👏 I 👏 don't 👏 like 👏 to 👏 admit 👏 I 👏 am 👏 mentally 👏 disabled 👏 from 👏 mental 👏 illness 👏 to 👏 strangers 👏 irl 👏
so I make shit up for a job that is usually actually just a hobby because I'm too embarrassed to tell them the truth and I hate it
I hate lying but I also hate the judging that comes with telling someone I'm disabled... Or the comments of "You look/act fine" yeah, that's cuz you're not living with me. You don't see me every day so you don't see how it is. There are times I don't even know what I'm doing because I disassociated or I'm delusional for a short period.
I am NOT self-diagnosed... I don't even know all of my diagnosis, I just let my therapist and psychologist handle that. This isn't some stupid pity me or give me attention diagnosis. This is something I hate with a passion because it legitimately holds me back and then I feel like shit because I can't do all the things I should be able to do.
Just bitching because today I met a neighbor and he asked what I do so I told him "Mainly art" which isn't exactly a lie but it isn't exactly true, either... Art is a supplement and I've reported that and am only allowed to make so much from it because of that. Being disabled and on social security is NOT nearly as nice as people make it out to be... It's frustrating and stressful and embarrassing and is NOT enough to live off of by yourself.
Also got the question of "Kids?" again... but at least it wasn't followed by asking when we plan on it, this time.
I hate being ashamed of being alive