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America was never great

A

America was never great

Fuck nazism Fuck xenophobia Fuck racism Fuck imperialism Fuck centrism Fuck neoliberalism Fuck the prison industrial complex Fuck militarization Fuck ICE Fuck gentrification Fuck redlining Fuck gerrymandering Fuck all tools of white supremacy And especially Fuck the police

Where should I swim tonight?

Episode

E

Episode

I tried I really tried I was good for a week this time But I fucked up again Like I always do When things seem to be getting better And I think I’m getting better And I fool myself into believing I am wanted in others’ lives I keep forgetting That I’m in a box Or is it a stage Or am I behind a window But that I am both with you all And with none of you Everybody is broken Except I seem to be In a million more pieces And they are much sharper And they can cut and hurt And I still cannot put any of them Together again As long as I stay On the stage Or in the box Or behind the window Everyone else is safe From the pieces

Mother and Father

M

Mother and Father

I learned never to challenge authority, from the belt and the slipper, and to do exactly what I was told, not foolish things like playing with my brother and sister, instead of fighting with them- “You’re going to be absolutely quiet or I’m coming back up here”, he threatened. I bought into the waspian myth of the dutiful eldest son, who leads by examples of excellence, not selfish distractions, like love or friends, or birthday parties, or even happiness- “You’re going to focus on your studies and get all As”, they drilled into my head. My calendar was their time, filled with everything accord

Lockdown

L

Lockdown

There’s nothing new with this quarantine I’ve always been alone The only difference now is that The child has finally grown I’ve always felt like a virus Something toxic and weird I’ve always been seen as someone To be avoided and to be feared I wish I could pick up a phone Or zoom or tweet or slack But I know that anyone receiving my message Would never want to answer back I know everyone’s hurting You all crave to be with a partner or friend But I’ve never really had any And I don’t see my lockdown Ever coming to an end...

Potential

P

Potential

I’m not a has been I’m a never was

After my Friday night run

A

After my Friday night run

laying down on the futon in my living room with eyes closed and the window open absorbing the sounds of the city and the distant foghorn from somewhere in the bay and the cool breeze meandering its way betwixt and between all the towers arriving on my skin putting me to sleep

Fuck it

F

Fuck it

Fuck it I’m crashing I’m gonna fall Don’t stop me Just let me Let me lose it all Let me fail Let me wail Let gravity smash my face to the ground Don’t hug me Don’t come near me I don’t want anybody around I’m useless I’m loveless I’m not who you think I am You shouldn’t worry Please don’t care I’m not worth a fucking damn I’m tired of being alone I could eat myself to the bone I can’t stand another bloody day I’m not strong enough I’m tossing myself off the living bluff I just want it all and myself to go away

Last straw

L

Last straw

To finally hear someone tell you the hard, cold truth that wakes you up, and makes you realize what a fool you are and have always been. To suddenly swallow that final bitter pill, the one you’ve known you’ll have to take, even after all the other ones you’ve already had. To have it finally dawn on you that you really are not young anymore, and to chase after young dreams is to fail forever. To know nonetheless that it wasn’t your choice; you waited for your time to come, and you always have done what seemed right. To have never been safe nor loved, nor felt deserving of anything by default, and instead always worked and hoped love would be earned. To finally accept that no one can possibly understand all you’ve been through, and all that you’ve missed, and all of your desires, and all of your hurt. To stare at the rest of your life, and wonder what others can enjoy and what will be left for you, and not want to just turn everything in and give everything up...

Social

S

Social

O, to be able to just stand there and smile and say things and see the others smile back and hear words from them to me, and not look like I’ve just said the worst thing possible or nothing remarkable at all. Just stay there, they say… just keep showing up, and everyone will just start liking you. And I do… all six feet of me, and as I try and I miss, feet shrink to inches, and eventually I decide to stop to watch the others laugh and share with such ease and such pride. It’s impossible to remain, fighting back every single sign of embarrassment and shame, and risk further exposure to the very people I wish I could know. Time to go home…
See all

America was never great

A

America was never great

Fuck nazism Fuck xenophobia Fuck racism Fuck imperialism Fuck centrism Fuck neoliberalism Fuck the prison industrial complex Fuck militarization Fuck ICE Fuck gentrification Fuck redlining Fuck gerrymandering Fuck all tools of white supremacy And especially Fuck the police

Where should I swim tonight?

Episode

E

Episode

I tried I really tried I was good for a week this time But I fucked up again Like I always do When things seem to be getting better And I think I’m getting better And I fool myself into believing I am wanted in others’ lives I keep forgetting That I’m in a box Or is it a stage Or am I behind a window But that I am both with you all And with none of you Everybody is broken Except I seem to be In a million more pieces And they are much sharper And they can cut and hurt And I still cannot put any of them Together again As long as I stay On the stage Or in the box Or behind the window Everyone else is safe From the pieces

Mother and Father

M

Mother and Father

I learned never to challenge authority, from the belt and the slipper, and to do exactly what I was told, not foolish things like playing with my brother and sister, instead of fighting with them- “You’re going to be absolutely quiet or I’m coming back up here”, he threatened. I bought into the waspian myth of the dutiful eldest son, who leads by examples of excellence, not selfish distractions, like love or friends, or birthday parties, or even happiness- “You’re going to focus on your studies and get all As”, they drilled into my head. My calendar was their time, filled with everything accord

Lockdown

L

Lockdown

There’s nothing new with this quarantine I’ve always been alone The only difference now is that The child has finally grown I’ve always felt like a virus Something toxic and weird I’ve always been seen as someone To be avoided and to be feared I wish I could pick up a phone Or zoom or tweet or slack But I know that anyone receiving my message Would never want to answer back I know everyone’s hurting You all crave to be with a partner or friend But I’ve never really had any And I don’t see my lockdown Ever coming to an end...

Potential

P

Potential

I’m not a has been I’m a never was

After my Friday night run

A

After my Friday night run

laying down on the futon in my living room with eyes closed and the window open absorbing the sounds of the city and the distant foghorn from somewhere in the bay and the cool breeze meandering its way betwixt and between all the towers arriving on my skin putting me to sleep

Fuck it

F

Fuck it

Fuck it I’m crashing I’m gonna fall Don’t stop me Just let me Let me lose it all Let me fail Let me wail Let gravity smash my face to the ground Don’t hug me Don’t come near me I don’t want anybody around I’m useless I’m loveless I’m not who you think I am You shouldn’t worry Please don’t care I’m not worth a fucking damn I’m tired of being alone I could eat myself to the bone I can’t stand another bloody day I’m not strong enough I’m tossing myself off the living bluff I just want it all and myself to go away

Last straw

L

Last straw

To finally hear someone tell you the hard, cold truth that wakes you up, and makes you realize what a fool you are and have always been. To suddenly swallow that final bitter pill, the one you’ve known you’ll have to take, even after all the other ones you’ve already had. To have it finally dawn on you that you really are not young anymore, and to chase after young dreams is to fail forever. To know nonetheless that it wasn’t your choice; you waited for your time to come, and you always have done what seemed right. To have never been safe nor loved, nor felt deserving of anything by default, and instead always worked and hoped love would be earned. To finally accept that no one can possibly understand all you’ve been through, and all that you’ve missed, and all of your desires, and all of your hurt. To stare at the rest of your life, and wonder what others can enjoy and what will be left for you, and not want to just turn everything in and give everything up...

Social

S

Social

O, to be able to just stand there and smile and say things and see the others smile back and hear words from them to me, and not look like I’ve just said the worst thing possible or nothing remarkable at all. Just stay there, they say… just keep showing up, and everyone will just start liking you. And I do… all six feet of me, and as I try and I miss, feet shrink to inches, and eventually I decide to stop to watch the others laugh and share with such ease and such pride. It’s impossible to remain, fighting back every single sign of embarrassment and shame, and risk further exposure to the very people I wish I could know. Time to go home…
Artist // Hobbyist // Varied
  • United States
  • Deviant for 10 years
  • She / Her
Badges
Super Llama: Llamas are awesome! (42)
My Bio
i'm complicated

twitter
twitter.com/quephird

home page
quephird.github.com/

Favourite Visual Artist
sol lewitt, linn meyers, digital blasphemy, james wille faust
Favourite Movies
munich, 2001, blade runner
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
henry saiz, brian eno, genesis
Favourite Games
anything by cave, super mario 64, anything by kenta cho
Favourite Gaming Platform
iPhone, 3DS, PS Vita
Tools of the Trade
anything by prismacolor, caran d'ache crayons, quil
Other Interests
progressive house, programming languages, nail polish, lego, video games, gardening, microbrewery beers, running
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Comments 69

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StilleschreiHobbyist Photographer
:) thanks very much for the :+fav: of
“ Shine on me“
Danielle
Shine on me (with poem) by Stilleschrei
:heart:

quephirdHobbyist General Artist
^_^
StilleschreiHobbyist Photographer
:) thanks very much for the :+fav: of
“True love“
Danielle
True love by Stilleschrei
:heart:

quephirdHobbyist General Artist
꒰🔴ᵕ‿ᵕ🔴꒱
StilleschreiHobbyist Photographer
:D
Thanks for the fave :]
quephirdHobbyist General Artist
You haiku resonated with me a _lot_.