Sometimes I look at myself and everything's just wrong; I've got nothing where there should be stuff and random bits stuck on and there's changes happening to some parts as time's moving along but there's nothing I can do to change the way that I was born.
I don't hate my body, mind, it's been good to me through life and I know some of it will be fixed with help of surgeon's knife but I need some help convincing folks I'm husband, not his wife when my voice betrays me, but to tell them could cost me my life.
And I know I should be grateful to live in the time I'm in when things are moving forward and I can show the man within to doctors who can help me to rearrange my skin (as long as I fit narrow meanings of what 'a man' means)
This body birthed a child who's been my saviour to this day so I can't wish the body I was given clean away but sometimes wistfully I can't help thinking of what may have happened if things had been different had nature not betrayed.
Sometimes I look at myself and wish that I could change the parts that distress magically, my body rearrange wish I could make ordinary things that I find strange swap part-for-part, like some bizarre anatomy exchange.
For now, though, I must watch the change that's brought about by meds and look to all the things that doctors tell me are ahead and through the pains of difference there always runs a thread of hope; that one day I'll no longer be misread
as something I am not and never was despite the way the papers tell us what we're told at birth is what we'll stay until that magic moment - 'sex-swap surgery' - they'll say we're finally the sex we say we are upon that day.
But I digress; for now I'll try to accept this physique and remind myself I've options now, the future's not so bleak and write my sadness, rage, and raise my voice so I can speak so others might find their pain isn't really so unique;
so their pain becomes my pain, and my pain becomes theirs 'cause we're all in this together, and our stories we will share to lift each other up, to treat each other with such care and love each other when the world seems just too much to bear.