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Ballet pg 12 - end by puchiko2 Ballet pg 12 - end by puchiko2
And here's a slightly unflattering end (done on a rushed all-nighter)

Hope you enjoyed it! If you have any feedback, I'd be glad to hear it! Just be nice, if you can!

materials: watercolor paper, prisma markers, blue micron pen
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Akogare Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2010
Overall this comic is well put together. The story is told with hardly any confusion as to what's going on. It is an interesting take on a typical story and I quite like that. I feel if words were added to this it would take that away.

You took into consideration the composition not only of each panel but the layout of each page, which is one of the crucial aspects of comic making. Some panels were close to taking the rule of thirds away, but you did just enough to keep it in place. Although personally I don't find dead-center material to be so bad (as everyone claims them to be), but too much can be disruptive of the flow you try to create on each page in each panel. Even so, you have to be careful. This page for example, is border line in it's centred approached. When it's close like that it makes me want to move it right smack in the middle or further away from it just so that sense of liminality is dissipated. There were a few other pages like that. Really that's the only thing you gotta watch for. If you want the distinction to be there then be bold and do it.

You did your thing and kept a limited colour palette, which you do so skillfully, with or without thinking about it. Nothing clashes and when you wanted to bring something out you knew exactly how to do it. Your colouring technique is consistent throughout and that is wonderful. No problems there either.

The ending isn't as bad as you may seem to think. The overturned photograph introduced in the beginning is a really subtle, yet creative way to end this. Combining it with her expression solidifies the conclusion.

This was a well thought out comic. I enjoyed every bit of it. Keep up the great work.
puchiko2 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2010  Student Digital Artist
thank you SO SO SO much for such a well-thought out comment here. I desperately wanted feedback, and you provide so eloquently. Really, i can't express enough how much i appreciate it :)

I have to admit, I definitely wasn't keeping the rule of 3rds on mind with the comic, which, in retrospect, makes me feel silly. Especially with the last page being so frustrating and boring for me, I start to understand WHY its the least interesting of all the pages.

I'm also glad you suggested thickening some of the lines to help with perspective, too. It really makes sense, and it seems like such a simple thing to keep in mind of for later.

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to comment on every piece :heart: It really made my day more than you could imagine!
Akogare Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2010
I tried the best that I could with my half-working brain. Glad it was sufficient enough.

Aww, well like I said, sometimes you can get away with it. I'm a person who will laugh at the rule of thirds every now and then and not give a darn tootin' about what others will have to say. Haha, but when it's close like that it makes me want to move things around. You're messing with mai maaaind!

It's just a blessing to see you grow in art :heart:
KaiDrawn Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2010
I'm going to give an overall comment here, since I'm iffy about how to comment on all or a few of the pages.

As an overall experiment in stylization and storytelling, I think this worked out really well. The way you used color and composition worked excellently, although some of the panels/pages end up feeling a bit too simple because of this (although you were getting all of this done under a time limit, which is understandable). It's also a bit confusing as to what the main girl's relationship with the other characters is, although it can be guessed pretty well as the story goes along, as at first I thought that the boy was her husband and the girl her daughter. The end is also somewhat inconclusive, but considering the nature of the story, it works rather well.

Also, since I know a little bit about the idea of the white swan and black swan in ballet, the detail of the two girls in those costumes was an excellent touch to the mood of the piece.
puchiko2 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010  Student Digital Artist
aah i see, interesting feedback!

I think I must've dug myself into a hole with simplifying some aspects of the art and detailing others, ex. the photo of the characters. I wanted her to seem highschool aged, but perhaps there was no way of gleaning that from the intro. I'm glad you pointed that out to me though, because I would have no idea otherwise that there's a bit of confusion there :)

More or less, the plot was supposed to be that they were all friends (the main character and the boy were formerly dating), and the recent development was that the other girl and her ex had started dating (o no) thus her kinda overdramatizing things when she identifies herself as poor ol' Odette from Swan Lake.
KaiDrawn Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
I managed to figure out something to that degree as the story went along, I'm glad I got that right.
SylentNyte Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2010
Nah I think a simple straight forward ending is better than an elaborate one. I'm actually impressed on how you managed to tell a story and color it with a limited palette. Was that part of the project's guidelines or is that part of your own style?
puchiko2 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Student Digital Artist
The only guideline of the project was to create/tell a timeline, and preferably without text. I was trying to experiment with a rubberhose cartoon influence (very loosely based) and then just simplified everything else in the story. It was a lot of fun! :) Thanks for the nice feedback on this. I was hoping to get some! :hug:
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Submitted on
September 8, 2010
Image Size
432 KB