My last relationship was an abusive one, and the worst one yet. My ex-boyfriend, mind you, was verbally and sexually abusive, who only used me for sex. He was also a sexist, who thought women were lesser than men. He supported the wage gap because “men work more than women”; therefore, they “deserve more money”. Disgusting, obnoxious, entitled piece of shit. Biggest narcissist I’ve ever come across. He was only attracted to me due to my appearance. We barely had anything in common personality-wise. We weren’t able to make a connection with each other outside of kissing and sex. He would say I was pretty and sexy, but would never say anything about my personality. How sad. And even then, he demanded sex. If he didn’t get the sex he wanted, he would become aggressive. If I said no, he would insist.
When we were in Paris, France, for a holiday, he forced me to get onto the bed and have sex with him without a condom. He HATED condoms! He even took off a condom without my knowledge during intercourse, and then had sex with me without the condom. I literally thought that he had a condom on the whole time. This took place in that same hotel. I have anxiety around the idea of becoming pregnant, and I told him that would be a bad idea. But the only thing he said to me was, “Wow. Why do you women need to be so dramatic about everything? Like, relax.” First of all, sir. You’re not the one who has to carry the child. You’re not the one who has to decide whether to have an abortion or not. You’re not the one who is stuck with taking care of that child. You can just walk out and abandon me without pitching in, which is what he would most likely do if I were pregnant. And then, he said, “Well. I’ve had sex with my ex with only the pull-out method, and she never got pregnant.” Seriously? Are you that ignorant? NOT ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME, DUMBASS! Fertility is different in every woman. My mother got pregnant on the pull-out method just ONCE, so please don’t compare me to your ex.
Even worse, I have pain during sexual intercourse and difficulty climaxing. He did not like this AT ALL! I have endometriosis, which is a chronic pain condition that causes extremely painful menstruation, heavy bleeding, and pain during sex. I have all three of these symptoms. Due to this, I have no capability of climaxing from vaginal intercourse. Most women don’t anyways. When I had sex, I would clench my teeth, make grunting noises, scream, and cry on the pillow. It felt like burning, aching, and deep pelvic pain like that on a period. The only he said to me in that moment was, “None of the girls I’ve been with had this problem. They loved sex.” Then how about you go back to them, motherfucker?
He would continue to have intercourse with me, even when I was in pain. He did not stop, only because it pleasured HIM. When I screamed for him to stop like a million times, he would get so angry and aggressive towards me. He became hostile. It was actually scary. I kept this secret from my family and friends for at least 8 months, until I finally had the courage to tell them. Everyone agreed that he was an abusive piece of shit, and clearly used me for my appearance rather than having actual ‘love’ for me. I had to reconnect with all of my friends after I broke up with him, because he was possessive and didn’t let me be with anyone else BUT him. I had to tell all of my friends why I haven’t spoken with them in so long, and they understood me. They’re on my side. Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend was honestly a relief. It was stressful and lots of emotions were involved, but it was most certainly a relief. It was as if the rocks have been lifted off my shoulders. I’m finally free.