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https://i.imgur.com/MqHZyKD.png

Dan: Across the Internet, legends are made and broken on a whim. Today, we're pitting the greatest assassin of the modern Internet against a legend - the product of childhood, long forgotten on the Internet.

Lacie: The Copypasta Navy SEAL, the Man trained in Gorilla Warfare.

Dan: The Ninja, the wielder of Real Ultimate Power.

Lacie: I'm Lacie and he's Dan and it's our job to analyze each fighter's pros, cons, strengths and weaknesses to see who would survive...

Dan: The Clash of Warriors.

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Navy SEAL
https://i.imgur.com/SmK7p.jpg
https://madworldnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/navy-wallpapers-8.jpg
Name: Unknown
Age: 30
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 175 lbs.
Occupation: United States Navy SEAL [Sea, Air, Land]

Feats:
+Graduated top in his class in the Navy SEALs
+Involved in numerous raids on al-Qaeda
+Over 300 confirmed kills
+Top sniper in the entire US military
+Will wipe you out with precision never seen on the likes of Earth




Dan: One day, some kid posted some dumb shit on 4chan. Happens every day, without fail. That's all of /b/, for instance.

Lacie: But this kid insulted the wrong man. THis man.. is the deadliest force in America, the deadliest Navy SEAL of all time. He is the top sniper in the US military.

Dan: The man insulted the kid, boasted of his accomplishments, and left. Nothing but this message is known for sure. He's a secret man, and has gone on secret raids. What we do know? He's deadly.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0e/SEAL_training-091203-N-7303M-099.jpg/398px-SEAL_training-091203-N-7303M-099.jpg
Training
+Top of the line in the US military
+Trained in 'gorilla' warfare
--Probably involves flinging shit
+Knows 700 ways to kill with his hands alone
+Extensive training in unarmed combat


Lacie: The Navy SEAL has the best 'gorilla' training available in the military. He's trained for years in hand to hand combat, gunmanship, firing, first aid, and a plethora of other skills. He knows 700 ways to kill with his bare hands.

Dan: SEALs are trained extremely toughly, and over 90% of applicants don't make the cut. Applicants, for competitive standards, must be able to swim 500 yards in 9 minutes, perform 90 pushups in 2 minutes, perform 85 sit-ups in 2 minutes, perform 18 pullups from a dead hang, and run a mile and a half in at most nine and a half minutes.

Lacie: Damn.

Dan: Once they make it through, applicants must go through weeks of schooling. The Naval Special Warfare Preparatory School teaches applicants of the physical standards of becoming a SEAL. The Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL Training goes over intense physical standards, and teaches in swimming and land-based combat.

Lacie: Wikipedia, uh, helping you out there?

Dan: SEAL Qualification Training goes over weapons, hand to hand combat, unit tactics, navigation, demolitions, cold-weather missions and medical skills.

Lacie: Literally quoting the damn thing.

Dan: Finally, SEAL Troop Training occurs once assigned to a squad. Operators must have an understanding of sniping, advanced hand to hand combat, 'Surreptitious Entry', underwater fighting, driving, climbing, parachuting, advanced demolition, and drone operation. Unit Level Training goes over, once again, basic skills like fighting and entry. Finally, Task Group Level Training trains with the other members of a squadron, such as medical or intelligence teams.

Lacie: You done yet?

Dan: Done giving out information which is our job.

Lacie: Good. Gun time.

Weaponry:
Access to the entire weaponry of the United States Marine Corps
KA-BAR

https://www.kabar.com/images/products/knives/1217Detail.png
+7 inches long
+1095 carbon steel steel clip point
Beretta M9

https://www.beretta.com/assets/0/15/DimGalleryLarge/m9_zoom001.jpg+Weighs 1.162 kg loaded
+Cartridge: 9x19 Parabellum
+Muzzle Velocity: 381 m/s
+Firing Range: 50 meters
+Feed: 15 round box magazine
M16

https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/zombie/images/a/a5/M16.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100819025613+Weighs 8.79 pounds loaded
+Cartridge: 5.56x45mm NATO
+Rate of Fire: 45-60 rpm [Semi-Automatic]
+Muzzle Velocity: 948 m/s
+Firing Range: 600 meters
+Feed: Beta C-Mag 100-round drum magazine
United States Marine Corps Squad Advanced Marksman Rifle

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/USMC_SR-25_SAMR.jpg+Weighs 10 lbs. loaded
+Cartridge: 5.56mm NATO
+Muzzle Velocity: 930 m/s
+Firing Range: 550m
+Feed: 30-round STANAG magazine
M82A2

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3b/M82A2.JPG+Weighs 32.5 pounds unloaded
+Caliber: .50 BMG [12.7x99mm]
+Muzzle Velocity: 900 m/s
+Firing Range: 2000 meters
+Feed: 10 round magazine
Colt 9mm SMG

https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/nazizombiesplus/images/b/b1/400px-Colt-9mm--SMG.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110425134833
+Weighs 5.75 lbs unloaded
+Rate of Fire: 1000 rpm
+Cartridge: 9x19 Parabellum
+Muzzle Velocity: 396 m/s
+Firing Range: 100m
+Feed: 32-round box magazine
M1014 Shotgun

https://www.americanspecialops.com/images/weapons/Benelli-m4-shotgun.jpg
+Weighs 8.42 kg loaded
+Cartridge: 12 gauge
+Rate of Fire: Pump action
+Firing Range: 50.2 meters
+Feed: 7+1 internal tube
M2 Browning

https://www.wheland.com/phpgallery/showphoto.php?photo=1902_0b69f72c1096509a0fc4ecc944340297.jpg+Weighs 127.87 lbs loaded
+Cartridge: .50 BMG [12.7x99mm]
+Rate of Fire: 485-635 rpm [Not unlikely the Marine could acquire a 1200 rpm model]
+Muzzle Velocity: 890 m/s
+Firing Range: 6,800 meters
+Feed: Belt-fed
M67 grenade

https://www.imfdb.org/images/thumb/b/bf/M67.jpg/250px-M67.jpg
+Weighs 0.875 pounds
+Filled with Composition B
+Releases fragments upon explosion
Mk 19 Grenade Launcher

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/43/MK19-02.jpg/300px-MK19-02.jpg
+Automatic Grenade Launcher
+Weighs 68 pounds empty
+Cartridge: 40x53mm Grenades
+Rate of Fire: 325-375 rpm
+Muzzle Velocity: 240 m/s
+Firing Range: 2,023 meters
+Feed: 48 grenade belt
M327 120mm Expeditiary Fire Support System

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bIOK1Raw7ds/maxresdefault.jpg+Weighs 1,283 pounds
+Shell is 41 lbs
+Cartridge: 120mm NATO mortar round
+Rate of Fire: 6-10 rpm
+Firing Range: 8,140 meters
+A goddamn mortar
M777 Howitzer

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/ac/M777_howitzer_rear.jpg+Weighs 7,540 pounds
+Elevation of 0 to 71.7
+Cartridge: M982 Excalibur
+Rate of Fire: 5 rpm
+Firing Range: 40,000 meters
+Excalibur is a GPS-guided munition which costs over $50,000 per rocket
+Excalibur weighs 106 lbs
+155mm
M72 LAW

https://www.inetres.com/gp/military/infantry/antiarmor/M72/M72.jpg+Weighs 5.5 lbs
+Caliber: 66mm
+Muzzle Velocity: 145 m/s
+Firing Range: 200m
+Cost: $876
M18A1 Claymore Mine

https://www.thespecialistsltd.com/files/M18A1_Claymore_Antipersonnel_Mine.jpg
+Fires steel balls out to 100m
+Can rip a man in half
+Costs $119
+700 balls per unit
+Muzzle Velocity: 1,200 m/s
+Range: 250 meters
+Filling: C4


Dan: What the fuck.

Lacie: The Navy SEAL has access to all of the weapons of the US Marine Corps. This means that he can access any weapon - be it pistol, rifle, SMG-

Dan: Heavy machine gun, automatic grenade launcher, howitzer that requires a team of six-

Lacie: Nah. It's cool. He's got guns. Can he use them, though?

Skills/Powers:
Precision
-"I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words."
Teleportation
-Can be anywhere, anytime
Internet Powers
-Can trace IPs over the Internet to determine location
Fury
-Can literally shit fury
-Likely a release of the hormones involved with the biological fury process
-Implies high-speed regeneration of hormones and tissue


Dan: The SEAL is the most accurate sniper on the face of the planet. He can be anywhere, anytime, and kill you. He'll wipe you off the continent. He can see you through the Internet, so don't try to hide. He's the deadliest man on Earth.

Lacie: And can shit fury. Literally, you'll drown in it.

Dan: I will say I tried to figure out what it is.

Lacie: And you failed.

Dan: He's the deadliest man on Earth and will shit you to death. I shit you not.

(What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.)

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Ninja
https://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/rup/ninja2guitars.jpg
https://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/ninjaparty.jpg

Name: Unknown
Age: First Observed in 8,000,000,000,000 B.C.E.
Height: Average [5'8"]
Weight: Fit [175 lbs.]
Occupation: Ninja/Shinobi


Feats:
+Killed an entire town when a dude dropped a spoon
+Beat a guy's ass bad [In a group]
+Killed a dude by chopping a building down on him!!!
+Killed a rich dude and all of his dogs
+Survived dating a girl who was so hot, steam came out of her body and gave normal men 16 boners
+Killed a pirate with lasers and everything
+Given dominion over everything totally sweet by God
+2 ninjas killed an entire squadron of pirates
+60,000 ninjas in unison killed a country
+Killed an entire class of 8th graders because one dumbass had to jack off
+Porked 500 hot babes at once




Dan: Shinobi, or Ninja, were assassins, mercenaries, and covert agents in Feudal Japan. Ninja became most prominent in the unruly Iga Province and other areas around the town of Koga. The clans from this area are the most well-known ninja.

Lacie: Wouldn't that make them.. not very good ninjas?

Dan: Regardless, ninjas were skilled operatives but generally faded after the unification of Japan in 1603. By 1868, the ninja was primarily a subject of legend and folklore.

Lacie: Then, one teenager named Robert Hamburger found the ninja, the they were never the same.

Dan: Under Hamburger's continuity, ninja are violent but extremely skilled. They flip out and kill people all the time, and don't even think twice about it.

Lacie: Created 8 trillion years ago, before our solar system or even the universe, ninja were given authority by God over everything sweet. Ever since, they've been working in mysterious ways. Porking girls, and killing people.

General Facts:
+Can kill anyone they want
+Cut off heads all the time and don't even think twice about it
+So crazy and awesome, they flip out all the time
+Will chop the head off anyone who doesn't have a life
+Don't give a fuck, but are calm and precise
+Can be mean or totally awesome
+Spend their time flying or stabbing when they aren't flipping out and killing people


Dan: There are three facts of ninja. They are mammals-

Lacie: True.

Dan: They fight all the time-

Lacie: I guess, sort of.

Dan: Their purpose is to flip out and kill people.

Lacie: No.

Facts:
+Are mammals
+Fight all the time
+Purpose is to flip out and kill people


Dan: However, ninja still wield a variety of weapons. Though the common sighting of ninjas with guns is false, they use a 'ninja sword', 'ninja star', and .. 'guitar'-

Lacie: How the fuck does a guitar work as a weapon? What, dya just bash it over someone's head?

Dan: The vibrations of a guitar can do many things, from causing people to shit themselves uncontrollably to turning them into a diaper.

Lacie: I should get a guitar.. hmm.. I wonder what music they listen to..

Weapons and Gear
Ninja Sword
https://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/sword.jpg
+Chopped down a building
Ninja Stars
https://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/ninjastar.jpg
+Cut a dude's head totally off
Ninja Outfit
https://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/outfit.jpg
Guitar
-Rocks out
-Used when flipping out
-60,000 can kill a country
-Jet red
-Can cause people to shit themselves and have their chests/ass explode
-Can force people to dance worse than white people
-Morph pirates into a diaper


Dan: Thanks to being blessed by God, presumably, ninja can shapeshift, have superhuman strength, and have magic. They can fly, stick to walls, and even emit some kind of 'bio-slime'. However, ninja usually prefer to hide and then flip out.

Lacie: Are you.. ignoring something?

Dan: Hmm? No, shouldn't be.

Lacie: 'Boner'...

Dan: Hmm?

Lacie: Ninja have dick magic. They can have a boner six feet long.

Dan: ..sigh.. They can create a boner 'bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive.'

Lacie: Oh, yeah, best part? Lexington Steel my ass- that came out wrong.

Dan: Came out wrong.

Lacie: Fuck you.

Dan: I'm not Lexington Steel.

Lacie: Damn it!

Dan: Lacie's point was that the biggest dick belongs to a white man. But that's besides the point, because ninja have a weakness. And it isn't their dicks.

Skills:
Super Precise
-Can hide as a babe
-Super precise
-Can instantly turn from a disguise to flipping out
Superhuman Strength
-Crushed a guy's head like a melon
-Chopped down a building
-Evaporated two dogs by kicking them in the nuts
-Can make dogs explode by kicking them in the nuts
-Can spank a boy so hard he squirts urine
Boner
-Can create "biggest boner ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive".
-Largest erect penis known belongs to Jonah Falcon, who is white, with a length of 13.5 inches or 34.29 centimeters
-Capable of smashing an entire restaurant
-Outmatched a person who had 16 boners
-Made all 16 boners explode
-Six feet long
-Used to stop a nursing home from being destroyed
Magic
-Knows several spells
-Invented in 3,000 B.C.E.
-Flying
-Sticking to Walls
-Bio-Slime


Dan: Not only are ninjas vulnerable to A.D.D., meaning they easily lose power/energy, ninja are also psychotic as shit.

Lacie: When there's no one to kill? Ninja will kill themselves through any method necessary.

Dan: Including covering a frisbee with butter, bending it in two, and swallowing the thing.

Lacie: Oh, that'd never work- YOUNG, YOU DUMB SHIT!

-----

Dan: Why'd you even invite him? I mean, he's fine, but why?

Lacie: He's Japanese.

Dan: That's.. racist..

Lacie: Nah. He knows ninja, he's one, right?

Dan: What's his full name, again?

Lacie: Young Samur- ah, shit.

Dan: The Ninja is a whole new meaning of deadly. They are the fighters with real ultimate power.

Weaknesses
A.D.D.
-Get distracted easily
-Loses power/energy
Seppuku
-Kill themselves for no reason
--This is why so few remain
-Ancient art of ninjas killing themselves when there's no one to kill
-Use all sorts of crap to kill themselves
Scared by ghost/aliens

(Dark smoke fills the scene and pump up music slowly gets louder.  The audience sees a ninja and his girlfriend eating at a super expensive restaurant.  The girlfriend is so hot that steam is coming out of her mouth or hair.  Some old idiot is sitting by the couple.  The idiot is giving the girlfriend "the eye" and popping like 16 boners.  But the ninja sees the boners and the music really pumps up.  The audience knows this guy is dead meat for sure.  But out of nowhere, the old idiot pulls off his jacket to show that he is a pirate with lasers and everything.  The ninja is like yeah right who cares and then pops the biggest boner ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive.  The ninja's boner smashes the entire restaurant.  Every single one of the pirate's boners explodes while making a whistling sound.  The ninja looks back at his girlfriend.  She smiles and they pork.)
4chan vs. RealUltimatePower.net! Which absurdly overpowered real-life assassin will take it in the end?

Jesus, that's a record for making a prelude out of the blue.

This has been the first time I've liked researching since Zeus vs. Odin.

I should do stuff like this more often.
Add a Comment:
 
:icontotalgymvssonic:
totalgymvssonic Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2016
The fight's already been released, but I'm rooting for the ninja before reading it. This is hilarious, BTW.
Reply
:iconhazzamo16:
Hazzamo16 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2015
... What the serious fuck did I just read?
Reply
:iconbreloom-da-bassgod:
Breloom-Da-Bassgod Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2015  Hobbyist
Um hod I dunno the Navy SEAL?
Reply
:iconmythkirby:
MythKirby Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Student Artist
Reply
:iconconormcal:
Conormcal Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
What the flip did thee just flipping gabble about me, thine miniscule bitch? I’ll have thee know I bested the most prestigious jousting class in the whole of Camelot, and I hath been involved in numerous secret marches on behalf of his Majesty, King Arthur, and I hath over 300 confirmed victories on horseback. I am trained in castle of Guerrilla warfare and I am indeed the highest ranking joustee in the entire land of Great Britannia. Thee are nothing to me but another false crossbearer. I will joust thine shambles with precision the likes of which hath never been observed in the King’s lands, mark my flipping words! Thou think thou can escape retribution by shouting that hogwash at me from afar? I implore thee to think again, peasant. As we converse I am contacting my secretive network of knights across the realm and thine footsteps are being traced right now, so thou best prepare thineself for the storm, pig-maggot! The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing thou call your armour. Thou art a flipping dead man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill thou in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare lance. Not only am I extensively trained in mounted combat, but I hath access to the entire arsenal of the Kings Royal Army, and I shall use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable derriere off the face of the realm, thou miniscule feaces. If only thou could have foreseen what unholy retribution your little “clever” challenge was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thee flipping tongue. But thou couldn’t, thou didn’t, and now thee art paying the price, you goddamn fool. I shall shit fury all over thou britches and thee will drown in it. Thou art flipping dead, child.
Reply
:iconpetethegrouch:
PeteTheGrouch Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
..........Well then.. After reading all those so-called "facts", I reckon my poor brain lost approximately 1'000'001 otherwise healthy cells!

Yeah, thanks for that Internet...
Reply
:iconclassicgameguys:
ClassicGameGuys Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
The boner part legit had me in tears. This is the greatest prelude I have read yet, although I will bet on the ninja because the Navy SEAL is mostly hype and I am biased af ;^)
Reply
:iconvenomouscircusfreak:
VenomousCircusFreak Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Student General Artist
What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll **** fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.
Reply
:iconconormcal:
Conormcal Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I say, what the devil did you just audaciously proclaim about my well-being, you trollop? I shall inform you that I have graduated top of my class at the Gentleman's Academy of Sophisticated Persons, and have been involved in numerous endeavors with the Ruffians down the street from my abode; might I also add that I've accumulated over 300 pieces of antique furniture? I am educated in fine dining and high class catering and I'm the top Victorian era furniture appraiser in the entire high society. You are naught to me but a simple, uncouth brute. I shall embarrass the dickens out of you with class the likes of which has never been witnessed before on this humble planet, I solemnly promise. You assume you can disrespect my image on the internet? Think again, savage. As we speak I am contacting my diligent secretary to arrange a brunch together at the finest coffee shop in town, so you had better prepare a fetching enough outfit to compete with my immaculate attire, barbarian. The brunch that sends you packing back to the countryside. You are inevitably defeated, heathen. I can be booked at any appointment, any hour, and I can educate you in over seven hundred cultures, and that's just with the literary selection in my guest lobby. Not only am I extensively fluent in in several languages, I have access to the entire Giorgio Armani fall collection and I will flaunt it's finely tailored mastery to outshine your drab, common appearance off the face of humanity, you slob. If only you had foreseen the kind of comeuppance your inflammatory "insignificant" comment was bound to earn you, perhaps you would have tempered your words. But you insisted, and now I will teach you manners and grace and you will learn dignity and poise, yet. Consider yourself in etiquette school, peasant.
Reply
:iconvenomouscircusfreak:
VenomousCircusFreak Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Student General Artist
What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily
Reply
:iconmythkirby:
MythKirby Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Student Artist
Reply
:iconiamnotwhatiseem:
IAmNotWhatISeem Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
My prediction: they tie, become friends, and celebrate their new friendship by headshotting pirates.
Reply
:iconasdfmovienerd39:
asdfmovienerd39 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
This is actually legitimately hard to decide on who wins.     
Reply
:iconpsyinsti:
PsyInsti Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
I know! You'd think the ninja and his boner would have a problem, but the ninja has no durability feats that say he can tank a howitzer or any kind of attack like that. Then you have the marine who has weapons for days, but can't survive anything the ninja can throw at him. He's physically human.

Strange.

Who do you bet will win, however close it may be?
Reply
:iconasdfmovienerd39:
asdfmovienerd39 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
 The Marine Corps Arsenal could come in handy, but I'm rooting forninja due the fact he's less human than the pirate. 
Reply
:iconiamnotwhatiseem:
IAmNotWhatISeem Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
Let's not forget the SEAL's unlimited teleportation and insane accuracy. Though, Ninjas decapitate anyone who doesn't have a life, and the SEAL IS shitposting on an imageboard.
Reply
:icontheperpetual:
ThePerpetual Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
  Oh, Psy, you glorious, beautiful bastard, you. :)

  Best of luck with this.
Reply
:iconthetruth40:
thetruth40 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
What the f***k??????

A ninja with a boner?
Reply
:iconconormcal:
Conormcal Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You love it.
Reply
:iconpsyinsti:
PsyInsti Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
A restaurant-smashing boner. Not just any, heavens no. It's six feet long. Six. Six for sex.
Reply
:iconthetruth40:
thetruth40 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
God that is cool yet disgusting at the same time
Reply
:iconmythkirby:
MythKirby Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Student Artist
I love you. 
 
Reply
:iconclassicgameguys:
ClassicGameGuys Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
Too bad I am the only one who can refer to him as my slave unlike you peeps. Now back off my property.
Reply
:iconmythkirby:
MythKirby Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Student Artist
We can share. 
 
Reply
:iconarmadrillo1234:
armadrillo1234 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
I love him more.
Reply
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March 22, 2015
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