PrinceZahn

Hey! Thank you for your constructive critique! Could you please pinpoint to me which lines in the poem broke your sense of cohesion?

Thanks!

Thank you for your generous review! It is true that nothing is perfect, and I am glad that such a personal poem meant something to others as well.

Question, if I may: would you change or improve anything in it?

Thank you for your critique! I myself found it very astute and enriching, and am both honored and humbled that my work evoked proactive and in-depth thought. I wish I had a more thoughtful response to give you, but it's 1am on a work-night

It is true with me though that I do try to add something extra in my deviation descriptions. Explaining context, or connecting it to an interesting anecdote. I never thought of it as a must read but I appreciate it when people spend a few more minutes on my page to read what I have to say. I will think about all that you said in this critique though as I move forward. This particular one did trigger an emotional response in me, a very strong one, people are trying to forget the past. I see a lot more on the news that Poland, for instance, is trying to wash its hands off of the Jewish Holocaust. The truth is that they were part of it whether they liked it or not, and history - the past, what was wrong or right need to be at least acknowledged when moving forward, and not abandoned when something new comes along.

Hi thank you for the generous critique! I appreciate it! Here's to your first off many! 
As far as I can tell, alone and told don't rhyme.  (Haikus aren't supposed to rhyme by design.) but I'll give you the fact that they sound similar. Or that the two words might be a near rhyme. I'm not quite sure about the last one.
I'm glad you found my Haiku relatable! Sleepy-drunk also works
one again thank you for your generous critique, I hope to hear from you again!

--PZ

At first glance, this clay sculpture modestly named "hand" appears to be exactly what it is. To some, might appear as little more than an art project, or as modeling practice with clay, I'll be lying if I said that thought was not my own. however, in closer inspection, I see something else here, and my opinion and bias is split into two conflicted opinions.

At my first impression, I saw the swirling, twisted wire as the smoke of a cigarette, but noticed the object itself was nonexistent. Did Katy forget to put it?

I don't think so after some thought, and here's 2 reasons why - first, is the materials: Katy chose to make this hand of clay, as opposed to her usual pencils and watercolors (which, if you haven't looked at yet, you should!). clay is an earthly substance, it is simple and graceful in some ways, but even after sculpted to it's beauty, it is fragile - perhaps as inherently flawed, and fractured, as the flesh and blood that inspired it.

THE second reason, is the smoke without a fire - there is no cigarette, as the smoke rises from the hand itself. this implies painful self-sacrifice, possibly in pursuit of illusory happiness (the nonexistent cigarette, which some might argue brings them joy and calmness).

from those points, this is a hand that has dreams that haven't been fulfilled, and may never be. such is but one portrayal of this hand that goes beyond what is seen to tell a story.

however. it is not the only one. while one version portrays realistic disappointment and sacrifice, one can, alternatively, view this hand and think of release - the hand bears a serene and gentle posture, releasing a fly from between it's fingers. a fly is one of the worlds more common, more frustrating and persistant creatures, but once it is within one's grasp, it's survival lies in the mercy of the hand. the hand chose to let go of it's frustration, of what troubles it, and simply put live and let live.

it is an interesting duality that leaves me confused partially over which version is the correct one, and surely, Katy has no obligation to tell us, but if we put them together we get a realistically optimistic message: happiness exists in what you have, and the lives around you. not what you wish you did, or the things you wish were (or weren't) there - and there is little merit in sacrifice and strife over what might have been, or what wasn't meant to be. so the best thing you can do is make your peace with it, and just let it go.

it is an enigmatic piece, but what good would art be if it didn't make a person think much deeper into it than what is actually there?

This sculpture was only the first part of the "hand" series by KatyAmlie. and here's hoping the rest will be just as realistic and evocative. well done!