go homehit the lightswe're closing uppull down the shuttersand bolt the doorit's all over for todaylet everything gowe'll pick it all uptomorrowstop what you're all doingit's time to go homebut it'll all begin again tomorroweverything you tried to forgetall of it back again in the morningready to wear you downonce againso put on your strong faceshow off those big musclesyou aren't allowed to hurtuntil it's time to go home.
autumn - first draftThe leaves fall in front of me, like great amber medallions, and the frying pan sized rain drops, more hail stone like now, slap me in the face so heavily that I am forced to slow, to take paced steps, to creep forwards into the howling weather. The rain is so cold that I feel as if I have willingly participated in some form of Chinese water torture. I have willingly stepped out of the warmth to walk to you. I am utterly desolate, with swimming feet ensconced in muddy shoes, and a shirt that now feels more like papier-mâché then plain brown cotton. I have the taste of lead in my mouth, blossoming from nowhere. It expands over my tongue like the sea tide, but it does not retreat as the tide does.I advance onwards; reach a busy intersection where the numerous cars ignore my wary advances into the traffic. I am continuously forced back onto the pavement, until I am actually moved to tears by the stupidity of it all: one womans unending attempt to cross the road. Somewhat
slices of lifei like to watchslices of lifelike orangesor grapefruitsbe set downon the tablefor me to examinelike the neighbourswho fight all the timeand the catthat likes to fishin the pondand the manin the parkwho feeds the squirrelsoccasionallyquite often actuallyi forget about my own slicesmy own lifebecause i am so busywatching everyone elses.
wereWhen I was standing in the rain, waiting to cross the road, and I saw you from across the street I felt the blood in my veins travel backwards. You didn't notice me, which I'm somewhat grateful for, because if you had I probably would have jumped under the wheels of a passing car simply to get away from your stare. You were plodding along, weighed down by your rain-drenched clothes. You kept your head down, even when you crossed the road parallel to mine, but you still managed to catch my eye.The strange thing is, though, that after everything that has happened, after all the shouting and crying and drama, seeing you made me happy. Even though I had convinced myself that your presence would make my head explode from the amount of pure anger I would feel, I was actually quite exhilarated. I watched you walk along in the rain, soaked to the bone and then some, while I stood under my near-useless umbrella and let the cars pass me by, splashing water from the muddy puddles in the road all
making tracksdid i really hear your voicetelling me how improbablewhispering how impossiblelife without youwould be?could it actually be saidthat somehowit is easierwithout you?without your lieswithout your hurtswithout you throwing punchesof the metaphorical kindthat wind me completelyi should let you knowand i would like to let you knowthat the sun shinesdeep into my skinnow that you are gonebut i remember a timewhen your fingers coiled threateninglyaround my neckand your lips murmuredmenacing nothingsthat ambushed mewhen i was at my weakest.
glitterthe fireworkslooked like glittertossed uptowards the skyand i shied slightlymomentarilybelieving that the glitterthe real glitterwould fallright on top of my head.