title:: voodoo kiss 11/?
pairings:: 1x2, 3x4, mentions of 2x5
disclaimer:: go on, sue me. I dare you.
summary:: in which Heero is socio-phobic, Duo is annoyingly persistent, Quatre meddles, Trowa helps, Wufei hinders and Relena gets in the way.
warnings:: yaoi, AU, strong language, lemons, humour, strange plot, major UST.
Notes: betaed by kwitchwolf, thank you! I did my research for this one xPPP giant apologies for the lag! i started my second year of uni and also got a job that eats up ALL of my time, but i will definitely be finishing the fic even if it takes me another year! xD there's only about 3 parts left now 8D
Heero had felt like his heart was in his mouth the entire way home. The cab driver had given him more than one funny look through the rear-view mirror, due to Heero's constant sighing. He was torn between an intense feeling of anger and a wallowing feeling of regret. His anger would bubble up, he would think of a million and one ways to torture Wufei, and then he would realise that it didn't matter - Duo probably thought that Heero was an idiot anyway and undoubtedly would never talk to him again, so then an over-bearing sigh would rise out of Heero and it all started again.
By the time Heero got home all that was left was the regret. He was kicking himself mentally, and was ready to start doing it physically as soon as he was locked in his apartment. However, the first thing he heard when the front door closed was Duo's voice on the answering machine.
"-Alright, ciao," was all Heero caught. He rushed over to the end table that the machine was sat on and stared at it, his body zinging with anticipation. With trepidation he pressed the 'play' button on the machine and sat down on the couch, already gnawing a thumbnail. The machine beeped, told him he had one new message and then beeped again.
"Yo! What happened there then? I think I know, I have a feeling I can guess what Wufei said to you. I'm surprised you scare so easily, I thought you were tougher than that. Ignore Wufei and his shit though, he's just sore that I'm over him already. Anyway, how about we try again? Last chance though, so don't blow it. Call me when you get this so we can arrange something, and you choose the place this time - that way maybe you won't run away again. I'll make sure I keep my schedule wide open for you. Alright, ciao."
Heero sighed, yet again, and dropped his head into his hands. He felt more than a little useless. The entire situation was giving him an everlasting headache, and Heero got cranky when he had a headache. He groaned and looked up, tempted to play the message again so that he could hear Duo's voice. It wasn't even that Heero knew Duo well - he didn't really even know him at all. It was more that he felt irresistibly drawn to Duo, as if that one real kiss they had shared, the kiss that he so enjoyed fantasising about, the kiss that had now evolved into something much further advanced in Heero's mind, that one kiss was like a poison. It was a delicious poison that Heero couldn't wash out of his mouth, and it clouded his brain until he ended up doing ridiculous things, like rushing to get to a date that he had waited his entire life for, only to practically run screaming at the first sign of non-existent danger.
Heero pinched himself hard on the arm as punishment, and then set himself up for five hours of work, simply to keep his mind off of the many humiliating encounters he had experienced recently.
Three hours later Heero was lagging badly. His typing speed had slowed right down to an aching crawl, and his mind had wandered so viciously that he somehow managed to find himself staring at the blinking cursor in the search bar of google. He was thinking about how to phrase his keywords. He had never done this before.
He supposed that 'hot guys' would suffice, surely? He typed the words in, and came up with google image results of muscled men wearing skimpy underwear and looking utterly unappealing to Heero. He scrolled down the page to the website results and found nothing but dating sites. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, while re-thinking his keywords. There was nothing for it. The word 'gay' was going to have to go in there.
'Hot gay guys' yielded results just as useless. He grumbled slightly and considered closing the window and getting back to work, but resisted. 'Sum Duo up in a word,' he thought. He put his thinking face on - a deep scowl - for a good five minutes, and tried to discover new words for the man. The word 'pretty' kept popping up, but Heero refused to settle for that. He was sure that there was something else, that Duo was something more than just 'pretty'. Beautiful? Gorgeous? No, he eventually decided as he scratched his head and dropped a hand to his lap to squeeze the hardness that he had been dutifully ignoring until he had sourced some decent material. Heero sighed and typed 'pretty gay men' into google and hit a virtual goldmine. The first website was mostly pictures of effeminate men on beaches, wearing next to nothing and staring deep into the camera lens with what was obviously meant to be a lustful look, but Heero was unaffected. He massaged himself gently, mostly uninterested. The second website consisted of more pictures, only this time they were of couples. The slender young men were touching each other, in mostly unerotic ways. A light caress here, a soft lick there, and did only a little more for Heero's state. He was only half hard, but had the unfulfilled urge to masturbate until his hand fell off.
The third website was where he really struck gold. It featured movie clips. Lots and lots of filthily divine movie clips. He browsed the site for a good fifteen minutes, searching for the perfect one, while he slipped a hand beneath the waistband of his trousers and groped himself through the material of his underwear. He wrapped his fingers around himself and pulled shallowly, only allowing himself a certain range for movement because he wanted to wait until he found the best clip, but by the time he found it he was only just managing to fight the urge to throw his head back and use long, tight pulls and come in an embarrassingly short space of time. The clip he chose was only three minutes long (which was more than enough time for Heero by that point) but it was the hottest thing he had ever witnessed. He immediately grabbed his cock and began working it thoroughly. A slender man, who was probably barely legal, with skinny hips and a delicately toned stomach was bent over a low backed chair, with hands digging into the seat on the other side. An older man stood behind him, with two fingers plunging in and out of the younger man. Heero's cock hardened within a second when he saw this, because it was the one thing he had never visualised doing. He now saw Duo, bent like that, and could almost completely imagine being inside him. The older man stopped his ministrations and took hold of his cock (a scarily large thing that Heero was slightly intimidated by) and positioned himself behind the younger man, who looked back, panting, and tried to press his hips backwards but he was forestalled by the other man, who pressed one hand against his lower back. The younger man groaned in annoyance and strained himself backwards, and gasped in obvious pleasure when the older man pushed half of his cock into his body in one go. He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut before grunting and allowing the older man to keep going. He didn't waste any time now. He thrust the remaining few inches into the younger man and gripped his hips with both hands, pulling out and slamming back in, doing it again and again while the younger man practically screamed and threw his head back. Suddenly the camera angle changed to show the view from between both men's legs and Heero's eyes rolled back and he came with a voice-losing shout. He worked the last few drops from himself and opened his eyes to the frozen image of the last scene as the video clip ended - the older man, half inside the younger man, who was using his hands to spread is cheeks wider to accommodate his partner's wide girth. Heero blinked and decided he was gay.
Trowa looked up as Heero eased the front door to the shop open. Heero had spent ten minutes scoping out the shop from behind a bush in the car park opposite to make sure Quatre was in the back room and wouldn't see Heero when he came in. He gently eased the door past the bell above it and only allowed it to jingle very feebly by entering the shop so slowly that Trowa had time to put his pen down, close the notepad he was writing in and move the mail sitting on the counter to the shelf beneath it. Once Heero was properly in the shop he opened his mouth to speak, but Heero waved dramatic hands at him and mimed lips zipping closed and necks being slashed. It was enough to shut Trowa up before he even spoke. Heero stealthed his was across the shop floor and, finally, came to a silent stop before Trowa.
"What is it?" Trowa whispered, arching his one visible eyebrow.
"I need some help. Advice. Help," Heero breathed back. Trowa's mouth made an 'O'.
"And I'm guessing you don't want Quatre's help too?" He smirked. Heero scowled at him and shook his head. "Okay, what's the problem?" Heero pursed his lips, readying himself for the ridicule he would undoubtedly receive for what he was about to divulge.
"Duo called and arranged another date, I was very late but I got there and he was fine about it and then ... I left. I /ran/ out of there." Heero decided that if there was ever a time for truth telling this was it. "I got scared. His flatmate is a - a -" Heero scoured his mind for a word. "A bitch," he eventually decided. Trowa stared at him with a blank expression.
"You got the guy you wanted, you got into his apartment, he still wanted you even though you were late, and yet you /ran away/?" Trowa's look was one of disbelief. "Again!?" His voice pitched and Heero shushed him with dramatic hands again. Trowa covered his mouth with one hand and waited for the inevitable sound.
"Tro'?" Quatre called through from the back room. "Did you say something?" Heero urged Trowa to speak.
"Oh, yes, I just, er, swore," Trowa lied. Heero rolled his eyes exasperatedly and moved his hands to express the words 'couldn't you have thought of something better than that?!'
"Trowa! You can't do that in here! You'll offend the customers!" Quatre scolded.
"Sorry! I won't do it again," Trowa apologised. Quatre's skeptical 'Hmm' could be heard in the shop. Heero waited a few seconds before continuing.
"He called me back for another date." Trowa grinned and gave Heero a thumbs up, but Heero just shook his head resignedly. It turned into a thumbs down and a quizzical look. "I need this time to work, he said it's my last chance, but I have no idea where to take him." Heero attempted pleading eyes. Trowa chewed his lip for a moment and thought. Heero began glancing worriedly towards the back room, convinced that Quatre would emerge any second and somehow manage to get the juicy information out of him. Just when he was about to break out in a cold sweat Trowa had a light bulb moment and groped for his wallet in his pocket and pulled out a business card from it.
"I took Quatre there for our anniversary last year - he loved it. Amazing food. Take him there." Trowa had his smug 'I fixed all your problems and then some' face on, but Heero hesitated.
"Is it, you know, fancy?" he whispered.
"Of course!" Trowa said, and then realised what Heero was getting at. "Look, okay, I tell you what, Quatre has been bugging me for months saying that we doing get out enough, so I'll take him to the restaurant at the same time as you. I'll make sure I get there before you so that Quatre doesn't see you when he goes in."
"Won't he see me when /I'm/ coming in?" Heero pointed out.
"Nope, trust me, once he's sat at that table he won't see anything but expensive food and wine." Heero cringed at the word 'expensive'. "It'll be fine. I'll call and book a table tonight for 8pm tomorrow, you call and book one for 8.15pm. If you start feeling like you want to run out again go to the toilet's and text me so I can come knock some sense into you." Trowa smiled reassuringly at Heero.
"You're an evil genius!" Heero was awed. "Wait - promise me you won't tell Quatre this time." Trowa shook his head emphatically.
"I definitely won't. If he found out that I took him there just to help you and not to treat him he'd slaughter me." Heero nodded in agreement and grinned, feeling incredibly relieved to have a friend like Trowa.
"Thanks, Trowa, I owe you. A lot," he said. Trowa shook his head and shrugged.
"Just take the blame for me next time Quatre is angry at me for something stupid," Trowa quietly laughed. Heero nodded and glanced towards the back room before waving at Trowa and creeping over the floor again and silently opening the door, slipping out onto the street.
Once Heero was home he went straight to the phone and called the restaurant.
"Bamboo Shade," said a refined voice. Heero eyed the businesscard that Trowa had given him again to make sure he was through to the right place.
"Er, hi." He cleared his throat nervously - he had never made a dinner reservation before.
"Would you like to make a reservation, sir?" the voice asked.
"Sir? O-oh," Heero stuttered, quickly realising that the 'sir' was himself. "Uh, yeah, y-yes please." Heero cleared his throat again.
"When would you like to reserve a table for?" the voice prompted in an endlessly courteous manner.
"Oh, right, tomorrow. 8.15pm, please," Heero added politely.
"Yes, sir. What name is it under, please?"
"Yuy," Heero said quickly.
"Yuy," he repeated.
"And how do you spell that, sir?"
"Y-u-y," Heero spelt his surname out.
"Do you mean Y-u-o, sir?" the voice asked.
"What? No, it's Y-u-y." Heero almost snapped. He greatly disliked people spelling his name wrong.
"Okay then, Mr. Yuo, a table has been booked for you at 8.15pm tomorrow evening."
"Wait! It's Y-u-y not-"
Heero was cut off suddenly and was left sitting with the receiver in his hand, aimlessly spelling out his surname to thin air. Heero sighed deeply and hoped to God that nothing else would go wrong tomorrow. He held the receiver in his hands and gripped it tightly, realising that he now had to call Duo and let him know where and when to meet him for their date. Heero suddenly decided that he would clean his apartment before calling Duo. He stood up, told himself that it was a good idea - it would settle his nerves a little before the call. So he set about cleaning, which took him a good hour and a half and then, when he was standing in front of the phone again and was imagining himself inviting Duo out on the date, he decided that it really was time he scrubbed the bathtub to get those strange stains that had been there since he had moved in out of the enamel, and then once he had done that (and had nearly gassed himself due to the amount of cleaning fumes that he had ingested that day) he realised that he hadn't sorted all of the files on his computer in a few months, so he did that as well, and by the time he was finished it was 9pm and he had almost talked himself out of calling Duo because of the lateness when the half of his brain that was still unaffected by the cleaning fumes slapped the other half upside the head.
"No," he said aloud to his empty and spotless apartment. "I have to do this." He stood up from his computer desk and walked over to the phone. "I have to do this," he repeated, picking up the phone and dialing Duo's number, which he had memorised from the amount of times he had typed it into the phone and then not called him. "I have to do this." Heero swallowed hard and pressed the call button. Sheer panic rose up in him for the first two rings, and then he began to feel slightly relieved, because Duo obvious wasn't going to pick up. He obviously wasn't going to be available to answer calls at 9pm. He was probably washing his lovely hair or watching TV or-
"Hello?" Heero's insides melted a little.
"H-hi." Heero bit his lip angrily for allowing his voice to shake.
"Hello, Heero." Duo sounded smug. "I wonder why you're calling? Do you have an offer for me?"
"Yeah." Heero was silent for a few moments. "Oh, right, yeah, tomorrow, 8.15pm at the Bamboo Shade restaurant. Do you know where that is?" he asked.
"No, but I'm sure I'll find it. Am I dressing up?" Duo's voice was like silk slipping slowly over Heero's skin.
"Yes," was all Heero said in response. He was visualising Duo when he was dressing down. Very down.
"Okay," Duo laughed. "I'll see you there, gorgeous." Duo hung up before Heero could pull his mind out of the gutter.
"I'm so gay," Heero sighed, already massaging himself through his jeans.
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in which Heero is socio-phobic, Duo is annoyingly persistent, Quatre meddles, Trowa helps, Wufei hinders and Relena gets in the way.