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Life- like art
draws him
to deep pools with shades of past,
where pines reach blue skies
and his hands, rough from pen and sword,
dive in with a splash of rain
to birth truth
Written in response to *wildoats' [link] The purpose was to write a story or a poem using only one syllable words. I really don't think I've written anything like this before. Feedback/constructive criticism appreciated.
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:iconreborndead:
RebornDead Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2004
Oh! I like that idea of writing poetry, trying to write it using one syllable like that. ^_^ It's very interesting, just makes you realize how many different ways you can write poetry! I'll have to try that idea, it's very interesting. Writers are always learning, and it's always good as a poet to try out different patterns and such.

It's awesome that you're really trying to improve your writing too, I think that's great. I like that, since writing doesn't seem to me to be a huge thing on DA, most writers I see just want a place to put their work, but you're actually looking to learn. :) That's awesome.

Keep it up. ^_^ I think I'll stalk you for a while.
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:iconecho-si:
echo-si Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2004   Writer
What a kick-ass assignment. I think you did a good job.
I think you want a comma, not a dash, after "Like" and I'm not sure you need that period at the end.

That's all I've got, sweetie. I really like the tone of this.
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2004
It was a fun assignment, there's alot of those floating around the writing forums nowadays. If your own writings are going kind of slowly, maybe you could check them out. I used a dash to imply that life-like could be taken as a single thought, or two seperate thoughts with a pause. Maybe I could have clarified that somehow? I agree that the period really doesn't serve a purpose.
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:iconecho-si:
echo-si Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2004   Writer
Oh, that's an interesting use for the dash. I didn't pick up on it. Hmm... I think that, perhaps, the proximity of the words is enough to indicate you could mean life or life-like.

I will more than likely check out these assignments. Thanks!!
^_^
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:iconfrosty-raven:
frosty-raven Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2004
I really liked this!
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2004
Thank you ^_^
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:iconswordexpert:
Swordexpert Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
wow very good. I like the fact that you only used one syllable words.

Short and simple. (now when I say simple, I don't mean easy to write. lol..)

:clap: :clap: I like, I like.
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
Thank you. I guess with one syllable words it kind of has to be simple ^_^.
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:iconghosthelwig:
GhostHelwig Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2004
I wish I could -give- constructive criticism, but I loved this too much to find anything wrong with it.

~draws him
to deep pools with shades of past~

My favorite lines. Gorgeous.
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:iconprincessnavi:
PrincessNAVI Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
Aw, thank you. I'm glad you like it, it took a surprisingly long time to write for such a short poem.
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