved you. Abandoning them will surely make me feel sorry for you Ludo.
RB: Hey, if we get a sequel to Ludo in the Wild then I'm down for that! Even though that was pretty sneaky of him, it's not nearly as sneaky as the writers still trying to convince me that River is a bad a** benevolent ruler!
Choir: ♪ An army of eagles with he at the helm ♪
♪ Rescued the children and brought us all home ♪
♪ Handsome and fearless, valiant and strong ♪
♪ Our dearest King River we praise him in song. ♪
Darn tootin' Kermit! Also, he's been living amongst the eagles? How did that happen?! I thought Levitato was supposed to hang you in the air forever. You can move freely about? Does that mean he can fly now? Why would the eagles care about River? How did the eagles break the spell on River and all the other Mewmans? Why did they take so long to get back to the- you know what, we're almost done with this damn thing. Let's just get this over with for God's sake!
But wait! There's still an unresolved plot point floating around. Quick Aston, add it to the board!
Aston: Screw waaaaaaaaay off.
RB: I'm always excited to work on a project with you Aston! You know, as long as we're not stuck in the desert or whatever, but I've put that behind me I couldn't have asked for anyone better to help me with this review for a show that, quite frankly, probably isn't for me. I just hope I don't have to give this show the same fate as Adventure Time way back in March of last year. Who knows? Maybe the show will get better.
RB'sB: Yeah, and Teen Titans Go to the Movies will make you break down in tears harder than Coco.
RB: You may jest little bro, but I'll still keep an open mind. After seeing miracles like Samurai Jack Season 5 and the return of 3-D platforming in video games, anything's possible really. Happy birthday mate, thanks for coming- OH! And one more thing before you go. Mind if I let Tucker from Red vs Blue play us off?
Aston: Not at all buddy!
RB: Bye everyone, and have a beautiful time!