Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
I've done myself in and I don't know where to go. Is this the end? The closing credits, armageddon? That's how it feels. I'm without a part of my heart.

Lots of things happened to cause it, and I could blame them on other people. I could say it was just a silly misunderstanding, but that would be lying. The very thing that I did to screw myself over. I could apologize, but what good would that do?

It's my own fault, and I know that. In time, that stabbing pain will fade to a dull throb, but it will never leave. No, and I will always have a seering hole that will continue to grow. A solemn reminder that I could do nothing about it.

I feel empty, emotionless. I can't even cry. I probably wouldn't bleed either. And I'm cold. So cold.

I fear this is it.

Sound the bugle now
Play it just for me
As the seasons change
Remember how I used to be

Now I can't go on
I can't even start
I've got nothing left
Just and empty heart

I'm a soldier
Wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me
Lead me away
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now
Tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know
That leads to anywhere

Without a light
I fear that I will stumble in the dark
Lay right down
Decide not to go on


This is my anthem now more than ever. It's the song that leaves nothing to be desired of me and what I've become. I'll feel this way forever and forever I'll be in a million pieces. Part of me is gone. and it will never be replaced.

I must wear a mask, however. I shall not place my burden on others. It's only mine to bear, and that is part of the punishment. I stand alone.

I will forever be dying inside.

Forever.
...
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcg-mcpo:
CG-MCPO Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2008
wow. this is precisely how i feel.
i destroyed the love of the perfect woman for me...
my fault, and the pain may dull, but it will never end.

"I will forever be dying inside."

Exactly.
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
I so sorry you feel this way. It's the most horrible feeling in the world, to me. I have faith, however, that if she is as perfect as you say, things will work out and get better. Look up, find the sun behind the clouds.

"Then from on high
Somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls
remember who you are

If you loose yourself
Your courage soon will follow
So be strong tonight
remember who you are."

Hold on tight.
Reply
:iconcg-mcpo:
CG-MCPO Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2008
perhaps that's what i fear most ~ maybe she was NOT the perfect girl for me...
and if that's so and i was so sure she was, how will i trust my heart again??
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
If she wasn't, you'll find the perfect one. It will be more of a struggle, and trusting your heart is one of the hardest things to learn, but maybe that's what is goign to make it more worthwhile. Maybe that will make the relationship and journey more precious.
Reply
:icondracawyn:
Dracawyn Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008  Professional Writer
Ok. Who do I need to kill? I refuse to let you sit there hurting. And hurt is almost always caused by someone else. So who do I need to kill?
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks, but this time it was my fault. No need for killing, but appreciate the resource. You know who you can kill though? That stupid Douglas fellow! I don't like him. Not one bit. Nope, nope, nope.

And thanks again. I'll never be able to say that enough. I love feeling like I have someone to fall on and for them to be there, even when no one else is. Thanks! And if you ever need anything, I'm here to. Just let me know who I need to kill and/or torture. :D
Reply
:icondracawyn:
Dracawyn Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2008  Professional Writer
:glomp: love ya to death, Sam.
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Likewise, sweetie! *virtual glomp* ^^
Reply
:iconbasalock:
Basalock Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008
Thats terribly sad, and as selsa said, a good choice of words, if you dont mind me asking, what happened to upset you so?
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks. I had a huge fight with one of my best friends, and it was my fault. The guilt and knowledge that I caused it, and that I might never be able to fix it. It was the most horrible feeling I have ever felt, kind of like I was in a walking coma. I couldn't focus on anything. But, I fixed it with a lot of Godly help, and now I'm better. But I really appreciate you concern. Thanks so much!!!
Reply
:iconfirefur:
FireFur Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2008
Beautifully sad. I hope you do not truely feel such a way.
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanksso much! I do right now, but I'll get over it. ^^
Reply
:iconfirefur:
FireFur Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2008
I hope so. ^^
Reply
:iconqueen---of---spades:
Queen---of---Spades Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconqueen---of---spades: More from Queen---of---Spades


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
January 17, 2008
File Size
2.1 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
148
Favourites
2 (who?)
Comments
14

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.