I'm sorry that this journal will not be a fun one. But I feel like I need to make it and explain what happened to a status post I posted about a week and a half ago. (It's been deleted since that day, so you can't find it now.)
However, I don't want people going on witch hunts to the ones in this journal. (I will be keeping them nameless in trying to protect them. If you do know who they are, please do NOT name them here, note me if you want to use the names. If you all don't do this and witch hunt them, I will block you. Consider this your only warning.)
With that said, lets get started. First some back story.
Now, for the past long while, a good friend of mine and I have been having a rough patch; I will not be going into detail with this. It's not finished even to this day and I think it's only gotten worse. It's been very trying on both sides.
That friend does enjoy a group called Slimea. (In fact they've been in there over a year. And it's really helped them through some tough times. I really do thank you all in the group for helping them.) They've been posting a lot to that group and even created a character for it. (Not naming them this time, sorry.) They've enjoyed it and I do want them to keep going. I'm actually really happy that they have found a place to belong, made friends and just be happy.
For me though, I wasn't that interested in it. I did a bit of research when I first heard about it, and it had a lot of things that I don't care for or dislike. So, it's hard to comment on my friend's stuff when it's all something I'm not a fan of. Bubbles, balloons, slime girls, turning people into pool toys, etc. (I only like some monster girls, like mermaids, and hypnosis. But it seemed not to be there as often.) And my friend seem to drop everything else that I was watching them for because of this. So, needless to say, it hurt.
However, due to our ongoing rough patch, I thought if I could join in on this. Maybe I could rekindle our friendship and find out what's so great about this group. So, it took a few months, with miscommunications, timing, character stuff, but I joined. My friend and the Group Head talk to me about it and I made a character for it. Clover Peterson. (I will name mine.)
Now, there is something you all need to know about me. Well, two things. First, I'm very shy when I'm in a new situation. I don't go looking for conversations and really depend on someone to do most of the talking before I get use to them. Second, I don't do well in big groups. Thanks to my brain injury which it also makes things hard for me to explain stuff too.
So, when I joined their server, it was chaos. Many people talking and I couldn't follow a thing. I tried joining in, but I couldn't talk much or anything. I really needed my friend's help. But... eventually, without them helping me, I left the group. I felt alone, scared and very shy. Like a wallflower at a school dance.
While trying to like this group, I found it was really hard. Only two others, besides my friend, reached out to me not counting the welcoming day where many people said hi. I don't know if it was expected for me to speak to them or not first. But I was too shy too. I needed them to keep talking to me. And it was hard to hold a conversation period. I had a hard time talking to the group members.
After a while, I felt like Slimea wasn't for me and it was a mistake to join it, I even started to hate Clover. It didn't help my friendship with my friend nor made me feel included, it felt like it did the opposite. I talked to my friend about it, asking for help, but it didn't really go anywhere. A part of it could be that I didn't explain it well and they didn't understand because of my horrible explanation job. But I don't know the true answer.
Now, for the night before the status post. My friend and I were dealing with a fight we had; they did something that really hurt me. See, by this point, I had basically given up on Slimea, like really on the fence with it. I wanted them to keep going, something I still hope they do, since they like it. But it was not for me. They had posted their one year pictures for joining the group. I commented on one piece and they discorded me about it. Asking if I was trying to hurt them. (I later learned it was how I wrote it that gave off the impression.) I was insulted at that; since a day or two before, my friend had very clearly told me that they knew me very well. This was questioning me and it hurt. I was really done with them for that night and it solidified my choice. (Also teaching me another lesson, don't comment on my friend's artworks of Slimea ever again.)
The next morning came and I vented with the status post. Claiming that it was a horrible mistake on joining Slimea and making Clover. That I was going to delete her. My friend got wind of it, as did some of the group members, and they were all shocked. The group members kindly said that it was okay, well two did, and that I was welcomed back anytime. (I really don't know if I will go back.) While my friend was trying to tell me that the Group Head was going to talk to me a bit more about an idea with it. It was a bad mistake on MY end. I regretted it and deleted it.
I would like to really apologise for it. I am sorry and I should've done something a bit more professional instead of a rant like that. It was wrong of me to do that. I'm sorry to all involved in this, including my friend. I hope you all are not too hurt by it all. I know I didn't call you all out in the status post, it was me quitting Slimea. But if you felt hurt, I am sorry for that.
I have posted a sketch of Clover, questioning if she should return home. And she won't be a RP character for anything else, that's my choice in the end.
Anyways, that's what happened, and like I said, please do not witch hunt ANYONE here. Thank you for your time. The next journal will be something fun, I promise.