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Heeey, look! I wrote something that isn't aSoE related!
I watched 'de pennen zijn geslepen' yesterday, which is a tv show about a bunch of 'famous' Dutchies trying to write a thriller. Each episode, the worst one must leave. Yeah... A talent show + writing = this. I am not sure what to think of it... It doesn't go in depth enough for writers, and I think for non-writers it is kinda boring. Still, I'll continue watching it. The surviving candidates make huge jumps of progress, they make writing look so easy.
Anyway, that show is about thrillers, so a lot of imaginary people die in it. I guess that inspired me to write down a murder myself, but still kept it (victorian) fantasy. Yay for crossing genres!
Is this the beginning of a new story? Nah, probably not. My inspiration about this stops pretty much here. I like Vonn though, and the simple magic system. aSoE has something that's utterly complex, so this gave me a moment to breathe.
I watched 'de pennen zijn geslepen' yesterday, which is a tv show about a bunch of 'famous' Dutchies trying to write a thriller. Each episode, the worst one must leave. Yeah... A talent show + writing = this. I am not sure what to think of it... It doesn't go in depth enough for writers, and I think for non-writers it is kinda boring. Still, I'll continue watching it. The surviving candidates make huge jumps of progress, they make writing look so easy.
Anyway, that show is about thrillers, so a lot of imaginary people die in it. I guess that inspired me to write down a murder myself, but still kept it (victorian) fantasy. Yay for crossing genres!
Is this the beginning of a new story? Nah, probably not. My inspiration about this stops pretty much here. I like Vonn though, and the simple magic system. aSoE has something that's utterly complex, so this gave me a moment to breathe.
Mature
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I've always want to read this but the first time I was too distracted and tired, I understood nothing, okay a half. XD That doesn't mean your text wasn't understandable but that my tiredness was a bit worse, haha.
Somehow this heavily reminds me of Professor Layton. Maybe it’s the cause of the top hat… But it’s great to see your other writing! This was an enjoyable one to read!
And I find the timetravelling idea rather cool, it’s interesting to see new ideas than just the basic time machine. 
Thrillers aren’t my area of expertise so, can’t say much about that: can’t read them, too wild imagination, the same thing with horror… But the pacing feels in place here! ^^
I found some things:
- What do you think, sir? A short man with thick glasses asked. -> You forgot the quotation marks.
- A man dressed in a sleek, brown coat with a mustache trimmed to perfection stared back. -> Moustache is an American spelling, add ‘o’: moustache.
- His looks must match that. -> His looks had to match. Must match reads a bit weird as everything else is in past tense.
- It tasted like iron. -> I think you could leave out ‘like’, it could make it more direct and I think it’s not really needed here. But do whatever you want.
- The last thing Vonn noticed was something warm running down his leg, and the stench of diarrhea that came with it. -> diarrhea appears to be an American spelling, if you want to go for British add ‘o’ here as well: diarrhoea.
Somehow this heavily reminds me of Professor Layton. Maybe it’s the cause of the top hat… But it’s great to see your other writing! This was an enjoyable one to read!
And I find the timetravelling idea rather cool, it’s interesting to see new ideas than just the basic time machine. Thrillers aren’t my area of expertise so, can’t say much about that: can’t read them, too wild imagination, the same thing with horror… But the pacing feels in place here! ^^ I found some things:
- What do you think, sir? A short man with thick glasses asked. -> You forgot the quotation marks.
- A man dressed in a sleek, brown coat with a mustache trimmed to perfection stared back. -> Moustache is an American spelling, add ‘o’: moustache.
- His looks must match that. -> His looks had to match. Must match reads a bit weird as everything else is in past tense.
- It tasted like iron. -> I think you could leave out ‘like’, it could make it more direct and I think it’s not really needed here. But do whatever you want.
- The last thing Vonn noticed was something warm running down his leg, and the stench of diarrhea that came with it. -> diarrhea appears to be an American spelling, if you want to go for British add ‘o’ here as well: diarrhoea.