Asensual Pride Flag

In my mind, I feel the desire to hug (with no one in particular, the action itself). But when I do it in reality, I feel physical and mental discomfort, disappointment that it does not bring any positive feelings. When others touch me, depending on the person, I get scared, irritated, try to push away. Physical contact has been a form of punishment or control for me since I was a child. My mother said that I can only be brought up by beating. Most likely, this is a psychological injury, not that I am not tactile. But here's how the term describes my experience.