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so i might start using deviantart again!! alternatively i have an art twitter now and you can find that HERE !! 

hope you've all been doing well! i look forward to posting here again :heart:
  • Eating: boobie
i got tagged!

also hi!


tagged by sugar-n-spark  my L o ve

lets do it !!!

spark's questions

1. what's one thing you enjoy everyday?
listening to music !! i only stop listening to music when i have to for like movies and certain games !! some games i keep my music on for like minecraft, toontown, tf2, etc uwu

2. normal curtains or blackout curtains; which do you prefer more for your windows?
BLACKOUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! although once at my previous house my windows had these thin white curtains and it was useless but they were fuckin pretty

3. what games have you played recently?
toontown corporate clash, dying light, and minecraft!!!

4. indoor pool, outdoor pool or beach; which do you like best for swimming?
indoor pool ovo Privacy.

5. indoor or outdoor person?
indoor JGJFKGJKFJG although if its fall and rainy, i looove the outdoors and crisp air

6. any bugs you aren't scared of?
this is a good question KJLKDJF yes uhhh pill bugs and gnats and like. lady bugs and ants!

7. family or friends; which are you closer to?
friends absolutely!! although one day i hope im able to make a New family out of my friends and then its like 2-in-1

8. any favorite nature aesthetics?
i love dark green, muted forests and abandoned places and autumn scenery *W*

9. what's your 3 favorite animals?
dogs! and... hmmmmmmmmhmmhm.... raccoons and possums 

10. any annoying pet peeves with your family?
oh plenty. heres a few: my brothers dont empty their plates in the trash before putting them in the sink, my brother takes the bathroom for fuckign Hours at 3 in the morning, and my mom constantly whines "THIS HOUSE IS A MESS" while looking at a slightly messy room 

THAKN YOU SPARKY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POSES!!!!!!!!
i have no one to tag owo heres sparks questions if you wanna steal:

1. what's one thing you enjoy everyday?
2. normal curtains or blackout curtains; which do you prefer more for your windows?
3. what games have you played recently?
4. indoor pool, outdoor pool or beach; which do you like best for swimming?
5. indoor or outdoor person?
6. any bugs you aren't scared of?
7. family or friends; which are you closer to?
8. any favorite nature aesthetics?
9. what's your 3 favorite animals?
10. any annoying pet peeves with your family?
  • Eating: boobie
starting fresh bc of major life changes ! trying to focus on the positive and make good change :heart:
its my biiirrrthdaaaayyy!!! 7/11 !! :heart:

i'm getting too OLD....
have i ever mentioned how much i hate using watermarks but im too paranoid to stop hghjgkhdkgljkfk

ive just kind of given up on the placement of them lol :3
not like i was that active anyway but im going to be playing zelda for AGES!!!!!!!!!!

i love breath fo the wild so far!!! ive waited so long for it!!! and i love love love love LOVE my switch, its so clean and crisp and very very comfortable to hold !!! did any of you get a switch / botw (even on wii u) ???!
becuase...................... why not :3c
a meme
this may get confusing my perception of time is hugely fucked lol

-Did you get your heart broken? - nothing like... breakup related but there were a few huge big bad things that ''broke'' my heart 
-Did you change at all this year?- id like to think so.....
-Did you dye your hair? - nope but its the first year ive considered it
-Did you get your hair cut? - yes!
-Did you change your style? - yes! both art wise and clothing wise
-Did you get good grades? - /
-Did you drive? - no
-Did you move at all? - i moved houses i think
-Did you go on any vacations? - yes disneyland in feb


-Did you break up with anyone? - nope
-Did you meet anyone special? - ehh
-Did you fall in love? - ill say yes because i fell more in love
-Did you get your heartbroken? - same answer as before
-Are you going into 2017 with a boyfriend/girlfriend? - yes!


-Did you meet any new friends this year? - i think so! 
-Did any of your friendships end? - yes and i hate them because theyre really fucking stupid lol & i wasnt the one to end most of em
-Did you dislike anyone? - YES LOL this year has been full of hate
-Did you make any new enemies? - probably one-sidedly yeah
-Did you resolve any fights? - yes i think so
-Who was your closest friend? - rome and kasey
-Did you grow apart from anyone? - yes
-Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? - yep
-Have you had your birthday yet? - in 2016? yes its in july
-Pulled an all nighter? - no i dont think... so... maybe once
-Drank Starbucks? - yes but also why are these last few questions in this section
-Bought something(s)? - !?!?! yes!?!?? who hasnt bought something for a whole year? lol
-Met someone special who changed your life? - mhh.... again my time perception is fucked so maybe and i just dont realize it was in 2016 but . im thinking no


-What are you thinking about? - how much my back hurts
-Would you get married if you could right now? - yes im so very in love with my bofyreind
-How did you feel when you woke up today? - sick i think 
-Are you good at hiding your feelings? - if i really want to yeah but i like never want to so no
-Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? - yes hoh god
-Do you like to have long hair or short hair? - short holy fucking shit i hate long hair im never going back
-Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it? - no ive made it a rule not to if the person really means something to me
-Which of your friends do you argue with the most? - i dont really? any of my 'friends' that i argue with (and i can only think of one) i dont really consider my friend lol... 
-How many texts are in your inbox? - no new ones
-Who was your last text message from? - kasey
-Who was the last person you rode in a car with? - my dad and brothers
-Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? - smile over a lie i guess....???? if something true makes me cry then its probably something id rather forget
-What’s on your bedroom floor right now? - a fuckload of clothes and shoes and clothing tags hghghg
-Do you trust people too easily? - i think so x( ive got severe trust issues nwo
-Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? - nope
-How many people are you texting? - none
-Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? - NO!!!!!!!
-What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? - water???? im 18 and have no access to alcohol lol
i got... my... BRACES OFF!!!!

if youve known me for awhile youll know ive had them for like 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been So Long!!!

i hate retainers!!!
i love pokemon s/m............ i got moon & I'm Loving It
how is it halloween already i dont even Understand

2016 is the year of Hellfire but its definitely gotten more tolerable since fall has come cuz GOD I LOVE FALL !!!! i luv fall & winter & the cold and gah . its so gud

i kind of had a bad relapse after doing OK for awhile so im trying to recover from that ?? ummmm and i still do draw i swear lol i just dont deem a lot of my stuff post-worthy B( plus its all tf2 / my ocs anyway so aaghhgjhkdf

i play tf2 like all the time with my bf and bff and uhhh i've been doing work for my dad every monday and friday so i get a bit of pocket change !! also ive been doing a lot of merasmissions on tf2 and gettin those creepy crawly cases and i finally got my first unusual >:3!!!!!!!

then yesterday i opened one of the cases and got a taunt unusualifier for a taunt i dont want / need so i sold it on the market ... for 47 fuck ing bucks lol the keys to open the cases are 2.47 so i hopped from 2.47 > 47.00 and GOD i was so ecstatic that was the best moment of my fucking life jhgkdjhfjkdg

i bought some stuff and now i only have $32 in my steam wallet but still ??? thats a lot of just Free Cash Money  im tryna save it and not spend it all at once >:'p

but honestly i dont even know how its already the end of october  it feels like it just started ? !? what the fuck is the passage of time

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i guess ive just been trying 2 survive ,,, every little thing like showering and eating is a chore and i have to kind of push myself to even do things i want to do like play games or draw so....
i really wish i could pop back in here with an entry about how Amazing my life is and all that but im really just not at that point yet :'p after all this time........................................................

i dont even know how many of my watchers are still active or will bother to read this but if u did thank u ??? i Dream of the day that i can get back into an obsession with drawing and bust out a whole bunch of finished pictures ........... when that day comes ill be sure to post a whole lot !!

as always i hope u guys are having an OK day + week !! november is almost here which means THANKSGIIIVIIIING and almost christmas!! :3c have a good one !!
tomorrow i meet my boyfreind

im so scared aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pray for me
never mind that last journal my laptop got fixed in like 3 hours Okay
will be without laptop for a few days soon  ... .!!! 
sooo this whole week has just been like Bad Days  with Some Good  and itsl ike. ughhhhhhhhh but im really trying to get through it

i dropped the "draw daily" from my to-do list and added it to my "things to work on" list becuase honestly? drwaing everyday isnt going to do anything for my health at this point and thats what i need to focus on most

tryin not to skip any meals uhhh tryin to keep my hygiene up... oh and did i mention that my laptop keyboard is broken????? yea im usin a usb keyboard right now and i gotta send my laptop in for a few days here soon  to get it fixed and WOAH NELLY i am not looking forward to that

i think the thing thats been helping me the most so far is ending my day tweeting about one or more good thing(s) that happened that day,,,,, focusing on the positive really does a lot to help   i only missed a report once this week because the night ended bad but i made up for it in the morning 

shits rough my dudes

 i think im mostly just writing these as my own sort of Log  i dont know 

lets see what hapepns it hasnt even been a full like 2 weeks so :peace:
0 motivation

im rea lly really hoping itll go away by tonight so i can try again tomorrow
howdy yall

my life could honestly not get worse in terms of like ? my social life + mental health   and i've gotten really sick of it and it needs to change

ambitiously i'd like to draw a little thing every single day but with carpal tunnel idk how that'll go lol  im honestly already feeling like giving up just talking about it but jesus fuckin christ like

 i have no friends, the friends i Do have hate me, my bpd makes me want to push everyone away which is Why everyone hates me, ive started self harming (for about a month now) and every single day is fucking filled to the brim with anxiety and paranoia and feeling like a terrible terrible person

it needs to get better and i need to make more friends and like say hi more to the ones that i have and im just... so tired u guys im so tired 

if any of u have tips or good vibes or anything itd be very much appreciated bc im really really unsure how far im gonna get here hhghghg

pls be patient wiht me im really going to try

idk why im posting this here really i just thought youd all like to know
its official my bf is staying with me for a week!!!! in august!!!!!! 
its my birthday!! im 18!! yahoo
i onyl rly do this for my own entertainment now hjkdfkjd but if u wanna know all these details about me then go ahead
Just don't fall in Love wiht Me~.................. poses

1. Do you want a partner?
    i have one!

2. When did your last hug take place?
laaast night

3. Are you a jealous person?
    extremely lmfao its like fuckin chronic ass jealousy and its very bad

4. Are you tired right now?
all the time

5. Do you chew on your straws?
i used to do it a lot more but i still do from time to time :0

6. Have you ever been called a tease?
    yes XDDDDDD

7. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
   noooo i dont run well on that

8. Do you cry easily?
depends but usually Yes
i just cry over google image dogs im

9. What should you be doing right now?
    watching a movie with my bf im going to after this :0

10. Are you a heavy sleeper?
uhhh i dont think ir eally qualify as heavy or light

11. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
i have and i am !

14. What makes you laugh no matter what?
oh my god the fucking bear vine

15. Who was the last person you talked to?
   my bf!

16. Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

17. Will you get married?

18. When was the last time you smiled?
likeeee 10 mins ago?

19. Does anyone like you?
yes a few people

20. Do you secretly like someone, if so, who?
i secretly like my boyfriend

21. Who was the first person you talked to today?

22. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

23. What are you NOT looking forward to?

24. What ARE you looking forward to?

25. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
yeah lmfao rip

26. Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?
probably feel jealous and then remember i fucking hate their guts
also not nearly as jealous as i woudlve last year im mostly over that now and im v proud of myself

27. Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

28. Are you a forgiving person?
iused to be Too forgiving like a pushover and now im not rly sure anymore i think ive kind of become a bitch bc of how often i was pushed over hgdjkf

29. How many TRUE friends do you have?
uh... i dont rly know how to count jkghsdfj probaby like. 5...? though i only talk to two of them often

30. Do you fall for people easily? and no

31. Have you ever fallen for your ex's best friend?

32. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A Fork.

33. Who was the last person you drove with?

34. How late did you stay up last night and why?
like? 2 or 3 am? and why? Well. ;)

35. If you could move somewhere else, would you?

36. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

37. Can you live a day without TV?
    i do it everydya i fucking hate tv it is Worthless

38. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
every day
no like idk 2-3 days ago ? Always?

39. Three names you go by..

40. Are you currently in a relationship?
    yes sir

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

42. Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
sure but not always romantically

43. What's your current problem?
i am so fuckin cold rn

44. Have you ever had your heart broken?

45. Your thoughts of long distance relationships?
its all ive had im cryin theyre not bad when literally every social relationship in your life is online...
tho it is hard and honestly i think ppl in ldr relationships are a lot stronger than ppl who arent HOUFEUHG

46. How many kids do you want to have?
None. None kids

47. Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?
nope gotta ride those impulses man

ok im going to watch toy story 2 with my bf now bye