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pyrokar1990's avatar
By pyrokar1990
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anonymous's avatar
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TickleGenie's avatar
Another great installment! I'm so excited to see all the alternate endings! And so many parts!
(I'm a female so I can't win the competition but I will still leave the best comment I can!)
Again your grammar and writing style is on point. You are a very skilled writer! ^-^
I am finding great joy in all the characters' roles, they fit very well in parallel to the Sherlock characters. Liam is a great Sherlock, Niall a great Watson, and Zayn and Louis are great as the police (I know Zayn is in parallel to Greg but I'm not sure who Louis is parallel to. Anderson? Whoever he is he's naughty and I enjoy it). Their dynamic in the last part is super fun, as I hope I said in my comment on the last part. 
On top of that just the medical knowledge being put to use and the feverish way the simple act of tickling has become is intriguing, and this is an ACTUAL story along with it, with a reasonable villain. In some stories I've read they try to do the same as you and it just...I don't know, feels flat? This does not. It seems the tickle fever has spread across the board!

And the mind palace scene insinuating that Liam basically falls into a sleep-like state is ripe with possibilities now that Niall has seen how he reacts to being tickled. :)< This pleases me.

As always have a good night, and thank you for the story!
boytickler35's avatar
Logan can still have the spot since I don't have a reason I should win but since I know the pain of trying to get meaningful comments on work I'll help out a fellow writer.

First off you Study in Turquoise" is not may favorite fic by you, that would be your "One Infection" since I love the great mix of end of the world with tickle fic theme and I really remember getting into reading it to the point where I rationed a chapter a night. That being said, I really enjoy this one too. For one as a general statement I of all of your works I need to make to be able to elaborate on this one, your plots are always well though out and executed with a level or organization I can only hope to achieve in my own! More specifically for this one I love they mystery element. I've only read one other real tickle mystery and it's a sub-genre that is fantastic when well written but I think would be all but impossible to read if done poorly. You may be using the plot of a Sherlock mystery but it really is fantastic written. Your characterization  is great. Liam is strange but effective as an inspector, Niall is his charming but obsessive roommate/partner is solving crime and Zayn is the harried law enforcement official. Besides characterization, you have very well written tickle scenes and when you decide to make them NSFW you always give a fair amount of time to both the tickling and the naughtier stuff. 

As for criticisms I only have really have one and that's that the constant switching of names, Payno, Haz, Nialler ect. annoys me and makes reading less pleasant than it would be otherwise but other than that your grammar is good, characters and plot are interesting as covered above. You don't always make the choices I would (in your Jailbirds stories I'd have kept Niall as a twink and things like that) but that's just a difference in opinion and not really an objective criticism. 
pyrokar1990's avatar
Thank you. It's a rare occurance to actually get proper feedback. Obviously, I'm grateful for the praise and I'm glad you enjoy my stories, even if they're not fully the specific genres you like. As a comment to that - I'm not as much using the plot of a Sherlock novel/episode as much as I'm using the tropes established. At some point I even think I'm overusing some of them, but I'm happy that it's not a bother.

As for criticism - thank you once more! To be honest, this isn't the first time I hear this specific complaint (it might have been actually you pointing it out earlier or maybe someone else - can't remember at the moment) and I've also seen it in other people's stories that I read. I get why it's annoying, especially for people who aren't based in the "One Direction fandom" and find some of the nicknames confusing. At the same time, I find an inner problem, when I read stories that go: "Liam said this. Then Liam did this. Liam made something. Liam stopped. Liam continued." As such, I try not to use the same noun for the subject in subsequent sentences and I realise that it sometimes starts to sound weird and 'forced' and unnatural - and eventually annoying - but at the same time, I can't bring myself to use the same word over and over, as it sounds just as unnatural to me. Hopefully that clarifies, why this specific problem remains in my stories and why I still am not able to find a proper solution to it.
And as to the last point - yes, that is a case of subjective taste. I know I won't be able to satisfy everyone, so I might as well go with a choice that best fits the plot in my opinion (hopefully the abundance of twinkish Niall in my other stories will make up for it. Unfortunetely, I tend to write based on what news [and photos] I get of the 1D guys - and since they're all getting only more manly, there's little chance for twink Niall/Liam/Zayn/Louis/Harry making the cut in future stories - unless I finally get to finishing the Star Wars series, where they are all still teenagers at this point or write some sort of a prequel/backstory to some of the others).

Thank you once more for taking the time to give feedback.
boytickler35's avatar
No problem, as  said I know how frustrating it can be to get any meaningful feedback so I figure I should at least try to remedy the problem one comment at a time. I confess I know very little about Sherlock so I wasn't able to tell is it was just the episode patterns or based on an episode (although I guess if there was an episode about a killer tickler I'shave come across it by now) so I don't know if you're over using them but I don't feel you're over using anything that I can detect. 

It may have been me in which case I'm sorry for giving stale criticism, lol. I understand your worry about constantly using the same noun repeatedly but there are ways to avoid it without simply switching the noun after all while:"Liam said this. Then Liam did this. Liam made something. Liam stopped. Liam continued." is boring and tedious to read, this isn't much better: "Liam said this. Then Payno did this. Liam made something. Payno stopped. Liam continued." and you know that cause you don't do this. Your sentence make use of pronouns and varying sentence structure to avoid having the subject always as the first word in the sentence. Of course it is your writing and I love it, the names thing really isn't a big deal.

I'd love to see you get back to the Star Wars story anyway cause I was really enjoying it.
valesor's avatar
Alrighty let's name is Logan.

I am in love with One Direction and love every single story you write about them. I should comment more often than I have and will make a effort to do so from now on :)

Let's see here... I love how descriptive you can be in your writing. (I think I may have said that before in a comment) That's a general thought now here is about this part and story in particular.

The story flows very nicely into each section. (Meaning that time isn't just jumping ahead like three days as I see in a lot of stories) The characterization is flawless in my opinion. It's very easy to see the boys in these characters that you have given them. (I can totally see Liam as a sexy Sherlock Holmes) 

Now I have re-read this story a couple of times now and I cannot say that I see anything that I dislike at all. There's nothing plotwise that irks me in the slightest, there are no spelling errors in any of these parts (spelling being a bit of a pet peeve for me), and as stated earlier it's easy to visualize the story. All in all your a amazing writer and I see great improvement from some of your first stories to now.

Hope you have a amazing day/night mate! Thanks for another amazing part can't wait to see where it leads from here! -Logan
pyrokar1990's avatar
Thanks... pretty sure you're gonna be the only one to comment, so I guess I have to decide at which point "Logan" appears in the story.
anonymous's avatar
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