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title:: voodoo kiss 10/?

author:: Psyence

rating:: NC-17

pairings:: 1x2, 3x4, mentions of 2x5

disclaimer:: go on, sue me. I dare you.

summary:: in which Heero is socio-phobic, Duo is annoyingly persistent, Quatre meddles, Trowa helps, Wufei hinders and Relena gets in the way.

warnings:: yaoi, AU, strong language, lemons, humour, strange plot, major UST.

Notes: betaed by kwitchwolf, yet more endless thanks ^_^ and also, thank you to everyone who reviews - you make me keep writing! XD

sorry about the giant lag between chapters this time. I started a new job and started my second year of university - so I have a lot of stuff to do! I'll try to keep on top of things though ^_^


###


By 6pm the next day Heero felt like he had done too many loop-the-loops on a rollercoaster. He had already made three mad dashes for the bathroom, only to stand over the toilet bowl breathing heavily and feeling queasy. He was lying down on the couch, trying to swallow his nausea, when he realised that there was only three hours left until he had to pick Duo up. That thought made him sit up sharply, ready to run to the toilet again, but his stomach decided to behave. He lay back down and closed his eyes, sighing. He was sure that normal people didn't see dates as a form of punishment. But then Heero had never been very 'normal'. He had been the boy at the front of the class, directly in front of the teacher's desk, wearing dorky glasses and getting balled up pieces of paper aimed at the back of his head. Heero had never been cool when he was fifteen, and in his mid-twenties he seemed to have only improved slightly - at least no one was throwing paper at him anymore. Heero snorted slightly in amusement - 'No,' he thought. 'I'm just being molested by frilly pink girls instead.'

Heero turned his head so that his cheek was pressed against the couch and opened his eyes, staring forwards at the wall clock to check the time. It was 6.15pm. With a sinking feeling Heero turned his head the other way so he was looking at the sofa instead. He didn't want to think about his date anymore, it was making him ill. As always, Heero resorted to simply ignoring the situation, and averted his attention to mulling over the spreadsheets and computer files that he was working on. And, without even realising that it was happening, he fell asleep.


###


Heero opened his eyes slowly and groaned, rubbing his eyes and stretching. He rolled over onto his side and let one arm drop over the side of the sofa to touch the floor. He was closing his eyes when he caught sight of the clock. It was 7.45pm.

"Fuck!" Heero shouted, probably scared the living daylights out of the old lady who lived below him, and leapt off of the sofa in an amazing display of gymnastic skill. He stood there for a second, staring around the living room, still waking up. His mind was racing though. His first thought was, 'Can I get there in fifteen minutes?', his next was, 'Where am I going?' and his last was simply, 'Oh, fuck.'

He ran around the sofa and skidded into the bedroom, grappling with the handle on his wardrobe for a second before he managed to yank it open and stare at the contents of it. His eyes darted from left to right, desperately trying to find something, anything suitable for a date. Every other time Heero had gone on a date (that Quatre had usually always set up) he borrowed a suit from Quality Menswear for Grooms to be, but the only suit he had this time was the sick stained one. 'I can't wear that!' Heero's mind wailed. He let out a panicky sound and grabbed a handful of hangers at random, throwing them onto the bed. He quickly decided that none of the clothes there would do, so he grabbed another handful. Finally, after four handfuls of hangers and countless items of clothing that had been rejected, Heero found a pair of light blue jeans lurking in the back of his wardrobe. He got the slacks that he was wearing off by brute force and shoved his legs into the jeans, zipping and buttoning himself up while frantically checking the time. Five minutes had passed already. He stared around the room, looking for shoes, and spotted some brown loafers that he hardly ever wore at the bottom of the wardrobe and thrust his feet into them, thankful that they fit comfortably, unlike the shoes Quatre had leant him.

Heero quickly transferred his wallet and keys from the pocket of the slacks he had been wearing to his jeans and ran out of the room, snatching his black jacket off the back of the couch and pulling it on over the tank top he was wearing. He paused by the door to look down at himself. Even to Heero's unknowledgeable eyes his outfit looked mismatched and hurried, but it would have simply to do. As Heero was running out the door he hoped that Duo didn't rate attractiveness on clothes as well as personality.


###


Heero arrived at Duo's apartment building twenty minutes late. He jumped out of the black cab he had resorted to after being unable to run fast enough for his liking. The bad traffic and slow taxi driver had cost him more money than he cared to part with as well as an extra ten minutes. Heero threw some money at the driver, barked that he should keep the change and ran up to the front door of the house. He quickly scanned the list of names next to the four buzzers by the door and pressed the one next to 'Duo Maxwell' and then, squashed underneath the large handwriting was 'Chang Wufei'. Heero took no notice of the name, and simply resisted the urge to press the buzzer again.

"Yes, hello?" an impatient voice answered.

"Hi, er, hello, I'm, er-" Heero began to stutter out.

"What do you want?" the person interrupted. Heero got himself closer to the intercom, thinking that maybe the person couldn't hear him properly, and tried again.

"I'm Heero Yuy, I'm here to pick up Duo?" he said. There was a bang as the phone on the other end was slammed down and then silence for a few moments. Heero's finger was hovering above button again when the door next to him opened. A head poked out from behind the door, but it wasn't the one he had been expecting. The head belonged to a man, Chinese, black hair scraped back into what Heero could only assume was a ponytail. He had small, angled eyes that were of a deep onyx colour, and a little frowning mouth.  

"The buzzer is broken," the man explained. Heero stared at him blankly. The man sighed. "So I have to come down and let people in?" he continued annoyedly. "Who are you?" he asked. Heero stopped for a moment and gave the man a quizzical look.

"I already told you ... I'm Heero Yuy," he repeated. The man closed his eyes in exasperation and sighed again.

"I /know/ that, I mean who /are/ you."

"I'm ... A friend of Duo's?" Heero tried. The man rolled his eyes and opened the door fully. He was a few inches shorter than Heero, probably around 5'6", and was wearing a baggy dark blue shirt over a lighter t-shirt, with tight fitting jeans that matches the colour of his shirt. Heero was thankful that there was someone wearing clothes almost as bad as his own.

"Are you coming in, or what?" the man asked.

"O-oh," Heero muttered, suddenly realising that he had made it, he was actually going to be in Duo's apartment in a matter of minutes, and he was going to have to give Duo a better excuse for being late than 'I slept in'. As per usual, Heero began to worry.

"The lift's broken too," the man explained as he led Heero towards a flight of stairs. They climbed up to the stairs in complete silence, with Heero mentally committing suicide. He could not fathom, now that he was actually in Duo's apartment building, why he had ever thought that having a real date would be a good idea. His stomach had gone from doing flip-flops to re-positioning itself somewhere around his toes. He was intensely worried that he was going to throw up on Duo as soon as he saw him, so he focused all of his energy on tightening his throat to the point that he could hardly breathe, his logic being that if oxygen couldn't make its way through then neither could vomit.

"Take your shoes off, please," the man said suddenly. Heero realised that he had followed him out of the stairwell and into a short corridor with three doors on either side. They were standing outside apartment 7, which Heero remembered to be Duo's. He felt himself choke a little. The man opened the door and stepped inside, toeing off his shoes and then walking off into the apartment, which consisted of a large living room with an open plan kitchen and three doors leading off of it. Heero froze for a moment, and fought the urge to flee. He couldn't think of anything worse than seeing Duo at that precise moment, because he knew, completely, that he was going to do something horrendously stupid. Heero was actually turning away, getting ready to run, when Duo walked into the room.

Duo was wearing a pair of light brown slacks. And that was all. He was towel drying his hair, which was loose from its never-ending braid, and had obviously just stepped out of the shower.

"Who was that at the door, 'Fei?" he asked, not noticing Heero still lurking by the open door.

"One of yours?" ‘Fei answered spitefully, jerking his head towards Heero. He was sitting in a large green armchair reading, and, from what Heero could see, was giving Duo a particularly sour look. Duo glanced over towards Heero and smiled.

"Oh, c'mon, play nice," Duo teased, looking back at the man. "What took you so long?" Duo asked, directing the question to Heero, who gulped audibly and performed a mixture between a shrug and shaking his head. Duo rolled his eyes. "Just as well I took a long shower then, isn't it?" He placed one hand on his abdomen and shook his head so that his long hair hanging over his shoulder was flicked back.

Heero's face felt like it was melting, due to the sheer sexiness of Duo, half-naked Duo. His eyes were glued on Duo's hips, which for some reason that Heero didn't have the brainpower to understand, were possibly the most erotic bodily part that he had ever seen. He loved how they jutted out slightly, not in an anorexic way, but in an athletic way. He imagined gripping those hips as he did unspeakable things to Duo.

"Like what you see?" Duo murmured. Duo was suddenly far too close to him, and he was placing a hand on Heero's shoulder to pull him into the apartment properly. Heero stumbled into Duo slightly and instinctively reached out to steady himself. His hand landed on Duo's chest and, after a split second of agonising embarrassment, in which Heero imagined that his face had actually melted completely, he felt his hand sliding downwards. As soon as Heero's brain caught up with the appendage he yanked it away from Duo and cradled it against his own chest, as if he had been scolded. Duo chuckled and smirked at Heero.

"Hey, no need to be so shy," he said quietly, purposefully glancing at Heero's mouth and then raising on eyebrow suggestively. He laughed a little more when Heero adopted a 'deer in headlight' expression and turned on his heel.

"I'm going to finish dressing," Duo called over his shoulder, already halfway towards the door.


###


As soon as Duo left the room an icy silence descended on Heero and the man called 'Fei. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and balled them into fists. If he had been nervous before, now he was positively insane with anxiety. He was anxiously examining the room, looking for anything that could cause a calamity. There was a large TV in one corner, next to a half open door that led into what looked like a bathroom, and a large sofa sat in front of the television. 'Fei was sitting in a chair facing away from Heero and pointing directly at the TV. Both the sofa and the chair looked quite squishy. Heero imagined himself sitting on the sofa and being half swallowed by it, like some kind of Alice in Wonderland-esque nightmare. The bookshelves in the space between the bathroom door and another closed door looked creaky and old, and they had a lot of books on their shelves. Heero could see himself knocking one of them over and causing a book avalanche. Heero had just started to examine the kitchen when 'Fei popped his head around the back of the armchair and scowled at Heero.

"Would you come and sit down and stop lurking over there?" he bossed. Heero hesitated for a second and then obeyed, thinking it best to do so in someone else’s home. Usually he would have simply glared back and carried on lurking, but since this was obviously Duo's roommate he saw that it would be a bad idea to get on his angry side. He walked around the chair that 'Fei was sitting in and was confronted with the sofa. With growing unease Heero gingerly lowered himself onto it, but was pleasantly surprised to find that it was reasonably comfortable.

"Duo didn't even introduce me properly," 'Fei sighed. "I'm Wufei," he said. He extended a hand, but Heero simply stared at it, since a whole new set of worries had emerged as soon as he did it. 'What if I shake Wufei's hand too hard? What if I don't shake it enough?' And then, when Wufei withdrew his hand, 'what does he think of me now?!'

"O-kay," Wufei said slowly, clearly a little disgruntled. He snapped his book closed and placed it on the end table next to his chair. "Right, I'm just going to get straight to the point. Are you going on a date with Duo?"

Heero felt as if a spotlight had been pointed directly at him. He blinked at Wufei for a few moments before nodding slowly.

"Right," Wufei said in a voice that spoke of finality. "Well, I feel like it's my duty as Duo's ex to tell you a few things about him." Heero stared at him blankly, wondering what was going on. "He's egotistical, he thinks he's God's gift, he's argumentative and he is only ever after one thing." Wufei crossed his arms over his chest and nodded at Heero.

"Sorry?" was all Heero could think to say.

"I'm just warning you now, before you get involved, that you're better off without him. He's useless." Wufei picked his book up again and opened it. "If you want to bail then now's your chance. Don't worry, I'll cover for you." He glanced up at Heero and then back down to his book.

Heero only took a second to decide. He stood up and looked at Wufei.

"Go on," Wufei urged. "Before he gets back. I'll tell him you remembered you had an urgent appointment. Or work called - do you work?" Heero nodded and shrugged again. "Great, I'll tell him, don't worry. Quick."

Heero rushed around Wufei's chair, both intent on being quiet and getting out fast. He didn't really understand what had just happened, but he knew that he had been given a perfect escape route. He reached the front door and opened it and stepped out. He heard Duo's voice just as he was closing the door.

It wasn't until Heero was outside on the street again that he realised what he had done. He had passed up what could have been his first ever enjoyable date, in the sense that Duo was the first person that he had ever actually taken a liking to and all because someone had /told/ him to? Heero had a mind to go back up and smack Wufei for it. He couldn't wrap his mind around why he would have done it, but he knew that he had been sabotaged. Heero was standing with his finger hovering over the buzzer again, ready to press it, when he realised that it would mean that he would have to speak to Duo, and that he would have to explain that he had been persuaded out of the apartment and out of the date by a somewhat vindictive little man.

Heero stepped back from the door and hailed a passing cab.
in which Heero is socio-phobic, Duo is annoyingly persistent, Quatre meddles, Trowa helps, Wufei hinders and Relena gets in the way.
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